Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a process developed by
Marshall RosenbergMarshall Rosenberg is an American psychologist and the creator of Nonviolent Communication, a communication process that helps people to exchange the information necessary to resolve conflicts and differences peacefully...
and others which people use to
communicate Communication is a process of transferring information from one entity to another. Communication processes are sign-mediated interactions between at least two agents which share a repertoire of signs and semiotic rules. Communication is commonly defined as "the imparting or interchange of...
with greater
compassionCompassion is a human emotion prompted by the pain of others. More vigorous than empathy, the feeling commonly gives rise to an active desire to alleviate another's suffering. It is often, though not inevitably, the key component in what manifests in the social context as altruism...
and clarity. It focuses on two things:
honest self-expression — exposing what matters to oneself in a way that's likely to inspire compassion in others, and
empathyEmpathy, which literally translates as 'in feeling', is the capability to share and understand another's emotions and feelings. It is often characterized as the ability to "put oneself into another's shoes".-Etymology:...
— listening with deep compassion.
One of the central tenets of nonviolent communication (also called "compassionate communication") is that everything a human being does (whether benign or hurtful) is an attempt to meet their
human needsA need is something that is necessary for humans to live a healthy life. Needs are distinguished from wants because a deficiency would cause a clear negative outcome, such as dysfunction or death. Needs can be objective and physical, such as food and water, or they can be subjective and...
. NVC postulates that conflict between individuals or groups is a result of miscommunication about these needs, most often because of
coercive languageCoercion is the practice of forcing another party to behave in an involuntary manner by use of threats, intimidation, trickery, or some other form of pressure or force. Such actions are used as leverage, to force the victim to act in the desired way...
(e.g., inducing
fearFear is an emotional response to a threat. It is a basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific stimulus, such as pain or the threat of danger. Some psychologists such as John B. Watson, Robert Plutchik, and Paul Ekman have suggested that fear is one of a small set of basic or...
,
guiltGuilt is a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes - whether justified or not - that he or she has violated a moral standard, and is responsible for that violation...
,
shameShame is, variously, an affect, emotion, cognition, state, or condition. The roots of the word shame are thought to derive from an older word meaning to cover; as such, covering oneself, literally or figuratively, is a natural expression of shame....
,
praiseIn its common usage, praise is the act of making positive statements about a person, object or idea, either in public or privately. Praise is typically, but not exclusively, earned relative to achievement and accomplishment...
,
blameBlame is the act of censuring, holding responsible, making negative statements about an individual or group that their action or actions are socially or morally irresponsible, the opposite of praise. When someone is morally responsible for doing something wrong their action is blameworthy...
,
dutyDuty is a term that conveys a sense of moral commitment to someone or something. The moral commitment is the sort that results in action, and it is not a matter of passive feeling or mere recognition...
,
obligationAn obligation is a requirement to take some course of action, whether legal or moral. There are also obligations in other normative contexts, such as obligations of etiquette, social obligations, and possibly...
,
punishmentPunishment is the practice of imposing something unpleasant or aversive on a person or animal, usually in response to disobedience, defiance, or behavior deemed morally wrong by individual, governmental, or religious principles.-Etymology:...
, or
rewardA reward may refer to:*Bounty , reward, often money, offered as an incentive*Reward website, website that offers rewards for performing tasks-Science:*Reward system, collection of brain structures which induce pleasurable effects...
).
The goal of NVC is to create a situation in which everyone's needs are understood. The assumption is that, from this state of mutual understanding, new strategies will flow that meet some needs of everyone.
In order to reach mutual understanding, NVC advocates expressing oneself in neutral terms--talking about your "feelings" and "needs"--rather than in judgmental terms of good/bad, right/wrong. Formal NVC self-expression follows four steps: making neutral
observations (distinguished from interpretations/evaluations), expressing
feelings (emotions separate from reasons and interpretation), expressing
needs (deep motives) and making
requests (clear, present, doable and without demand).
When listening to the other party in a conflict, NVC advocates echoing that party's statements back to them, rephrased in terms of feelings/needs (e.g. "It sounds like you were nervous because your need for safety wasn't being met.")
Definition
Rosenberg gave the following definition of nonviolent communication at
LausanneLausanne is a city in Romandy, the French-speaking part of Switzerland, situated on the shores of Lake Geneva , and facing Évian-les-Bains and with the Jura mountains to its north-west. Lausanne is located some northeast of Geneva. It is the capital of the canton of Vaud and of the district of...
,
SwitzerlandSwitzerland , officially the Swiss Confederation , is a federal republic consisting of 26 states named cantons, with Bern as the seat of the federal authorities...
, in September, 2003:
- "Language, thoughts, communication skills and means of influence that serve my desire to do three things:
- to liberate myself from cultural learning that is in conflict with how I want to live my life.
- to empower myself to connect with myself and others in a way that makes compassionate giving natural.
- to empower myself to create structures that support compassionate giving."
Focuses
In NVC, priority is given to creating a high
quality of connection to oneself, and between people. It is observed that without connection, effective communication cannot occur.
Maintaining a focus on
needA need is something that is necessary for humans to live a healthy life. Needs are distinguished from wants because a deficiency would cause a clear negative outcome, such as dysfunction or death. Needs can be objective and physical, such as food and water, or they can be subjective and...
s is a central premise. Needs, as the term is used in NVC, are underlying
motivationMotivation is the activation or energization of goal-oriented behavior. Motivation may be internal or external. The term is generally used for humans but, theoretically, it can also be used to describe the causes for animal behavior as well. This article refers to human motivation...
s that are universal, in that we all experience the same needs, even if at different times and to different degrees. Thus, needs serve as a basis for understanding each other's motivations at a level at which it is easy to be
sympatheticThe word sympathetic means different things in different contexts.* In neurology and neuroscience, the sympathetic nervous system is a part of the autonomic nervous system....
to those motivations.
Needs are distinguished from
strategiesA strategy is a plan of action designed to achieve a particular goal. The word strategy has military connotations, because it derives from the Greek word for general....
, which are specific plans to try to meet needs. If people interact only with an awareness of strategies, it is easy for people's strategies to come into
conflictConflict is actual or perceived opposition of needs, values and interests. A conflict can be internal to individuals. Conflict as a concept can help explain many aspects of social life such as social disagreement, conflicts of interests, and fights between individuals, groups, or organizations...
. Operating from an awareness of needs increases flexibility, insofar as there are typically many strategies that could lead to a given need being met. NVC practitioners also tend to find that it can be deeply satisfying to be aware of needs.
Ultimately, the various processes and attitudes suggested by NVC are strategies designed to "serve life" — to increase the joy and well-being of all. Quality connections and a focus on meeting everyone's needs serve these ends.
OFNR process model
The NVC model has three or four steps depending on the mode of use.
- Observation
- Feelings
- Needs
- Request (optional, depending on mode)
The two modes of use of the NVC model are
- empathy, including both self-empathy, and empathy for another, and
- honest self-expression, including "please" (request) and "thank you" (gratitude)
OFNR model in more detail
The four steps, when used in "self-expression" mode, work like this:
- To observe without evaluation, judgment, or analysis,
- To express feeling
Feeling is the nominalization of "to feel". The word was first used in the English language to describe the physical sensation of touch either through experience or perception. The word is also used to describe experiences, other than the physical sensation of touch, such as "a feeling of warmth"...
s which these observations evoke,
- To express need
A need is something that is necessary for humans to live a healthy life. Needs are distinguished from wants because a deficiency would cause a clear negative outcome, such as dysfunction or death. Needs can be objective and physical, such as food and water, or they can be subjective and...
s connected with these feelings,
- (optional) To make a specific request
Request may refer to:*a question*in computer science, a message sent between objects*in computer science, a request in Hypertext Transfer Protocol*Request TV, a defunct pay-per-view service...
of another person to help meet an unmet need, and to enrich lifeLife is a characteristic that distinguishes objects that have self-sustaining biological processes from those that do not—either because such functions have ceased , or else because they lack such functions and are classified as "inanimate."In biology, the science of living organisms, "life"...
of everyone involved. Essential in this is that the other person is to be left free to honour or decline the request.
In this recipe, offering an observation serves to give the listener a reference as to the subject. Offering a feeling (uncontaminated by interpretation and blame) tends to increase connection. Expressing needs, either met or unmet, provides connection and meaning. Finally, a request offers clarity as to what the speaker wants.
Demands (for which there is only one acceptable response) do not meet the recipient's need for autonomy and tend to produce either submission or rebellion. Typically, neither of these responses is enjoyable for both parties. Both responses foster resentment and strain the relationship. In contrast, it is felt that the consistent use of requests (for which no answer will trigger retaliation of any kind) leads to people experiencing the joy of giving. People will often say "yes" to a request out of the desire to contribute to one another, which NVC practitioners maintain is a stronger and more universal motivation than is commonly recognized.
If a request yields a "no," the suggestion is to interpret that as information that a need exists that the requester was not aware of and may want to investigate. The need that originally motivated the request is more likely to be met through a strategy that respects all needs.
Empathy
EmpathyEmpathy, which literally translates as 'in feeling', is the capability to share and understand another's emotions and feelings. It is often characterized as the ability to "put oneself into another's shoes".-Etymology:...
, as practiced in NVC, is sometimes called "deep listening". It involves the listener connecting with the essential core of an individual's experience and offering a kindly energy of presence. The empathy process offered by NVC is often referred to as "giving empathy." It is more accurately a procedure that supports the development of true empathy.
This process involves listening for, and sometimes guiding the other person towards describing:
- Observations as to what happened,
- Feelings evoked, sometimes guessing what feelings might be, if the other is (for example) in blame mode,
- Needs both met and unmet, although the unmet needs are most likely to be provoking the feelings involved
(Note: in Empathy mode, the "Request" step for the OFNR model is omitted.)
The empathy process for another may be conducted out loud, as an interaction with that person, or silently, as an inner approach to awareness of that person's experience.
Empathy brings about understanding of the needs of the one "receiving" empathy, and also relieves emotional charge. Emotional charge is often uncomfortable and is a barrier to being able to hear others clearly and respond in a flexible fashion. Thus, empathy may be used to relieve distress and increase understanding and readiness for hearing.
Formal vs. colloquial
When using NVC to communicate, one may use either formal or colloquial NVC. In formal NVC, one explicitly uses the steps of the processes for empathy and honest self-expression, and may overtly use words such as "feel" and "need." This may be well-received and effective, or may be experienced as odd and stilted. As an alternative, one may use colloquial or "street" NVC, in which the language is naturalized and may be considered NVC regardless of form so long as it springs from an awareness of needs and an intention to connect.
Formal NVC is primarily used in teaching NVC and among NVC practitioners. Mastering formal NVC is recommended as a prerequisite to full effectiveness in speaking colloquial NVC.
Nonviolence
The name "nonviolent communication" refers to Mohandas Gandhi's philosophy of
ahimsaAhimsa is a Sanskrit term meaning to do no harm . It is an important tenet of the religions that originated in ancient India . Ahimsa is a rule of conduct that bars the killing or injuring of living beings...
or
nonviolenceNonviolence is a philosophy and strategy for social change that rejects the use of violence. As such, nonviolence is an alternative to passive acceptance of oppression and armed struggle against it...
. However, unlike Gandhi, Rosenberg endorses the use of protective force—the use of force to keep injury from occurring, so long as it is not
punitivePunishment is the practice of imposing something unpleasant or aversive on a person or animal, usually in response to disobedience, defiance, or behavior deemed morally wrong by individual, governmental, or religious principles.-Etymology:...
, i.e., force applied with the intention to punish or harm someone for a past deed. Rosenberg says the desire to punish and the use of punitive measures only exist in cultures that have moralistic good/evil worldviews. He points out that anthropologists have discovered cultures in many
many parts of the world in which the idea of someone being "bad" makes no sense. He says such cultures tend to be peaceful and do not rely on punitive force to correct maladaptive or harmful behaviors. One example of such a culture is the
SemaiThe Semai are a semisedentary people living in the center of the Malay Peninsula in Southeast Asia. They are particularly known for their non-violence. The Semai are horticulturalists who possess a gift economy...
people in Malaysia.
Programs
Rosenberg has used the concept of nonviolent communication in
peacePeace is commonly understood as the absence of hostility, or the existence of healthy or newly-healed interpersonal or international relationships, safety in matters of social or economic welfare, the acknowledgment of equality and fairness in political relationships and, in world matters,...
programs in
conflictConflict is actual or perceived opposition of needs, values and interests. A conflict can be internal to individuals. Conflict as a concept can help explain many aspects of social life such as social disagreement, conflicts of interests, and fights between individuals, groups, or organizations...
zones including
RwandaThe Republic of Rwanda is a small landlocked country in the Great Lakes region of east-central Africa, bordered by Uganda, Burundi, the Democratic Republic of the Congo and Tanzania. Home to approaching 10 million people, Rwanda supports the densest population in continental Africa, most of whom...
,
BurundiBurundi , officially the Republic of Burundi, is a country in the Great Lakes region of Eastern Africa bordered by Rwanda to the north, Tanzania to the east and south, and the Democratic Republic of the Congo to the west. Its size is just under 28,000 km² with an estimated population of...
,
NigeriaNigeria , officially the Federal Republic of Nigeria, is a federal constitutional republic comprising thirty-six states and one Federal Capital Territory. The country is located in West Africa and shares land borders with the Republic of Benin in the west, Chad and Cameroon in the east, and Niger...
,
MalaysiaMalaysia is a country in Southeast Asia that consists of thirteen states and three Federal Territories, with a total landmass of . The capital city is Kuala Lumpur, while Putrajaya is the seat of the federal government. The population stands at over 28 million inhabitants...
,
IndonesiaThe Republic of Indonesia is a country in Southeast Asia and Oceania. Indonesia comprises 17,508 islands. With an estimated population of around 237 million people, it is the world's fourth most populous country, with the world's largest population of Muslims.Indonesia is a republic, with an...
,
Sri LankaSri Lanka , officially the Democratic Socialist Republic of Sri Lanka , is an island country in South Asia, located about off the southern coast of India...
,
ColombiaColombia , officially the Republic of Colombia , is a constitutional republic in northwestern South America. Colombia is bordered to the east by Venezuela and Brazil; to the south by Ecuador and Peru; to the north by the Caribbean Sea; to the northwest by Panama; and to the west by the Pacific Ocean...
, the
Middle EastThe Middle East is a region that spans southwestern Asia, southeastern Europe, and northeastern Africa. It has no clear boundaries, often used as a synonym to Near East, in opposition to Far East...
,
SerbiaSerbia , officially the Republic of Serbia , is a country located in both Central and Southeastern Europe. Its territory covers the southern part of the Pannonian Plain and central part of the Balkans...
,
CroatiaCroatia , officially the Republic of Croatia , is a country in southeast Europe, at the crossroads of the Pannonian Plain, the Balkans, and the Mediterranean Sea. Its capital is Zagreb...
, and
IrelandIreland is the third-largest island in Europe and the twentieth-largest island in the world. It lies to the north-west of continental Europe and is surrounded by hundreds of islands and islets. To the east of Ireland, separated by the Irish Sea, is the island of Great Britain...
. The approach also has been used in projects of
Restorative JusticeRestorative Justice is a theory of justice that focuses on crime and wrong doing as acted against the individual or community rather than the state...
; bringing prisoners, victims of crime, police and other interested parties together for healing and
reconciliationReconciliation means settlement, resolution, compromise, reunion, bringing together.Reconciliation may refer to:*Reconciliation , a sculpture by Josefina de Vasconcellos...
. NVC is recognized by the government of
IsraelIsrael officially the State of Israel , is a developed state in Western Asia located on the eastern shore of the Mediterranean Sea. It borders Lebanon in the north, Syria in the northeast, Jordan in the east, and Egypt on the southwest, and contains geographically diverse features within its...
and several NVC training schools have been founded there. The theory has much in common with concepts used in
mediationMediation, a form of alternative dispute resolution or "appropriate dispute resolution", aims to assist two disputants in reaching an agreement. The parties themselves determine the conditions of any settlements reached— rather than accepting something imposed by a third party...
and
conflict resolutionConflict resolution is a range of methods for alleviating or eliminating sources of conflict. The term "conflict resolution" is sometimes used interchangeably with the term dispute resolution or alternative dispute resolution. Processes of conflict resolution generally include negotiation,...
and is used by some mediators in their work.
See also
- Alternatives to Violence Project
Alternatives to Violence Project was started in 1975 by a group of inmates at Green Haven Prison as a workshop in collaboration with the Quakers...
- Marshall Rosenberg
Marshall Rosenberg is an American psychologist and the creator of Nonviolent Communication, a communication process that helps people to exchange the information necessary to resolve conflicts and differences peacefully...
- People skills
The term people skills is used to include both psychological and social skills, but is less inclusive than “life skills.” According to the Business Journal News Service, people skills are often described as: understanding ourselves and moderating our responses, talking effectively and empathizing...
- Restorative justice
Restorative Justice is a theory of justice that focuses on crime and wrong doing as acted against the individual or community rather than the state...
- Teaching for social justice
"Teaching for Social Justice" is the name of a controversial educational philosophy that is currently popular within teaching-credential programs...
External links