The Great Automatic Grammatizator
Encyclopedia
"The Umbrella Man" redirects here. For other uses, see Umbrella Man (disambiguation).

The Great Automatic Grammatizator (published in the U.S. as The Umbrella Man and Other Stories) is a collection of thirteen short stories
Short story
A short story is a work of fiction that is usually written in prose, often in narrative format. This format tends to be more pointed than longer works of fiction, such as novellas and novels. Short story definitions based on length differ somewhat, even among professional writers, in part because...

 written by British author
Author
An author is broadly defined as "the person who originates or gives existence to anything" and that authorship determines responsibility for what is created. Narrowly defined, an author is the originator of any written work.-Legal significance:...

 Roald Dahl
Roald Dahl
Roald Dahl was a British novelist, short story writer, fighter pilot and screenwriter.Born in Wales to Norwegian parents, he served in the Royal Air Force during the Second World War, in which he became a flying ace and intelligence agent, rising to the rank of Wing Commander...

. The stories were selected for teenagers from Dahl's adult works. All the stories included were published elsewhere originally; their sources are noted below. The stories, with the exception of the war story Katina, possess a deadpan
Deadpan
Deadpan is a form of comic delivery in which humor is presented without a change in emotion or body language, usually speaking in a casual, monotone, solemn, blunt, disgusted or matter-of-fact voice and expressing an unflappably calm, archly insincere or artificially grave demeanor...

, ironic
Irony
Irony is a rhetorical device, literary technique, or situation in which there is a sharp incongruity or discordance that goes beyond the simple and evident intention of words or actions...

, bizarre
Bizarre
Bizarre may refer to:*Bizarre , solo rapper as well as member of the group D12*Bizarre , Spanish rock band*Bizarre , a Canadian sketch comedy television series...

 or even macabre
Macabre
In works of art, macabre is the quality of having a grim or ghastly atmosphere. Macabre works emphasize the details and symbols of death....

 sense of humor. They generally end with unexpected plot twists.

The Stories

  • The Great Automatic Grammatizator (from Someone Like You
    Someone Like You (collection)
    Someone Like You is a collection of short stories by Roald Dahl. It was published in 1953 by Alfred Knopf.-Contents:* "Dip in the Pool"* "Galloping Foxley"* "Lamb to the Slaughter"* "Man from the South"* "Mr. Feasey"* "Mr...

    ): A mechanically-minded man reasons that the rules of grammar
    Grammar
    In linguistics, grammar is the set of structural rules that govern the composition of clauses, phrases, and words in any given natural language. The term refers also to the study of such rules, and this field includes morphology, syntax, and phonology, often complemented by phonetics, semantics,...

     are fixed by certain, almost mathematical principles. By exploiting this idea, he is able to create a mammoth machine that can write a prize-winning novel in roughly fifteen minutes. The story ends on a fearful note, as more and more of the world's writers are forced into licensing their names-and all hope of human creativity-to the machine.
  • Mrs. Bixby and the Colonel's Coat
    Mrs. Bixby and the Colonel's Coat
    "Mrs. Bixby and the Colonel's Coat" is a story by Roald Dahl which first appeared in the 1959 issue of Nugget.-Alfred Hitchcock Presents Version:...

     (from Kiss Kiss
    Kiss Kiss (book)
    Kiss Kiss is a collection of short stories by Roald Dahl, first published in 1960 by Alfred Knopf. Most of the constituent stories had been previously published elsewhere.It contains the following short stories:*"The Landlady"*"William and Mary"...

    ): Mrs. Bixby cheats on
    Adultery
    Adultery is sexual infidelity to one's spouse, and is a form of extramarital sex. It originally referred only to sex between a woman who was married and a person other than her spouse. Even in cases of separation from one's spouse, an extramarital affair is still considered adultery.Adultery is...

     her meek, dentist husband with a rich, dashing colonel. When their relationship breaks off, the colonel offers Mrs. Bixby a gorgeous and expensive mink
    Mink
    There are two living species referred to as "mink": the European Mink and the American Mink. The extinct Sea Mink is related to the American Mink, but was much larger. All three species are dark-colored, semi-aquatic, carnivorous mammals of the family Mustelidae, which also includes the weasels and...

     coat. In an attempt to explain the coat away, Mrs. Bixby sets up an elaborate trick with the help of a pawn shop-but her husband learns of the ruse and manages to turn the tables.
  • The Butler (from More Tales of the Unexpected
    More Tales of the Unexpected
    More Tales of the Unexpected is a collection of short stories by Roald Dahl. It was published in 1980 by Penguin. Some of the stories were published in prior collections, but this is the first time the others were published in book form.-Stories:...

    ): An obnoxious and newly wealthy couple employs a butler and chef
    Chef
    A chef is a person who cooks professionally for other people. Although over time the term has come to describe any person who cooks for a living, traditionally it refers to a highly skilled professional who is proficient in all aspects of food preparation.-Etymology:The word "chef" is borrowed ...

     to impress dinner guests. The butler recommends that the husband buy expensive wines to please company, and the man slavishly follows the idea. The butler and the chef reap the rewards of this idea, while making the "fashionable" couple look like fools.
  • Man from the South
    Man from the South
    "Man from the South" is a short story by Roald Dahl adapted several times for television and film, including a 1960 version starring Steve McQueen and Peter Lorre.-Plot synopsis:...

     (from Someone Like You): At a seaside resort in Jamaica
    Jamaica
    Jamaica is an island nation of the Greater Antilles, in length, up to in width and 10,990 square kilometres in area. It is situated in the Caribbean Sea, about south of Cuba, and west of Hispaniola, the island harbouring the nation-states Haiti and the Dominican Republic...

    , a strange old man makes a bet with an American man in his late teens. If the young man's cigarette lighter can spark ten times without fail, the American will win a brand-new Cadillac
    Cadillac
    Cadillac is an American luxury vehicle marque owned by General Motors . Cadillac vehicles are sold in over 50 countries and territories, but mostly in North America. Cadillac is currently the second oldest American automobile manufacturer behind fellow GM marque Buick and is among the oldest...

     car-but failure means losing the little finger on his right hand. The high-tension wager ensues, and with only a few sparks left, a woman-who knows only too well the cost of the old man's bets-appears and stops the madness.
  • The Landlady
    The Landlady
    The Landlady is a short story by Roald Dahl.-Plot summary:The story focuses on a young and bright man named Billy Weaver who has just stepped into the world of work. Arriving in Bath for a business trip, he looks for a place to stay, and is recommended to the Bell and Dragon...

     (from Kiss Kiss): A young man traveling to London
    London
    London is the capital city of :England and the :United Kingdom, the largest metropolitan area in the United Kingdom, and the largest urban zone in the European Union by most measures. Located on the River Thames, London has been a major settlement for two millennia, its history going back to its...

     on business stops at a bed and breakfast
    Bed and breakfast
    A bed and breakfast is a small lodging establishment that offers overnight accommodation and breakfast, but usually does not offer other meals. Since the 1980s, the meaning of the term has also extended to include accommodations that are also known as "self-catering" establishments...

     along the way, where a strange-and slightly dotty-landlady
    Landlord
    A landlord is the owner of a house, apartment, condominium, or real estate which is rented or leased to an individual or business, who is called a tenant . When a juristic person is in this position, the term landlord is used. Other terms include lessor and owner...

     eagerly welcomes him. The offsetting nature of the house-and the news that only two other young men have ever stayed there- confuses and frightens the young man. In the end, the landlady-who indulges in the odd hobby of taxidermy
    Taxidermy
    Taxidermy is the act of mounting or reproducing dead animals for display or for other sources of study. Taxidermy can be done on all vertebrate species of animals, including mammals, birds, fish, reptiles, and amphibians...

    -and the boy share a drink of tea that tastes of bitter almonds
    Poison
    In the context of biology, poisons are substances that can cause disturbances to organisms, usually by chemical reaction or other activity on the molecular scale, when a sufficient quantity is absorbed by an organism....

    , and the landlady softly smiles, staring at what may be her latest stuffing project.
  • Parson's Pleasure
    Parson's Pleasure (short story)
    Parson's Pleasure is a short story written by Roald Dahl, first published in the April 1958 issue of Esquire. It is included in Dahl's 1960 short story collection Kiss Kiss.-Plot summary:Mr Cyril Boggis is an antique dealer in Chelsea, London...

     (from Kiss Kiss): A man discovers an extremely rare piece of Chippendale
    Thomas Chippendale
    Thomas Chippendale was a London cabinet-maker and furniture designer in the mid-Georgian, English Rococo, and Neoclassical styles. In 1754 he published a book of his designs, titled The Gentleman and Cabinet Maker's Director...

     furniture at the farm of some boorish ranchers. He desperately attempts to buy the piece cheap, in hopes of selling it an auction
    Auction
    An auction is a process of buying and selling goods or services by offering them up for bid, taking bids, and then selling the item to the highest bidder...

     to earn a huge sum. He manages to buy the piece-only for the ranchers to destroy it in an attempt to make it fit in his car.
  • The Umbrella Man (from More Tales of the Unexpected): A mother and daughter meet a gentlemanly old man on a street corner, who offers them a beautiful silk umbrella
    Umbrella
    An umbrella or parasol is a canopy designed to protect against rain or sunlight. The term parasol usually refers to an item designed to protect from the sun; umbrella refers to a device more suited to protect from rain...

     in exchange for a pound note. They trade, and the daughter notices that the "feeble" old man suddenly seems much sprier. They follow, and discover that the gentleman is really a clever con artist, who visits various pubs, has a drink, and then steals another umbrella to continue the cycle!
  • Katina (from Over to You: Ten Stories of Flyers and Flying
    Over to You: Ten Stories of Flyers and Flying
    Over to You: Ten Stories of Flyers and Flying is a collection of short stories by Roald Dahl. It was published in 1946 by Reynal & Hitchcock....

    ): A group of RAF
    Royal Air Force
    The Royal Air Force is the aerial warfare service branch of the British Armed Forces. Formed on 1 April 1918, it is the oldest independent air force in the world...

     pilots stationed in Greece
    Greece
    Greece , officially the Hellenic Republic , and historically Hellas or the Republic of Greece in English, is a country in southeastern Europe....

     during World War II
    World War II
    World War II, or the Second World War , was a global conflict lasting from 1939 to 1945, involving most of the world's nations—including all of the great powers—eventually forming two opposing military alliances: the Allies and the Axis...

     discover a hauntingly beautiful young girl, whose "family is beneath the rubble." She becomes their squadron's unofficial "mascot". In the end, her fragile life is taken as she stands defiantly against a rain of bullets from Nazi airplanes, shaking her fists into the heavens.
  • The Way Up to Heaven
    The Way Up to Heaven
    "The Way Up to Heaven" is a macabre short story by Roald Dahl, included in his 1960 collection Kiss Kiss. It was originally published in the 27 February 1954 edition of The New Yorker.-Plot summary:...

     (from Kiss Kiss): Mrs. Foster suffers from a chronic phobia
    Phobia
    A phobia is a type of anxiety disorder, usually defined as a persistent fear of an object or situation in which the sufferer commits to great lengths in avoiding, typically disproportional to the actual danger posed, often being recognized as irrational...

     of being late for things. Her husband seems to enjoy the cruel sport of purposely delaying their actions, just to see his wife become riled. On the day when Mrs. Foster must fly to Paris
    Paris
    Paris is the capital and largest city in France, situated on the river Seine, in northern France, at the heart of the Île-de-France region...

     to visit her grandchildren, her husband engages in his usual tricks. But as Mrs. Foster rushes to return to the house, she hears a strange noise-and suddenly turns triumphantly toward her cab. It is only when she returns, and calls a man to "repair the lift
    Elevator
    An elevator is a type of vertical transport equipment that efficiently moves people or goods between floors of a building, vessel or other structures...

    " that was stuck between floors in the house, that readers can guess Mr. Foster's fate.
  • Royal Jelly (from Kiss Kiss): A new pair of parents fears for the life of their little girl, who is sickly underweight
    Underweight
    The term underweight refers to a human who is considered to be under a healthy weight. "Underweight" means weighing less than what is expected to be a healthy person . The definition is usually made with reference to the body mass index . A BMI of under 18.5 is usually referred to as underweight...

    . The husband, a beekeeper
    Beekeeper
    A beekeeper is a person who keeps honey bees for the purposes of securing commodities such as honey, beeswax, pollen, royal jelly; pollinating fruits and vegetables; raising queens and bees for sale to other farmers; and/or for purposes satisfying natural scientific curiosity...

    , remembers hearing of the miraculous royal jelly
    Royal jelly
    Royal jelly is a honey bee secretion that is used in the nutrition of larvae, as well as adult queens. It is secreted from the glands in the hypopharynx of worker bees, and fed to all larvae in the colony....

     used by bees to transform one particular larva into a queen
    Queen bee
    The term queen bee is typically used to refer to an adult, mated female that lives in a honey bee colony or hive; she is usually the mother of most, if not all, the bees in the hive. The queens are developed from larvae selected by worker bees and specially fed in order to become sexually mature...

    . He adds the mixture to his daughter's bottles, and she puts on weight at an astonishing rate. The mother senses that something is amiss, and the husband confesses his actions-along with the fact that he himself swallowed buckets of the jelly for months in an attempt to cure his impotence. The royal jelly did the trick-but the strange side effects include a disturbing metamorphosis for both father and daughter.
  • Vengeance is Mine Inc.
    Vengeance is Mine Inc.
    "Vengeance is Mine, Inc" is a short story by Roald Dahl.-Plot summary:Two young men are lamenting their state of poverty and discussing the morning's newspaper. In it, a society columnist named Lionel Pantaloon reports some scandalous gossip about several prominent citizens. The narrator gets a...

     (from More Tales of the Unexpected): Two brothers who are short on cash bemoan their fates over breakfast while reading the society column of a newspaper. Reading it, they hit upon a scheme to take revenge
    Revenge
    Revenge is a harmful action against a person or group in response to a grievance, be it real or perceived. It is also called payback, retribution, retaliation or vengeance; it may be characterized, justly or unjustly, as a form of justice.-Function in society:Some societies believe that the...

     on cruel tabloid writers in exchange for money from wealthy patrons. The unconventional plan works, and the brothers line their pockets with the spoils of their plans.
  • Taste
    Taste (short story)
    "Taste" is a short story by Roald Dahl that was first published in the March 1945 issue of Ladies Home Journal. It later appeared in the 1953 collection Someone Like You....

     (from Someone Like You): A rich man with a beautiful young daughter hosts a dinner party, inviting a famous partaker of fine wine
    Wine
    Wine is an alcoholic beverage, made of fermented fruit juice, usually from grapes. The natural chemical balance of grapes lets them ferment without the addition of sugars, acids, enzymes, or other nutrients. Grape wine is produced by fermenting crushed grapes using various types of yeast. Yeast...

    s. When the rich man boasts that he has a wine that the expert cannot identify, the stakes become frighteningly high-if he can guess the make of the wine, he will win the daughter! After an elaborate show, the expert guesses everything right; however, the family's maid
    Maid
    A maidservant or in current usage housemaid or maid is a female employed in domestic service.-Description:Once part of an elaborate hierarchy in great houses, today a single maid may be the only domestic worker that upper and even middle-income households can afford, as was historically the case...

     appears on the scene and manages to expose the guest as a cheat, saving the girl.
  • Neck
    Neck (short story)
    "Neck" is a short story by Roald Dahl. It first appeared in the 1953 collection Someone Like You.-Plot summary:Upon inheriting his father's newspaper and magazine empire, Sir Basil Turton suddenly finds himself the most sought-after bachelor in London society. Much to everyone's surprise, he...

     (from Someone Like You): A newspaper
    Newspaper
    A newspaper is a scheduled publication containing news of current events, informative articles, diverse features and advertising. It usually is printed on relatively inexpensive, low-grade paper such as newsprint. By 2007, there were 6580 daily newspapers in the world selling 395 million copies a...

     heir finds himself suddenly engaged to the voluptuous and controlling Lady Tutton. He loses all control of his life, and only his trusted butler and friends realize how broken he is by her control. A weekend trip to their estate, however, proves the perfect opportunity for Lord Tutton to engage in a bitter case of revenge against his wicked wife-her head is trapped in a piece of sculpture
    Sculpture
    Sculpture is three-dimensional artwork created by shaping or combining hard materials—typically stone such as marble—or metal, glass, or wood. Softer materials can also be used, such as clay, textiles, plastics, polymers and softer metals...

    , and he decides to use a sharp saw
    Saw
    A saw is a tool that uses a hard blade or wire with an abrasive edge to cut through softer materials. The cutting edge of a saw is either a serrated blade or an abrasive...

    to "cut" her free.
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