The Bed of Nails (Yes Minister)
Encyclopedia
"The Bed of Nails" is the nineteenth episode of the BBC
BBC
The British Broadcasting Corporation is a British public service broadcaster. Its headquarters is at Broadcasting House in the City of Westminster, London. It is the largest broadcaster in the world, with about 23,000 staff...

 comedy series Yes Minister
Yes Minister
Yes Minister is a satirical British sitcom written by Antony Jay and Jonathan Lynn that was first transmitted by BBC Television between 1980–1982 and 1984, split over three seven-episode series. The sequel, Yes, Prime Minister, ran from 1986 to 1988. In total there were 38 episodes—of which all but...

and was first broadcast 9 December 1982 in which Hacker unwisely accepts the role of 'Transport Supremo' with a view to developing and 'Integrated Transport' policy for the UK. It soon becomes apparent that opposition from various transport interests, the unions and significant also from within the Department for Transport will make implementation impossible and the policy is promptly ditched following a number of carefully calculated 'leaks'.

The episode has been credited with introducing the phrase 'Integrated Transport' which is now widely used within UK transport policy circles and also for describing with some accuracy the dymanics operating within the Department for Transport
Department for Transport
In the United Kingdom, the Department for Transport is the government department responsible for the English transport network and a limited number of transport matters in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland which are not devolved...

.

Plot

The Prime Minister's
Prime Minister of the United Kingdom
The Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland is the Head of Her Majesty's Government in the United Kingdom. The Prime Minister and Cabinet are collectively accountable for their policies and actions to the Sovereign, to Parliament, to their political party and...

 special advisor, Sir Mark Spencer, meets with the Cabinet Secretary
Cabinet Secretary
A Cabinet Secretary is almost always a senior official who provides services and advice to a Cabinet of Ministers. In many countries, the position can have considerably wider functions and powers, including general responsibility for the entire civil service...

, Sir Arnold Robinson, in 10 Downing Street
10 Downing Street
10 Downing Street, colloquially known in the United Kingdom as "Number 10", is the headquarters of Her Majesty's Government and the official residence and office of the First Lord of the Treasury, who is now always the Prime Minister....

. The Prime Minister wants at Integrated Transport Policy, the implementation of which would be a political minefield. It would be popular with the public but an overall vote loser for whoever attempted to implement it. The role had already been declined by the Secretary of State for Transport
Secretary of State for Transport
The Secretary of State for Transport is the member of the cabinet responsible for the British Department for Transport. The role has had a high turnover as new appointments are blamed for the failures of decades of their predecessors...

 and in addition, the civil service
British Civil Service
Her Majesty's Home Civil Service, also known as the Home Civil Service, is the permanent bureaucracy of Crown employees that supports Her Majesty's Government - the government of the United Kingdom, composed of a Cabinet of ministers chosen by the prime minister, as well as the devolved...

 did not want it to succeed. They therefore propose to create "lots of activity but no actual achievement" and conclude that Jim Hacker
James Hacker
James George Hacker, Baron Hacker of Islington, KG, PC, B. Sc. , Hon. D. C. L. was a fictional British politician. He was the Minister of the fictional Department of Administrative Affairs, and later the Prime Minister, in the 1980s British sitcom Yes Minister and its sequel, Yes, Prime Minister...

 is person to achieve this for them.

Recognising that Hacker's Permanent Secretary
Permanent Secretary
The Permanent secretary, in most departments officially titled the permanent under-secretary of state , is the most senior civil servant of a British Government ministry, charged with running the department on a day-to-day basis...

, Sir Humphrey Appleby
Humphrey Appleby
Sir Humphrey Appleby, GCB, KBE, MVO, MA , is a fictional character from the British television series Yes, Minister and Yes, Prime Minister. He was played by Sir Nigel Hawthorne. In Yes Minister, he is the Permanent Secretary for the Department of Administrative Affairs...

 would advise against him accepting the role they bring Hacker in and flatter him with a new title 'Transport Supremo', describing the post as 'an honour' and highlighting all the positive aspects. They outline the PMs aspirations for rationalisation of the road and railway networks to avoid duplication, for a new link should be created between Heathrow airport
London Heathrow Airport
London Heathrow Airport or Heathrow , in the London Borough of Hillingdon, is the busiest airport in the United Kingdom and the third busiest airport in the world in terms of total passenger traffic, handling more international passengers than any other airport around the globe...

 and the West Coast Main Line
West Coast Main Line
The West Coast Main Line is the busiest mixed-traffic railway route in Britain, being the country's most important rail backbone in terms of population served. Fast, long-distance inter-city passenger services are provided between London, the West Midlands, the North West, North Wales and the...

, better coordination between the railways
Rail transport in the United Kingdom
The United Kingdom consists of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, and previously consisted of Great Britain and the whole of Ireland. Rail transport systems developed independently on the two islands of Great Britain and Ireland, and most of the railway construction in the Republic of Ireland was...

 and bus services
Bus transport in the United Kingdom
Buses play a major role in the public transport of the United Kingdom, as well as seeing extensive private use.- The horse bus era :The first omnibus service in the United Kingdom was started by John Greenwood between Pendleton and Manchester in 1824. Stagecoach services, sometimes over short...

 with a single ticket that can be used on both mainline rail and the London Underground
London Underground
The London Underground is a rapid transit system serving a large part of Greater London and some parts of Buckinghamshire, Hertfordshire and Essex in England...

. Also for combined bus and railway timetables
Public transport timetable
A public transport timetable is a representation of public transport information to assist a passenger with planning a trip using public transport. A timetable details when vehicle will arrive and depart specified locations and may be organised for by route or for a particular stop...

 to be published with bus time available within railway stations. They decline to mention any of the problems and pressure him to agree immediately which he does.

Hacker goes back to his office to tell Sir Humphrey and Bernard
Bernard Woolley
Sir Bernard Woolley GCB is one of the three main fictional characters of the 1980s British sitcom Yes Minister and its sequel, Yes, Prime Minister. He was portrayed by Derek Fowlds.-Character:...

 the good news. Sir Humphrey then outlines the many disadvantages of this new role which, it turns out, has been circulating Whitehall
Whitehall
Whitehall is a road in Westminster, in London, England. It is the main artery running north from Parliament Square, towards Charing Cross at the southern end of Trafalgar Square...

 for months. He explains that if a policy favours one sector then it will also infuriate all of the others. If it favours the road service then the Rail Board
British Railways Board
The British Railways Board was a nationalised industry in the United Kingdom that existed from 1962 to 2001. From its foundation until 1997, it was responsible for most railway services in Great Britain, trading under the brand names British Railways and, from 1965, British Rail...

 and unions
Trade union
A trade union, trades union or labor union is an organization of workers that have banded together to achieve common goals such as better working conditions. The trade union, through its leadership, bargains with the employer on behalf of union members and negotiates labour contracts with...

 'will scream'; if it supports the railways then the Road lobby
Lobbying
Lobbying is the act of attempting to influence decisions made by officials in the government, most often legislators or members of regulatory agencies. Lobbying is done by various people or groups, from private-sector individuals or corporations, fellow legislators or government officials, or...

 will 'massacre him' and if it upsets British Airways
British Airways
British Airways is the flag carrier airline of the United Kingdom, based in Waterside, near its main hub at London Heathrow Airport. British Airways is the largest airline in the UK based on fleet size, international flights and international destinations...

 plans then 'they will call a press conference
News conference
A news conference or press conference is a media event in which newsmakers invite journalists to hear them speak and, most often, ask questions. A joint press conference instead is held between two or more talking sides.-Practice:...

 the same afternoon'.

Sir Humphrey proposes to illustrate this by arranging a meeting for the Minister with three under-secretaries
Undersecretary
An under secretary is an executive government official in many countries, frequently a career public servant, who typically acts as a senior administrator or second-in-command to a politically-appointed Cabinet Minister or other government official...

, from the roads division, the rail division and air transport division. At the meeting it is soon clear that there is little scope for agreement until Hacker tells them that he wants to reduce the overall transport budget when there is an implied agreement by the three under-secretaries that this would be met by devastating strike action
Strike action
Strike action, also called labour strike, on strike, greve , or simply strike, is a work stoppage caused by the mass refusal of employees to work. A strike usually takes place in response to employee grievances. Strikes became important during the industrial revolution, when mass labour became...

 across all three transport sectors.

Hacker subsequently asks Bernard why these three civil servants appeared to be fighting their own corners instead of supporting the government. The Principal Private Secretary
Principal Private Secretary
In the British Civil Service and Australian Public Service the Principal Private Secretary is the civil servant who runs a cabinet minister's private office...

 explains that this is how the civil service works: each department is controlled by those that it is supposed to be controlling
Regulatory capture
In economics, regulatory capture occurs when a state regulatory agency created to act in the public interest instead advances the commercial or special interests that dominate the industry or sector it is charged with regulating. Regulatory capture is a form of government failure, as it can act as...

. By way of example, he explains that comprehensive education
Comprehensive school
A comprehensive school is a state school that does not select its intake on the basis of academic achievement or aptitude. This is in contrast to the selective school system, where admission is restricted on the basis of a selection criteria. The term is commonly used in relation to the United...

 was adopted in the UK
United Kingdom
The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern IrelandIn the United Kingdom and Dependencies, other languages have been officially recognised as legitimate autochthonous languages under the European Charter for Regional or Minority Languages...

 as a result of lobbying by the National Union of Teachers
National Union of Teachers
The National Union of Teachers is a trade union for school teachers in England, Wales, the Channel Islands and the Isle of Man. It is a member of the Trades Union Congress...

 who were the most powerful sectional interest and had a long term close relation with the Department of Education. He they explained that this arrangement worked across all government departments.

Hacker now concludes that the task is impossible and asks Sir Humphrey for advice on how to get out of the commitment. Humphrey suggests that a few "local repercussions" of the policy impacting the Prime Minister's own constituency, including local job losses and a local park being developed as a bus station would help. Humphrey then suggests that if a journalist — such as the one he's about to have lunch with — got hold of the document it would have nasty results, and that if they had circulated copies to every department then it would be difficult to track down the source of any leak that might occur. Sir Humphrey has lunch with Peter Maxwell, a journalist from The Times
The Times
The Times is a British daily national newspaper, first published in London in 1785 under the title The Daily Universal Register . The Times and its sister paper The Sunday Times are published by Times Newspapers Limited, a subsidiary since 1981 of News International...

over which he outlines the negative implications of the policy on the constituency and then the 'accidentally' leaves a copy of Hacker's memo for the journalist to retrieve.

A few days later, Hacker has been called back to Number 10, where Sir Mark Spencer informs him of the PM's displeasure after this confidential information had appeared in The Times indicating that a leak
News leak
A news leak is a disclosure of embargoed information in advance of its official release, or the unsanctioned release of confidential information.-Types of news leaks:...

. Furthermore, another report has appeared in the PM's local paper, scotching rumours of any unfortunate side-effects to the policy. However, Sir Mark is adamant that the PM's office "does not leak." Hacker is asked to rethink his proposals.

Sir Humphrey has already prepared a Plan B which is wildly expensive and will upset HM Treasury
HM Treasury
HM Treasury, in full Her Majesty's Treasury, informally The Treasury, is the United Kingdom government department responsible for developing and executing the British government's public finance policy and economic policy...

. The plan proposes a new 'British Transport Authority' with a staff of 80,000 and a budget of £1,000,000,000 per year. They consider leaking this as well. Bernard is worried that there would be a leak inquiry however he is reassured that such inquiries are only ever 'set up' and rarely conclude with anything substantive given that in most case, most leaks do actually come from 10 Downing Street
10 Downing Street
10 Downing Street, colloquially known in the United Kingdom as "Number 10", is the headquarters of Her Majesty's Government and the official residence and office of the First Lord of the Treasury, who is now always the Prime Minister....

. As Sir Humphrey remarks, the ship of state is the only one that leaks from the top.

Hacker and Sir Humphrey are brought in to discuss the matter with Sir Mark and Sir Arnold. Each side is confident that they can discover the source of the other's leak, which leads to a stalemate. They agree to send the policy back to the Ministry of Transport and conduct a leak inquiry.

Episode cast

Actor Role
Paul Eddington
Paul Eddington
Paul Eddington CBE was an English actor best known for his appearances in popular television sitcoms of the 1970s and 80s: The Good Life, Yes Minister and Yes, Prime Minister.-Early life:...

Jim Hacker
Nigel Hawthorne
Nigel Hawthorne
Sir Nigel Barnard Hawthorne, CBE was an English actor, perhaps best remembered for his role as Sir Humphrey Appleby, the Permanent Secretary in the 1980s sitcom Yes Minister and the Cabinet Secretary in its sequel, Yes, Prime Minister. For this role he won four BAFTA Awards during the 1980s in the...

Sir Humphrey Appleby
Derek Fowlds
Derek Fowlds
Derek Fowlds is an English actor, known for playing Bernard Woolley in popular British television comedies Yes, Minister and Yes, Prime Minister and Oscar Blaketon in the long-running ITV police drama Heartbeat....

Bernard Woolley
John Nettleton
John Nettleton (actor)
John Nettleton is an English actor.One of his most notable roles was that of Sir Arnold Robinson, the Cabinet Secretary in Yes Minister and President of the Campaign for Freedom of Information in the follow-up Yes, Prime Minister...

Sir Arnold Robinson
Nigel Stock Sir Mark Spencer
David Firth Under-Secretary, Air Division
Peter Dennis
Peter Dennis
Peter Dennis was a Screen Actors Guild Award and Drama-Logue Award winning English film, television, theatre, and voice actor. His extensive career spanned both sides of the Atlantic with projects ranging from Sideways to The Avengers. He was perhaps best known for his more than three decades...

Under-Secretary, Roads Division
Robert East
Robert East (actor)
Robert Gwyn East East is an accomplished theatre and tv actor. He also wrote Incident at Tulse Hill, first produced at the Hampstead Theatre in December 1981 under the direction of Harold Pinter....

Under-Secretary, Rail Division
David Rose Peter Maxwell

Quote

Hacker, Sir Humphrey and Bernard discussing Hacker's appointment as Transport Supremo

Hacker: Furthermore, Sir Mark thinks there may be votes in it, and if so, I don't intend to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Sir Humphrey: I put it to you, you are looking at a Trojan Horse in the mouth.

Hacker: You mean, if I looked inside the Trojan Horse, I would find Trojans inside?

Bernard: If you had looked inside the Trojan Horse, you would have found Greeks inside.

Hacker: What do you mean, Bernard?

Bernard: Well, the Greeks gave the Trojan Horse to the Trojans, so technically, it wasn't a Trojan Horse at all, it was a Greek Horse. Hence the phrase timeo Danaos et dona ferentes
Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes
Timeo Danaos et dona ferentēs is a Latin phrase from Virgil's Aeneid . It has been paraphrased in English as the aphorism "Beware of Greeks bearing gifts", though its literal meaning, "I fear the Greeks, even those bearing gifts", carries a somewhat different nuance to the usual English...

which as you would recall, is usually and inaccurately translated as Beware of Greeks bearing gifts. Or doubtless, you would have recalled, had you not attended the LSE.

Hacker: I suppose Greek tags are all right in their own way, but can we stick to the point, please?

Bernard: Greek tags, minister?

Hacker: Beware of Greeks bearing gifts. I suppose the EEC equivalent would be Beware of Greeks bearing an olive oil
Olive oil
Olive oil is an oil obtained from the olive , a traditional tree crop of the Mediterranean Basin. It is commonly used in cooking, cosmetics, pharmaceuticals, and soaps and as a fuel for traditional oil lamps...

 surplus!!


Sir Humphrey: Excellent, Minister!

Bernard: Um, just as the Trojan Horse was in fact Greek, what you described as a Greek tag is in fact Latin. It's obvious, really: the Greeks wouldn't suggest bewaring of themselves, if we could use such a participle, bewaring, that is. And it's clearly Latin, not because timeo ends in -o, because the Greek first person also ends in -o. Although, there is a Greek word τιμαω, which means 'I honour'. And the -os ending is the singular nominative termination of the second declension in Greek, while it is the accusative plural in Latin. And 'Danaos' is not only the Greek for Greek, its also the Latin for Greek, it's quite interesting really...

Reality

It is considered to be a good representation of some of the dynamics operating within the Department of Transport. A research paper published by Parliament in 2010 reflected on the question of how much policy is made by the minister and how much influence the civil service quoting from 'A Bed of Nails'.

The sketch is often credited in the UK professional community as being the source of the term 'integrated transport'. A 'Commission for Integrated Transport' was established in 1998 to to provide independent advice to Government on the implementation of integrated transport policy, to monitor developments across transport, environment, health and other sectors and to review progress towards meeting our objectives (this was abolished in the 2010 spending review). In 2008 the passenger transport authorities in a number of major UK conurbations were renamed integrated transport authorities
Passenger Transport Executive
In the United Kingdom, passenger transport executives are local government bodies which are responsible for public transport within large urban areas...

. By 2010 the Department for Transport had a 'Integrated Transport Economics and Appraisal' unit which included in its remit to develop a strategic National Transport Model for use by the Department in the assessment of a range of transport policy options. The Model uses data on how people travel according to their circumstances and where they live. It takes into account the choices available and the use people make of the different modes of transport - car, rail, bus, walk and cycle.

New Labour's first transport white paper A New Deal for Transport: Better for everyone
A New Deal for Transport: Better for everyone
A New Deal for Transport: Better for everyone was a white paper published by the United Kingdom government in 1997 setting out the government's transport policy.-External links:*...

 in 1997 led to the formation of Transport Direct
Transport Direct
Transport Direct is a division of the UK Department for Transport to develop better information technology systems to support public transport. It developed and operates the Transport Direct Portal which is a public facing multi-modal journey planner...

 which established a information system to Deliver an integrated and comprehensive information service for all travel modes and mode combinations and also to Develop integrated information and ticket sales for journeys involving more than one mode of transport. The first aim was achieved in 2004, a comprehensive national ticketing system was not. The Integrated Transport Smartcard Organisation
Integrated Transport Smartcard Organisation
ITSO is a non-profit membership organisation which maintains and develops the ITSO specification. The specification is an open one which is Crown copyrighted and available to all with the aim of allowing interoperable ticketing between transport operators in the UK....

 was established 2001 to develop and maintain the relevant data standards for electronic ticketing. some regional systems are in use and Oystercard does allow travel on mainline rail and London Underground in the London area. In 2010 the new government announced that it would introduce a national smart card ticketing system to make multi-modal journeys easy and seamless by 2014.

In 2010 Heathrow Airport is still not connected to the West Coast Main Line. A link from the airport to High Speed 2
High Speed 2
High Speed 2 is a proposed high-speed railway between London and the Midlands, the North of England, and potentially at a later stage the central belt of Scotland. The project is being developed by High Speed Two Ltd, a company established by the British government...

 was considered but was discounted for cost reasons.

Trivia

  • Robert East, who portrayed the Under-Secretary for the Rail Division, also played Peter Gascoigne (Hacker's Home Affairs Private Secretary) in the Yes, Prime Minister episode "A Diplomatic Incident
    A Diplomatic Incident
    “A Diplomatic Incident” is the eleventh episode of the BBC comedy series Yes, Prime Minister and was first broadcast 17 December 1987.- Plot :...

    ". It is assumed that they are the same person.

External links

The source of this article is wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.  The text of this article is licensed under the GFDL.
 
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