Still Life With Woodpecker (1980) is the third novel by Tom Robbins

Tom Robbins

Thomas Eugene "Tom" Robbins Thomas Eugene "Tom" Robbins Thomas Eugene "Tom" Robbins (born July 22, 1936 is an American author. His best-selling novels are serio-comic, often wildly poetic stories with a strong social and philosophical undercurrent, an irreverent bent, and scenes extrapolated from...

, concerning the love affair between an environmentalist

Environmentalist

An environmentalist broadly supports the goals of the environmental movement, "a political and ethical movement that seeks to improve and protect the quality of the natural environment through changes to environmentally harmful human activities"...

 princess

Princess

Princess is the feminine form of prince . Most often, the term has been used for the consort of a prince, or his daughters....

 and an outlaw

Outlaw

In historical legal systems, an outlaw is declared as outside the protection of the law. In pre-modern societies, this takes the burden of active prosecution of a criminal from the authorities. Instead, the criminal is withdrawn all legal protection, so that anyone is legally empowered to persecute...

. As with most of Robbins's books, it encompasses a broad range of topics, from aliens

Extraterrestrial life in popular culture

In popular cultures, "extraterrestrials" are life forms — especially intelligent life forms— that are of extraterrestrial origin .-Historical ideas:-Pre-modern:...

 and redhead

Red hair

Red hair occurs on approximately 1–2% of the human population. It occurs more frequently in people of northern or western European ancestry, and less frequently in other populations...

s to consumerism

Consumerism

Consumerism is a social and economic order that is based on the systematic creation and fostering of a desire to purchase goods and services in ever greater amounts. The term is often associated with criticisms of consumption starting with Thorstein Veblen...

, the building of bomb

Bomb

A bomb is any of a range of explosive weapons that only rely on the exothermic reaction of an explosive material to provide an extremely sudden and violent release of energy...

s, romance, royalty, the moon, and a pack of Camels

Camel (cigarette)

Camel is a brand of cigarettes that was introduced by American company R.J. Reynolds Tobacco in the summer of 1913. Most current Camel cigarettes contain a blend of Turkish tobacco and Virginia tobacco. Early in 2008 the blend was changed as was the package design.-History:In 1913, R.J...

. The novel continuously addresses the question of how to make love

Love

Love is an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment. In philosophical context, love is a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection. Love is central to many religions, as in the Christian phrase, "God is love" or Agape in the Canonical gospels...

 stay. The story is sometimes called a post-modern fairy tale

Fairy tale

A fairy tale is a type of short story that typically features such folkloric characters, such as fairies, goblins, elves, trolls, dwarves, giants or gnomes, and usually magic or enchantments. However, only a small number of the stories refer to fairies...

.

Plot summary

The book begins in "the final quarter of the twentieth century," at a year never specified, presumably in the early 1980s. It revolves around a family of deposed European royalty living in a small house in the suburbs outside of Seattle, under the protection of the CIA. They consist of: the father, King Max, a former gambler and poker player whose prosthetic heart valve

Heart valve

A heart valve normally allows blood flow in only one direction through the heart. The four valves commonly represented in a mammalian heart determine the pathway of blood flow through the heart...

 makes a loud scraping noise when he gets excited; the mother, Queen Tilli, an opera

Opera

Opera is an art form in which singers and musicians perform a dramatic work combining text and musical score, usually in a theatrical setting. Opera incorporates many of the elements of spoken theatre, such as acting, scenery, and costumes and sometimes includes dance...

-lover with a strong foreign accent and a fondness for saying "Oh, oh, spaghetti-o"; Gulietta, the non-English-speaking maid and the daughter, Leigh-Cheri, a redheaded vegetarian liberal princess and former cheerleader, having pulled out of classes after being asked to resign from the cheer squad after having a miscarriage while cheering at a football game.

Leigh-Cheri proclaims herself celibate, withdraws from public life and cloisters herself in her room, only to emerge to ask her parents for permission to go to the Care Fest, a liberal convention in Hawaii

Hawaii

Hawaii is the newest of the 50 U.S. states , and is the only U.S. state made up entirely of islands. It is the northernmost island group in Polynesia, occupying most of an archipelago in the central Pacific Ocean, southwest of the continental United States, southeast of Japan, and northeast of...

 with scientist and politician speakers, including Leigh-Cheri's idol, Ralph Nader

Ralph Nader

Ralph Nader is an American political activist, as well as an author, lecturer, and attorney. Areas of particular concern to Nader include consumer protection, humanitarianism, environmentalism, and democratic government....

. Gulietta is sent to accompany her, and while on the plane, Leigh-Cheri meets Bernard Mickey Wrangle, an outlaw bomber known as the Woodpecker (the common Tom Robbins-fantasy-alter-ego character). Like Leigh-Cheri, he is a redhead, and unlike her, he is on his way to blow up the Care Fest. As it turns out, the Woodpecker has a passion for tequila

Tequila

Tequila is a spirit made from the blue agave plant, primarily in the area surrounding the city of Tequila, northwest of Guadalajara, and in the highlands of the western Mexican state of Jalisco....

 that inadvertently causes him to bomb a UFO conference instead of his intended target. Gulietta rats him out as the bomber to Leigh-Cheri, who then places him under citizen's arrest

Citizens Arrest

Citizens Arrest is a New York-based band that existed from 1989 to 1991 and reformed in 2010. The group often blended hardcore punk, Grindcore and Powerviolence styles. Their main inspiration in the early days of the band were from Boston area hardcore from the 1980s like DYS and SSD...

. Before she knows it, Leigh-Cheri finds herself at a bar with this crooked-toothed outlaw, drinking tequila and kissing passionately. The two do not agree on their philosophies concerning life: Leigh-Cheri believes it is everyone's job to make the world a better place, Bernard thinks that life is meant to be lived and, on occasion, shaken up.

In between bombings and falling in love, Leigh-Cheri is approached by an unusually beautiful woman who claims she is from the planet of Argon. She informs Leigh-Cheri that redheads are considered evil on her planet and that "Red hair is caused by sugar and lust". This is highly insulting to Leigh-Cheri because she has only recently taken those things out of her life. Leigh-Cheri, Bernard, Gulietta, and a friend flee Lahaina after Bernard frames the Argonian couple for the bombing of the UFO meeting. Out on the sea, an unexplainable light source flies by their boat (the Argonians?) and Gulietta leaves Hawaii having developed a slight cocaine addiction.

While courting the princess in Seattle, Bernard manages to ruin a priceless royal rug, kill Tilli's chihuahua, and get arrested for his past exploits. The princess is overcome with longing for her confined lover; her solution to their separation is to isolate herself in the attic and create the same atmosphere Bernard is forced to live in. In continuous solitude, with nothing but a pack of Camel cigarettes

Camel (cigarette)

Camel is a brand of cigarettes that was introduced by American company R.J. Reynolds Tobacco in the summer of 1913. Most current Camel cigarettes contain a blend of Turkish tobacco and Virginia tobacco. Early in 2008 the blend was changed as was the package design.-History:In 1913, R.J...

 to entertain her, Leigh-Cheri unveils a secret conspiracy involving redheads, ancient pyramid

Pyramid

A pyramid is a structure whose outer surfaces are triangular and converge at a single point. The base of a pyramid can be trilateral, quadrilateral, or any polygon shape, meaning that a pyramid has at least three triangular surfaces...

s, Thomas Jefferson

Thomas Jefferson

Thomas Jefferson was the principal author of the United States Declaration of Independence and the Statute of Virginia for Religious Freedom , the third President of the United States and founder of the University of Virginia...

, the moon, CHOICE, and the planet of Argon. When Bernard hears that people are copying Leigh-Cheri's self-isolation and making it a fad, he sends her a letter telling her that she has made too much of a deal out of the relationship and has also started a trend he does not approve of. Leigh-Cheri leaves her attic, outraged and heart-broken, and becomes engaged to a rich Arab named A'ben Fizel who builds a pyramid for her as an engagement present. Gulietta is made queen by the revolutionaries of her country, and Max and Tilli are given ample living expenses, which Max uses to gamble his life away in Reno

Reno, Nevada

Reno is the county seat of Washoe County, Nevada, United States. The city has a population of about 220,500 and is the most populous Nevada city outside of the Las Vegas metropolitan area...

.

The day before Leigh-Cheri and A'ben's wedding is scheduled, Leigh-Cheri learns that Bernard was shot in an Algeria

Algeria

Algeria , officially the People's Democratic Republic of Algeria , also formally referred to as the Democratic and Popular Republic of Algeria, is a country in the Maghreb region of Northwest Africa with Algiers as its capital.In terms of land area, it is the largest country in Africa and the Arab...

n jail. Hysterical, she flees to the pyramid and, upon entering it, discovers Bernard, waiting for her, strapped with dynamite

Dynamite

Dynamite is an explosive material based on nitroglycerin, initially using diatomaceous earth , or another absorbent substance such as powdered shells, clay, sawdust, or wood pulp. Dynamites using organic materials such as sawdust are less stable and such use has been generally discontinued...

 as usual.

A'ben is informed of this by a guard, and he locks the two into the pyramid's chambers. A'ben tells the public that Leigh-Cheri was captured by terrorists, has the pyramid painted black, and announces that no one will ever enter it again, effectively burying the two alive.

In the meantime, Bernard and Leigh-Cheri, trapped in the pyramid, are living on wedding cake and champagne while they discuss the pyramids, redheads, the moon, and Camel cigarettes. When they are almost completely out of supplies, Leigh-Cheri decides to use the dynamite to make an opening while Bernard sleeps, sacrificing her own life to save him. He tries to stop her, but the dynamite goes off anyway. They awaken in the hospital where they discover that they are both deaf. Max is so shaken by Leigh-Cheri's capture and reappearance that his heart gives out on him. After the funeral, Leigh-Cheri and Bernard move back to Seattle where they spend the rest of their days pondering inanimate objects.

Characters in "Still Life with Woodpecker"

• Max – the deposed king, former gambler, sports fanatic, enemy of blackberry brambles, father of Leigh-Cheri
• Leigh-Cheri – the former princess, idealistic, loves the environment, Ralph Nader, and eventually, Bernard
• Queen Tilli – the former Queen, silly and simple, she listens to opera and plays with her dog. Her favorite Americanism is "oh-oh, spaghetti-o".
• Gulietta – the non-English-speaking maid, cocaine addict, the secret heir to the kingdom
• Bernard – the "Woodpecker", he is somewhat of an anarchist, a self proclaimed outlaw, and blows up buildings; his mantra is "Yum."

Quotations

• I sense that the novel of my dreams is in the Remington SL3 - although it writes much faster than I can spell.
• This baby (the Remington SL3 typewriter) speaks electric Shakespeare at the slightest provocation and will rap out a page and a half if you just look at it hard.
• There is a similarity between juggling and composing on the typewriter. The trick is, when you spill something, make it look like a part of the act.
• Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature.
• Her surname resembled a line from an optometrist's examination chart.
• Society had a crime problem. It hired cops to attack crime. Now society has a cop problem.
• Hawaii made the mouth of her soul water.
• They'd be no threat to me. I have a black belt in Haiku. And a black vest in the cleaners.
• There are essential and inessential insanities. The latter are solar in character, the former are linked to the moon.
• Sharks are the criminals of the sea. Dolphins are the outlaws.
• She lunched on papaya poo poo or mango mu mu or some other fruity foo foo bursting with overripe tropican vowels.
• There are two kinds of people in this world : those who believe there are two kinds of people in this world and those who are smart enough to know better.
• He looked at her with that kind of painted-on seriousness that comedians shift into when they get their chance to play Hamlet.
• The man and woman firmly shook hands. The solution to the overpopulation problem might rest in such handshakes.
• A better world has gotta start somewhere. Why not with you and me?
• If you're honest, you sooner or later have to confront your values. Then you're forced to separate what is right from what is merely legal. This puts you metaphysically on the run. America is full of metaphysical outlaws.
• They snuggled closer, and when they were as close as they could get without being behind one another, they commenced to kiss again.
• This stuff's so fine Julius Caesar called for it with his dying breath. 'A toot, Brutus,' is what he said.
• Something has got to hold it together. I'm saying my prayers to Elmer, the Greek god of glue.
• "I'll follow him to the ends of the earth," she sobbed. Yes, darling. But the earth doesn't have any ends. Columbus fixed that.
• A rabbi's dog could score pork chops in the streets of Tel Aviv easier than Bernard could acquire tequila in King County Jail.
• She tried out the chamber pot, although she really had nothing to contribute.
• Any half-awake materialist well knows - that which you hold holds you.
• The first time that she spread her legs for him it had been like opening her jaws for the dentist.
• Funny how we think of romance as always involving two, when the romance of solitude can be ever so much more delicious and intense.
• I'll never write another novel on an electric typewriter. I'd rather use a sharp stick and a little pile of dogshit.
• It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
• Albert Camus wrote that the only serious question is whether to kill yourself or not. Tom Robbins wrote that the only serious question is whether time has a beginning and an end. Camus clearly got up on the wrong side of bed, and Robbins must have forgotten to set the alarm.
• If you believe in peace, act peacefully; if you believe in love, acting lovingly; if you believe every which way, then act every which way, that's perfectly valid— but don't go out trying to sell your beliefs to the system. You end up contradicting what you profess to believe in, and you set a bum example. If you want to change the world, change yourself.
• “Now tequila may be the favoured beverage of outlaws but that doesn't mean it gives them preferential treatment. In fact, tequila probably has betrayed as many outlaws as has the central nervous system and dissatisfied wives. Tequila, scorpion honey, harsh dew of the doglands, essence of Aztec, crema de cacti; tequila, oily and thermal like the sun in solution; tequila, liquid geometry of passion; Tequila, the buzzard god who copulates in midair with the ascending souls of dying virgins; tequila, firebug in the house of good taste; O tequila, savage water of sorcery, what confusion and mischief your sly, rebellious drops do generate!”
• "It's only a paper moon/Sailing over a cardboard sea." The moon can't help it if the best toys are made of paper. And the best metaphors made of cheese.

Trivia

The Dan Fogelberg

Dan Fogelberg

Daniel Grayling "Dan" Fogelberg was an American singer-songwriter, composer, and multi-instrumentalist, whose music was inspired by sources as diverse as folk, pop, rock, classical, jazz, and bluegrass music...

 song, "Make Love Stay," was inspired by Still Life with Woodpecker.

Lyrics to the La Dispute song, "One" are quotes from Still Life With Woodpecker.

In the movie 50 First Dates Drew Barrymore's character is found reading this book each morning during her breakfast while making waffle houses at the Hooki Lau cafe.

The cover to the first edition is modeled after a pack of Camel cigarettes.

Release details

• 1980, USA, Bantam (ISBN 0-553-27093-1), Pub date ? Oct 1980, paperback (First edition)
• 1980, USA, Bantam (ISBN 0-553-01260-6), Pub date ? Oct 1980, hardback (Limited to 2,000 copies)
• 1980, UK, Sidgwick & Jackson (ISBN 0-283-98713-8), Pub date ? Oct 1980, hardback
• 1994, USA, Bantam USA (ISBN 0-553-34897-3), Pub date ? December 1994, paperback
• 1994, UK, Bantam (ISBN 0-553-40898-4), Pub date 1 December 1994, paperback
• 2001, USA, No Exit Press (ISBN 1-84243-022-X), Pub date 9 April 2001, paperback