Help Desk (webcomic)
Encyclopedia
Help Desk is a webcomic
by Christopher B. Wright
which debuted on March 31, 1996, making it one of the older webcomics on the Internet
. The comic is a satirical
and cynical view of computer software companies and operating system
s in general, and of the antics of Microsoft
, Apple Computer
, OS/2
, and Linux
in particular, however the first 2 comics were on the subject of the Sinclair ZX Spectrum
. This is done through the employees of Ubersoft, a fiction
al computer software company that markets a number of software products, including a computer operating system called Nifty Doorways. The comic draws heavily from real-life events in the computer software industry and lampoons those events through its cast of characters. It features a daily slogan on the title bar. Examples are "We code what angels fear and dread", "Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt
", "Our lawyers are better", "It's not a bug..... It's just really really bad", "Standing on the necks of giants", "Four out of five dentists reboot", and "We put the pain in painstaking".
copyrighting both. Famed for marketing tactics such as disabling software features until a customer pays for an upgrade to re-enable them, and implementing features into its software such as making it easier to exit programs by causing it to quit when a customer tries to print their documents, Ubersoft tries to be the bane of the existence of each of its customers. They also charge customers to receive bug fixes, claiming they are feature enhancements and are thus only needed by those customers who want them.
. He is a technical-support technician working on Ubersoft's telephone support lines. His job has been described as "not necessarily to solve a customer's problems, but to make the customer feel that what they think is a problem isn't really a problem and they're wasting my time and yours." (He describes his unique red-and-green eyeglasses as a "special prescription".)
-breakup lawsuit) and "The Dark Lord of Ubersoft", The Boss is an evil being from another plane of existence. He used to be followed around by flaming letters that spell the word "Boss". The Boss temporarily lost custody of the letters to Steve Case
, but regained them after directing the company programmers to come up with a program to help malware
developers create new viruses
. The flaming Boss letters have since been removed as it was discovered they were spying for Google
. The Boss worked tirelessly and managed to remove the taint of Google (multi-colored lettering) only to have it return when he learned that Scott had been hired at Google (They've not been seen since).
He created two clones of himself, which proceeded to become the heads of SCO
and the RIAA. After the loss of Binky, who was an integral part of his psyche, he became cheerful and eager to please. The flaming letters changed, adapting to his shift in personality, to spell "Wheee". He has thus began to wear a miniature Binky (created earlier as a conscience experiment) on a necklace to maintain his return to his evil ways. The miniature Binky now resides with the Boss at RIAA who was left Binkyless after Alex, Monk and Mark stole his copy of Binky right off of his children's show.
. No matter what it is you are trying to do, he'll greet you with a "Hey, Skipper! What can I help you with today?". Dealing with Binky and his always cheerful demeanor would be enough to send Linus Torvalds
or Eric S. Raymond
screaming into the night. He saved the world from Steve Jobs
with the help of an old scary Linux guy. Recently, he was captured by said Apple CEO and mutated into a classy, aristocratic paperclip named Steve (also known as iClip). Since then, the boss became cheerful due to the loss of Binky, who was a critical part of his psyche. Several of Ubersoft's employees have taken a trip to Las Vegas to attempt to locate a clone of Binky to bring back, as he split at the same time as the Boss.
user, arrested under suspicion of being a terrorist for having a CD burner, forced to be the company mascot—the grey moth (a parody of the MSN
butterfly), and brainwashed by Binky the Paperclip. More recently he spent eight days in a full-immersion VR
module playing "Uberquest", the comic's highly addictive game (which is an allusion to EverQuest
). When he, Alex, and Monk left to find Binky, they took his sportscar, which he found himself pushing, with Alex steering.
Mark is currently working for the US Military to document software that is being used to keep Steve Jobs
' ego in its extradimensional prison.
is always on the horizon. What she lacks in a moral compass is more than compensated for in imagination. It is also confirmed that she doesn't know how to tell the truth.
's Deep Blue), Deep Grey's original purpose was to replace the human help-desk operators with machines. It would be non-union and conform to whatever demands were placed upon it. Unfortunately for Ubersoft, it decided that the corporate benefits package was inadequate; it resigned, taking a job as vice president of a rival corporation.
-enabled Binkys, but forgot to install off-switches. Phil was later kidnapped and underwent an transformation similar to that of Binky (iClip). Due to his charismatic new personality, Phil has since been transferred to sales where he is expected to excel.
Webcomic
Webcomics, online comics, or Internet comics are comics published on a website. While many are published exclusively on the web, others are also published in magazines, newspapers or often in self-published books....
by Christopher B. Wright
Christopher B. Wright
Christopher B. Wright is the creator of the webcomics Help Desk and Kernel Panic. Born 1971-07-02 in the Commonwealth of Virginia, he is a Technical writer by profession. For a brief period of time he served as Editor in chief of ....
which debuted on March 31, 1996, making it one of the older webcomics on the Internet
Internet
The Internet is a global system of interconnected computer networks that use the standard Internet protocol suite to serve billions of users worldwide...
. The comic is a satirical
Satire
Satire is primarily a literary genre or form, although in practice it can also be found in the graphic and performing arts. In satire, vices, follies, abuses, and shortcomings are held up to ridicule, ideally with the intent of shaming individuals, and society itself, into improvement...
and cynical view of computer software companies and operating system
Operating system
An operating system is a set of programs that manage computer hardware resources and provide common services for application software. The operating system is the most important type of system software in a computer system...
s in general, and of the antics of Microsoft
Microsoft
Microsoft Corporation is an American public multinational corporation headquartered in Redmond, Washington, USA that develops, manufactures, licenses, and supports a wide range of products and services predominantly related to computing through its various product divisions...
, Apple Computer
Apple Computer
Apple Inc. is an American multinational corporation that designs and markets consumer electronics, computer software, and personal computers. The company's best-known hardware products include the Macintosh line of computers, the iPod, the iPhone and the iPad...
, OS/2
OS/2
OS/2 is a computer operating system, initially created by Microsoft and IBM, then later developed by IBM exclusively. The name stands for "Operating System/2," because it was introduced as part of the same generation change release as IBM's "Personal System/2 " line of second-generation personal...
, and Linux
Linux
Linux is a Unix-like computer operating system assembled under the model of free and open source software development and distribution. The defining component of any Linux system is the Linux kernel, an operating system kernel first released October 5, 1991 by Linus Torvalds...
in particular, however the first 2 comics were on the subject of the Sinclair ZX Spectrum
ZX Spectrum
The ZX Spectrum is an 8-bit personal home computer released in the United Kingdom in 1982 by Sinclair Research Ltd...
. This is done through the employees of Ubersoft, a fiction
Fiction
Fiction is the form of any narrative or informative work that deals, in part or in whole, with information or events that are not factual, but rather, imaginary—that is, invented by the author. Although fiction describes a major branch of literary work, it may also refer to theatrical,...
al computer software company that markets a number of software products, including a computer operating system called Nifty Doorways. The comic draws heavily from real-life events in the computer software industry and lampoons those events through its cast of characters. It features a daily slogan on the title bar. Examples are "We code what angels fear and dread", "Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt
Fear, uncertainty and doubt
Fear, uncertainty and doubt, frequently abbreviated as FUD, is a tactic used in sales, marketing, public relations, politics and propaganda....
", "Our lawyers are better", "It's not a bug..... It's just really really bad", "Standing on the necks of giants", "Four out of five dentists reboot", and "We put the pain in painstaking".
Ubersoft
Ubersoft is a fictional computer software company run by an ethereal being from another plane, otherwise known as Mr. Bunny the Hoppy Computer Guy or just The Boss. Originally called Megasoft, the company was forced to change its name and logo due to software piratesCopyright infringement of software
Copyright infringement of software=The copyright infringement of software refers to several practices which involve the unauthorized copying of computer software. Copyright infringement of this kind varies globally...
copyrighting both. Famed for marketing tactics such as disabling software features until a customer pays for an upgrade to re-enable them, and implementing features into its software such as making it easier to exit programs by causing it to quit when a customer tries to print their documents, Ubersoft tries to be the bane of the existence of each of its customers. They also charge customers to receive bug fixes, claiming they are feature enhancements and are thus only needed by those customers who want them.
Alex
Alex is Help Desk's protagonistProtagonist
A protagonist is the main character of a literary, theatrical, cinematic, or musical narrative, around whom the events of the narrative's plot revolve and with whom the audience is intended to most identify...
. He is a technical-support technician working on Ubersoft's telephone support lines. His job has been described as "not necessarily to solve a customer's problems, but to make the customer feel that what they think is a problem isn't really a problem and they're wasting my time and yours." (He describes his unique red-and-green eyeglasses as a "special prescription".)
The Boss
Also known as "Mr. Bunny, the Hoppy Computer Guy" (from the time when he tried to present himself as good, during Ubersoft's equivalent of the MicrosoftMicrosoft
Microsoft Corporation is an American public multinational corporation headquartered in Redmond, Washington, USA that develops, manufactures, licenses, and supports a wide range of products and services predominantly related to computing through its various product divisions...
-breakup lawsuit) and "The Dark Lord of Ubersoft", The Boss is an evil being from another plane of existence. He used to be followed around by flaming letters that spell the word "Boss". The Boss temporarily lost custody of the letters to Steve Case
Steve Case
Stephen McConnell "Steve" Case is an American businessman best known as the co-founder and former chief executive officer and chairman of America Online . Since his retirement as chairman of AOL Time Warner in 2003, he has gone on to build a variety of new businesses through his investment...
, but regained them after directing the company programmers to come up with a program to help malware
Malware
Malware, short for malicious software, consists of programming that is designed to disrupt or deny operation, gather information that leads to loss of privacy or exploitation, or gain unauthorized access to system resources, or that otherwise exhibits abusive behavior...
developers create new viruses
Computer virus
A computer virus is a computer program that can replicate itself and spread from one computer to another. The term "virus" is also commonly but erroneously used to refer to other types of malware, including but not limited to adware and spyware programs that do not have the reproductive ability...
. The flaming Boss letters have since been removed as it was discovered they were spying for Google
Google
Google Inc. is an American multinational public corporation invested in Internet search, cloud computing, and advertising technologies. Google hosts and develops a number of Internet-based services and products, and generates profit primarily from advertising through its AdWords program...
. The Boss worked tirelessly and managed to remove the taint of Google (multi-colored lettering) only to have it return when he learned that Scott had been hired at Google (They've not been seen since).
He created two clones of himself, which proceeded to become the heads of SCO
SCO Group
TSG Group, Inc. is a software company formerly called The SCO Group, Caldera Systems, and Caldera International. After acquiring the Santa Cruz Operation's Server Software and Services divisions, as well as UnixWare and OpenServer technologies, the company changed its focus to UNIX...
and the RIAA. After the loss of Binky, who was an integral part of his psyche, he became cheerful and eager to please. The flaming letters changed, adapting to his shift in personality, to spell "Wheee". He has thus began to wear a miniature Binky (created earlier as a conscience experiment) on a necklace to maintain his return to his evil ways. The miniature Binky now resides with the Boss at RIAA who was left Binkyless after Alex, Monk and Mark stole his copy of Binky right off of his children's show.
Binky the Cheerful Winking Paperclip
Binky is a helpful little fellow who is (almost) always cheerful, and is a parody of Microsoft's Office AssistantOffice Assistant
The Office Assistant was a Microsoft Office feature to assist users by way of an interactive animated character, which interfaced with the Office help content. It used technology initially from Microsoft Bob and later Microsoft Agent, offering advice based on Bayesian algorithms...
. No matter what it is you are trying to do, he'll greet you with a "Hey, Skipper! What can I help you with today?". Dealing with Binky and his always cheerful demeanor would be enough to send Linus Torvalds
Linus Torvalds
Linus Benedict Torvalds is a Finnish software engineer and hacker, best known for having initiated the development of the open source Linux kernel. He later became the chief architect of the Linux kernel, and now acts as the project's coordinator...
or Eric S. Raymond
Eric S. Raymond
Eric Steven Raymond , often referred to as ESR, is an American computer programmer, author and open source software advocate. After the 1997 publication of The Cathedral and the Bazaar, Raymond was for a number of years frequently quoted as an unofficial spokesman for the open source movement...
screaming into the night. He saved the world from Steve Jobs
Steve Jobs
Steven Paul Jobs was an American businessman and inventor widely recognized as a charismatic pioneer of the personal computer revolution. He was co-founder, chairman, and chief executive officer of Apple Inc...
with the help of an old scary Linux guy. Recently, he was captured by said Apple CEO and mutated into a classy, aristocratic paperclip named Steve (also known as iClip). Since then, the boss became cheerful due to the loss of Binky, who was a critical part of his psyche. Several of Ubersoft's employees have taken a trip to Las Vegas to attempt to locate a clone of Binky to bring back, as he split at the same time as the Boss.
Mark
Mark is the technical writer for Ubersoft. He spent a brief time on the Help Desk due to Alex's being moved to Marketing, during the time that the lack of a moral compass had caused Alex to err on the side of the good and helpful. Mark is perhaps the most tormented character on the team, having been plagued by a computer with evil sentience (inspired from the cartoonist's real-life computer woes), arrested under suspicion of being a terrorist for being a LinuxLinux
Linux is a Unix-like computer operating system assembled under the model of free and open source software development and distribution. The defining component of any Linux system is the Linux kernel, an operating system kernel first released October 5, 1991 by Linus Torvalds...
user, arrested under suspicion of being a terrorist for having a CD burner, forced to be the company mascot—the grey moth (a parody of the MSN
MSN
MSN is a collection of Internet sites and services provided by Microsoft. The Microsoft Network debuted as an online service and Internet service provider on August 24, 1995, to coincide with the release of the Windows 95 operating system.The range of services offered by MSN has changed since its...
butterfly), and brainwashed by Binky the Paperclip. More recently he spent eight days in a full-immersion VR
Virtual reality
Virtual reality , also known as virtuality, is a term that applies to computer-simulated environments that can simulate physical presence in places in the real world, as well as in imaginary worlds...
module playing "Uberquest", the comic's highly addictive game (which is an allusion to EverQuest
EverQuest
EverQuest, often shortened to EQ, is a 3D fantasy-themed massively multiplayer online role-playing game that was released on the 16th of March, 1999. The original design is credited to Brad McQuaid, Steve Clover, and Bill Trost...
). When he, Alex, and Monk left to find Binky, they took his sportscar, which he found himself pushing, with Alex steering.
Mark is currently working for the US Military to document software that is being used to keep Steve Jobs
Steve Jobs
Steven Paul Jobs was an American businessman and inventor widely recognized as a charismatic pioneer of the personal computer revolution. He was co-founder, chairman, and chief executive officer of Apple Inc...
' ego in its extradimensional prison.
Alice
As the lone female character at Ubersoft, Alice is nonetheless able to hold her own quite undeniably. She is Alex's sister, but is a primary force in the Marketing Department. As a marketer, she is totally devoid of any moral scruples—driven solely by the determination to sell whatever Ubersoft may (or may not yet) have available—and to make sure that new vaporwareVaporware
Vaporware is a term in the computer industry that describes a product, typically computer hardware or software, that is announced to the general public but is never actually released nor officially canceled. Vaporware is also a term sometimes used to describe events that are announced or predicted,...
is always on the horizon. What she lacks in a moral compass is more than compensated for in imagination. It is also confirmed that she doesn't know how to tell the truth.
Scott
Scott is the only member of the Help Desk crew allowed to help the customers, although he is stymied by being forced to talk in a different language to the customer. Originally permanently demoted to trainee due to telling a customer the truth, Scott was forced to quit by his mother after he lied to her when she called the Help Desk. He was later rehired to act as the butt-end of Ubersoft's moral compass for the rest of the Help Desk staff. His continual crusade to make Ubersoft into a company that makes top-quality software and cares about its customers has included his acting like the rest of the staff and attempting to convert the Boss during his crisis of spirit. He currently is working for Tech support at Google.Viktor Shreck
Viktor is Ubersoft's legal consultant. He acts as the company's representative in all of their court cases, often using illogical and nonsensical arguments. In addition, he seems to take it upon himself to keep the boss's evil up to par. Viktor shares a kind of kinship with The Boss, because he is also not an ordinary mortal: he is undead, since he's a vampire, and, like all high-powered corporate lawyers, he does not have a reflection.Deep Grey
A sentient supercomputer created by Ubersoft (and a parody of IBMIBM
International Business Machines Corporation or IBM is an American multinational technology and consulting corporation headquartered in Armonk, New York, United States. IBM manufactures and sells computer hardware and software, and it offers infrastructure, hosting and consulting services in areas...
's Deep Blue), Deep Grey's original purpose was to replace the human help-desk operators with machines. It would be non-union and conform to whatever demands were placed upon it. Unfortunately for Ubersoft, it decided that the corporate benefits package was inadequate; it resigned, taking a job as vice president of a rival corporation.
Phil
As Ubersoft's former head programmer. He had to call Alex often, not knowing himself how to write code, compile, or even use the programs he wrote. Phil's ineptitude with computer coding can probably be attributed to his days in college, where the battle-cry of choice was "Code, compile, drink! Debug, compile, drink! Drink, drink, drink!". Phil was also responsible, in part, for the creation of the annoying Binky the Paperclip, whom he coded and compiled during a night of particularly excessive heavy drinking; he subsequently made miniature BluetoothBluetooth
Bluetooth is a proprietary open wireless technology standard for exchanging data over short distances from fixed and mobile devices, creating personal area networks with high levels of security...
-enabled Binkys, but forgot to install off-switches. Phil was later kidnapped and underwent an transformation similar to that of Binky (iClip). Due to his charismatic new personality, Phil has since been transferred to sales where he is expected to excel.