Directed by Stephen Herek. Written by Chris Matheson and Ed Solomon.

Rufus

• Hi. Welcome to the future: San Dimas, California — 2688. And I'm telling you, it's great here. The air is clean. The water is clean. Even the dirt is clean! Bowling averages are way up. Minigolf scores are way down. And we have more excellent waterslides than any other planet we communicate with. I'm telling you, this place is great! But it almost wasn't. You see, 700 years ago, the Two Great Ones ran into a few problems. So now I have to travel back in time to help them out. If I should fail to keep these two along the correct path, the basis of our society will be endangered. Ah, but don't worry: it'll all make sense. I'm a professional.

Dialogue

[In the classroom.]

Mr. Ryan: Who was Joan of Arc?

Bill: Noah's wife?

Ted: Your stepmom's cute.

Bill: Shut up, Ted.

Ted: Remember when she was a senior and we were freshmen?

Bill: Shut UP, Ted!

Ted: Remember when I asked your mom to the prom?

Bill: SHUT UP, TED!

Bill: [reading from their history textbook] "The only true wisdom consists in knowing that you know nothing."

Ted: [gasps] That's us, dude!

Bill: Yeah!

Bill: Hello, royal ugly dudes! I am the Earl of Preston!

Ted: And I am the Duke of Ted!

Henry VII: Put them in the iron maiden.

Ted: Iron Maiden?

Bill and Ted: Excellent! [air guitar]

Henry VII: Execute them.

Bill and Ted: Bogus!

Ted: Okay, if you're really us, then what number are we thinking of?

Bill and Ted: SIXTY-NINE, DUDE!!!

Bill: It is indeed a pleasure to introduce to you a gentleman we picked up in medieval Mongolia in the year 1269.

Ted: Please welcome the very excellent barbarian...

Bill and Ted: MR. GENGHIS KHAN!

[The students applaud wildly for Khan.]

Ted: This is a dude who, 700 years ago, totally ravaged China, and who, we were told, two hours ago totally ravaged Oshman's Sporting Goods.

Taglines

• History is about to be rewritten by two guys who can't spell...
• Time flies when you're having fun.
• Party on, dudes!
• Brace yourself amigos for a most triumphant video! (UK VHS box)
• The funniest comedy in the history of history.

Cast

• Keanu Reeves - Ted Logan
• Alex Winter - Bill S. Preston, Esq.
• George Carlin - Rufus
• Terry Camilleri - Napoleon
• Dan Shor - Billy the Kid
• Tony Steedman - Socrates
• Rod Loomis - Dr. Sigmund Freud
• Al Leong - Genghis Khan
• Jane Wiedlin - Joan of Arc
• Robert V. Barron - Abraham Lincoln
• Clifford David - Ludwig van Beethoven