The Marching Morons
Encyclopedia
"The Marching Morons" is a science fiction
story written by Cyril M. Kornbluth
, originally published in Galaxy
in April 1951. It was included in The Science Fiction Hall of Fame, Volume Two
after being voted one of the best novellas up to 1965.
The story is set hundreds of years in the future: the date is 7-B-936. John Barlow, a man from the past put into suspended animation
by a freak accident involving a dental drill and anesthesia
, is revived in this future. The world seems mad to Barlow until Tinny-Peete explains the Problem of Population: Due to a combination of intelligent people not having children and excessive breeding by less intelligent people, the world is full of morons, with the exception of an elite few who work slavishly to keep order. Barlow, who was a shrewd con man in his day, has a solution to sell to the elite.
(Kornbluth's friend and collaborator) explains some of the inspiration to "The Marching Morons." The work was written after Pohl suggested that Kornbluth write a follow-up story that focuses on the future presented in the short story The Little Black Bag
. In contrast to the "little black bag" arriving in the past from the future, Kornbluth wanted to write about a man arriving in the future from the past. To explain sending a man to the future, Kornbluth borrowed from David Butler's 1930 science fiction film, Just Imagine
, in which a man is struck by lightning, trapped in suspended animation, and reanimated in the future. In The Marching Morons, after the character John Barlow is told how he had been in a state of suspended animation, Barlow mutters, "Like that movie."
Comic strip
, which claimed that if the Chinese population were to "march - 4 abreast - past a given point they would never finish passing though they marched forever and ever." The cartoon makes the claim that the calculation was "based on U.S. Army marching regulations."
, or mean, and median
, by definition.) Several generations before the onset in the story, the small number of remaining 100-and-higher-IQ technocrats, after being ignored by the general public about the impending population problem, banded together to preserve the human race. The elite work feverishly like slaves in order to keep the morons alive.
The elite have had little success in solving The Problem (also called "Poprob" in the story) for several reasons:
The elite had tried everything rational to solve the population problem, but the problem could not be solved rationally. The solution required a way of thinking that no longer existed—Barlow's "vicious self-interest" and knowledge of the distant history.
, and the safety of future space travel is summed up in a description of a rocket that crashed on the moon.) Propaganda depicts Venus as a tropical paradise, with "blanket trees," "ham bushes," and "soap roots." In a nationalistic frenzy, every country tries to send as many of their people to Venus as possible to stake their claim.
Barlow helps with his knowledge of Hitler. Fake postcards are sent from the supposedly happy new residents of Venus to relatives left behind, describing the wonderful, easy life — in the same way as fraudulent postcards were sent to relatives of those imprisoned in the Nazi work-camps.
In the end, Barlow is placed on a spaceship and sent to share the fate of his billions of victims.
' 1895 novel The Time Machine
, the time traveler travels to the year 802,701 where he discovers that humanity has split into two different species: the dimwitted Eloi
and the subhuman Morlocks. He believes that the Morlocks evolved from the working class
while the Eloi evolved from the idle upper class
. The Eloi never work, but the Morlocks, being in control of what subterranean machinery remains, ensure that the Eloi continue to live their utopian existence – as feed lot cattle
.
The 1954 novel Search the Sky
, by Kornbluth and Frederik Pohl, is a series of vignettes of odd cultures seen through the eyes of an explorer from one of the cultures trying to find out what has happened to the others. The final section involves a visit to Earth, which has succumbed to the "Marching Morons" effect. Eventually the explorer contacts the "elite" who are actually running the society, but in this story the elite are unwilling to take any kind of drastic action to reduce population (including withdrawing so everyone else starves).
A similar plot appears in the 1980 novel The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
by Douglas Adams
. The Golgafrinchans have tricked the most useless third of their population to get on a spaceship and leave their home planet Golgafrincham; unfortunately, since the Golgafrinchans included telephone sanitizers on their list of most useless people, and no one was left behind who was willing to do any cleaning, the rest of the planet was killed by a contagious disease contracted from a dirty telephone.
The Simpsons
1999 "Treehouse of Horror X
" segment "Life's a Glitch, Then You Die", had the Earth facing destruction due the Y2K bug. While the most intelligent elite of Earth escape to Mars, all of Earth's useless celebrities are tricked into boarding a spaceship locked into crashing into the sun.
John Barlow's "suspended animation by botched surgery" would be used as a major plot element in Woody Allen
's 1973 comedy science-fiction film, Sleeper
, where the protagonist Monroe (played by Allen) enters the story in a similar fashion and with similar demands.
The Marching Morons presents an inane radio game show, "Take It and Stick It," that uses the phrases, "Would you buy that for a quarter?" and "Would you buy it for a quarter?" as its signature. The 1987 dystopian comedy, RoboCop
(which presented a similarly cynical view of an over-commercialized future desensitized to violence) makes an allusion to the line, adjusted for inflation, as the catchphrase of a TV comedian ("I'd buy that for a dollar!").
The 2006 comedy movie Idiocracy
adds a few twists to the "Marching Moron" effect: in this story, two subjects participating in a suspended-animation experiment ("the most average guy" in the U.S. Army and a common prostitute) sleep for 500 years, only to awaken in a future so incredibly dumbed-down that the ability to give the answer to "2 + 3" qualifies one as a genius. The cultural elite has become extinct, but the decaying society is kept somewhat functional by machines, and the government is actually run on behalf of a few mega-corporations. These corporations are staffed and directed by morons with the limited aid of management computers programmed during the more intelligent past.
Science fiction
Science fiction is a genre of fiction dealing with imaginary but more or less plausible content such as future settings, futuristic science and technology, space travel, aliens, and paranormal abilities...
story written by Cyril M. Kornbluth
Cyril M. Kornbluth
Cyril M. Kornbluth was an American science fiction author and a notable member of the Futurians. He used a variety of pen-names, including Cecil Corwin, S. D. Gottesman, Edward J. Bellin, Kenneth Falconer, Walter C. Davies, Simon Eisner and Jordan Park...
, originally published in Galaxy
Galaxy Science Fiction
Galaxy Science Fiction was an American digest-size science fiction magazine, published from 1950 to 1980. It was founded by an Italian company, World Editions, which was looking to break in to the American market. World Editions hired as editor H. L...
in April 1951. It was included in The Science Fiction Hall of Fame, Volume Two
The Science Fiction Hall of Fame, Volume Two
The Science Fiction Hall of Fame, Volume Two: The Greatest Science Fiction Novellas of All Time is an anthology edited by Ben Bova. It honors works published prior to the institution of the Nebula Awards in 1965...
after being voted one of the best novellas up to 1965.
The story is set hundreds of years in the future: the date is 7-B-936. John Barlow, a man from the past put into suspended animation
Suspended animation
Suspended animation is the slowing of life processes by external means without termination. Breathing, heartbeat, and other involuntary functions may still occur, but they can only be detected by artificial means. Extreme cold can be used to precipitate the slowing of an individual's functions; use...
by a freak accident involving a dental drill and anesthesia
Anesthesia
Anesthesia, or anaesthesia , traditionally meant the condition of having sensation blocked or temporarily taken away...
, is revived in this future. The world seems mad to Barlow until Tinny-Peete explains the Problem of Population: Due to a combination of intelligent people not having children and excessive breeding by less intelligent people, the world is full of morons, with the exception of an elite few who work slavishly to keep order. Barlow, who was a shrewd con man in his day, has a solution to sell to the elite.
Background
In the "Introduction" to The Best of C. M. Kornbluth, Frederik PohlFrederik Pohl
Frederik George Pohl, Jr. is an American science fiction writer, editor and fan, with a career spanning over seventy years — from his first published work, "Elegy to a Dead Planet: Luna" , to his most recent novel, All the Lives He Led .He won the National Book Award in 1980 for his novel Jem...
(Kornbluth's friend and collaborator) explains some of the inspiration to "The Marching Morons." The work was written after Pohl suggested that Kornbluth write a follow-up story that focuses on the future presented in the short story The Little Black Bag
The Little Black Bag
"The Little Black Bag" is a short story by science fiction author Cyril M. Kornbluth, first published in the July, 1950 edition of Astounding Science Fiction. It is a prequel of sorts to the story "The Marching Morons"...
. In contrast to the "little black bag" arriving in the past from the future, Kornbluth wanted to write about a man arriving in the future from the past. To explain sending a man to the future, Kornbluth borrowed from David Butler's 1930 science fiction film, Just Imagine
Just Imagine
Just Imagine is a 1930 science-fiction musical comedy directed by David Butler, to console audiences distressed by the Great Depression. The film is probably best known for its art direction and special effects in its portrayal of New York City in an imagined 1980...
, in which a man is struck by lightning, trapped in suspended animation, and reanimated in the future. In The Marching Morons, after the character John Barlow is told how he had been in a state of suspended animation, Barlow mutters, "Like that movie."
Title
The title "Marching Morons" appears to be derived from a theory of population growth referred to as "The Marching Chinamen" or "The Marching Chinese." The theory holds that if the entire population of China were to line up and file through a gate, they would never finish, as China's population is large enough that the children of those currently passing through the gate will mature and have more children, who themselves have time to mature and have yet more children, ad infinitum. An illustration of the concept was the Marching Chinese" cartoon published in the Ripley's Believe or NotRipley's Believe It or Not!
Ripley's Believe It or Not! is a franchise, founded by Robert Ripley, which deals in bizarre events and items so strange and unusual that readers might question the claims...
Comic strip
Comic strip
A comic strip is a sequence of drawings arranged in interrelated panels to display brief humor or form a narrative, often serialized, with text in balloons and captions....
, which claimed that if the Chinese population were to "march - 4 abreast - past a given point they would never finish passing though they marched forever and ever." The cartoon makes the claim that the calculation was "based on U.S. Army marching regulations."
"The Problem"
The human population is now 3,000,000 highbred elite and 5,000,000,000 morons. The "average" IQ is 45. (In the real world, an IQ score of 100 is both averageAverage
In mathematics, an average, or central tendency of a data set is a measure of the "middle" value of the data set. Average is one form of central tendency. Not all central tendencies should be considered definitions of average....
, or mean, and median
Median
In probability theory and statistics, a median is described as the numerical value separating the higher half of a sample, a population, or a probability distribution, from the lower half. The median of a finite list of numbers can be found by arranging all the observations from lowest value to...
, by definition.) Several generations before the onset in the story, the small number of remaining 100-and-higher-IQ technocrats, after being ignored by the general public about the impending population problem, banded together to preserve the human race. The elite work feverishly like slaves in order to keep the morons alive.
The elite have had little success in solving The Problem (also called "Poprob" in the story) for several reasons:
- The morons must be managed or else there will be chaos, resulting in billions of deaths;
- It is not possible to sterilize all of the morons, as there are not nearly enough elite to do the job;
- Propaganda against large families isn't working because every biological drive is towards fertility (the story predates the development of hormonal contraceptionHormonal contraceptionHormonal contraception refers to birth control methods that act on the endocrine system. Almost all methods are composed of steroid hormones, although in India one selective estrogen receptor modulator is marketed as a contraceptive. The original hormonal method—the combined oral contraceptive...
).
The elite had tried everything rational to solve the population problem, but the problem could not be solved rationally. The solution required a way of thinking that no longer existed—Barlow's "vicious self-interest" and knowledge of the distant history.
The solution
Barlow derives a solution based on his experience in scamming people into buying worthless land and knowledge of lemmings' mass migration into (and subsequent drowning in) the sea: convince the morons to travel to Venus in spaceships that will kill their passengers once they fly out of view of land (possibly, the story implies, because they are built by morons, though obtaining consistent destruction in the proper flight phase might be beyond their competence). (The story predates the Moon landingMoon landing
A moon landing is the arrival of a spacecraft on the surface of the Moon. This includes both manned and unmanned missions. The first human-made object to reach the surface of the Moon was the Soviet Union's Luna 2 mission on 13 September 1959. The United States's Apollo 11 was the first manned...
, and the safety of future space travel is summed up in a description of a rocket that crashed on the moon.) Propaganda depicts Venus as a tropical paradise, with "blanket trees," "ham bushes," and "soap roots." In a nationalistic frenzy, every country tries to send as many of their people to Venus as possible to stake their claim.
Barlow helps with his knowledge of Hitler. Fake postcards are sent from the supposedly happy new residents of Venus to relatives left behind, describing the wonderful, easy life — in the same way as fraudulent postcards were sent to relatives of those imprisoned in the Nazi work-camps.
The con
In a twist of irony, Barlow, a conman, is conned by his erstwhile assistants. Kornbluth describes the con: "It was a wonderful, wonderfully calculated buildup, and one that he [Barlow] failed to suspect. After all, in his time a visitor from the past would have been lionized." Barlow does not realize that the elite despise him as they despise all people from the past for not solving The Problem earlier. The story also suggests that they recognize what a monster Barlow truly is, and had no intention of letting him rule them as promised.In the end, Barlow is placed on a spaceship and sent to share the fate of his billions of victims.
Characters
- Efim Hawkins: A potter owning a shop near a lake. Often goes for walks through the woods while waiting for his kilns to cool. An "all around man." Reanimated Barlow with 60cc of "simple salineSaline (medicine)In medicine, saline is a general term referring to a sterile solution of sodium chloride in water but is only sterile when it is to be placed intravenously, otherwise, a saline solution is a salt water solution...
in the trigeminal nerveTrigeminal nerveThe trigeminal nerve contains both sensory and motor fibres. It is responsible for sensation in the face and certain motor functions such as biting, chewing, and swallowing. Sensory information from the face and body is processed by parallel pathways in the central nervous system...
." - John Barlow: A real estate agent from the past (1988). Put in a state of suspended animation after a freak dentist accident involving an electrical shock and the "experimental anesthetic Cycloparadimethanol-B-7" (known as "Levantman shock" in the future).
- Tinny-Peete: A psychist.
- Ryan-Ngana (Hawk-faced man): Meets with Tinny-Peete and Barlow.
Stories with similar premises and themes
In H. G. WellsH. G. Wells
Herbert George Wells was an English author, now best known for his work in the science fiction genre. He was also a prolific writer in many other genres, including contemporary novels, history, politics and social commentary, even writing text books and rules for war games...
' 1895 novel The Time Machine
The Time Machine
The Time Machine is a science fiction novella by H. G. Wells, published in 1895 for the first time and later adapted into at least two feature films of the same name, as well as two television versions, and a large number of comic book adaptations. It indirectly inspired many more works of fiction...
, the time traveler travels to the year 802,701 where he discovers that humanity has split into two different species: the dimwitted Eloi
Eloi
The Eloi are one of the two post-human races in H. G. Wells' 1895 novel The Time Machine.-In The Time Machine:By the year 802,701 AD, humanity has evolved into two separate species: the Eloi and the Morlocks...
and the subhuman Morlocks. He believes that the Morlocks evolved from the working class
Working class
Working class is a term used in the social sciences and in ordinary conversation to describe those employed in lower tier jobs , often extending to those in unemployment or otherwise possessing below-average incomes...
while the Eloi evolved from the idle upper class
Upper class
In social science, the "upper class" is the group of people at the top of a social hierarchy. Members of an upper class may have great power over the allocation of resources and governmental policy in their area.- Historical meaning :...
. The Eloi never work, but the Morlocks, being in control of what subterranean machinery remains, ensure that the Eloi continue to live their utopian existence – as feed lot cattle
Cattle
Cattle are the most common type of large domesticated ungulates. They are a prominent modern member of the subfamily Bovinae, are the most widespread species of the genus Bos, and are most commonly classified collectively as Bos primigenius...
.
The 1954 novel Search the Sky
Search the Sky (SF novel)
Search the Sky is a satirical science fiction novel written by Frederik Pohl and Cyril M. Kornbluth and first published in 1954 by Ballantine Books.-Plot summary:...
, by Kornbluth and Frederik Pohl, is a series of vignettes of odd cultures seen through the eyes of an explorer from one of the cultures trying to find out what has happened to the others. The final section involves a visit to Earth, which has succumbed to the "Marching Morons" effect. Eventually the explorer contacts the "elite" who are actually running the society, but in this story the elite are unwilling to take any kind of drastic action to reduce population (including withdrawing so everyone else starves).
A similar plot appears in the 1980 novel The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe is the second book in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy comedy science fiction trilogy of five by Douglas Adams. It was originally published by Pan Books as a paperback. The book was inspired by the song "Grand Hotel" by British rock band Procol Harum...
by Douglas Adams
Douglas Adams
Douglas Noel Adams was an English writer and dramatist. He is best known as the author of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which started life in 1978 as a BBC radio comedy before developing into a "trilogy" of five books that sold over 15 million copies in his lifetime, a television...
. The Golgafrinchans have tricked the most useless third of their population to get on a spaceship and leave their home planet Golgafrincham; unfortunately, since the Golgafrinchans included telephone sanitizers on their list of most useless people, and no one was left behind who was willing to do any cleaning, the rest of the planet was killed by a contagious disease contracted from a dirty telephone.
The Simpsons
The Simpsons
The Simpsons is an American animated sitcom created by Matt Groening for the Fox Broadcasting Company. The series is a satirical parody of a middle class American lifestyle epitomized by its family of the same name, which consists of Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie...
1999 "Treehouse of Horror X
Treehouse of Horror X
"Treehouse of Horror X" is the fourth episode of The Simpsons eleventh season, and the tenth annual Treehouse of Horror episode, consisting of three self-contained segments. It first aired on the Fox network in the United States on Halloween 1999. In "I Know What You Diddily-Iddily-Did", the...
" segment "Life's a Glitch, Then You Die", had the Earth facing destruction due the Y2K bug. While the most intelligent elite of Earth escape to Mars, all of Earth's useless celebrities are tricked into boarding a spaceship locked into crashing into the sun.
John Barlow's "suspended animation by botched surgery" would be used as a major plot element in Woody Allen
Woody Allen
Woody Allen is an American screenwriter, director, actor, comedian, jazz musician, author, and playwright. Allen's films draw heavily on literature, sexuality, philosophy, psychology, Jewish identity, and the history of cinema...
's 1973 comedy science-fiction film, Sleeper
Sleeper (film)
Sleeper is a 1973 futuristic science fiction comedy film, written by Woody Allen and Marshall Brickman, and directed by Allen. The plot involves the adventures of the owner of a Greenwich Village, NY health food store played by Woody Allen who is cryogenically frozen in 1973 and defrosted 200...
, where the protagonist Monroe (played by Allen) enters the story in a similar fashion and with similar demands.
The Marching Morons presents an inane radio game show, "Take It and Stick It," that uses the phrases, "Would you buy that for a quarter?" and "Would you buy it for a quarter?" as its signature. The 1987 dystopian comedy, RoboCop
RoboCop
RoboCop is a 1987 American science fiction-action film directed by Paul Verhoeven. Set in a crime-ridden Detroit, Michigan in the near future, RoboCop centers on a police officer who is brutally murdered and subsequently re-created as a super-human cyborg known as "RoboCop"...
(which presented a similarly cynical view of an over-commercialized future desensitized to violence) makes an allusion to the line, adjusted for inflation, as the catchphrase of a TV comedian ("I'd buy that for a dollar!").
The 2006 comedy movie Idiocracy
Idiocracy
Idiocracy is a 2006 American film, a satirical science fiction comedy, directed by Mike Judge and starring Luke Wilson, Maya Rudolph, Dax Shepard, and Terry Crews....
adds a few twists to the "Marching Moron" effect: in this story, two subjects participating in a suspended-animation experiment ("the most average guy" in the U.S. Army and a common prostitute) sleep for 500 years, only to awaken in a future so incredibly dumbed-down that the ability to give the answer to "2 + 3" qualifies one as a genius. The cultural elite has become extinct, but the decaying society is kept somewhat functional by machines, and the government is actually run on behalf of a few mega-corporations. These corporations are staffed and directed by morons with the limited aid of management computers programmed during the more intelligent past.
See also
- Fertility and intelligenceFertility and intelligenceFertility and intelligence research investigates the relationship between fertility and intelligence. Demographic studies have indicated that in humans, fertility and intelligence tend to be inversely correlated, that is to say, the more intelligent, as measured by IQ tests, exhibit a lower total...
- Flynn effectFlynn effectThe Flynn effect is the name given to a substantial and long-sustained increase in intelligence test scores measured in many parts of the world. When intelligence quotient tests are initially standardized using a sample of test-takers, by convention the average of the test results is set to 100...
- Harrison BergeronHarrison Bergeron"Harrison Bergeron" is a satirical, dystopian science fiction short story written by Kurt Vonnegut Jr. and first published in October 1961. Originally published in The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, the story was re-published in the author's collection Welcome to the Monkey House in...
- The Space MerchantsThe Space MerchantsThe Space Merchants is a science fiction novel, written by Frederik Pohl and Cyril M. Kornbluth in 1952. Originally published in Galaxy Science Fiction magazine as a serial entitled Gravy Planet, the novel was first published as a single volume in 1953, and has sold heavily since...
- The Gene BombThe Gene BombThe Gene Bomb is a 1996 book by David E. Comings, self-published by Hope Press, that puts forth the theory that higher education and advanced technology may unintentionally favor the selection of genes that increase the likelihood of ADHD, autism, drug addiction, learning disorders, and behavior...
- A Day Without A MexicanA Day Without a MexicanA Day Without a Mexican is a 2004 film directed by Sergio Arau.A Day Without a Mexican, opened on May 14, 2004 in limited release throughout Southern California and on September 17 in theaters in Chicago, Texas, Florida and New York City, is a fantasy in which all Mexicans in the U.S...
- The City Without JewsThe City Without JewsDie Stadt ohne Juden is an Austrian Expressionist film made in 1924 by H. K. Breslauer, based on the book of the same title by Hugo Bettauer. The film is one of the few surviving Expressionist films from Austria, and has therefore been well researched...