DuckTales Quotations

[1] Treasure of the Golden Suns, Part I: Don't Give Up The Ship

Donald: Now, while I'm in the Navy, boys, you mind your Uncle Scrooge.

Huey: But he's so cheap!

Donald: Yeah. But he's family. Okay, Huey?

Huey: Yes, Uncle Donald.

Donald: No back talk, Dewey.

Dewey: No, Uncle Donald.

Donald: Louie, be good. And no stink bombs.

Louie: Uh, yes and no, Uncle Donald.

Scrooge: Donald, you can't be serious about this crazy idea. There's no profit in it.

Donald: But I've already enlisted, Uncle Scrooge. I wanna see the world!

Scrooge: So I'll buy you a globe.

Huey, Dewey and Louie: We missed you, Uncle Scrooge!

Scrooge: Missed me?! What'd you throw at me?

Scrooge: What happened to Duckworth?

Huey: Uh... he got tied up.

Duckworth: (rolled up in a rug) This is definitely going to delay dinner.

Scrooge: (waking up on hearing an alarm) Robbers! Thieves! Politicians!

Bigtime: As near as I can figure, we've hit Scrooge's money-bin 299 times.

Bouncer: Well, 300's the charm!

[2] Treasure of the Golden Suns, Part II: Wronguay in Ronguay

Scrooge: Excuse me, my good man, we need some transportation to-

Shop owner: No! All out! Go! Monsapi soon!

Scrooge: Monsapi? Must be some sort of local festival.

Dewey: How do you say "Cool your jets" in Spanish?

Louie: UNCLE SCROOGE! YOU'RE IN QUICKSAND!

Scrooge: Oh, good, I thought I was getting weak... QUICKSAND?!

Dewey: Are you all right?

Scrooge: Fortunately, I landed on my wallet.

El Capitan: I found it! My log-book! Twenty yards of gold cloth... check. Eighteen gold chalices.. check. Four thousand...

Huey: Why, that guy acts like he used to own this ship!

Flintheart Glomgold: It's been fun, Scroogie, but it's time we parted ways.

[He starts lowering the life-boat; El Capitan grabs the gold Conquistador hat off Scrooge's head.]

El Capitan: One golden helmet... check.

Scrooge: I'll get even with you, Glomgold!

Glomgold: Now that I'M the richest duck in the world, you're welcome to try! But I don't want ye to go away empty-handed! (tosses a gold coin to Scrooge) Here. Don't say I'm not a good winner! (laughs)

El Capitan: AAAAHH! My gold! You threw away my gold! (points cannon at Glomgold and lights the fuse) Swim out there and toss it back! Your usefulness is at an end!

Glomgold: So, you want to play rough! (flips cannon around) Ha! Got you, you old weezer!

El Capitan: No! I've waited too long!

[He tries to push the cannon back the other way, with Glomgold struggling against it on the other side.]

Glomgold: Give up!

El Capitan: No, no! The gold... it is my life!

[The cannon goes off while pointing straight up...]

Glomgold: Uh-oh....

[The cannonball crashes down onto the ship's deck, going straight through the hull. Water spouts up through the hole.

Glomgold: You idiot! We're over the deepest trench in the ocean!

El Capitan: Not again! I can't lose my gold again!

Scrooge: You'd make a great sailor, Flintheart - on a submarine!

[3] Treasure of the Golden Suns, Part III: Three Ducks of the Condor

Scrooge: Don't move a feather! Now where are all these governesses I'm supposed to choose from?

Mrs. Beakley: Right here, Mr. McDuck. I'm Bentina Beakley.

Scrooge: You don't look tough enough for the job.

Huey: She's not, Unca Scrooge!

Mrs. Beakley: Then why am I the only applicant still here, Master Huey?

Louie: He's not Huey. I am.

Mrs. Beakley: Now that's a fib, Master Louie. Isn't it?

Louie: Rats! How'd she tell us apart?

Scrooge: Great Scott, look at all these gadgets! Who am I gonna get to fly this monstrosity?

Gyro: Well, there is one pilot stupid- er, I mean, capable enough to handle this new aircraft.

Scrooge: Oh, no. Not...

Gyro: Launchpad McQuack!

Launchpad McQuack: MAYDAY! MAYDAY! I'm losing control!

Air Traffic Control: Bail out, McQuack, bail out! You don't have a chance!

Launchpad: Launchpad McQuack, bail out? NEVER! Parachutes make me airsick!

Gyro: (after Launchpad crashes) You know, he really wasn't a bad guy. A bad pilot, yes, but not a bad guy.

Donald: What's the big idea, ya stupid hotshot?!

Launchpad: What's the matter with his voice? Did I grab him by the neck or somethin'?

Scrooge: Donald! Go help Launchpad before you blow this deal!

Donald: But I wanna-

Scrooge: Now, Donald!

Donald: Hmph! You're as bossy as he is!

Launchpad: (trying to fly a condor) I hate flyin' coach!

Launchpad: Well, the engines are busted, but those condors gave me an idea! Trouble is... I don't know how to get 'er off the ground.

Donald: You leave that to me!

Launchpad: Great! You handle the takeoff!

Donald: Okay!

Launchpad: Things must be worse than I thought... I'm beginning to understand him!

[4] Treasure of the Golden Suns, Part IV: Cold Duck

Launchpad: Hey, nice landing! On a scale of one to ten, I'd give it a C+!

Louie: Webs, don't fail me now!

[5] Treasure of the Golden Suns, Part V: Too Much Of A Gold Thing

Webby: Gee! An escalator!

Mrs. Beakley: No, dear. This is an older model. We have to walk up these.

El Capitan: I've waited 400 years for this!

Mrs. Beakley: 400 YEARS?! Y-You're mad!

El Capitan: Mad? Of course I'm mad! I'm mad for GOLD!

[6] Send in the Clones

Magica: This time, nothing will stand in the way of what I want most in the world!

Poe: What? To turn me back into a man?

Bigtime: Thanks for sneakin' us outta jail, Magica. We was gettin' bored waitin' for our time to run out!

Magica: How long was your sentence?

Bigtime: Life.

Bigtime (as Dewey): Hey Babyface]], get this crazed dame offa me!

Mrs. Beakley: (gasps) That's the last movie you go to! The language you come back with!

Mrs. Beakley: (holding the disguised Beagle Boys up to a mirror) There now, don't you look nice? Just like the Beagle Boys... THE BEAGLE BOYS??!

Scrooge: Why don't I show you my study? You can tell a lot about a man by his study. Meticulous study, meticulous business, I always say.

[opens door, but hears an explosion and sees safe dropping into study]

Bigtime (as Dewey): Uh-oh...

Scrooge: (slams door shut) Forget the study! You can never tell a thing about a man by his study, I always say.

Webra Walters: Excuse me, Mrs. Beakwey, my weaders deserve a weal scoop. What's Scwooge weawwy wike?

Magica (as Mrs. Beakley): He is fool.

Webra: And what about the boys?

Magica (as Mrs. Beakley): More fools! And I was a fool for ever springing them from jail!

Scrooge: This'll make a nice cover photo for Duckweek - Scrooge and his nephews... (Burger turns back to normal) ...playing Beagle Boys and Indians. BEAGLE BOYS??!"

Poe: (after Babyface accidentally turns Magica into a raven) Well well, how does it feel now?

Scrooge: I didn't get rich by being stupid.

[10] Robot Robbers

Ma Beagle The long arm of the law is no match for the big foot of the Ma!

[15] Duckman of Aquatraz

Scrooge: A deal this sweet should be against the law.

Police Officer: Scrooge McDuck, you're under arrest!

Scrooge: Good joke, officer. I guess it is against the law.

(as fight breaks out)

Prison Guard: What's going on here?!

Scrooge: Oh, uh, nothing, officer! Me and the other inmates were just, uh... learning a new dance routine! (demonstrates)

[The guard leaves.]

Mad Dog McGurk: He coulda ratted on us. Maybe that McDuck ain't such a bad guy after all.

Prisoner: He ain't a bad dancer, either.

(Scrooge is arm-wrestling the other inmates in quick succession)

Scrooge: (wins) Next. (wins) Next. (wins) Next.

Mad Dog McGurk: (rubbing his hand) Geez, how'd you get so strong, McDuck?

Scrooge: Lifting moneybags.

Prisoner: I lifted some moneybags once... right before they threw me in here.

Prison Guard: Okay, guys, visiting day!

Prisoner: Great! Can I visit Brazil? (laughter)

[19] Hero for Hire

Bankjob: We gotta get out of here!

Beagle Boys: YEAH!

Bankjob: We gotta get out of here!

Beagle Boys: YEAH!

Bankjob: We gotta get out of here and into Scrooge's money bin!

Beagle Boys: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!

Babyface: (after he, Bankjob, and Bugle go flying out of Ma Beagle's car and into a paddy wagon) See what happens when you don't wear your seat belts?

[21] Maid of the Myth

Viking 1: Feeding the prisoners to the sharks isn't any fun.

Viking 2: It is for the sharks!

[25] Pearl of Wisdom

Yardarm: (to Sharky) A plan worthy of a master criminal — all you're missing is a little diabolical laughter.

[30] Home Sweet Homer

Scrooge: Your Uncle Donald's done something right for a change. By accident, of course.

[36] Catch as Cash Can, Part I: A Drain On The Economy

Bouncer: "Ain't it a little early for Thanksgiving? (referring to Glomgold's way of bailing the Beagles out of prison)

[37] Catch as Cash Can, Part II: A Whale Of A Bad Time

Scrooge: (upon hearing that boats carrying his cash were swallowed by a whale) A sea monster ate my ice creeeeeeeam!!!

Security guard: I don't care if you're Frosty the Snowman's sisters. Mr. McDuck left explicit instructions for nobody to be let in, and that means you nobodies, too!

[38] Catch as Cash Can, Part III: Aqua Ducks

[The ducks are imprisoned in an undersea city.]

Launchpad McQuack: Say, why don't we find ourselves some spoons, and dig our way out of here?

Scrooge McDuck: Launchpad, how did you ever manage to survive childhood?

[40] Merit-Time Adventure

Captain Mallard: My first mate Quackerbill was swallowed alive, which means he no longer is. You all sailed with good old Quackerbill! Remember what he always used to say?

Entire Room: ARRR...

Captain Mallard: Besides that!

[43] Time Teasers

[Huey restarts times after thwarting the robbery]

Babyface: Hey, the money!

[the officer gets up and starts blasting his pistol at the Beagle Boys]

Bankjob: Wha-?! How'd he get loose?! Eh, take this copper!

[but instead of the pistol, he has a hot dog, which splatters out of his hand]

Babyface: Huh?!

Bankjob: Let's get out of here!

[the Beagle boys trip and fall over due to their shoes being tied together]

Babyface: Yow!

Bankjob: Oof!

Babyface: What the..!

Bankjob: Aah!

[they squirm towards their car while the officer continues firing at them]

Louie: Gee, they got away.

Dewey: Well, at least we stopped the robbery.

[after Scrooge explains their plan]

Bankjob: Hey! How come we gotta be the ones to stay behind and keep 'em busy?

Scrooge: Because you're too stupid to hook up Gyro's time tub!

Bankjob: All right, all right, just asking.

[51] Magica's Magic Mirror / Take Me Out of the Ball Game

Launchpad: I can't break their little hearts, Mr. McDee — you do it!

[57] The Uncrashable Hindentanic

Scrooge: (to Glomgold) Let's just say I'll invest a million in your company if I lose, and you invest a million in my company when I win.

[58] The Status Seekers

Scrooge: (on being told that a ballroom is only for "important" people) Well, I don't know about status, but I own this hotel.

[62] Spies in Their Eyes

Seaman: What are your orders, admiral?

Admiral Grimitz: Somebody do something!

[65] Till Nephews Do Us Part

Webby: If Millionara offered me an apple in the forest, I sure wouldn't eat it!

Goldie: You say "I do," and I'll show you the breeze of my shotgun!

Goldie: You no-good varmint! I'll teach ya to lay eyes on another woman!

Launchpad: Oops! That darn eject button is always getting in the way!

[67] Time is Money, Part II: The Duck Who Would Be King

Launchpad: Gee, she's nice. Do you think I made an impression?

Huey: What? When you knocked over the statue, or when you ran into the door?

Launchpad: All three.

Bubba: Skooge home?

Scrooge: No, Bubba, no home. Och, I'm starting to talk like him. Launchpad, how soon can we get back in the air?

Launchpad: It's in pretty deep, Mr. McDee. We're gonna need help.

Bubba: Bubba help.

Scrooge: You've helped enough already. Boys, you stay here.

Bubba: Bubba come?

Scrooge: No, Bubba stay. Launchpad come.

[68] Time is Money, Part III: Bubba Trubba

Burger: Hey look, it's Ma! She musta broke outta jail!

Bouncer: That's not Ma; it's Bigtime.

Burger: Oh yeah; Ma's beard is darker.

Glomgold: (seeing Scrooge on the news) Quick, give me something to throw!

(Bouncer gives him a vase, that Glomgold throws into the TV)

Glomgold: AAH! That vase is worth a quarter-million dollars!

Bouncer: Not anymore!

Scrooge: Gyro was right; Bubba's already costing me money! I've got to get him away from here. I know - you can take care of him!

Louie: But we gotta go to school!

Scrooge: Fine! Take 'im to school. Take 'im to the zoo. Take 'im to the cleaners! But just take 'im away from me!

(at the Natural History Museum)

Tour Guide: Scientists say that the Triceratops was a slow-moving, gentle creature.

(Bubba and Tootsie come charging through the room, wreaking havoc)

Tour Guide: ...But what do they know?

[69] Time is Money, Part IV: Ducks On The Lam

[The Beagle Boys have taken over Scrooge's money bin, and Scrooge assembles an army outside to storm the bin.]

Glomgold: Aw, what happened? Did you lose your key?

Scrooge: Has anyone ever told you you're a deceitful, lying vulture?

Glomgold: Aw, now you make me blush. But times a wasting! You owe me ten million dollars by noon tomorrow, or you can kiss your diamond mine goodbye! (his car speeds off)

Scrooge: Ohh, YOU...! YOU...!

(wheels around and points his cane at the bin)

Scrooge: CHAAAAAAARGE!

Glomgold: (chasing Bubba and Tootsie) I'll get you, laddie, and your little dinosaur too!

Duckworth: And therefore, in the words of the immortal Shakespeare, "hit the road, Jack!"

[70] Time is Money, Part V: Ali Bubba's Cave

Scrooge: Launchpad! You actually brought us down without crashing!

Launchpad: Oh, great! There goes my reputation!

Glomgold: Soon this cave will be mine, unfair and square!

[71-75] Super DuckTales

Scrooge: A day without looking at me Money Bin is like a day without sunshine!

Scrooge: (after alien robots steal the Money Bin) You haven't seen the last of me, you purse snatchers from space!

Ma Beagle: If you don't like how I drive, get outta the hallway!

Ma Beagle: Burger, if you don't control that appetite, I'm going to lose control of the car! (Burger jumps out)

Burger: (ridiculous order, to a disguised GizmoDuck)

GizmoDuck: That'll be a large bag of dimes, please. (Burger hands over the stolen bag of dimes)

GizmoDuck: Thanks, sucker!

Fenton: Hey, Ma! Look what I'm wearing!

Ma Crackshell: Fenton, did you join a heavy metal band?

Fenton: Of course you know, this means a skirmish.

Ma Beagle: (chasing Huey, Dewey & Louie) Come back with that cash!

Burger: (follows) Come back with those desserts!

Ma Beagle: How dare you steal what my boys rightfully stole first!

Fenton: Together we can turn the financial world upside down!

Scrooge: Do you mind if we start with my clothes?

Launchpad: (on walkie-talkie) Launchpad to Mr. McDee, Launchpad to Mr. McDee. The Money Bin and I are a on a roll.

Scrooge: Just make sure you don't roll into anything. (hears some noises over the walky-talky) What's all that racket?

Launchpad: Eh, nothing to be concerned about. Just a little fender-bender, that's all.

Scrooge: (hears people screaming) Why are people screaming?

Launchpad: Ah, the sissies never saw a shopping mall collapse before. But don't worry; I'm OK!

Scrooge: How far are you from the mountain I bought?

Launchpad: I'd say about an hour, give or take a crash or two. Ooh, kiss that billboard goodbye. Launchpad, over and out!

Ma Beagle: You goofs! What am I supposed to do with an empty Money Bin?! Live in it, like the old lady in the shoe?

Bigtime: It's bad enough that Jack Frost is nipping at my nose without youse guys bloodyin' it!

Fenton: The Money Bin's full! Your frozen assets are now lukewarm.

Scrooge: Good, Fenton! Every last dime's been accounted for?

Fenton: Yup! Except for the dime I used to make this call.

Scrooge: Dime? What dime?!

Fenton: Oh, just an old shiny one.

Scrooge: In a glass case?!

Fenton: Yeah, but I'll pay you back.

Scrooge: That was the first dime I ever earned, you idiot! Why else would it be in a case?!

Fenton: Blatherin' blatherskite! I thought it was for emergency phone calls!

Scrooge: Get it back, now! Or you're FIRED! (phone explodes in Fenten's face)

Fenten: I think he's mad.

Ma Beagle: Oh, I've always wanted a pink Thunderduck! Let's borrow it... permanently!

City Official: This is worse than the terrorists who held the city attorney hostage with an accordian!

Fenton: Uh, hi! I'm your new neighbor! Could I borrow the proverbial cup of sugar?

Ma Beagle: Uh, well, uh, I don't have a proverbial cup. Will a tin one do?

Fenton It must be something you said; a secret word. Here goes - uh, "Ducks of Hazard." Uh, "now look what you've done!" ...Oh, blatherin' blatherskite! What could it be!?

Fenton: (in disguise) Hi, Ma! It's me, Bermuda Beagle, back from being lost for 20 years in the Bermuda Triangle!

Ma Beagle: Bermuda Beagle? I don't remember a son named Bermuda. 'Course, I got more boys than a toad has warts!

Fenton: Ah, the old place looks just like I remember it!

Baggy: Ahhh, but we didn't live here 20 years ago.

Fenton: B-but what does it matter? The point is, we were together, a family. And by golly, any low-down worm that disagrees, he'll just have to take it up or we'll forklift it out of his hide. Speaking of hide, let's Beagle-bond a bit with a rousing game of hide-and-seek!

Burger: Ooh, ooh, goody! Who's gonna be it?

Fenton: Let's flip for it! Heads I win, tails you lose. Anybody got a bag full of dimes we could use?

Ma Beagle: Hold it, you canine counterfiet! Look at this family photo. No Bermuda!

Fenton: Uh, would you believe I was adopted?

Ma Beagle: Oh, this party is a dream come true! Who'd have thought I'd be hob-knobbing with Duckburg's finest?

Bigtime: What're you talkin' about, Ma? You've been in most of their homes before.

Ma Beagle: Yeah, but only to swipe their silverware.

Fenton: Wakey-wakey. Hello, little boy. I'm the Tooth Fairy, and have I got a deal for you.

Baggy: Uh, really?
Fenton: Yes. If you give me that bag of dimes, I'll give you this bag of teeth.

Bigtime: Better hang onto those - I think you're gonna need 'em!

Duckworth: Announcing a dripping dunderhead, sir!

GizmoDuck: Gandra! Would you believe you've stolen my heart?

Gandra: So is that any reason to steal my car?

Ma Beagle: It's thieves like them who are making the world a lousy place to live for thieves like us!

Launchpad: What's more important, a couple of quadrillion dollars or your life?

Scrooge: Is this a multiple-choice question?

[77] Allowance Day

Scrooge: Fenton, it's Saturday! You were supposed to sign that lease extension yesterday!

Fenton: That's what I don't understand, Mr. McDuck! I flew out here yesterday, but when I arrived, it was already tomorrow. Talk about your long flights!

Scrooge: Wait a minute. You did leave yesterday, which was Thursday. That means today should be Friday!

Fenton: Right now, I'd be happy if it was Tuesday and this was Belgium!

General Chiquita: It's your last day, McDuck! For assaulting the president of the Banana Republic, I order you and your amigo here shot at high noon!

Fenton: Is that high noon on Friday, or Saturday?

Fenton: But I'm too young to die! And too nice! And much, much too nervous!

Scrooge: What's going on? High noon isn't for another hour!

General Chiquita: I thought I would save you needless anguish by moving up the execution.

Fenton: But, but I was just starting to enjoy my anguish!

Fenton: Friends, Romans, and banana lovers! I regret that I have but one life to give to your ridiculous country!

[82] Dough Ray Me

Scrooge: Fenton, you're a genuine genius!

Fenton: Oh, I bet you say that to all the genuine geniuses.

[83] Bubba's Big Brainstorm

Scrooge: (after Bubba causes a stack of books to fall down) Well, you get an "A" in home wreckonomics.

[87] Beaglemania

Scrooge: Well, you're no-good, low-down degenerates who belong behind bars, but... keep up the good work!

Ma Beagle: Just shut up and suffer for your art!

[88] Yuppy Ducks

Dr. von Swine: Now I must go! I have a one o'clock beak transplant, and I can't keep the patient waiting or she won't pay for her bill.

[96] The Duck Who Knew Too Much

Fenton: (on climbing under a moving train) Kids, don't try this at home!

Scrooge: Waiter! There's an airplane in my soup!

Fenton: If I have to, I'll save Mr. McDuck's money armed only with my wits! And no cracks about going into battle unarmed!

Ma Crackshell: (watching a soap opera) Oh, Valerie, don't marry Drake! He's a cad, a scoundrel; not to mention he's a beakened gizzard.

[99-100] The Golden Goose

Webby: Duckworth, have you seen Hewey, Dewey and Louie?

Duckworth: No, Miss Webigail, my morning has been quite calm.

Comic stories

Glomgold: I know that Scrooge. I bet he's going to steal the sidewalks... or change the traffic lights, from red and green to vermillion and polka dot.

Glomgold: And who are you, little lady?

Magica: I'm no lady, I'm Magica DeSpell, the most evil sorceress in the world, and Scrooge's worst enemy.

Glomgold: I'm sorry, but I'm Scrooge's worst enemy.

Magica: Ha! I'm twice the enemy you are. I hate him.

Glomgold: Well, I hate him more than you do!

Magica: Yeah? Well, I hate him more than ring-around-the-cauldron!

Glomgold: I hate him more than an I.R.S. audit in August!

Magica: I'll turn you into a tongue-tied tree toad, you old buzzard. I'm more evil than ten of you!

Fair official: Scrooge McDuck, you didn't pay for your rides on the ferris wheel, airplane, or water slide. You owe us two dollars and fifty-nine cents!

Scrooge: Just for three little rides? (sigh) I could've bought seven new hats for the price of this one! (double sigh)

Baggy: Scroogie got hold of some kind of treasure map, and he's taking off with his nephews tomorrow for the Artichoke!

Bigtime: Not the Artichoke, idiot! The Arctic!

Baggy: So? What's the difference?

Bigtime: The Arctic is an ocean and an artichoke is a vegetable, dimwit!

Baggy: Boy, are you smart! It's no wonder they call you Bigtime around here!

Bigtime: They'll be calling you "Toothless" if you don't put me down!

Glomgold: I've signed a whopping million dollar contract to write a book on my space odyssey! I'll make even more on the movie rights!

Scrooge: Burst me bagpipes and tan me tartans! If it wasn't for me, you'd still be stuck on that miserable planet!

Glomgold: I'm a fair man... I'll give you a one-line mention in the book!

Scrooge: (when aliens steal his cuff links) Oh no, you don't! Not unless you've got eightteen quadrillion bucks! And FIFTY CENTS!

Launchpad: Trapezium can be synthesized out of almost anything! Trouble is, it's not usually worth the effort! You can pick 'em up for a nickel over in St. Canard! I know this screwy duck and his daughter over there...

Scrooge: Hold still, Magica! I get extra points for evil sorceress in this game!

Fenton: Yipes! What do I do next? I'm no Launchpad! I can't fly!"

Baggy: Geez! I ain't scrubbed so much since the reform school graduation dance!

Scrooge: Confound you, Launchpad! You knocked the top off another pyramid!

Launchpad: (gulp) Sorry, sir! At least now they're a matched set!

Launchpad: $6.17? You dragged me away from my nap just to collect a dinky sum like that?

Scrooge: (as Magica tries to steal his Number One Dime) Why, oh why couldn't that woman have a fetish for rutabagas, or something?

Glomgold: What's this world coming to when you'd rather watch TV than argue with your greatest enemy?

Magica: It's not nice to fire at a lady! And it's incredibly stupid to shoot at a witch!

Scrooge: You let us go right now or I'm going to buy this place and tear it down to build hamburger stands!

DuckTales the Movie: Treasure of the Lost Lamp

Launchpad: Please put your seats back in the upright positions.

Scrooge: Just put the plane in an upright position!

Scrooge: Ah, nothing but old robes. 40 years of searching, and I end up with Collie Baba's dirty laundry!

Webby: Well, at least the box is pretty, Uncle Scrooge.

Merlock: At last, after all these centuries, the lamp will be mine again!

Dijon: Yes, yes! You will be more powerful than... than... locomotives! More faster than speedy bulls! You will leap all buildings in a single town!

Merlock: Now, give it to me.

Dijon: Give? What give?

Merlock: The map; give it to me.

Dijon: De map? Dat specific map? Right here, right now?

Merlock: (grabs Dijon by the collar) You didn't steal it?!

Dijon: Too many people, Merlock. Only one Dijon. But look what I did steal - several billfolds... dis handy pocket watch... floss... and date nut bar... and two tickets to the feta cheese festival. For you, master. (Merlock drops him) Maybe you do not want the floss?

Launchpad: Maybe we took a wrong turn at that last sand dune.

Scrooge: (after Launchpad's camel trips over a pyramid tip) Launchpad! Can't you even ride a camel without crashing it?

Dewey: Think we'll see a mummy?

Dijon: That reminds me - my mummy's expecting me; it's time for my nap.

Dijon: Is there a doctor in the pyramid?

Louie: Where ya gonna keep all this treasure, Unca Scrooge?

Scrooge: Oh, I won't keep it all, Louie. Most of these artifacts will go to museums.

Huey: That doesn't sound like Unca Scrooge.

Scrooge: That way, I can enjoy a hefty tax break!

Huey: That does!

Scrooge: (after Merlock and Dijon double-cross them) D'oh! I knew that rat's prices were too good to be true!

Launchpad: Forward, ho! (they crash into the wall) Reverse, ho!

Scrooge: If you don't stop crashing, I'll give you the heave ho!

Launchpad: Either the water's getting higher, or the roof is getting lower!

Merlock: They have vanished!

Dijon: B-but how?

Merlock: With the lamp, you fool! And you help me get it back! (dangles Dijon over the giant scorpions) Or their sting will seem like a tickle compared with mine!

Scrooge: I cannot work, Mrs. Featherby. I'm going home!

Mrs. Featherby: But what about your lunch?

Scrooge: Sell it!

Webby: As soon as I'm done polishing my tea pot, we can have a tea party with all my dollies!

Huey: Thanks for the warning.

Genie: Finally, room to stretch! My foot's been asleep for six centuries.

Genie: Whoo, cold food closet! Where do you hang the chickens?

Genie: (fighting with an egg beater) Back! Back, you foul egg!

Genie: (reading an encyclopedia) Las Vegas must be some place if Caesar moved his palace there!

Genie: (seeing a globe) Hey, what's this? A baseball? A bowling ball? Cinderella's ball?

Huey: It's a globe of the earth.

Genie: Get out! You mean the world isn't flat? I must have missed that part.

Louie: Boy, he has been in that lamp a long time.

Huey: Wait a second! What about our wishes?

Genie: Wishes? Do I look like a birthday cake?

Louie: Aw, c'mon, you can't fool us! A Genie's supposed to grant wishes.

Webby: Yeah! Three wishes for every master.

Genie: Oh, darn! Everybody remembers that part.

Louie: I'll have the first wish! I'm gonna wish for a million wishes!

Genie: Get serious! That never works.

Huey: Uh-oh! It's our nanny!

Louie: Hurry! Hide the elephant!

Dewey: Oh yeah, like where?

Scrooge: (after Mrs. Beakley swears there was a baby elephant in the library) Mrs. Beakley, is this a ploy to get some vacation time?

Genie: Not the lamp! Put me in a doghouse! A madhouse! Even a house of pancakes! ANYWHERE BUT THE LAMP!

Nephews: (sweetly) Hellooooooo, Unca Scrooge.

Webby: (sweetly) Hellooooooo, Unca Scrooge.

Scrooge: Don't you "Hellooooooo" me!

Huey: I wish for the world's biggest ice cream sundae. Uh, but not too big.

Genie: Ice cream sundae, come on down!

(Ice cream and whipped cream fall from the sky and land in the kiddie pool, but a giant cherry lands on Huey's head.)

Genie: Hmmm... gotta watch out for that wind shear.

Mrs. Beakley: Should I call the police?

Scrooge: Aye - to hold me down when those rascals get back! This time, they'll be grounded for a month! No video games, no television, and no more friends...!

(Huey whispers something to Genie, who zaps Scrooge)

Scrooge: ...for the night?

Kids: We're back!

Mrs. Beakley: Children, I think your uncle has something to say to you.

Scrooge: (stern) Aye... (loving) Welcome home! Can I get you and Gene anything? Cookies? Milk? Ice cream?

Huey: Uh, no thanks, Unca Scrooge. We're kinda full.

Webby: And sleepy.

Scrooge: That's because it's past your bedtime! Now scoot along, me we ones.

Huey, Dewey, Louie, & Webby: Good night, Unca Scrooge!

Genie: Nighty-night.

Scrooge: Sleep tight!

Duckworth: (deadpan) That's telling them, sir.

Huey: Your master was a bird?

Genie: A bird, snake, wolf. He can change into anything. He's an evil sorcerer!

Dewey: But he can't still be alive!

Louie: He'd be ancient.

Huey: Yeah! Older than Unca Scrooge, even.

Genie: Yeah. Except his first wish was to live forever.

Huey: Ooooh! Good wisher.

Genie: Nooooo - bad wisher. (sobbing) Oh, you don't know! He made me do the worst things.

Dewey: Like what?

Genie: Did you ever hear of Atlantis? It was everyone's favorite resort until Merlock couldn't get reservations. Then down she went! (sobbing harder) And poor Pompeii! Old Mt. Vesuvius would never have blown her top if Merlock hadn't blown his!

Louie: Well, maybe we should wish for the Talisman.

Genie: No, that's the one wish I can't do. You'd have to steal it from him yourself, and good luck!

[Merlock, as a hawk, flies over Scrooge's estate carrying Dijon]

Dijon There it is, Merlock, there it is! You can drop me off anywhere along here... (Merlock flies over a briar patch) B-but not there! Not there! Ahhhh! (Merlock drops him in the briar patch) Ow! That is going to leave a nasty mark!

Merlock: Then we begin our search...

Dijon: (climbing out of briar patch) But I am not a popular favorite in that house. Scrooge find me, he kill me!

Merlock: (knocks Dijon back into the briar patch) Then stay behind if you wish!

Scrooge: I told you, I'm not going to the ball!

Duckworth: But sir, I've already arranged for Launchpad to take you to the society's mountain lodge.

Scrooge: So cancel Launchpad! I'll not only save face, but my life as well.

Webby: Genie, you're going to love playing tea party.

Genie: I know, I've read all about it. Can I be the guy who dresses like an Indian and throws the tea off the boat?

Webby: No no no, silly, not a Boston Tea Party!

Mrs. Beakley: (attacking the transformed Merlock) Oh, eeyuck! I hate rats!

Genie: (after turning Webby's stuffed animals into living beings) Eh, eh, eh, cookies, anyone? Whoa! Feeding frenzy!

Mrs. Beakley: If there's anything I hate more than elephants in the house, it's rats! Here ratty, ratty, come to nanny... (sees the living toys coming her way) Ahhhh! This isn't a house, it's a zoo!

Genie: Wish them back, please!

Webby: I can't; that was my last wish!

Genie: Oh, I wish you hadn't have said that.

Duckworth: Oh dear, Launchpad isn't answering. He must be on his way. Won't you go, sir?

Scrooge: Aye, to work! Tell Launchpad he can take you to the ball.

Scrooge: (trying to catch his top hat, landed on top of the living toys) Since when does a hat have a mind of its own?

Duckworth: (as the toy inside Scrooge's hat zips around, taking Scrooge with it) Hold onto your hat, sir!

Dijon: Poor nosey!

Scrooge: Blow me bagpipes! He's a genie!

Mrs. Beakley: Does his mother know about this?

Scrooge: Heavenly heather! The genie in the magic lamp! The fortunes I could own! I could have the world's biggest diamond! No! The world's biggest diamond mine! No-no! All the diamond mines! No! The entire mining industry! Yes, yes, yes...! I can see that this is going to take some careful thought.

Duckworth: It's your ride, sir. Or should I say, my ride?

Genie: Music, food, guacamole! It's a party! Ha ha! Gotta boogie! Gotta bingo! I gotta get out of this lamp. Oh, please, please, please.

Scrooge: Can you keep quiet at all?

Genie: If you let me out, I'll be as quiet as a mouse, and just as small.

Scrooge: Oh, all right, all right. (lets Genie out)

Genie: Hey, look at us! A couple of single guys out on the town.

Scrooge: Guess again. (puts Genie in a shrub)

Genie: Hey!

Scrooge: You can watch the ball from here. Otherwise, you go back in the lamp.

Genie: But what if I win the door prize?

Dijon: Master, all this flip-flapping-- maybe we take the bus back?

Scrooge: (as Merlock smashes a hole in the door) He's got a bear?

Genie: HE IS THE BEAR!

(Scrooge and the Genie are both stuck in the lamp.)

Genie: I don't hear anything; I think they're gone.

Scrooge: Where are we?

Genie: Well, it's not exactly the Ritz.

Scrooge: Not the lamp?

Genie: Sorry about the smell. You get used to it after a couple hundred years. Could you move your elbow, please?

Scrooge: GET ME OUT OF HERE!

Genie: (does so) Do you have to yell at me all the time?

Scrooge: Hmph. I wouldn't be in this mess if it weren't for you. Thanks to you, I've got a crazy animal act on my tail!

Genie: That's right, blame the genie. It's not my fault Merlock's after me. I didn't ask to be Mr. Popular. All I want is a life of my own, like your nephews. With my own bike, a stack of comic books, a sled... maybe some ski equipment, a CD player, my own home video entertainment system-

Scrooge: All right, all right!

Scrooge: I've got to get you to my vault; it's the only safe place. Time to go back!

Genie: B-b-but you saw what a dump it is.

Scrooge: Sorry Genie, but the party's over.

Scrooge: Don't bother landing! I don't have time for any more disasters!

(Scrooge rushes into the money bin and shockingly finds Genie serving Dijon.)

Dijon: Good morning, Scrooge sir.

Scrooge: What's going on?!

Dijon: At the urging of my Genie, I have decided to seek my fortune.

Genie: I-I never thought he'd wish for your fortune, Mr. McDuck, I swear!

Scrooge: But th-the lamp? (looks at the lamp he's holding, which pours gravy on him) Gravy?

Dijon: (holds up the real lamp) That's right! I get the loot, you get the boot!

Scrooge: (being arrested by his own bin's security guards) Well, you can forget about this year's Christmas bonus!

Huey: Dijon has everything - the mansion, the factories...

Duckworth: Even your spat collection, sir.

Dijon: Everything smells more delicious when you're rich - even me!

Genie: Shouldn't we be bird-watching?

Dijon: Don't worry about Merlock. He would not dare to confront the great and powerful Dijon... Anyway, I don't think he knows about me yet.

Launchpad: I've got the bin at 12:00 high, Mr. McD! Give or take 10 minutes.

Dijon: Whoever said money cannot buy peace of mind must have had the brains of a garbanzo bean!

Scrooge: You maniac! Return the bin before I stuff that lamp down your throat!

Genie: (changed into a real boy) Now I can do all the things real boys do - run through fields! Play catch! Roll over! Wait, that's a dog.

Commerical Bumper

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