Love styles are models of how people love, originally developed by John Lee (1973, 1988).
He identified six basic love theories—also known as "colors" of love—that people use in their interpersonal relationships:
- Eros
Eros is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. The Modern Greek word "erotas" means " love". The term erotic is derived from eros.-Eros in the Greco-Roman tradition:...
– a passionate physical and emotional love based on aesthetic enjoyment; stereotype of romantic love
- Ludus – a love that is played as a game or sport; conquest
- Storge
Storge is the Greek word for natural affection, which applies to familial love—such as the love of a parent toward a child...
– an affectionate love that slowly develops from friendship, based on similarity
- Pragma – love that is driven by the head, not the heart; undemonstrative
- Mania – highly volatile love; obsession; fueled by low self-esteem
- Agape
Agape is one of several Greek words translated into English as love. Many have thought that this word represents divine, unconditional, self-sacrificing, active, volitional, and thoughtful love...
– selfless altruistic love; spiritual; motherly love
Clyde Hendrick and Susan Hendrick of
Texas Tech UniversityTexas Tech University, often referred to as Texas Tech or TTU, is a public, coeducational, research university in Lubbock, Texas, United States. Established on February 10, 1923, and originally known as Texas Technological College, it is the leading institution of the Texas Tech University System...
expanded on this theory in the mid-1980s with their extensive research on what they called "love styles". They have found that men tend to be more ludic, whereas women tend to be storgic and pragmatic. Mania is often the first love style teenagers display. Relationships based on similar love styles were found to last longer. People often look for people with the same love style as themselves for a relationship.
Eros
Akin to
limerenceLimerence refers to an involuntary cognitive and emotional state of intense romantic desire for another person. The term was coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov to describe the ultimate, near-obsessional form of romantic love....
, eros is literally the love of Beauty. It is a highly sensual style of love. Erotic lovers choose their lovers by intuition or "chemistry." They are more likely to say they fell in love at first sight than those of other love styles.
Erotic lovers view
marriageMarriage is a social union or legal contract between individuals that creates kinship. It is an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged by a variety of ways, depending on the culture or demographic...
as an extended
honeymoonA honeymoon is the traditional holiday taken by newlyweds to celebrate their marriage in intimacy and seclusion...
, and sex as the ultimate aesthetic experience. They tend to address their lovers with pet names, such as "sweetheart" or "honey". An erotic lover can be perceived as a hopeless romantic. Those of other love styles may see erotic lovers as unrealistic, or trapped in a fantasy.
The advantage of erotic love is the sentimentality of it. It is very relaxing to the person doing it. The disadvantage is the inevitableness of the decay in attraction, and the danger of living in a fantasy world. In its extreme, eros can resemble naivete.
Examples of Eros in movies include
The Blue LagoonThe Blue Lagoon is a 1980 English language romance and adventure film starring Brooke Shields and Christopher Atkins, produced and directed by Randal Kleiser. The screenplay by Douglas Day Stewart was based on the novel The Blue Lagoon by Henry De Vere Stacpoole...
,
Return to the Blue LagoonReturn to the Blue Lagoon is a 1991 English language romance and adventure film starring Milla Jovovich and Brian Krause, produced and directed by William A. Graham. The screenplay by Leslie Stevens was based on the novel The Garden of God by Henry De Vere Stacpoole. The original music score was...
,
Pretty WomanPretty Woman is a 1990 romantic comedy film. The film centers on down-on-her-luck prostitute Vivian Ward who is hired by a wealthy businessman and corporate raider, Edward Lewis to be his escort for several business functions, and their developing relationship.Pretty Woman was initially intended...
,
Working GirlWorking Girl is a 1988 romantic comedy film written by Kevin Wade and directed by Mike Nichols. It tells the story of a Staten Island-raised secretary, Tess McGill , working in the mergers and acquisitions department of a Wall Street investment bank...
,
Girl with a Pearl EarringGirl with a Pearl Earring is a 2003 United Kingdom/Luxembourg drama film directed by Peter Webber. The screenplay was adapted by screenwriter Olivia Hetreed based on the novel by Tracy Chevalier. The film stars Scarlett Johansson, Colin Firth, Tom Wilkinson and Cillian Murphy. The film is named...
,
Star WarsStar Wars is an epic space opera franchise initially conceived by George Lucas. The first film in the franchise was originally released on May 25, 1977, by 20th Century Fox, and became a worldwide pop culture phenomenon, spawning two immediate sequels, released at three-year intervals...
and
TitanicTitanic is a 1997 American romantic drama film directed, written, co-produced and co-edited by James Cameron about the sinking of the RMS Titanic. It stars Leonardo DiCaprio as Jack Dawson and Kate Winslet as Rose DeWitt Bukater, two members of different social classes who fall in love aboard the...
.
In a genetic study of 350 lovers, the Eros style was found to be present more often in those bearing the TaqI A1
alleleAn allele is one of a series of different forms of a gene. The word is a short form of allelomorph , which was used in the early days of genetics to describe variant forms of a gene detected as different phenotypes...
of the DRD2 3' UTR sequence and the overlapping ANKK1 exon 8. This allele has been proposed to influence a wide range of behaviors, favoring
obesityObesity is a medical condition in which excess body fat has accumulated to the extent that it may have an adverse effect on health, leading to reduced life expectancy and/or increased health problems...
and
alcoholismAlcoholism is a term with multiple and sometimes conflicting definitions. In common and historic usage, alcoholism is any condition that results in the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, despite health problems and negative social consequences...
but opposing
neuroticismNeuroticism is a fundamental personality trait in the study of psychology. It can be defined as an enduring tendency to experience negative emotional states. Individuals who score high on neuroticism are more likely than the average to experience such feelings as anxiety, anger, guilt, and clinical...
-anxiety and
juvenile delinquencyJuvenile delinquency refers to criminal acts performed by juveniles. Most legal systems prescribe specific procedures for dealing with juveniles, such as juvenile detention centers. There are a multitude of different theories on the causes of crime, most if not all of which can be applied to the...
. This genetic variation has been hypothesized to cause a reduced amount of pleasure to be obtained from a given action, causing people to indulge more frequently.
Ludus
Ludic lovers are players. More interested in quantity than quality of relationships, ludic lovers want to have as much fun as possible. Ludic lovers choose their partners by playing the field, and quickly recover from break-ups.
Ludic lovers tend to view marriage as a trap, and are the most likely of the love styles to commit infidelity. They might view children as a sign of fertility of the parent or of the masculinity of the father. They regard sex as a conquest or a sport, and they engage in relationships because they see them as a challenge.
The disadvantage of this love style is the likelihood of infidelity. In its extreme form, ludic love becomes promiscuity.
Examples of ludus in movies include
Dangerous LiaisonsDangerous Liaisons is a 1988 film directed by Stephen Frears and starring John Malkovich, Glenn Close, Michelle Pfeiffer and Uma Thurman. It is based upon a play by Christopher Hampton which in turn is based on the classic eighteenth-century novel Les Liaisons dangereuses, by Pierre Choderlos de...
and
Cruel IntentionsCruel Intentions is a 1999 American feature film starring Ryan Phillippe, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Reese Witherspoon, and Selma Blair. The movie is a comedic and dramatic appropriation of the 18th-century French epistolary novel Les Liaisons dangereuses by Laclos, but unlike other modern film...
.
Storge
Storgic lovers are friends first. Storgic love develops gradually out of friendship, and the friendship can endure beyond the breakup of the relationship. Storgic lovers choose their mates based on
homogamy-In Sociology:Homogamy refers to marriage between individuals who are, in some culturally important way, similar to each other. Homogamy may be based on socio-economic status, class, gender, ethnicity, or religion...
, and sometimes cannot pinpoint the moment that friendship turned to love. Storgic lovers want their significant others to also be their best friends.
Storgic lovers place much importance on commitment, and find their motivation to avoid committing infidelity is to preserve the trust between the partners. Children and marriage are seen as legitimate forms of their bond. Sex is of lesser importance than in some of the other love styles.
This involves respect and understanding for another person.
The advantage of storgic love is the level of intimacy between the partners. The disadvantage is the lack of passion.
Examples of storge in movies include
When Harry Met Sally...When Harry Met Sally... is a 1989 romantic comedy film written by Nora Ephron and directed by Rob Reiner. It stars Billy Crystal as Harry and Meg Ryan as Sally. The story follows the title characters from the time they meet just before sharing a cross-country drive, through twelve years or so of...
,
Love & BasketballLove & Basketball is a 2000 romantic drama film, written and directed by Gina Prince-Bythewood. This film stars Omar Epps and Sanaa Lathan...
and
Zack and Miri Make a PornoZack and Miri Make a Porno is a 2008 comedy film written and directed by Kevin Smith, and distributed by The Weinstein Company. It is Smith's second film not to be set within the View Askewniverse and the first not set in New Jersey...
.
Pragma
Pragmatic lovers are practical. Pragmatic lovers think rationally and realistically about their expectations in a partner, and select them via comparison shopping or shopping-list love. Pragmatic lovers want to find
valueA personal and cultural value is a relative ethic value, an assumption upon which implementation can be extrapolated. A value system is a set of consistent values and measures. A principle value is a foundation upon which other values and measures of integrity are based...
in their partners, and ultimately want to work with their partner to reach a common goal.
Pragmatic lovers will avoid infidelity to avoid adverse consequences, and carefully weigh the costs and rewards of a relationship. Pragmatic lovers view sex as a reward or a means of procreation, and view marriage and children as potential liabilities and assets.
The advantage of pragmatic love is practicality and realism. The disadvantage is un-demonstrativeness and lack of emotion. In its extreme form, pragma can become
prostitutionProstitution is the act or practice of engaging in sex acts for hire. In most cultures, prostitution is viewed by many as a deviant profession, either illegal or socially discouraged...
.
Examples of pragma in books and movies include
Ordinary PeopleOrdinary People is a 1980 American film drama that marked the directorial debut of Robert Redford. The story concerns the disintegration of an upper middle class family in Lake Forest, Illinois, following the death of the oldest son...
and Charlotte in
Pride and PrejudicePride and Prejudice is a novel by Jane Austen. First published on 28 January 1813, it was her second published novel. Its manuscript was initially written between 1796 and 1797 in Steventon, Hampshire, where Austen lived in the rectory...
.
Mania
Manic lovers often have low
self-esteemSelf-esteem is a term used in psychology to reflect a person's overall evaluation or appraisal of his or her own worth.Self-esteem encompasses beliefs and emotions...
, and place much importance on their relationship. Manic lovers speak of their partners in possessives and superlatives, and feel they "need" their partners. Love is a means of rescue, or a reinforcement of value. Manic lovers often discover their partners by haphazard means.
Manic lovers will avoid committing infidelity if they fear discovery. They view marriage as ownership, and children as either competition or a substitute for their lover. Sex is a reassurance of love. Manic lovers are often anxious or insecure, and can be extremely jealous. Manic lovers respond well to therapy, and often grow out of this style.
The advantage of manic love is intensity. The disadvantages include jealousy, obsessiveness, and insatiability. In its extreme, mania becomes addiction or codependency.
Extreme examples of mania in movies include
MiseryMisery is a 1990 American thriller from Columbia Pictures and Castle Rock Entertainment, based on the novel of the same name by Stephen King. Directed by Rob Reiner, the film received critical acclaim for Kathy Bates' performance as the psychopathic Annie Wilkes. Bates won both the Academy Award...
,
Fatal AttractionFatal Attraction is a 1987 thriller film about a married man who has a weekend affair with a woman who refuses to allow it to end and who becomes obsessed with him. It stars Michael Douglas, Glenn Close and Anne Archer. It was directed by Adrian Lyne...
,
Play Misty for MePlay Misty for Me is a 1971 psychological thriller film, directed by and starring Clint Eastwood, in his directorial debut. The original music score was composed by Dee Barton.-Plot overview:...
,
SwimfanSwimfan is a 2002 American psychological thriller film directed by John Polson and written by Charles F. Bohl and Phillip Schneider. Considered a Fatal Attraction for a teenage audience, the film stars contemporary youth icons Jesse Bradford, Erika Christensen, and Shiri Appleby. Early trailers...
,
Taxi DriverTaxi Driver is a film directed by Martin Scorsese and written by Paul Schrader. The movie is set in New York City, soon after the Vietnam War. The film stars Robert De Niro and features Albert Brooks, Harvey Keitel, Leonard Harris, Peter Boyle, Cybill Shepherd, and a young Jodie Foster...
,
The Office.
Agape
Agapic love is self-sacrificing, all-encompassing love. Agapic lovers are often spiritual or religious people. Agapic lovers view their partners as blessings, and wish to take care of them.
Agapic lovers will remain faithful to their partners to avoid causing them pain, and will often wait patiently for their partners after a break-up. Marriage and children are sacred trusts, and sex is a gift between two people. Agapic love believes itself to be unconditional, though lovers taking an agapic stance to relationships risk suffering from inattention to their own needs.
The advantage of agapic love is its generosity. A disadvantage is that it can induce feelings of guilt or incompetence in a partner. In its deviant form, agape becomes martyrdom.
Examples of agape in books and movies include
The Gift of the Magi"The Gift of the Magi" is a short story written by O. Henry , allegedly at Pete's Tavern on Irving Place in New York City.- Plot :...
by
O. HenryO. Henry was the pen name of American writer William Sydney Porter . O. Henry's short stories are well known for their wit, wordplay, warm characterization and clever twist endings.-Early life:...
, Penelope in
OdysseyThe Odyssey is one of two major ancient Greek epic poems attributed to Homer. It is, in part, a sequel to the Iliad, the other work traditionally ascribed to Homer. The poem is fundamental to the modern Western canon. Indeed it is the second—the Iliad being the first—extant work of...
,
The MissionThe Mission may refer to:Films and theater* The Mission , a 1986 film by Roland Joffé* The Mission , a.k.a. Cheung fo, by Johnnie To...
,
Somewhere in TimeSomewhere in Time is a 1980 time travel romance film directed by Jeannot Szwarc, written by Richard Matheson and starring Christopher Reeve, Jane Seymour, Christopher Plummer, Teresa Wright and featuring an early appearance by then-unknown William H. Macy...
,
TitanicTitanic is a 1997 American romantic drama film directed, written, co-produced and co-edited by James Cameron about the sinking of the RMS Titanic. It stars Leonardo DiCaprio as Jack Dawson and Kate Winslet as Rose DeWitt Bukater, two members of different social classes who fall in love aboard the...
,
Untamed HeartUntamed Heart is a 1993 film starring Christian Slater and Marisa Tomei. It mixes drama with romance and comedy and tells the story of a young woman, always unlucky in love, finally finding true love in a very shy young man. The film is directed by Tony Bill, and written by Tom Sierchio...
and
Forrest GumpForrest Gump is a American comedy-drama film based on the 1986 novel of the same name by Winston Groom. The film, directed by Robert Zemeckis, stars Tom Hanks, Robin Wright Penn, and Gary Sinise...
.
Measurement
Hendrick and Hendrick (1986) developed a self-report questionnaire measure of Lee's love styles, known as the Love Attitudes Scale (LAS).
A shortened version of the LAS, presumably for researchers trying to keep their surveys as concise as possible, was later published, and other variations appear to have been used by some researchers.
Respondents indicate their level of agreement or disagreement with the LAS items, examples of which include "My partner and I have the right physical 'chemistry'" (Eros) and "Our love is the best kind because it grew out of a long friendship" (Storge). Depending on the version of the LAS one administers, there are from 3-7 items for each of the six styles described above.
The article referenced following illustrates the use of the LAS.
Biological view
In 2007, researchers from the
University of PaviaThe University of Pavia is a university located in Pavia, Lombardy, Italy. It was founded in 1361 and is organized in 9 Faculties.-History:...
led by Dr
Enzo EmanueleEnzo Emanuele is an Italian clinical pathologist renowned for his interdisciplinary research in the field of biological psychology. He has studied the biochemical basis of romantic interpersonal attraction and identified the neurotrophin nerve growth factor as a key biochemical mediator of...
have provided evidence of a genetic basis for individual variations in Lee's love styles, with Eros being linked to the
dopamineDopamine is a neurotransmitter occurring in a wide variety of animals, including both vertebrates and invertebrates. In the brain, this phenethylamine functions as a neurotransmitter, activating the five types of dopamine receptors — D
1, D
2, D
3, D
4, and...
system and Mania to the
serotoninSerotonin is a monoamine neurotransmitter. It is found extensively in the gastrointestinal tract of animals, and about 80 to 90 percent of the human body's total serotonin is located in the enterochromaffin cells in the gut, where it is used to regulate intestinal movements...
system.
External links