or etiquette
. It is a culturally-defined phenomenon, and therefore what is considered polite in one culture
can sometimes be quite rude or simply eccentric in another cultural context.
While the goal of politeness is to make all of the parties relaxed and comfortable with one another, these culturally-defined standards at times may be manipulated to inflict shame
on a designated party.
The British social anthropologists Penelope Brown and Stephen Levinson
identified two kinds of politeness, deriving from Erving Goffman
's concept of face
:
- Negative politeness: Making a request less infringing, such as "If you don't mind..." or "If it isn't too much trouble..."; respects a person's right to act freely.
Fine manners are like personal beauty,—a letter of credit everywhere.
True politeness is the spirit of benevolence showing itself in a refined way. It is the expression of good-will and kindness. It promotes both beauty in the man who possesses it, and happiness in those who are about him. It is a religious duty, and should be a part of religious training.
When two goats met on a bridge which was too narrow to allow either to pass or return, the goat which lay down that the other might walk over it was a finer gentleman than Lord Chesterfield.
Bowing, ceremonious, formal compliments, stiff civilities, will never be politeness; that must be easy, natural, unstudied; and what will give this but a mind benevolent and attentive to exert that amiable disposition in trifles to all you converse and live with?
True politeness is perfect ease and freedom. It simply consists in treating others just as you love to be treated yourself.
If you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite.
Good-breeding is not confined to externals, much less to any particular dress or attitude of the body; it is the art of pleasing, or contributing as much as possible to the ease and happiness of those with whom you converse.
The polite of every country seem to have but one character. A gentleman of Sweden differs but little, except in trifles, from one of any other country. It is among the vulgar we are to find those distinctions which characterize a people.
As charity covers a multitude of sins before God, so does politeness before men.
Politeness induces morality. Serenity of manners requires serenity of mind.