Cher Horowitz

• So, like, right now for example. The Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, "What about the strain on our resources?" Well, it's like when I had this garden party for my father's birthday, right? I put R.S.V.P. 'cause it was a sit-down dinner. But some people came that, like, did not R.S.V.P. I was, like, totally buggin.' I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food and squish in extra place settings. But by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier. And so if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion, may I please remind you it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty. Thank you very much.

Travis

• I would like to say this. Tardiness is not something you can do on your own. Many, many people contributed to my tardiness. I would like to thank: my parents, for never giving me a ride to school; the LA city bus driver, who took a chance on an unknown kid; and, last but not least, the wonderful crew from McDonalds, who spend hours making those egg McMuffins without which I might never be tardy.

Dialogue

Dionne Davenport: "Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May, but thy eternal summer shall not fade." Phat! Did you write that?

Cher Horowitz: Duh, it's, like, a famous quote.

Dionne Davenport: From where?

Cher Horowitz: Cliff's Notes.

Josh Lucas: If I ever saw you do anything that wasn't 90% selfish, I'd die of shock.

Cher Horowitz: Oh, that'd be reason enough for me.

Mel Horowitz: You mean to tell me that you argued your way from a C-plus to an A-minus?

Cher Horowitz: Totally based on my powers of persuasion. You proud?

Mel Horowitz: Honey, I couldn't be happier than if they were based on real grades.

Cher Horowitz: If it's a concussion you have to keep her conscious. Ask her questions!

Elton Tiscia: What's 7 times 7?

Cher Horowitz: Stuff she knows!

Cher Horowitz: Oh, she's a full-on Monet.

Tai Fraiser: What's that?

Cher Horowitz: You see, it's like the painting. Seen from far away, it's okay; but up close, it's a big ol' mess.

Murray Duvall: Woman, lend me fi' dollas.

Dionne Davenport: Murray, I have asked you repeatedly not to call me "woman."

Murray Duvall: Excuse me, Ms. Dionne.

Dionne Davenport: Thank you.

Murray Duvall: Street slang is an increasingly valid form of expression. Most of the feminine pronouns do have mocking but not necessarily misogynistic undertones.

Tai Fraiser: Wow, you guys talk like grown-ups.

Cher Horowitz: Oh, well, this is a really good school.