The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, which includes the
Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn't"s, is a text written by Bobby Henderson that is considered to embody the main beliefs of the
Church of the Flying Spaghetti MonsterThe Flying Spaghetti Monster is the deity of the parody religion the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster or Pastafarianism. It was created in 2005 by Bobby Henderson as a satirical protest to the decision by the Kansas State Board of Education to require the teaching of intelligent design as...
(FSM), a
parody religionA parody religion or mock religion is either a parody of a religion, sect or cult, or a relatively unserious religion that many people may take as being too esoteric to be classified as a "real" religion. A parody religion can be a parody of several religions, sects, gurus and cults at the same time...
created as a counter to
Intelligent DesignIntelligent design is the assertion that "certain features of the universe and of living things are best explained by an intelligent cause, not an undirected process such as natural selection." It is a modern form of the traditional teleological argument for the existence of God, but one which...
(ID).
Captain Mosey and the Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts"
According to the Pastafarian gospel, Mosey the Pirate captain received some advice from the Flying Spaghetti Monster in the form of ten stone tablets. These were called the "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts" by the FSM, the "Commandments" by Mosey, and the "
CondimentA condiment is a relish, sauce, or seasoning added to food to impart a particular flavour or to complement the dish. Often pungent in flavour and therefore added in fairly small quantities, popular condiments include salt, pepper, ketchup, mustard, olive oil, vinegar and sugar.Usually applied by...
s" by his Pirate gang. While there were originally ten "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts", two were dropped on the way back down the mountain, with eight remaining. This event "partly accounts for Pastafarians' flimsy moral standards." The FSM's "commandments" (I.R.R.Y.D.'s) address the treatment of people of other faiths, worship of the FSM, sexual conduct, and nutrition. The morals and standards expressed by the
Flying Spaghetti MonsterThe Flying Spaghetti Monster is the deity of the parody religion the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster or Pastafarianism. It was created in 2005 by Bobby Henderson as a satirical protest to the decision by the Kansas State Board of Education to require the teaching of intelligent design as...
, the
deityA deity is a postulated preternatural or supernatural immortal being, who may be thought of as holy, divine, or sacred, held in high regard, and respected by believers....
of Pastafarians, supposedly said that the simple language of the Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts" makes them easy to understand for anyone while still maintaining an accurate portrayal of the beliefs and values he'd like his followers to keep in mind.
The Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts"
(Capitalization and censorship as per original text)
- I'd Really Rather You Didn't Act Like a Sanctimonious Holier-Than-Thou Ass When Describing My Noodly Goodness. If Some People Don't Believe In Me, That's Okay. Really, I'm Not That Vain. Besides, This Isn't About Them So Don't Change The Subject.
- I'd Really Rather You Didn't Use My Existence As A Means To Oppress, Subjugate, Punish, Eviscerate, And/Or, You Know, Be Mean To Others. I Don't Require Sacrifices, And Purity Is For Drinking Water, Not People.
- I'd Really Rather You Didn't Judge People For The Way They Look, Or How They Dress, Or The Way They Talk, Or, Well, Just Play Nice, Okay? Oh, And Get This In Your Thick Heads: Woman = Person. Man = Person. Samey = Samey. One Is Not Better Than The Other, Unless We're Talking About Fashion And I'm Sorry, But I Gave That To Women And Some Guys Who Know The Difference Between Teal
Teal, also called Teal blue, is a color that is blue and green mixed together. The color gets its name from the fact that it surrounds the eyes of the common teal, a member of the duck family...
and FuchsiaFuchsia is a pinkish-purple color named after the flower of the fuchsia plant. Fuchsia is used as an alias for electric magenta.There is also a somewhat redder and slightly less saturated hue termed fashion fuchsia that is used in women's fashion .The first recorded use of fuchsia as a color name...
.
- I'd Really Rather You Didn't Indulge In Conduct That Offends Yourself, Or Your Willing, Consenting Partner Of Legal Age AND Mental Maturity. As For Anyone Who Might Object, I Think The Expression Is Go F*** Yourself, Unless They Find That Offensive In Which Case They Can Turn Off the TV For Once And Go For A Walk For A Change.
- I'd Really Rather You Didn't Challenge The Bigoted, Misogynist, Hateful Ideas Of Others On An Empty Stomach. Eat, Then Go After The B******.
- I'd Really Rather You Didn't Build Multimillion-Dollar Churches/Temples/Mosques/Shrines To My Noodly Goodness When The Money Could Be Better Spent (Take Your Pick):
- Ending Poverty
- Curing Diseases
- Living In Peace, Loving With Passion, And Lowering The Cost Of Cable
I Might be a Complex-Carbohydrate Omniscient Being, But I Enjoy The Simple Things In Life. I Ought To Know. I AM the Creator.
- I'd Really Rather You Didn't Go Around Telling People I Talk To You. You're Not That Interesting. Get Over Yourself. And I Told You To Love Your Fellow Man, Can't You Take A Hint?
- I'd Really Rather You Didn't Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You If You Are Into, Um, Stuff That Uses A Lot Of Leather/Lubricant/Las Vegas. If The Other Person Is Into It, However (Pursuant To #4), Then Have At It, Take Pictures, And For The Love Of Mike, Wear a CONDOM! Honestly, It's A Piece Of Rubber. If I Didn't Want It To Feel Good When You Did IT I Would Have Added Spikes, Or Something.
Unintelligent Design
In the chapter "An Alternate Vision", the suggestion of "Unintelligent Design" is proposed. The argument is that because of all the problems in the world, the Flying Spaghetti Monster must have been drunk, careless, etc. when he first created life. A list of ten examples is given to support this, including such things as
discoDisco is a genre of dance music that that had its roots in clubs that catered to African American, psychedelic and other communities in New York City and Philadelphia during the late 1960s and early 1970s...
music,
Jar Jar BinksJar Jar Binks is a fictional character from the Star Wars films The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, Revenge of the Sith, and Star Wars: The Clone Wars. His primary role was to provide comic relief. Jar Jar was voiced by Ahmed Best. He is almost completely computer generated...
, and the decline of
passenger pigeonThe passenger pigeon or wild pigeon was a species of pigeon that was once the most common bird in North America...
s due to the popular McPigeon Sandwich sold at
McDonald'sMcDonald's Corporation is the world's largest chain of hamburger fast food restaurants, serving nearly 47 million customers daily. At one time it was the largest global restaurant chain, but it has since been surpassed by multi-brand operator Yum! and sandwich chain Subway.In addition to its...
.
Schneider and Frederick have recently proposed the first scientific proof of "Unintelligent Design" by claiming that the insertion of species
Penne rigate into family
Rigatone, order
Pasta resulted in the creation of a new species of
Noodleous doubleous. Schneider considered the only explanation is that this was caused by the holy Flying Spaghetti Monster, whose "noodly appendage intervened".
External links