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The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

 
The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

 
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The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
 
 
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The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, which includes the Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn't"s, is a text written by Bobby Henderson that is considered to embody the main beliefs of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
Flying Spaghetti Monster

The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the deity of the parody religion The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, created in 2005 by Bobby Henderson as a satirical protest to the Kansas evolution hearings to require the teaching of intelligent design as an alternative to biological evolution....
 (FSM), a religion
Religion

A religion is an organized approach to human spirituality which usually encompasses a set of myth, symbols, beliefs and practices, often with a supernatural or transcendence quality, that give meaning to the practitioner's experiences of life through reference to a higher power or truth....
 created as a counter to Intelligent Design
Intelligent design

Intelligent design is the term used for the assertion that "certain features of the universe and of life are best explained by an intelligent causality, not an undirected process such as natural selection." It is a modern form of the traditional teleological argument for the existence of God that avoids specifying the nature or identity of th...
 (ID).

Captain Mosey and the Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts"
While brooding atop Mount Salsa because he couldn't find a pirate ship, Mosey the Pirate captain (a parody
Parody

A parody , in contemporary usage, is a work created to mock, comment on, or poke fun at an original work, its subject, or author, or some other target, by means of humorous, satiric or ironic imitation....
 of Moses
Moses

Moses is a Hebrew Bible Hebrews religious leader, lawgiver, prophet, to whom the Mosaic authorship of the Torah is traditionally attributed. Also called Moshe Rabbeinu in Hebrew , he is the most important prophet in Judaism, and also an important prophet of Christianity, Islam, the Bah?'? Faith, Rastafari movement, Chrislam and many ot...
) received some advice from the Flying Spaghetti Monster in the form of ten stone tablets.






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The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, which includes the Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn't"s, is a text written by Bobby Henderson that is considered to embody the main beliefs of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
Flying Spaghetti Monster

The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the deity of the parody religion The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, created in 2005 by Bobby Henderson as a satirical protest to the Kansas evolution hearings to require the teaching of intelligent design as an alternative to biological evolution....
 (FSM), a religion
Religion

A religion is an organized approach to human spirituality which usually encompasses a set of myth, symbols, beliefs and practices, often with a supernatural or transcendence quality, that give meaning to the practitioner's experiences of life through reference to a higher power or truth....
 created as a counter to Intelligent Design
Intelligent design

Intelligent design is the term used for the assertion that "certain features of the universe and of life are best explained by an intelligent causality, not an undirected process such as natural selection." It is a modern form of the traditional teleological argument for the existence of God that avoids specifying the nature or identity of th...
 (ID).

Captain Mosey and the Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts"


While brooding atop Mount Salsa because he couldn't find a pirate ship, Mosey the Pirate captain (a parody
Parody

A parody , in contemporary usage, is a work created to mock, comment on, or poke fun at an original work, its subject, or author, or some other target, by means of humorous, satiric or ironic imitation....
 of Moses
Moses

Moses is a Hebrew Bible Hebrews religious leader, lawgiver, prophet, to whom the Mosaic authorship of the Torah is traditionally attributed. Also called Moshe Rabbeinu in Hebrew , he is the most important prophet in Judaism, and also an important prophet of Christianity, Islam, the Bah?'? Faith, Rastafari movement, Chrislam and many ot...
) received some advice from the Flying Spaghetti Monster in the form of ten stone tablets. These were called the "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts" by the FSM, the "Commandments" by Mosey, and the "Condiment
Condiment

In the United Kingdom, a condiment used to be confined to salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Use of the term condiment has broadened and now is generally considered to be any prepared edible Chemical substance or mixture, often Food preservation or Fermentation , that is added in relatively small quantities, most often at the table...
s" by his Pirate gang. While there were originally ten "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts", two were dropped on the way back down the mountain, with eight remaining. This event "partly accounts for Pastafarians' flimsy moral standards." The FSM's commandments address the treatment of people of other faiths, worship of the FSM, sexual conduct, and nutrition.

The Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts"

  1. I'd really rather you didn't act like a sanctimonious holier-than-thou ass when describing my noodly goodness. If some people don't believe in me, that's okay. Really, I'm not that vain. Besides, this isn't about them so don't change the subject.
  2. I'd really rather you didn't use my existence as a means to oppress, subjugate, punish, eviscerate, and/or, you know, be mean to others. I don't require sacrifices, and purity is for drinking water, not people.
  3. I'd really rather you didn't judge people for the way they look, or how they dress, or the way they talk, or, well, just play nice, okay? Oh, and get this into your thick heads: woman = person. man = person. Samey = Samey. One is not better than the other, unless we're talking about fashion and I'm sorry, but I gave that to women and some guys who know the difference between teal
    Teal (color)

    Teal, also called teal blue, is equal parts blue and green. The color gets its name from the fact that it surrounds the eyes of the Common Teal, a member of the duck family....
     and fuchsia
    Fuchsia (color)

    Fuchsia is a purple color named after the flower of the fuchsia plant. Fuchsia is used as an alias for electric magenta.There is also a somewhat redder and slightly less saturated hue termed fashion fuchsia that is used in women's fashion ....
    .
  4. I'd really rather you didn't indulge in conduct that offends yourself, or your willing, consenting partner of legal age AND mental maturity. As for anyone who might object, I think the expression is "go fuck yourself," unless they find that offensive in which case they can turn off the TV for once and go for a walk for a change.
  5. I'd really rather you didn't challenge the bigoted
    Bigotry

    A bigot is a person who is intolerant of or takes offence to the opinions, lifestyles or identities differing from his or her own, and bigotry is the corresponding attitude or mindset....
    , misogynistic
    Misogyny

    Misogyny is hatred of women or girls. It is parallel to misandry?the hatred of men. Misogyny is also comparable with misanthropy which is the hatred of humanity generally....
    , hateful ideas of others on an empty stomach. Eat, then go after the bitches.
  6. I'd really rather you didn't build multi million-dollar synagogues / churches / temples / mosques / shrines to my noodly goodness when the money could be better spent (take your pick):
    1. Ending poverty
    2. Curing diseases
    3. Living in peace, loving with passion, and lowering the cost of cable
    I might be a complex-carbohydrate omniscient being, but I enjoy the simple things in life. I ought to know. I AM the creator.
  7. I'd really rather you didn't go around telling people I talk to you. You're not that interesting. Get over yourself. And I told you to love your fellow man, can't you take a hint?
  8. I'd really rather you didn't do unto others as you would have them do unto you if you are into, um, stuff that uses a lot of leather/lubricant/vaseline. If the other person is into it, however (pursuant to #4), then have at it, take pictures, and for the love of Mike, wear a CONDOM! Honestly, it's a piece of rubber. If I didn't want it to feel good when you did it I would have added spikes, or something.


Unintelligent Design

In the chapter "An Alternate Vision", the suggestion of "Unintelligent Design" is proposed. The argument is that because of all the problems in the world, the Flying Spaghetti Monster must have been drunk, careless, etc. when he first created life. A list of ten examples is given to support this, including such things as disco
Disco

Disco is a genre of dance music that originated in and was initially popular among African American, gay and Hispanic and Latino Americans communities in the United States in the late 1960s....
 music, Jar Jar Binks
Jar Jar Binks

Jar Jar Binks is a fictional character from the Star Wars films Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones, Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith and Star Wars: The Clone Wars ....
, and the decline of passenger pigeon
Passenger Pigeon

The Passenger Pigeon or wild pigeon was a species of Columbidae that was once the most common bird in North America. They lived in enormous flocks and during migration it was possible to see flocks of them a mile wide and 300 miles long, taking several days to pass and containing up to a billion birds....
s due to the popular McPidgin Sandwich sold at McDonald's
McDonald's

McDonald's Corporation is the world's largest chain of fast food restaurants, serving nearly 58 million customers daily. McDonald's primarily sells hamburgers, cheeseburgers, chicken products, French fries, breakfast items, soft drinks, milkshakes, and desserts....
.

Schneider and Frederick have recently proposed the first scientific proof of "Unintelligent Design" by claiming that the insertion of species Penne rigate into family Rigatone, order Pasta resulted in the creation of a new species of Noodleous doubleous. Schneider considered the only explanation is that this was caused by the holy Flying Spaghetti Monster, whose "noodly appendage intervened".

Further reading

  • Bobby Henderson. The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. (2006). ISBN 0-8129-7656-8
    • This version has a white cover showing a hardcover version with ribbon, the UK hardcover edition from HarperCollins later used the depicted design.
  • Bobby Henderson. The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (hardcover). (2006). ISBN 0-00-723160-1


External links

  • "", USA Today
    USA Today

    'USA TODAY' is a national United States daily newspaper published by the Gannett Company. It was founded by Allen Neuharth. The paper has the widest newspaper circulation of any newspaper in the United States , and among English-language broadsheets, it comes second worldwide, behind only the 2.6 million daily paid copies of The Times of...
  • "", Daily Telegraph