I Take Thee Quagmire
Encyclopedia
"I Take Thee Quagmire" is the twenty-first episode of season four of Family Guy
Family Guy
Family Guy is an American animated television series created by Seth MacFarlane for the Fox Broadcasting Company. The series centers on the Griffins, a dysfunctional family consisting of parents Peter and Lois; their children Meg, Chris, and Stewie; and their anthropomorphic pet dog Brian...

, originally broadcast on March 12, 2006. Peter wins free maid service for a week; he intentionally creates extra work for the maid, Joan. Quagmire
Glenn Quagmire
Glenn Quagmire, often referred to as just Quagmire, is a character from the animated television series Family Guy. Quagmire is a neighbor and friend of the Griffin family. He is best known for his hypersexuality...

 meets her and instantly falls in love with her, leading him to propose to her after the second date. After the marriage, Quagmire comes to regret his new relationship, but learns that Joan will kill him and herself
Murder-suicide
A murder–suicide is an act in which an individual kills one or more other persons before or at the same time as killing himself or herself. The combination of murder and suicide can take various forms, including:...

 if he leaves her, so he fakes his own death.

The episode was written by Tom Maxwell, Don Woodard and Steve Callaghan
Steve Callaghan
Steve Callaghan is an American screenwriter, producer and voice actor, best known for his work on Family Guy. He is a graduate of the Department of Public Policy at the UCLA School of Public Affairs...

 and directed by Seth Kearsley. It received mostly positive reviews from critics for its storyline and many cultural references. According to Nielsen ratings
Nielsen Ratings
Nielsen ratings are the audience measurement systems developed by Nielsen Media Research, in an effort to determine the audience size and composition of television programming in the United States...

, it was viewed in 8.06 million homes in its original airing. The episode featured guest performances by Adam Carolla
Adam Carolla
Adam Carolla is an American radio personality, television host, comedian, and actor. He currently hosts The Adam Carolla Show, a talk show distributed as a podcast on the ACE Broadcasting Network...

, Stephan Cox, Bryan Cranston
Bryan Cranston
Bryan Lee Cranston is an American actor, voice actor, writer and director. He is best known for his roles as Hal the father in the Fox situation comedy Malcolm in the Middle, and Walter White in the AMC drama series Breaking Bad, for which he won three consecutive Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama...

, Darrel Heath, Beth Littleford
Beth Littleford
Elizabeth Anna Halcyon "Beth" Littleford is an American actress, comedienne, and television personality. She is perhaps best known for being one of the original correspondents on the popular Comedy Central satirical news series The Daily Show from 1996 to 2000; she is also known as Tripp's mother...

, Christy Romano, Nicole Sullivan
Nicole Sullivan
Nicole Julianne Sullivan is an American actress, comedian and voice artist. Sullivan is best known for her six seasons on the sketch comedy series MADtv and five seasons on the CBS sitcom The King of Queens.She has played a recurring character on Scrubs and voices the villainous Shego in...

, Fred Tatasciore
Fred Tatasciore
Frederick "Fred" Tatasciore is an American voice actor who portrays secondary characters as well as monstrous-looking types...

, Alex Thomas and Alex Trebek
Alex Trebek
George Alexander "Alex" Trebek is a Canadian American game show host who has been the host of the game show Jeopardy! since 1984, and prior to that, he hosted game shows such as Pitfall and High Rollers. He has appeared in numerous television series, usually as himself...

.

Plot

Peter
Peter Griffin
Peter Griffin is a fictional character and the protagonist of the animated comedy series Family Guy and the patriarch of the Griffin family. He is voiced by cartoonist Seth MacFarlane and first appeared on television, along with the rest of the family in the 15-minute short on December 20, 1998....

 is a contestant on Wheel of Fortune
Wheel of Fortune (U.S. game show)
Wheel of Fortune is an American television game show created by Merv Griffin, which premiered in 1975. Contestants compete to solve word puzzles, similar to those used in Hangman, to win cash and prizes determined by spinning a large wheel. The title refers to the show's giant carnival wheel that...

and wins. He chooses the prize of one week of free maid
Maid
A maidservant or in current usage housemaid or maid is a female employed in domestic service.-Description:Once part of an elaborate hierarchy in great houses, today a single maid may be the only domestic worker that upper and even middle-income households can afford, as was historically the case...

 service. When his maid Joan arrives, Peter has her pull items out of his belly button, and rides her back to the store. Peter decides to over-work Joan on her last night by giving Meg
Meg Griffin
Meg Griffin is a character from the animated television series Family Guy. She is the eldest child of Lois and Peter and elder sister of Chris and Stewie. Meg is considered as the black sheep of the series due to the lack of attention she receives....

 a watermelon filled with chocolate pudding
Pudding
Pudding most often refers to a dessert, but it can also be a savory dish.In the United States, pudding characteristically denotes a sweet milk-based dessert similar in consistency to egg-based custards, though it may also refer to other types such as bread and rice pudding.In the United Kingdom and...

 and firecrackers, which explodes in her face. After being introduced to her by Peter, Quagmire falls in love with her. After dating Joan, Quagmire proposes marriage
Marriage
Marriage is a social union or legal contract between people that creates kinship. It is an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged in a variety of ways, depending on the culture or subculture in which it is found...

 to her, which she accepts and the couple prepares their marriage ceremony. Lois, Peter and their neighbors visit Quagmire's house, finding that he has changed his personality significantly. Peter still believes this to be a prank and shows Quagmire porn
Pornography
Pornography or porn is the explicit portrayal of sexual subject matter for the purposes of sexual arousal and erotic satisfaction.Pornography may use any of a variety of media, ranging from books, magazines, postcards, photos, sculpture, drawing, painting, animation, sound recording, film, video,...

 magazines in an attempt to change him back to his former ways. Lois begins to question whether she should breastfeed
Breastfeeding
Breastfeeding is the feeding of an infant or young child with breast milk directly from female human breasts rather than from a baby bottle or other container. Babies have a sucking reflex that enables them to suck and swallow milk. It is recommended that mothers breastfeed for six months or...

 Stewie any longer, as he is hurting her when feeding.

By the time of Quagmire's wedding, Lois' breasts have gotten very large after deciding to wean
Weaning
Weaning is the process of gradually introducing a mammal infant, either human or animal, to what will be its adult diet and withdrawing the supply of its mother's milk.The process takes place only in mammals, as only mammals produce milk...

 Stewie. While at the reception, the top of her shirt rips open. Peter notices that Quagmire is staring at Lois' huge breasts, and spills champagne on them. Peter then "helps" Lois by shaking her, which makes her large breasts jiggle. This arouses
Sexual arousal
Sexual arousal, or sexual excitement, is the arousal of sexual desire, during or in anticipation of sexual activity. Things that precipitate human sexual arousal are called erotic stimuli, or colloquially known as turn-ons. There are many potential stimuli, both physical or mental, which can cause...

 Quagmire, and he realizes that he has made a mistake by marrying Joan. He informs Joan that some of his friends think they should get an annulment
Annulment
Annulment is a legal procedure for declaring a marriage null and void. Unlike divorce, it is usually retroactive, meaning that an annulled marriage is considered to be invalid from the beginning almost as if it had never taken place...

 after discussing it with Peter, Joe and Cleveland
Cleveland Brown
Cleveland Orenthal Brown is a character from the animated television series Family Guy, and its spin-off series The Cleveland Show. He is voiced by Mike Henry. In the first seven seasons of Family Guy, Brown is a frequently recurring character. As one of Peter Griffin's neighbors and friends,...

, but she threatens to cut herself and him if he annuls their marriage. As a result, Peter decides to help Quagmire fake his death. He shows Joan a video of Quagmire being attacked by a ninja
Ninja
A or was a covert agent or mercenary of feudal Japan specializing in unorthodox arts of war. The functions of the ninja included espionage, sabotage, infiltration, and assassination, as well as open combat in certain situations...

 (Joe), a Nazi
Nazism
Nazism, the common short form name of National Socialism was the ideology and practice of the Nazi Party and of Nazi Germany...

 (Cleveland), a "pots and pans" robot
Robot
A robot is a mechanical or virtual intelligent agent that can perform tasks automatically or with guidance, typically by remote control. In practice a robot is usually an electro-mechanical machine that is guided by computer and electronic programming. Robots can be autonomous, semi-autonomous or...

 (Peter), and the body being consumed by a dinosaur
Dinosaur
Dinosaurs are a diverse group of animals of the clade and superorder Dinosauria. They were the dominant terrestrial vertebrates for over 160 million years, from the late Triassic period until the end of the Cretaceous , when the Cretaceous–Paleogene extinction event led to the extinction of...

 held by Peter (to the theme of Jurassic Park
Jurassic Park (film)
Jurassic Park is a 1993 American science fiction adventure film directed by Steven Spielberg. The film is based on the novel of the same name by Michael Crichton. It stars Sam Neill, Laura Dern, Jeff Goldblum, Richard Attenborough, Martin Ferrero, and Bob Peck...

). Joan is unconvinced by the video. Peter and his friends then operate plan B, which consists of Quagmire pretending to suffer a heart attack
Myocardial infarction
Myocardial infarction or acute myocardial infarction , commonly known as a heart attack, results from the interruption of blood supply to a part of the heart, causing heart cells to die...

 and dying. Quagmire is buried in a coffin with enough oxygen to last him a short period of time so Peter can return after the funeral has finished and dig him up. However, when Mayor West
Adam West (Family Guy)
Adam West, also known as Mayor West, is a character from the animated television series Family Guy. The character, voiced by the actor of the same name, is the eccentric mayor of the town of Quahog, Rhode Island, where the series is set.-Character:...

 announces that all coffins must be buried in concrete (to guard against zombie
Zombie
Zombie is a term used to denote an animated corpse brought back to life by mystical means such as witchcraft. The term is often figuratively applied to describe a hypnotized person bereft of consciousness and self-awareness, yet ambulant and able to respond to surrounding stimuli...

s), Peter exclaims that Quagmire is not dead, and brings him out of the coffin, alive. Death shows up to retrieve his body. Joan pleads for Quagmire's life, and touches Death's arm, which kills her instantly. Death takes Joan instead, as "she was suicidal
Suicide
Suicide is the act of intentionally causing one's own death. Suicide is often committed out of despair or attributed to some underlying mental disorder, such as depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, alcoholism, or drug abuse...

 and her last name was Quagmire." However, before he leaves, Quagmire asks Death to leave the body for another five minutes
Necrophilia
Necrophilia, also called thanatophilia or necrolagnia, is the sexual attraction to corpses,It is classified as a paraphilia by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association. The word is artificially derived from the ancient Greek words: νεκρός and φιλία...

, thus turning him back into his old usual self. Lois allows Stewie to be breastfed again, thus delighting him.

Production

This episode starts by depicting the game show Wheel of Fortune
Wheel of Fortune (U.S. game show)
Wheel of Fortune is an American television game show created by Merv Griffin, which premiered in 1975. Contestants compete to solve word puzzles, similar to those used in Hangman, to win cash and prizes determined by spinning a large wheel. The title refers to the show's giant carnival wheel that...

. When Brian is watching Malcolm in the Middle
Malcolm in the Middle
Malcolm in the Middle is an American television sitcom created by Linwood Boomer for the Fox Network. The series was first broadcast on January 9, 2000, and ended its six-and-a-half-year run on May 14, 2006, after seven seasons and 151 episodes...

on television, a scene begins showing the mother of the fictional family screaming at the children and father. Jane Kaczmarek
Jane Kaczmarek
Jane Frances Kaczmarek is an American actress. She is best known for playing the character of Lois on the television series Malcolm in the Middle. Kaczmarek is a three-time Golden Globe and seven-time Emmy Award nominee...

 was asked to do the voice as she was the original actor in the series, however she refused. MacFarlane said that he gets a message that Kaczmarek wishes to portray that character as likable, and does not wish to jeopardize that. The father during that scene was voiced by Bryan Cranston
Bryan Cranston
Bryan Lee Cranston is an American actor, voice actor, writer and director. He is best known for his roles as Hal the father in the Fox situation comedy Malcolm in the Middle, and Walter White in the AMC drama series Breaking Bad, for which he won three consecutive Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama...

, the original actor in the series, who accepted the role. Seth MacFarlane
Seth MacFarlane
Seth Woodbury MacFarlane is an American animator, writer, comedian, producer, actor, singer, voice actor, and director best known for creating the animated sitcoms Family Guy, American Dad! and The Cleveland Show, for which he also voices many of the shows' various characters.A native of Kent,...

 comments that "this is the first real Quagmire story we've ever done." A scene was made of Stewie attending a meeting similar to those at Alcoholics Anonymous
Alcoholics Anonymous
Alcoholics Anonymous is an international mutual aid movement which says its "primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety." Now claiming more than 2 million members, AA was founded in 1935 by Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith in Akron, Ohio...

, however the meeting was designed for those who are too addicted to breast milk
Breast milk
Breast milk, more specifically human milk, is the milk produced by the breasts of a human female for her infant offspring...

. The format of Wheel of Fortune is somewhat similar to the layout of the modern-day program, but the scene also features several aspects which are now no longer broadcast, and were featured in the 1980s.

Two scenes during this episode were censored for television broadcasting. When Quagmire meets Joan and invites her out on a date, Cleveland asks, "Is that a banana in your pocket, or a erection in your pocket?" Although this entire scene was not censored, Fox Broadcasting Company
Fox Broadcasting Company
Fox Broadcasting Company, commonly referred to as Fox Network or simply Fox , is an American commercial broadcasting television network owned by Fox Entertainment Group, part of Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation. Launched on October 9, 1986, Fox was the highest-rated broadcast network in the...

 bleeped "erection", which, according to DVD commentary, made what Cleveland said sound worse than what was intended. The scene where Peter is promoting 'Crystal Pepsi
Crystal Pepsi
Crystal Pepsi was a caffeine-free soft drink made by PepsiCo from 1992 to 1993 in the United States, Canada, and for a short time in Australia. Crystal Pepsi was sold for a longer time in Europe.-History:...

' was shown only on the DVD, because it is prohibited to promote one product over another on television.

There is also a scene after the watermelon exploding trick where Meg was supposed to say "Fuck you, asshole! I'll kick your ass to hell!", but Fox also censored the line and was replaced by "I hate you! I hate you!" instead.

Cultural references

In the opening scene of the episode, Peter is shown playing on the gameshow Wheel of Fortune
Wheel of Fortune (U.S. game show)
Wheel of Fortune is an American television game show created by Merv Griffin, which premiered in 1975. Contestants compete to solve word puzzles, similar to those used in Hangman, to win cash and prizes determined by spinning a large wheel. The title refers to the show's giant carnival wheel that...

, with hosts Pat Sajak
Pat Sajak
Pat Sajak is a television personality, former weatherman, actor and talk show host, best known as the host of the American television game show Wheel of Fortune.-Early life:...

 and Vanna White
Vanna White
Vanna White is an American television personality and film actress best known as the hostess of Wheel of Fortune since 1982.-Early life:...

 also appearing. When Mayor West is playing as a contestant on Jeopardy!
Jeopardy!
Griffin's first conception of the game used a board comprising ten categories with ten clues each, but after finding that this board could not be shown on camera easily, he reduced it to two rounds of thirty clues each, with five clues in each of six categories...

, he spells the name of the host, Alex Trebek
Alex Trebek
George Alexander "Alex" Trebek is a Canadian American game show host who has been the host of the game show Jeopardy! since 1984, and prior to that, he hosted game shows such as Pitfall and High Rollers. He has appeared in numerous television series, usually as himself...

 backwards (Kebert Xela), sending him back to the fifth dimension; this is a reference to when DC Comics
DC Comics
DC Comics, Inc. is one of the largest and most successful companies operating in the market for American comic books and related media. It is the publishing unit of DC Entertainment a company of Warner Bros. Entertainment, which itself is owned by Time Warner...

 supervillain and nemesis to Superman
Superman
Superman is a fictional comic book superhero appearing in publications by DC Comics, widely considered to be an American cultural icon. Created by American writer Jerry Siegel and Canadian-born American artist Joe Shuster in 1932 while both were living in Cleveland, Ohio, and sold to Detective...

, Mister Mxyzptlk
Mister Mxyzptlk
Mr. Mxyzptlk , sometimes called Mxy, is a fictional impish supervillain who appears in DC Comics' Superman comic books.He was created by Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster, and first appeared in Superman #30 . He is usually presented as a trickster, in the classical mythological sense, in that he enjoys...

, is sent to the fifth dimension when someone makes him say his own name backwards. When Peter and the children are flying through space and singing, this is a reference to The Great Space Coaster
The Great Space Coaster
The Great Space Coaster is a children's television show that ran from 1981 through 1986. The series was directed by Dick Feldman, and distributed by Sunbow Productions.-Show summary and history:...

. The two Asian men who meet Peter at the traffic lights when riding Joan's back speak in a very similar tone to Howard Cosell
Howard Cosell
Howard William Cosell was an American sports journalist who was widely known for his blustery, cocksure personality. Cosell said of himself, "Arrogant, pompous, obnoxious, vain, cruel, verbose, a showoff. I have been called all of these...

, a reference to the 1985
1985 in film
-Events:* 3 December - Roger Moore steps down from the role of James Bond after twelve years and seven films. He is replaced by Timothy Dalton.* The Academy Award for Best Picture was won by Out Of Africa, while the highest grossing film was Back to the Future.* Bliss wins AFI Award for best Movie...

 cult film Better Off Dead. When Quagmire fantasizes about being alone in the forest with Joan and speaking to her in Elvish, this is a reference to a scene from Lord of the Rings
The Lord of the Rings film trilogy
The Lord of the Rings is an epic film trilogy consisting of three fantasy adventure films based on the three-volume book of the same name by English author J. R. R. Tolkien. The films are The Fellowship of the Ring , The Two Towers and The Return of the King .The films were directed by Peter...

, Quagmire goes on to imagine himself with Joan dancing dressed as the title characters from Beauty and the Beast
Beauty and the Beast (1991 film)
Beauty and the Beast is a 1991 American animated fantasy film produced by Walt Disney Animation Studios and distributed by Walt Disney Pictures. The thirtieth film in the Walt Disney Animated Classics series and the third film of the Disney Renaissance period...

, eating a plate of spaghetti similar to that shown in Lady and the Tramp
Lady and the Tramp
Lady and the Tramp is a 1955 American animated film produced by Walt Disney and released to theaters on June 22, 1955, by Buena Vista Distribution. The fifteenth animated feature in the Walt Disney Animated Classics series, it was the first animated feature filmed in the CinemaScope widescreen...

, and flying on a magic carpet dressed as Aladdin and Princess Jasmine
Princess Jasmine
Princess Jasmine is a fictional character and one of the main characters of the 1992 film Aladdin and its sequels, The Return of Jafar and Aladdin and the King of Thieves . She is voiced by Linda Larkin, with her singing voice performed by Lea Salonga in the first film and Disney Princess...

. They also fly through Baghdad which is in ruins from terrorism. Adam West's response to seeing the Statue of Liberty
Statue of Liberty
The Statue of Liberty is a colossal neoclassical sculpture on Liberty Island in New York Harbor, designed by Frédéric Bartholdi and dedicated on October 28, 1886...

 is taken from the original Planet of the Apes
Planet of the Apes
La Planète des singes, known in English as Monkey Planet or Planet of the Apes, is a French 1963 science fiction novel by Pierre Boulle...

. Also, there is a scene where Brian watches Malcolm in the Middle
Malcolm in the Middle
Malcolm in the Middle is an American television sitcom created by Linwood Boomer for the Fox Network. The series was first broadcast on January 9, 2000, and ended its six-and-a-half-year run on May 14, 2006, after seven seasons and 151 episodes...

. In it, Lois nags the boys so much that Hal ends up killing her and walks away blissfully with the boys.

Reception

Bob Sassone
Bob Sassone
Bob Sassone is an American writer. He was born in Gloucester, Massachusetts, to Italian and Portuguese parents. He is the youngest of seven children....

 of TV Squad commented that "this episode had one of the more hysterical/disturbing images of this TV season: Lois flashing her breasts to Brian after giving Stewie his lunch." Michael Drucker of IGN
IGN
IGN is an entertainment website that focuses on video games, films, music and other media. IGN's main website comprises several specialty sites or "channels", each occupying a subdomain and covering a specific area of entertainment...

 noted that "the volume four episodes are easily funnier than the volume three ones", referring to the episode.

External links

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