I-message
Encyclopedia
In interpersonal communication
, an I-message is an assertion about the feelings, beliefs, values etc. of the person speaking, generally expressed as a sentence beginning with the word "I", and is contrasted with a "you-message", which often begins with the word "you" and focuses on the person spoken to. Thomas Gordon
coined the term "I message" in the 1960s.
, tone of voice, facial expression
and body language
. Gordon also describes a 3-part I-message, called a "confrontive" I-message, with the following parts:
He describes the I-message as an appeal for help from the other person, and states that the other person is more likely to respond positively when the message is presented in that way.
posture can achieve several important functions in this situation, according to Gordon. He states that in Leader
Effectiveness Training courses, this is called "shifting gears", and states that the person might shift back to an I-message later in the conversation.
of children's reactions to messages from their mothers found that children are most receptive to I-messages that reveal distress, and most antagonistic towards critical you-messages. A study with university students as subjects did not find differences in emotional reactions to I-messages and you-messages for negative emotions, but did find differences in reactions for positive emotions.
states that communications specialists find that I-messages are a less threatening way to confront someone one wants to influence, and suggests a three-part I-message: a neutral description of planned behaviour, consequences of the behaviour, and the emotions of the speaker about the situation.
A manual for health care
workers calls I-messages an "important skill", but emphasizes that use of an I-message does not guarantee that the other person will respond in a helpful way. It presents an I-message as a way that one can take responsibility for one's own feelings and express them without blaming someone else. A manual for social workers presents I-messages as a technnique with the purpose of improving the effectiveness of communication.
Interpersonal communication
Interpersonal communication is usually defined by communication scholars in numerous ways, usually describing participants who are dependent upon one another. It...
, an I-message is an assertion about the feelings, beliefs, values etc. of the person speaking, generally expressed as a sentence beginning with the word "I", and is contrasted with a "you-message", which often begins with the word "you" and focuses on the person spoken to. Thomas Gordon
Thomas Gordon (psychologist)
Dr. Thomas Gordon was an American clinical psychologist, colleague of Carl Rogers. He is widely recognized as a pioneer in teaching communication skills and conflict resolution methods to parents, teachers, leaders, women, youth and salespeople...
coined the term "I message" in the 1960s.
Description
Gordon advises that to use an I-message successfully, there should be congruence between the words one is using and one's affectAffect (psychology)
Affect refers to the experience of feeling or emotion. Affect is a key part of the process of an organism's interaction with stimuli. The word also refers sometimes to affect display, which is "a facial, vocal, or gestural behavior that serves as an indicator of affect" .The affective domain...
, tone of voice, facial expression
Facial expression
A facial expression one or more motions or positions of the muscles in the skin. These movements convey the emotional state of the individual to observers. Facial expressions are a form of nonverbal communication. They are a primary means of conveying social information among humans, but also occur...
and body language
Body language
Body language is a form of non-verbal communication, which consists of body posture, gestures, facial expressions, and eye movements. Humans send and interpret such signals almost entirely subconsciously....
. Gordon also describes a 3-part I-message, called a "confrontive" I-message, with the following parts:
- non-blameful description of the listener's behavior
- the effect of that behavior on the speaker
- the speaker's feelings about that effect
He describes the I-message as an appeal for help from the other person, and states that the other person is more likely to respond positively when the message is presented in that way.
Shifting gears
Gordon states, "Although I-messages are more likely to influence others to change than You-messages, still it is a fact that being confronted with the prospect of having to change is often disturbing to the changee." A quick shift by the sender of the I-message to an active listeningActive listening
Active listening is a communication technique that requires the listener to understand, interpret, and evaluate what they hear. The ability to listen actively can improve personal relationships through reducing conflicts, strengthening cooperation, and fostering understanding.When interacting,...
posture can achieve several important functions in this situation, according to Gordon. He states that in Leader
Leader
A leader is one who influences or leads others.Leader may also refer to:- Newspapers :* Leading article, a piece of writing intended to promote an opinion, also called an editorial* The Leader , published 1909–1967...
Effectiveness Training courses, this is called "shifting gears", and states that the person might shift back to an I-message later in the conversation.
Research
A study in Hong KongHong Kong
Hong Kong is one of two Special Administrative Regions of the People's Republic of China , the other being Macau. A city-state situated on China's south coast and enclosed by the Pearl River Delta and South China Sea, it is renowned for its expansive skyline and deep natural harbour...
of children's reactions to messages from their mothers found that children are most receptive to I-messages that reveal distress, and most antagonistic towards critical you-messages. A study with university students as subjects did not find differences in emotional reactions to I-messages and you-messages for negative emotions, but did find differences in reactions for positive emotions.
Use of the concept
A book about mentoringMentoring
Mentorship refers to a personal developmental relationship in which a more experienced or more knowledgeable person helps a less experienced or less knowledgeable person....
states that communications specialists find that I-messages are a less threatening way to confront someone one wants to influence, and suggests a three-part I-message: a neutral description of planned behaviour, consequences of the behaviour, and the emotions of the speaker about the situation.
A manual for health care
Health care
Health care is the diagnosis, treatment, and prevention of disease, illness, injury, and other physical and mental impairments in humans. Health care is delivered by practitioners in medicine, chiropractic, dentistry, nursing, pharmacy, allied health, and other care providers...
workers calls I-messages an "important skill", but emphasizes that use of an I-message does not guarantee that the other person will respond in a helpful way. It presents an I-message as a way that one can take responsibility for one's own feelings and express them without blaming someone else. A manual for social workers presents I-messages as a technnique with the purpose of improving the effectiveness of communication.