(wife) "Are you listening to me?" -(Steve Sayles)"yes"-(wife)" Well you are not looking at me"-(Steve Sayles) "I listen to the radio, but I don't sit looking at it!" (2004) Steve Sayles
Egotists cannot converse, they talk to themselves only.
A. Bronson Alcott
"Many can argue, not many converse."
A. Bronson Alcott
The first ingredient in conversation is truth, the next good sense, the third good humor, and the fourth wit.
Anonymous
The less men think, the more they talk.
Charles de Montesquieu
When we are in the company of sensible men, we ought to be doubly cautious of talking too much, lest we lose two good things, their good opinion and our own improvement; for what we have to say we know, but what they have to say we know not.
Colton
Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
G. A. Sala
The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.
Fran Lebowitz
One thing which makes us find so few people who appear reasonable and agreeable in conversation is, that there is scarcely any one who does not think more of what he is about to say than of answering precisely what is said to him.
François de La Rochefoucauld
The extreme pleasure we take in talking of ourselves should make us fear that we give very little to those who listen to us.
François de La Rochefoucauld
Conversation is a form of interactive, spontaneous
communicationCommunication is the activity of conveying meaningful information. Communication requires a sender, a message, and an intended recipient, although the receiver need not be present or aware of the sender's intent to communicate at the time of communication; thus communication can occur across vast...
between two or more people who are following rules of
etiquetteEtiquette is a code of behavior that delineates expectations for social behavior according to contemporary conventional norms within a society, social class, or group...
.
Conversation analysisConversation analysis is the study of talk in interaction . CA generally attempts to describe the orderliness, structure and sequential patterns of interaction, whether institutional or in casual conversation.Inspired by ethnomethodology Conversation analysis (commonly abbreviated as CA) is the...
is a branch of sociology which studies the structure and organization of human interaction, with a more specific focus on conversational interaction.
Definition and Advantages of conversation
Conversations are
interactive because contributions to a conversation are response reactions to what has previously been said.
Conversations are
spontaneous because a conversation proceeds, to some extent, and in some way, unpredictably. However, the scope of that spontaneity may legitimately be somewhat pre-limited for the purpose of expediency, e.g. a talk show or a debate.
Conversations follow
rules of etiquette because conversations are social interactions, and therefore depend on social convention. Failure to adhere to these rules devolves, and eventually dissolves the conversation.
Conversations are sometimes the ideal form of communication, depending on the participants’ intended ends. Conversations may be ideal when, for example, each party desires a relatively equal exchange of information, or when one party desires to question the other. On the other hand, if permanency or the ability to review such information is important, written communication may be ideal. Or if time-efficiency is most important, a speech may be preferable.
Subject
Many conversations can be divided into four categories according to their major subject content:
- Conversations about subjective ideas, which often serve to extend understanding and awareness.
- Conversations about objective facts, which may serve to consolidate a widely-held view.
- Conversations about other people (usually absent), which may be either critical
Criticism is the judgement of the merits and faults of the work or actions of an individual or group by another . To criticize does not necessarily imply to find fault, but the word is often taken to mean the simple expression of an objection against prejudice, or a disapproval.Another meaning of...
, competitive, or supportive. This includes gossipGossip is idle talk or rumour, especially about the personal or private affairs of others, It is one of the oldest and most common means of sharing facts and views, but also has a reputation for the introduction of errors and variations into the information transmitted...
.
- Conversations about oneself, which sometimes indicate attention-seeking behaviour.
Practically, few conversations fall exclusively into one category. Nevertheless, the proportional distribution of any given conversation between the categories can offer useful psychological insights into the mind set of the participants.
Functions
Most conversations may be classified by their goal. Conversational ends may, however, shift over the life of the conversation.
- Functional conversation is designed to convey information in order to help achieve an individual or group goal.
- Small talk
Small talk is an informal type of discourse that does not cover any functional topics of conversation or any transactions that need to be addressed....
is a type of conversation where the topic is less important than the social purpose of achieving bondingHuman bonding is the process of development of a close, interpersonal relationship. It most commonly takes place between family members or friends, but can also develop among groups such as sporting teams and whenever people spend time together...
between people or managing personal distance.
- Banter is non-serious conversation, usually between friends, which may rely on humour
Humour or humor is the tendency of particular cognitive experiences to provoke laughter and provide amusement...
or in-jokes at the expense of those taking part. The purpose of banter may at first appear to be an offensive affront to the other person's faceFace, idiomatically meaning dignity/prestige, is a fundamental concept in the fields of sociology, sociolinguistics, semantics, politeness theory, psychology, political science, communication, and Face Negotiation Theory.-Definitions:...
. However, people engaging in such a conversation are often signaling that they are comfortable enough in each others' company to be able to say such things without causing harm. Banter is particularly difficult for those on the autism spectrumThe term "autism spectrum" is often used to describe disorders that are currently classified as pervasive developmental disorders. Pervasive developmental disorders include autism, Asperger syndrome, Childhood disintegrative disorder, Rett syndrome and Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise...
and those with semantic pragmatic disorderPragmatic language impairment is an impairment in understanding pragmatic areas of language. This type of impairment was previously called semantic-pragmatic disorder . Pragmatic language impairments are related to autism and Asperger syndrome, but also could be related to other non autistic...
.
Differences between men and women
A study completed in July 2007 by Matthias Mehl of the
University of ArizonaThe University of Arizona is a land-grant and space-grant public institution of higher education and research located in Tucson, Arizona, United States. The University of Arizona was the first university in the state of Arizona, founded in 1885...
shows that contrary to popular belief, there is little difference in the number of words used by men and women in conversation. The study showed that on average each of the sexes uses about 16,000 words per day.
Conversation between strangers
There are certain situations, typically encountered while traveling, which result in strangers sharing what would ordinarily be a intimate social space such as sitting together on a bus or airplane. In such situations strangers are likely to share intimate personal information they would not ordinarily share with strangers. A special case emerges when one of the travelers is a mental health professional and the other party shares details of their personal life in the apparent hope of receiving help or advice.
Conversational narcissist
Conversational
narcissismNarcissism is a term with a wide range of meanings, depending on whether it is used to describe a central concept of psychoanalytic theory, a mental illness, a social or cultural problem, or simply a personality trait...
is a term used by sociologist
Charles DerberBorn in Washington DC January, 1944 Charles Derber attended Yale University, where he graduated with a Bachelor of Arts Degree. Later he attended the University of Chicago where he obtained his PhD. Currently Charles Derber is a professor of Sociology at Boston College. He has also served as...
in his book,
The Pursuit of Attention: Power and Ego in Everyday Life.
Derber observed that the social support system in America is relatively weak, and this leads people to compete mightily for attention. In social situations, they tend to steer the conversation away from others and toward themselves. "Conversational narcissism is the key manifestation of the dominant attention-getting psychology in America," he wrote. "It occurs in informal conversations among friends, family and coworkers. The profusion of popular literature about listening and the etiquette of managing those who talk constantly about themselves suggests its pervasiveness in everyday life."
What Derber describes as "conversational narcissism" often occurs subtly rather than overtly because it is prudent to avoid being judged an
egotistEgotism is "characterized by an exaggerated estimate of one's intellect, ability, importance, appearance, wit, or other valued personal characteristics" – the drive to maintain and enhance favorable views of oneself....
.
Derber distinguishes the "shift-response" from the "support-response".
Conversation with Artificial Intelligence (AI)
The ability to generate conversation that cannot be distinguished from a human participant has been one test of a successful artificial intelligence (The
Turing TestThe Turing test is a test of a machine's ability to exhibit intelligent behaviour. In Turing's original illustrative example, a human judge engages in a natural language conversation with a human and a machine designed to generate performance indistinguishable from that of a human being. All...
). A human judge engages in a natural language conversation with one human and one machine, each of which tries to appear human. If the judge cannot tell the machine from the human, the machine is said to have passed the test. One limitation is that the conversation is limited to a text.
Conversing with one's self
Also called
intrapersonal communicationIntrapersonal communication is language use or thought internal to the communicator. It can be useful to envision intrapersonal communication occurring in the mind of the individual in a model which contains a sender, receiver, and feedback loop.-Definitions:...
, conversing with one's self is sometimes able to help solve problems, or serve therapeutic purposes, such as the avoidance of silence. However, conversing with one's self has also been linked with some mental illnesses, such as
schizophreniaSchizophrenia is a mental disorder characterized by a disintegration of thought processes and of emotional responsiveness. It most commonly manifests itself as auditory hallucinations, paranoid or bizarre delusions, or disorganized speech and thinking, and it is accompanied by significant social...
.
Conversation in the media
As a prominent and useful figure in most human lives, conversation is often used in the media, e.g. talk shows such as
William F. BuckleyWilliam Frank Buckley, Jr. was an American conservative author and commentator. He founded the political magazine National Review in 1955, hosted 1,429 episodes of the television show Firing Line from 1966 until 1999, and was a nationally syndicated newspaper columnist. His writing was noted for...
's
Firing LineFiring Line was an American public affairs show founded and hosted by conservative William F. Buckley, Jr. Its 1,504 episodes over 33 years made Firing Line the longest-running public affairs show in television history with a single host...
or the
Dick Cavett ShowRichard Alva "Dick" Cavett is a former American television talk show host known for his conversational style and in-depth discussion of issues...
.
Literature on Conversation
Authors who have written extensively on conversation and attempted to analyze its nature include:
- Milton Wright wrote The Art of Conversation, a comprehensive treatment of the subject, in 1936. The book deals with conversation both for its own sake, and for political, sales, or religious ends. Milton portrays conversation as an art or creation that people can play with and give life to.
- Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Al Switzler, and Ron McMillan have written two New York Times bestselling books on conversation. The first one, Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High, McGraw-Hill, 2002, teaches skills for handling disagreement and high-stakes issues at work and at home. The second book, Crucial Confrontations
Crucial Confrontations: Tools for Resolving Broken Promises, Violated Expectations, and Bad Behavior is the second book by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler. The book discusses the importance of accountability and provides applicable skills for dealing with violated...
: Tools for Resolving Broken Promises, Violated Expectations, and Bad Behavior, McGraw-Hill, 2005, teaches important skills for dealing with accountability issues.
- Charles Blattberg
Charles Blattberg is a professor of political philosophy at the Université de Montréal. Blattberg grew up in Toronto and completed his undergraduate degree at the University of Toronto, where he also served as president of its Students’ Administrative Council during the 1989–90 academic...
has written two books defending an approach to politics that emphasizes conversation, in contrast to negotiation, as the preferred means of resolving conflict. His From Pluralist to Patriotic Politics: Putting Practice First, Oxford and New York: Oxford University PressOxford University Press is the largest university press in the world. It is a department of the University of Oxford and is governed by a group of 15 academics appointed by the Vice-Chancellor known as the Delegates of the Press. They are headed by the Secretary to the Delegates, who serves as...
, 2000, ISBN 0-19-829688-6, is a work of political philosophy; and his Shall We Dance? A Patriotic Politics for Canada, Montreal and Kingston: McGill-Queen's University PressThe McGill-Queen's University Press is a joint venture between McGill University in Montreal, Quebec and Queen's University in Kingston, Ontario....
, 2003, ISBN 0-7735-2596-3, applies that philosophy to the Canadian case.
- Paul Drew & John Heritage
John Heritage is Professor of Sociology at University of California at Los Angeles. He is one of the key figures in the approach known as conversation analysis....
- Talk at Work, a study of how conversation changes in social and workplace situations.
- Neil Postman
Neil Postman was an American author, media theorist and cultural critic, who is best known by the general public for his 1985 book about television, Amusing Ourselves to Death. For more than forty years, he was associated with New York University...
- Amusing Ourselves to DeathAmusing Ourselves to Death: Public Discourse in the Age of Show Business is a book by educator Neil Postman.The book's origins lie in a talk Postman gave to the Frankfurt Book Fair in 1984. He was participating in a panel on Orwell's 1984 and the contemporary world...
(Conversation is not the book's specific focus, but discourse in general gets good treatment here)
- Deborah Tannen
- The Argument Culture: Stopping America's War of Words
- Conversational Style: Analyzing Talk Among Friends,
- Gender and Discourse
- I Only Say This Because I Love You
- Talking from 9 to 5: Women and Men at Work
- That's Not What I Meant!
That's Not What I Meant! How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships is Deborah Tannen's first book presenting, for a general audience, her linguistic approach to explaining how ways of speaking affect relationships...
- You Just Don't Understand
You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation is a 1990 non-fiction book on language and gender by Deborah Tannen, a professor of sociolinguistics at Georgetown University...
: Women and Men in Conversation
- Daniel Menaker - A Good Talk: The Story and Skill of Conversation (published 2010)
- Stephen Miller - Conversation: A History of a Declining Art: provides an extensive history of conversation which dates back to the ancient Greeks with Socrates, and moving forward, to coffeehouses around the world, as well as the modern forces of the electronic age, talk shows, etc.
See also
- A Complete Collection of Genteel and Ingenious Conversation
A Complete Collection of genteel and ingenious Conversation, according to the most polite mode and method now used at Court, and in the best Companies of England, commonly known as A Complete Collection of Genteel and Ingenious Conversation is a book by Jonathan Swift offering an ironic and...
(book)
- Aizuchi
Aizuchi is the Japanese term for frequent interjections during a conversation that indicate the listener is paying attention and understanding the speaker. In linguistic terms, these are a form of phatic expression...
- Awkward silence
An awkward silence is an uncomfortable pause in a conversation. The unpleasant nature of such silences is associated with feelings of anxiety as the participants feel pressure to speak but are unsure what to say next. It is commonly preceded by an ill-considered remark or an imbalance in which...
- Bohm Dialogue
Bohm Dialogue is a freely-flowing group conversation that makes an attempt, utilizing a theoretical understanding of the way thoughts relate to universal reality, to more effectively investigate the crises that face society, and indeed the whole of human nature and consciousness.- Bohm's Original...
- Comments
- Conversation Theory
Conversation Theory is a cybernetic and dialectic framework that offers a scientific theory to explain how interactions lead to "construction of knowledge", or, "knowing": wishing to preserve both the dynamic/kinetic quality, and the necessity for there to be a "knower"...
- Conversational narcissism
- Dialogue
Dialogue is a literary and theatrical form consisting of a written or spoken conversational exchange between two or more people....
- Online chat
Online chat may refer to any kind of communication over the Internet, that offers an instantaneous transmission of text-based messages from sender to receiver, hence the delay for visual access to the sent message shall not hamper the flow of communications in any of the directions...
- Small talk
Small talk is an informal type of discourse that does not cover any functional topics of conversation or any transactions that need to be addressed....
- Speech (public address)
External links