Issue 0

Tatoo on the back of Normie Osborne: Honor thy father/Kill the spider

MJ: Oh, don't be so melodramatic...especially when you're quoting my lines.

[The Green Goblin sees a gun in Peter Parker's belt.]

Green Goblin: Is that a police special you're packing...or are you just happy to see me?!

[Spider-Girl's first lines as Spider-Girl]

Spider-Girl: You want a spider-person, Normie? Face it, tiger...you just hit the jackpot.

Green Goblin: Injustices must be righted, young May! Agonies must be repaid in kind!

Spider-Girl: You mind being a weeee bit more specific?

Issue 1

Narration: With great powers there's always a need for great responsibility -- Is it more responsible to be an obedient daughter -- or a life saving hero?!

Phil Urich: As I recall, Spidey had a special saying which went something like..."with great power yada-yada great responsibility!" The yada-yada was either "there should come" or "there must come" -- it's been so long I forget!

Issue 2

Robber: I don't care who you are, ya meddlesome witch!

Spider-Girl: Oh, man! You are so lucky you used the w-word instead of the b-word! Because the b-word makes me real angry -- and this is me only mildly cheesed off!

Issue 3

Spider-Girl: Home--?! You want to get home? Have you tried closing your eyes, and clicking your heels? I hear that's the most accepted method--though I also recommend the much-improved New York transit system as an alternative!

Spyral: When life gives you lemons -- you can always toss them at innocent bystanders

Issue 4

[Classroom, most of the students are half-asleep.]

Teacher: Charles Darwin believed that even with all his noble qualities, man still bore the inevitable stamp of his lowly oriign. Can anyone explain what he meant? Anyone at all?

Dragonking: It means you have a class full of monkeys! Although I'm sure chimps are friendlier and smell better!

Issue 5

May Parker: I inherited your spider-like abilities, and with great power---

Peter Parker: Don't even go down that road, young lady. I'm not falling for that old cliche.

Issue 6

Ladyhawk: I'm afraid your associate is ill prepared to deal with either my sonic screech -- or the obvious issues raised by his choice of such a large caliber gun.

Spider-Girl: Can't we just bypass the useless, impotent threats -- and cut straight to the startling revelation that we're all on the same side?

Issue 7

Darkdevil: While your incessant whining does have a familiar ring to it, I still don't place the mask.

Issue 8

May Parker: T-This isn't what it looks like--!

MJ: You mean you aren't searching your father's trunk in the hope of finding an old costume or spare web-shooters?

May Parker: Okay! It is what it looks like!

Issue 9

May Parker: B-but I have this great power, and--

MJ: Save it! I've heard that line before!

Issue 10

Franklin Richards: I…I didn't mean to offend you!

Spider-Girl: Pity! You did such a good job at it!

Issue 11

[James Jonah Jameson is suspecting Spider-Man is gay.]

J. Jonah Jameson: It's one thing to persecute a masked menace--but a minority?

Issue 12

May Parker: You want to try shoving me against a locker?

Jack Jameson: While the image has certain rudimentary appeal, I thought we'd start with a couple of cappuccinos after class.

First part

Melissa Carsdale: Sorrrrry! I have a strict policy against dating people I douse with acid!

Third part

Peter Parker: Villains are expected to cheat. Heroes are supposed to have a sense of honor and play fairly.

May Parker: B-but then I have no chance of winning!

Peter Parker: If that's what you really think, get off my court!

Issue 13

MJ: S'funny how the public adores certain costumed heroes…and scorns others.

Issue 14

First Robber: Look what she's done to our guns!

Second Robber: S-she's clogging them with some kind'a goo!

Spider-Girl: Not goo! Webbing! It's all a part of a coordinated marketing effort to create a complete Spider-Mystique!

Issue 15

May Parker: I recognize Speedball, but who is he fighting?

Davida: You're asking me? I can identify over half the players in the WNBA. When it comes to these costumed clowns…I can barely recognize Spider-Girl.

Issue 16

Spider-Girl: Wellllll, I have these real nifty super-powers…And, like the man says, with great power--there should also come---great, uhhh, responsibility.

Ladyhawk: Should…but rarely does!

Issue 17

Spider-Girl: JJ's okay…once you get to know him.

Brad: I'm sure some people say that about Doctor Doom.

Issue 29

Spider-Girl: Since when do you have the right to order me to back off?

Nova: I'm faster, stronger, and far more experienced than you.

Spider-Girl: Okay, sure…but that doesn't answer my question!

Issue 31

Raptor: Remind me to keep out of that man's reach. Although he is kind o' cute!

Spider-Girl: Keep your mind on the fight, girl!

Raptor: Like you didn't check out his butt, too!

Spider-Girl: I tried, but that stupid cape kept getting in the way.

Issue 33

Spider-Girl: Responsibility is more than just a sound bite. It isn't an excuse to don a costume bash the baddies. It's like an angry snake that twists in your mind, and forces you out into the cold-- when your only desire is to cower in bed.

Issue 34

Spider-Girl: My dad is definitely not cute. He's…he's…just my dad!

Issue 43

Spider-Girl: I'm not a big fan of violence! Never was! Never will be! The more I hurt you, the more you will want to hurt me--and the circle will just continue and continue until one of us dies. Then it will start all over again…because someone always demands vengeance. We have to break the circle! We have to stop the violence! We have to find another way!

Issue 75

MJ: I believe you've met your infant brother. He seems to have this thing about eating before dawn.

May Parker: Good for you Benjy! You show'em who's boss

Unknown issue

Brad: So Spider-Girl is someone attending this school. I bet its Miranda.

Kong: Miranda? But she's a nerd.

Brad: Oh, the heroine is always a nerd. I read comics.

Kong: Nah, I think she's an athlete, like May or Davida.

Davida:(cold) Come on May. Let's leave these good citizens; we have criminals to fight and algebra homework.

May:(cold) Fine, but we have to drop by the Spider-Cave first. I think I left my History notes next to the giant penny.

(Enter Miranda)

Miranda: Hey guys! What'd I miss?

(Pause. Everyone stares at Miranda)

Miranda: What?