Lucifer Quotations

Lucifer (1999 onwards) is a comic book series which has been collected in 11 trade paperbacks. The entire series was written by Mike Carey with a number of artists working on different issues. Lucifer and several other characters in this series also appeared in Neil Gaiman's comic book series The Sandman.

The Morningstar Option, Issue 1

[Amenadiel has poured a glass of brandy across the table and set it alight]

Lucifer: That's an eighty year-old Janneau Armagnac. If I'd known you were going to waste it on melodrama, I would have given you the '78.

Amenadiel: The World is on fire, Lucifer Morningstar. I wanted to make that point forcefully. Otherwise we could squander the evening in stale repartee.

Lucifer: I've no desire to trespass on your evening at all, Amenadiel. I'm sure there are many places where your company would be almost welcome.

Amenadiel: I am told that you will name your price.

Lucifer: That I may name my price or that I will name it?

Amenadiel: Will.

Mahu: Far enough, prince of Hell. Far enough and a little more.

Lucifer: Ah, the hospitality of the Lilim! I wonder what it died of. Hello, Mahu. How is your master these days?

Mahu: I acknowledge no master.

Lucifer: Then how is Briadach the blind, lord of the Lilim in exile? Is he healthy? I mean, within the usual parameters?

Mahu: His lungs burn. His every heartbeat tears his side like a flensing knife.

Lucifer: Ah, well within the usual parameters, then.

Mahu: When the Lilim claim their right, you'll last no longer than the angels. You'll just burn with a different colored flame.

Lucifer: Oh, nothing will be burning by then. Even solar fusion only lasts so long.

[Lucifer stands at the gates of Hell, a realm he has abandoned]

Lucifer: Home again, home again. Jiggetty jig.

The Morningstar Option Issue 2

Lucifer: Little pig, little pig, let me in.

Remiel: This is no longer your domain, Lucifer Morningstar. You have no right of entry here. No right even to walk on this ground without our leave!

Lucifer: Hmm. In my day we took anyone who happened by. That's part of the point, isn't it?

Remiel: You will not face me down and you will not sway me. Our work of redemption here is at a delicate stage, and your presence here drags everything back into question.

Lucifer: Remiel, you once begged me to return …

Remiel: I haven't finished yet!

Lucifer: Oh well …

Remiel: You come here with all your old arrogance – like a visiting head of state, when the truth is you've evaded your responsibilities. You resigned. You resigned, Lucifer.

Lucifer: Your grasp of current affairs is as keen as ever.

Remiel: Spare me your sarcasm. I have nothing to say to you.

Lucifer: Remiel … how many demons stand behind us? I reckon at least a third of the infernal host. If you don't let me come inside, I'll humiliate you so badly that your prestige here – which I imagine is at also at a delicate stage – will catch cold and die. … Good lad. Always know your limitations, eh?

Lucifer: A message written in blood. Everyone involved in this drama seems compelled to overact.

Lucifer: I'm the paid agent of the Triune Godhead, The King of Heaven. I will not relent. Unless you want to make me a substantially higher offer.

Issue 6, The House of Windowless Rooms, Part 2

[Kagutsuchi has run off to kill Lucifer]

Yama-no-kami: He has his sword, and his strength. And the advantage of familiar ground.

Susano-o-no-mikoto: That is so. And the lightbringer has nothing save his wit and his will. I find that this fails to console me overmuch.

Issue 8, The House of Windowless Rooms, Part 4

Jill Presto: Well … just speaking for myself … and I'm going out on a limb here … I'd like to say that you're an arrogant, ungrateful son of a bitch on a permanent power trip.

Lucifer: Ha! Excellent. Accurate on all counts.

Issue 9, Children and Monsters, Prelude

Monk in Street: There's a special place in hell for those who hear God's call and turn away.

Erishad: No, there are no special places in hell. Hell is a democracy.

Issue 10, Children and Monsters, Part 1

Merv: Hey, look, Loosh. It's raining doors. Whaddya make of that?

Lucien: Hmm. I'd say that someone is sending out an invitation. Someone who doesn't care about incurring our lord's anger.

Mr. Easterman: They used to call the devil the father of lies. But for someone whose sin is meant to be pride, you'd think that lying would leave something of a sour taste. So my theory is that when the devil wants to get something out of you, he doesn't lie at all. He tells you the exact, literal truth. And he lets you find your own way to hell.

Issue 13, Children and Monsters, Part 3

[Amenadiel is poised to slay Musubi]

Musubi: Tell me how many I killed … angel.

Amenadiel: Not enough. [decapitates her]

Issue 14, Children and Monsters, Part 4

Elaine: Does it hurt?

Michael: No. It does not hurt. But it eventually kills, as with so many things in your world.

Michael: I'll take you home, if you wish.

Elaine: No, thanks. I'll wait for Lucifer.

Michael: Be wary of him, Elaine. You have a long way to go, and he is not the safest of travelling companions.

Elaine: He saved my life twice. He's the only grown-up I know who keeps his promises.

Michael: Yes. It is a point of pride with him. But please – don't mistake it for a virtue.

Issue 19, A Dalliance With The Damned, Part 3

[Lucifer and Mazikeen have arrived in Effrul early. Lucifer is dressed in 18th Century attire, Mazikeen wears jeans and a T-Shirt with the phrase "Normal Consciousness Will Resume"]

Mazikeen: Why do you stay here? It isn't like you!

Lucifer: Isn't it? Call it a whim, then. We've come a long way. It would be tedious to turn around at once. [pause] And what of you, for that matter? You came to Hell to speak to the Lilim here, not to be my escort at public functions.

Mazikeen: Gathering the Lilim will be a long task. It will help if they know I'm here.

Lucifer: So you're doing this for the exposure. I see. Do you intend to dress, by the way? I gather this is to be a formal occasion.

Mazikeen: It's just play acting. I prefer to go as myself.

Lucifer: Well, then. Let's see if the rumors about us are true.

Issue 20, The Thunder Sermon

Michael: Was it not Buddha who heard a sermon in the thunder?

Lucifer: Actually, it is in the Upanishads, but I applaud your ecumenical impulse.

Michael: And the words the thunder said were Datta, Dayadvam, Damyata. Give, sympathize and control. I've always thought of that as one commandment rather than three.

Lucifer: Why do I feel that this particular sermon is being preached at me? I can do control. Nobody is good at everything.

[Later]

Lucifer: A sermon in the thunder, Michael? Thunder only has one thing to say: it tells us how close the storm is.

issue 21, Paradiso, Part 1

Gaudium: You ever seen roadkill? Because that's what you're gonna look like! They're gonna have to identify you by your Kirlian Aura!

Issue 22, Paradiso, Part 2

Gaudium: The thing is, it's the Basanos you're up against. It can see the future. So obviously, there's a future where you get to be important. On the down side, there's a whole lot more where you get to be a greasy stain. Can we talk as we flee?

Issue 26, Purgatorio, Part 2

Lucifer: I intend to survive this. Anything you say ought to take that into account.

Death: You know, I told my brother once, that if you kill the messenger, in the long run, you just get less mail.

Issue 28, Breaking & Entering

Spera: Ooh! Ooh! You hear that? A bird singing out amidst our desolation. It's a miracle. The miracle called supper.

Gaudium: Fairy gossamer, ewwwww! How can you trust a species that would milk a spider's ass?

Spera: You've done worse things to a spider's ass.

Issue 30, Inferno Part 2

Scoria: If you were to ask for forgiveness, it would not remove the need to lash you. But it would make the lashing an act of reconciliation between us, not punishment.

Mazikeen: Don't waste your breath. Every word could be a stroke.

Issue 31, Inferno Part 3

Demon spectator 1: Look at that heaven-spewn bastard. Standing there like his shit don't stink.

Demon spectator 2: It doesn't. It sings hosiannas.

Issue 34, Come to judgement, Part 1

Lucifer: There is a cavern at the heart of the world …

Mazikeen: There is?

Lucifer: Sometimes. It depends on the mood the world is in.

Issue 35, Come to judgement, Part 2

Gaudium: Get out the yellow pages, Spera. I'm gonna sue this guy's ass into a geostationary orbit.

Bergelmir: It was joke, morningstar. A joke only. I've something of my brother's humor, after all.

Lucifer: Take me to the ship. Or I'll show you what makes me laugh.

Issue 36, Naglfar, Part 1

Bergelmir: The Morningstar has a sour disposition and a keen eye for other people's imperfections.

Lucifer: You'll have to rise above your individual hatreds and mistrusts. Otherwise you will die. Or else you'll live, but come back unsuccessful. In which case I'll kill most of you myself. Good luck.

Issue 37, Naglfar, Part 2

Gaudium: When I signed up, I thought this was Lucifer's show. With him along it's epic. With us it's more of a situation comedy.

Mr Easterman: Couldn't someone else–?

Mazikeen: No. No one else. The rest of the crew have other functions. You are totally expendable except for this. Do I have to threaten you?

Mr Easterman: No. I get the picture. Thanks for your brutal honesty.

Mazikeen (points sword at Bergelmirs throat): Sit up slowly, helmsman. Slowly as a shadow crossing a sundial. And explain to me why I should not kill you.

Issue 38, Naglfar, Part 3

Mr. Easterman: I – have this terrible sense of –

Gaudium: I know. Like you're tied to the nosecone of a rocket and you look down and the rocket's got "Prototype" all down the side of it.

Mr. Easterman: Exactly.

Michael: There's nothing here to fear.

Lucifer: Well, there's always the truth.

Issue 39, Naglfar, Part 4

Lucifer: But if you want some advice, Zim'et, I'd say to choose a direction that leads away from the silver city. Set off now, and keep moving until the stars start to dim.

Issue 41, Sisters of mercy

Bergelmir: You've done a terrible thing, Morningstar. I still believe that you'll be brought to pay for it. One way or another.

Lucifer: Well, belief is meant to be a great consolation. Take it with you when you go.

Issue 44, Brothers in arms

Beatrice Wechsler: The buildings are singing to each other. Elegies, laments, funeral hymns. I can almost make out the words. I almost know who they're for.

Beatrice Wechsler: I know what she's going to do to me. But if I ran – I'd just end up in some place that doesn't have her in it.

Issue 46, Stitchglass slide

Gaudium: You think she's talking about us?

Spera: Must be. Her face is screwed up in disgust.

Issue 49, Wire, Briar, Limber Lock

Uriel: Did you call us here to insult us?

Lucifer: No, Uriel – to warn you. I thought you should have time to prepare.

Uriel: Prepare for what?

Lucifer: For the end of the world: come and see.

Issue 50, Lilith

Gabriel: This is a travesty of justice.

Michael: Justice is my father's prerogative. The rest of us … the rest of us can only do what we think is right.

Issue 55, The Eighth Sin

Christopher Rudd (to Remiel): I was wrong in one respect only. I've told the lady Lys that there was no sin. But there is. Hell itself is sin. You will not be forgiven for it.

Remiel (sentencing Christopher Rudd): Here. Now. By right and ordinance divine, I pass sentence on your teacher. His soul I will divide into as many pieces as he has disciples. And I will cast the pieces from the roof of this tower. That you may hear a new gospel in the shrieking of the wind and a sermon in the thunder.

Issue 56, Crux, Part 1

Lilith: There is not much room for regret in the life I have chose. But for this I am sorry. That all those millenia of pain were waiting for him – and I could have saved him with a single word. Yet I did not speak.

Issue 64, Morningstar, Part 2

Jill Presto (to Lucifer, being surrounded by demons): Uh … do these guys know you?

Elaine Belloc: This is hell. Everybody knows him.

Jill Presto: I think I'll wait in the car.

Issue 65, Morningstar, Part 3

Lucifer: We might lose without fighting. That would be a new experience for me.

Lucifer: If we wait here, death will sift over us like snow and numb us to sleep. On the whole, fire is still my element.

Elaine: Then let's burn.

Issue 66, The Beast Can't Take Your Call Right Now

Gaudium (doing dishes): Kill. Rip. Maim. Rinse. Repeat.

Spera: Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Think of those poor women.

Gaudium: Will thinking about them improve the quality of my self-pity?

Issue 67, Morningstar, Part 4

[Climbing the steps to the tower of the Primum Mobile]

Christopher Rudd: These stairs seem neverending, Morningstar.

Lucifer: Funny. Most of the times when I passed this way I wished they were longer. [pause] What was waiting at the top was always worse.

Issue 69, Morningstar, Part 6

Solomon: This is heaven?

Meleos: In a sense.

Solomon: Then take me back. I haven't earned it yet.

Issue 70, Fireside tales

Martin Thole's son: All stories are lies. But good stories are lies made from light and fire. And they lift our hearts out of the dust, and out of the grave.

Issue 71, Evensong, Part 1

Rachel Begai (in reference to Lucifer's … proposal): I hate it that you're using me again, Lucifer. I hate it that you think you're honest because you never tell outright lies. [hangs her head] Yeah. Okay.

Lucifer: Excellent.

Issue 72, Evensong, Part 2

Lucifer: Trust your instincts, Elaine Belloc. If mercy's your aim, be relentless in your mercy. Be absolute. Be yourself, until you bleed.

Issue 73, The Gaudium Option

Gaudium: Remiel, former Lord of Hell. Which is something any Schmendrick can add to his resume these days.

Issue 75, All we need of Hell

God: You've been unhappy because you've desired things that cannot be.

Lucifer: That's what desire is. The need for what we can't have. The need for what's readily available is called greed.