Directed by Jon Favreau. Written by David Berenbaum.

Buddy

• [Answering the phone] Buddy the Elf; what's your favorite color?
• [Whispering to fake Santa] You Stink. You smell like beef and cheese! You don't smell like Santa.
• [To fake Santa] You sit on a throne of LIES.
• [Burps loudly for what seems like thirty seconds] Did you hear that?
• First we'll make snow angels for two hours, then we'll go ice skating, then we'll eat an entire roll of Toll House cookie dough as fast as we can, and then to finish, we'll snuggle!
• [Dejectedly] Let's just face it. I'm the worst toymaker in the world! I'm a cotton-headed ninny-muggins. [Elves gasp]
• [In a public restroom, looking over the wall into the neighboring stall] Hey, have you seen these toilets? They're GINORMOUS!
• Us elves like to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corn and syrup.
• [To wild racoon] Does some one need a hug? [The raccoon attacks him] I just wanted a hug!
• [After getting hit in the face with a snowball] Ow! Son of a Nutcracker!
• [About the mail room] This place reminds me of Santa's workshop. Except it smells like mushrooms and everyone looks like they want to hurt me.
• [Repeated several times throughout movie] First, I went through the seven levels of the Candy Cane Forest... Then, I went past the sea of twirly, swirly gumdrops... And after that: I went through the Lincoln Tunnel.
• Morning Sarah. That's a very nice purple dress. It's very purpley.
• "I am sorry that I ruined your lives and crammed eleven cookies in the VCR. Love, Buddy."
• Francisco; that's fun to say... Francisco... Fran... cisco... Francisco...

Miles Finch

• DO NOT PUT ME ON HOLD! [silence in Walter's office] I'll be there tomorrow. 71 degrees.

Dialogue

Gimbel's Manager: This is the North Pole.

Buddy: No, it isn't.

Gimbel's Manager: Yes, it is.

Buddy: No, it isn't.

Gimbel's Manager: Yes, it is.

Buddy: No, it isn't.

Gimbel's Manager: Yes, it is.

Buddy: No, it not! WHERE'S THE SNOW!? [smiles]

Gimbel's Manager: Why are you smiling like that?

Buddy: I just like smiling; smiling's my favorite.

Gimbel's Manager: [pause] Make work your favorite, okay? Work is your new favorite.

Buddy: Sounds like somebody needs to sing a Christmas Carol.

Jovie: No way.

Buddy: The best way to spread Christmas Cheer, is singing loud for all to hear.

Jovie: Thanks, but I don't sing.

Buddy: Oh, well, it's just like talking, except longer and louder, and you move your voice up and down.

Jovie: I can sing, I just choose not to sing. Especially in front of other people.

Buddy: If you can sing alone, you sing in front of other people. There's no difference.

Jovie: Actually, there's a BIG difference.

Buddy: No, there's not. Wait... [Starts singing loud and off-key] I'm singing/I'm in a store/and I'm siiiiiingiiiiing!/I'm in a store/and I'm siiiiiingiiiiing!

Gimbel's Manager: HEY! There's no singin' in the North Pole!

Buddy: Yes, there is!

Gimbel's Manager: No there's not!

Buddy: We sing all the time!

Gimbel's Manager': No you don't!

Buddy: Especially when we build toys! [Back to Jovie] See?

Counter Girl: (over intercom) Mr. Hobbes? It's me on the intercom?

Walter Hobbes: Yeah?

Counter Girl: I think someone sent you a Christmas gram. (escorts Buddy in)

Buddy: (excitedly) DAD!!!!

Jovie: What were you doing in the womans' locker room this morning?

Buddy: I heard you singing.

Jovie: You sure it didn't have anything to do with the fact that I was naked and in the shower?

Buddy: I didn't know you were naked. Why were you here so early?

Jovie: They shut my water off. What were you doing here?

Buddy: Building this.

Jovie: You built this? They're kinda pissed about this.

Gimbel's Manager: Hey guys, you seen the place? Pretty good, they must have brought in a professional. I dunno why, but someone's gunning for my job. But look, let's stick together on this. If you get wind of anything, call me on my radio. Channel three. Code word is "Santa's got a brand new bag." [to Jovie] Six inch ribbon curls, honey.

Jovie: [rolls her eyes] But that's impossible.

Gimbel's Manager: [interrupting] SIX... inches. [storms away]

Buddy: By the way, you have the most beautiful singing voice in the whole wide world.

Buddy: Who the heck are you?

Gimbel's Santa: What are you talkin' about? I'm Santa Claus.

Buddy: No, you're not.

Gimbel's Santa: Uh, why of course I am! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

Buddy: Well, if you're Santa, what song did I sing for you on your birthday this year?

Gimbel's Santa: Um, Happy Birthday of course! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. How old are you son?

Kid with Santa: Four.

Gimbel's Santa: You're a big boy. What's your name?

Kid with Santa: Paul.

Gimbel's Santa: Now what can I get you for Christmas?

Buddy: Don't tell him what you want, he's a liar.

Gimbel's Santa: Let the kid talk.

Buddy: You disgust me! How can you live with yourself?

Gimbel's Santa: Just cool it, Zippy.

Buddy: You sit on a throne of lies.

Gimbel's Santa: Look, I'm not kiddin'.

Buddy: You're a fake.

Gimbel's Santa: I'm a fake?

Buddy: Yes!

Gimbel's Santa: How'd you like to be dead, huh? Ho, ho, just kidding.

Buddy: You stink.

Gimbel's Santa: I think you're gonna have a good Christmas, all right.

Buddy: You smell like beef and cheese, you don't smell like Santa.

Emily: You sure like sugar, huh?

Buddy: Does syrup have sugar in it?

Emily: Yes.

Buddy: Then YES! We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.

Buddy: [out of breath from chasing Michael] Wow, you're fast. I'm glad I caught up to you. I waited 5 hours for you. Why is your coat so big? So, good news - I saw a dog today. Have you seen a dog? You probably have. How was school? Was it fun? Did you get a lot of homework? Huh? Do you have any friends? Do you have a best friend? Does he have a big coat, too?

Michael: Go away!

Buddy: I know I sound like a broken record but we are buddies, you're my best friend, that's it.

Mailroom Guy: You know, I have really great ideas, but no one around here listens to me.

Buddy: I listen to your ideas, you have great ideas.

Mailroom Guy: I got to go with the flow.

Buddy: Then go with the flow.

Mailroom Guy: No! I got to get out of the flow, that's what got me here.

Buddy: Then get out of the flow.

Mailroom Guy: I mean I'm 26 years old, I've got nothing to show for it.

Buddy: You're young, you're so young...You know my papa, he didn't make master tinker till he was 490.

Mailroom Guy: [chuckles] 490...

Buddy: Ticklefight!

[Buddy and Jovie are ice skating at Rockfeller Center]

Buddy: [kisses Jovie on the cheek] Sorry.

Jovie: You missed.

Buddy: What do you mean I missed?

Jovie: You missed.

[She kisses Buddy on the mouth.]

Miles Finch: It's just one of those ideas, I'm just psyched out of my mind about...ya' know, it's just one of those ideas where you're like, YES!

Eugene: [brainstorming for a new book] What about this: a tribe of asparagus children, but they're self-conscious about the way their pee smells. [hand movements]

Gimbel's Manager: Okay, everyone! Tomorrow, 10 A.M., Santa's coming to town!

Buddy: SANTA!!!!! Oh my god! [excitedly, to the Manager] I know him! I know him!

Gimbel's Worker: Fashion Fruit spray?

Buddy: Sure. (Buddy takes bottle and sprays it in his mouth) EWW NO! NO! AHH AHH MEHHHHH!

Cast

• Will Ferrell - Buddy
• Zooey Deschanel - Jovie
• Edward Asner - Santa Claus
• Bob Newhart - Papa Elf
• James Caan - Walter
• Daniel Tay - Michael
• Mary Steenburgen - Emily
• Faizon Love - Gimbel's Manager