Victim playing
Encyclopedia
Victim playing is the fabrication of victim-hood for a variety of reasons such as to justify abuse
of others, to manipulate
others, a coping strategy or attention seeking
.
It is common for abusers to engage in victim playing. This serves two purposes:
or sympathy
or to evoke compassion
and thereby get something from another. Caring and conscientious people cannot stand to see anyone suffering, and the manipulator often finds it easy and rewarding to play on sympathy to get cooperation.
; as may be the knowledge that 'individuals with boundary issues
will play the victim, expect you to act in certain unstated ways based on how a parent or sibling treated them'.
The danger is perhaps that, in the hustle of office politics
, the term may be abused to penalize or victimize those to whom it is applied, on the principle of 'Dostoevsky's famous "knife that cuts both ways"': as Freud long since warned regarding the politicization of therapeutic language, 'the use of analysis as a weapon of controversy can clearly lead to no decision'.
had early explored the game of "Look How Hard I've Tried" - 'played from either of two positions: "I am helpless" or "I am blameless"' - as well as that of "Wooden Leg", characterised by 'such pleas as: what do you expect of a man who (a) comes from a broken home; (b) is neurotic; (c) is in analysis or (d) is suffering from a disease called alcoholism?'
Subsequently TA developed the idea of the Karpman drama triangle
, with role switches between Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer. 'Judith (speaking as the victim of emotional troubles): Rescue me. Dr Q (speaking as a rescuer): I'll rescue you. Judith (switching into the role of a persecutor): Wise guy!'
R. D. Laing considered that 'it will be difficult in practice to determine whether or to what extent a relationship is collusive' - when 'the one person is predominantly the passive "victim"', and when they are merely playing the victim. The problem is intensified once a pattern of victimization has been internalised - for example, 'when the victim has learnt to perceive his universe in double bind
terms'.
To break out of 'the spell cast by the negative complex
', and to escape the passivity of victimhood, requires you to 'develop a great deal of patience and tolerance in order to take responsibility for your desire and not blame another for failing you before you have fully tried'.
Abuse
Abuse is the improper usage or treatment for a bad purpose, often to unfairly or improperly gain benefit. Abuse can come in many forms, such as: physical or verbal maltreatment, injury, sexual assault, violation, rape, unjust practices; wrongful practice or custom; offense; crime, or otherwise...
of others, to manipulate
Psychological manipulation
Psychological manipulation is a type of social influence that aims to change the perception or behavior of others through underhanded, deceptive, or even abusive tactics. By advancing the interests of the manipulator, often at the other's expense, such methods could be considered exploitative,...
others, a coping strategy or attention seeking
Attention seeking
Enjoying the attention of others is quite socially acceptable. In some instances, however, the need for attention can lead to difficulties. The term attention seeking is generally reserved for such situations where excessive and "inappropriate attention seeking" is seen.-Styles:The following...
.
By abusers
Victim playing by abusers is either:- divertingDistractionDistraction is the divided attention of an individual or group from the chosen object of attention onto the source of distraction. Distraction is caused by: the lack of ability to pay attention; lack of interest in the object of attention; or the great intensity, novelty or attractiveness of...
attentionAttentionAttention is the cognitive process of paying attention to one aspect of the environment while ignoring others. Attention is one of the most intensely studied topics within psychology and cognitive neuroscience....
away from acts of abuse by claiming that the abuse was justified based on another person's bad behavior (typically the victim) - soliciting sympathySympathySympathy is a social affinity in which one person stands with another person, closely understanding his or her feelings. Also known as empathic concern, it is the feeling of compassion or concern for another, the wish to see them better off or happier. Although empathy and sympathy are often used...
from others in order to gain their assistance in supporting or enablingEnablingEnabling is a term with a double meaning.As a positive term, it references patterns of interaction which allow individuals to develop and grow...
the abuse of a victim (known as proxy abuse).
It is common for abusers to engage in victim playing. This serves two purposes:
- justification to themselves – as a way of dealing with the cognitive dissonanceCognitive dissonanceCognitive dissonance is a discomfort caused by holding conflicting ideas simultaneously. The theory of cognitive dissonance proposes that people have a motivational drive to reduce dissonance. They do this by changing their attitudes, beliefs, and actions. Dissonance is also reduced by justifying,...
that results from inconsistencies between the way they treat others and what they believe about themselves. - justification to others – as a way of escaping harsh judgment or condemnation they may fear from others.
By manipulators
Manipulators often play the victim role ("poor me") by portraying themselves as victims of circumstances or someone else's behavior in order to gain pityPity
Pity originally means feeling for others, particularly feelings of sadness or sorrow, and was once used in a comparable sense to the more modern words "sympathy" and "empathy"...
or sympathy
Sympathy
Sympathy is a social affinity in which one person stands with another person, closely understanding his or her feelings. Also known as empathic concern, it is the feeling of compassion or concern for another, the wish to see them better off or happier. Although empathy and sympathy are often used...
or to evoke compassion
Compassion
Compassion is a virtue — one in which the emotional capacities of empathy and sympathy are regarded as a part of love itself, and a cornerstone of greater social interconnection and humanism — foundational to the highest principles in philosophy, society, and personhood.There is an aspect of...
and thereby get something from another. Caring and conscientious people cannot stand to see anyone suffering, and the manipulator often finds it easy and rewarding to play on sympathy to get cooperation.
Other types
Victim playing is also:- an attention seeking technique (see for example Münchausen syndromeMunchausen syndromeMünchausen syndrome is a psychiatric factitious disorder wherein those affected feign disease, illness, or psychological trauma to draw attention or sympathy to themselves. It is also sometimes known as hospital addiction syndrome or hospital hopper syndrome...
, Münchausen syndrome by proxyMunchausen syndrome by proxyMünchausen syndrome by proxy is a label for a pattern of behavior in which care-givers deliberately exaggerate, fabricate, and/or induce physical, psychological, behavioral, and/or mental health problems in others. Other experts classified MSbP as a mental illness...
and Münchausen by InternetMunchausen by InternetMünchausen by Internet is a pattern of behavior in which Internet users seek attention by feigning illnesses in online venues such as chat rooms, message boards, and Internet Relay Chat . It has been described in medical literature as a manifestation of factitious disorder or factitious disorder by...
). - a strategy used by alcoholics to elicit constructive criticism, rescue, or enablingEnablingEnabling is a term with a double meaning.As a positive term, it references patterns of interaction which allow individuals to develop and grow...
behavior from others
In corporate life
The language of "victim playing" has entered modern corporate life, with pundits expressing 'frustration around highly competent professionals who constantly played the victim in virtually every aspect of their careers...always someone else's fault'. Taking the position that 'when someone plays the victim, they act as if they are powerless and not responsible for their actions...irresponsible and dishonest', may be empoweringEmpowerment
Empowerment refers to increasing the spiritual, political, social, racial, educational, gender or economic strength of individuals and communities...
; as may be the knowledge that 'individuals with boundary issues
Personal boundaries
Personal boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify for him- or herself what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around him or her and how he or she will respond when someone steps outside those limits.'Personal boundaries define...
will play the victim, expect you to act in certain unstated ways based on how a parent or sibling treated them'.
The danger is perhaps that, in the hustle of office politics
Office politics
Workplace politics, sometimes referred to as Office politics is "the use of one's individual or assigned power within an employing organization for the purpose of obtaining advantages beyond one's legitimate authority...
, the term may be abused to penalize or victimize those to whom it is applied, on the principle of 'Dostoevsky's famous "knife that cuts both ways"': as Freud long since warned regarding the politicization of therapeutic language, 'the use of analysis as a weapon of controversy can clearly lead to no decision'.
Transactional analysis
Transactional analysis has devoted much attention to the idea of adopting the role of "Victim", as 'distinguished from the real victim. The Victim is someone who inauthentically behaves as if they are being victimised in situations where they actually have reasonable opportunities to alter the situation'. Eric BerneEric Berne
Eric Berne was a Canadian-born psychiatrist best known as the creator of transactional analysis and the author of Games People Play.-Background and education:...
had early explored the game of "Look How Hard I've Tried" - 'played from either of two positions: "I am helpless" or "I am blameless"' - as well as that of "Wooden Leg", characterised by 'such pleas as: what do you expect of a man who (a) comes from a broken home; (b) is neurotic; (c) is in analysis or (d) is suffering from a disease called alcoholism?'
Subsequently TA developed the idea of the Karpman drama triangle
Karpman drama triangle
The drama triangle is a psychological and social model of human interaction in transactional analysis first described by Stephen Karpman, in his 1968 article Fairy Tales and Script Drama Analysis...
, with role switches between Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer. 'Judith (speaking as the victim of emotional troubles): Rescue me. Dr Q (speaking as a rescuer): I'll rescue you. Judith (switching into the role of a persecutor): Wise guy!'
R. D. Laing considered that 'it will be difficult in practice to determine whether or to what extent a relationship is collusive' - when 'the one person is predominantly the passive "victim"', and when they are merely playing the victim. The problem is intensified once a pattern of victimization has been internalised - for example, 'when the victim has learnt to perceive his universe in double bind
Double bind
A double bind is an emotionally distressing dilemma in communication in which an individual receives two or more conflicting messages, in which one message negates the other. This creates a situation in which a successful response to one message results in a failed response to the other , so that...
terms'.
Object relations
Object relations theory has explored the impact of the false self on neurotic personalities, in terms of 'the effects of the discordant source. The processes of their mind are always being interfered with and being cut off from the source of action, and so they are always victim'. Such theorists emphasise that 'if one is preoocupied...[with] the false self, the sense is less of living one's life than of being at the mercy of fate'. In addition, 'when the personality is victim to the discordant source, the subject feels victim to outside pressures...It is a false perception of my inner relation to the other object. I have no responder within'.To break out of 'the spell cast by the negative complex
Complex (psychology)
A complex is a core pattern of emotions, memories, perceptions, and wishes in the personal unconscious organized around a common theme, such as power or status...
', and to escape the passivity of victimhood, requires you to 'develop a great deal of patience and tolerance in order to take responsibility for your desire and not blame another for failing you before you have fully tried'.