Phill And Phil's Perfect Ten
Encyclopedia
Phill And Phil's Perfect Ten was a comedy
Comedy
Comedy , as a popular meaning, is any humorous discourse or work generally intended to amuse by creating laughter, especially in television, film, and stand-up comedy. This must be carefully distinguished from its academic definition, namely the comic theatre, whose Western origins are found in...

 audiobook and irregular podcast
Podcast
A podcast is a series of digital media files that are released episodically and often downloaded through web syndication...

 hosted by Phill Jupitus
Phill Jupitus
Phillip Christopher Jupitus is an English stand-up and improvised comedian, actor, performance poet, musician and podcaster....

 and Phil Wilding. It was recorded and offered for free on their website and ITunes
ITunes
iTunes is a media player computer program, used for playing, downloading, and organizing digital music and video files on desktop computers. It can also manage contents on iPod, iPhone, iPod Touch and iPad....

 after each recording, and archive editions were available as audiobooks on audible.co.uk and ITunes
ITunes
iTunes is a media player computer program, used for playing, downloading, and organizing digital music and video files on desktop computers. It can also manage contents on iPod, iPhone, iPod Touch and iPad....

 each containing 4 episodes and bonus material in the form of an introduction and a 'Perfect One.' The show reunited the duo from their days on BBC 6 Music
BBC 6 Music
BBC 6 Music is one of the BBC's digital radio stations, was launched on 11 March 2002 and originally codenamed Network Y. It was the first national music radio station to be launched by the BBC in 32 years....

 and has covered a range of topics and established a range of running jokes. Stephen Fry
Stephen Fry
Stephen John Fry is an English actor, screenwriter, author, playwright, journalist, poet, comedian, television presenter and film director, and a director of Norwich City Football Club. He first came to attention in the 1981 Cambridge Footlights Revue presentation "The Cellar Tapes", which also...

 provided narration in the form of the introduction and stings; music was played by Jupitus on a ukulele
Ukulele
The ukulele, ; from ; it is a subset of the guitar family of instruments, generally with four nylon or gut strings or four courses of strings....

. Content tended to be of the NSFW variety, due to extremely strong language and adult references.

The series was concluded in mid-June 2011, as the pair pursued other projects that didn’t allow for new episodes to be recorded, such as Jupitus’ role in the Monty Python
Monty Python
Monty Python was a British surreal comedy group who created their influential Monty Python's Flying Circus, a British television comedy sketch show that first aired on the BBC on 5 October 1969. Forty-five episodes were made over four series...

 musical Spamalot
Spamalot
Monty Python's Spamalot is a musical comedy "lovingly ripped off from" the 1975 film Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Like the film, it is a highly irreverent parody of the Arthurian Legend, but it differs from the film in many ways, especially in its parodies of Broadway theatre...

 and Wilding’s new career as a novelist. This was an increasingly frequent issue for both of them. Shortly after the series ended, it was announced on Facebook
Facebook
Facebook is a social networking service and website launched in February 2004, operated and privately owned by Facebook, Inc. , Facebook has more than 800 million active users. Users must register before using the site, after which they may create a personal profile, add other users as...

 that all 45 episodes would be made available again for free - including the four Perfect Ones from the Audible releases.

Format

'The Perfect Ten' involved Phill Jupitus
Phill Jupitus
Phillip Christopher Jupitus is an English stand-up and improvised comedian, actor, performance poet, musician and podcaster....

 and Phil Wilding discussing ten topics, with a mix of questions submitted by both listeners and the pair themselves. The show opened with a summary of the format and listener emails sharing where they listen from before the show proper began. As part of the rules of the show, the duo had to cover all 10 topics within 30 minutes and were not allowed to return to previous topics once they have rung the bell and moved on; nor could they go back and discuss anything mentioned outside of the half-hour, as it would rip the space-time continuum asunder. There were no rules for how long they can talk about each topic, but ALL of them had to be discussed within the 30 minute period. Each episode finished with a comedic summary of what the pair have learned from each show.

Episodes

  • Key: if an episode number has a superscript number next to it, that is the audiobook volume containing that episode.

Episode Number Name
Meerkat Kinnear, Blitalian Cuisine and Palin vs Palin
Ringo Starr's PIN and Putin Punches a Tiger
Westwood, Cardigans and Mark Lamarr Keeps Bees
The Priest, The Vampire, The Milkman and his Sonic Screwdriver
A Beautifully Thrown Pot, A Cloud of Bees and Beating Biffin's Bridge
Hot, Wet, Wembley Stadium and our Two Dead Dads
Lanyard Sharpie, Detective Patois and a Rum Do
Bishop Bashing, Finger Boy and Bloody, Bloody Newport
Antlers, Woolworths, Velvet Mouth and Sticks of Celery
10³ Stephen Hawking, Baboon Sex and Roy Keanes Beard
11³ Cottaging, Stilletoes, Kleptomania - put them all in your Bucket List
12³ The Festive 12 - Pink Eye, A Can Of Warm Lager and Santa Got Back
13⁴ Duffy Dancing, Ditching Drink and Darwin
14⁴ Coke, Cold, Kate Winslett and Pop's cock!
15⁴ Detroit, Drawbridge, Disabled Toilet and the Dandelion & Burdock Diet
16⁴ Newark, Crumble, Cheese and One Man Fight Club
17 The Great Wank Embargo, Twatter.com and the Polish Hoskins
18 Al Fresco Scud, the Floopy-Doopy anthem and Doing Daisy
19 Falling Off That Wagon, Koala Tossing and Doing The Sexy Crab
20 Dickie, Duffy, Doing Shots and the Big Faced Ladies of Wales
21 Hoovering Olympians, Caught In The Act and Sticking It To Stomp
22 Curate's Eggs, Welsh Stereotypes and Capturing Africa's Heart
23 Lost In Jordan With Mark Rothko, Derek Jeter and Cheryl Cole
24 Cricket Porn, Premature Dinging and Fat Rex
25 Brighton Rocks: A Real Live One - Part One
26 Brighton Rocks: All The World Is A Stage - Part Two
27 Kingfisher Killing, "Delightful Antics" and performing for the drummer from Queen
28 Bad Men, Bad Habits and Bad Arithmetic
29 Wham For Slugs In The Deep End
30 Storm Clouds Over Leith, Edinburgh Is Alive! Part One...
31 The Dark Heart of Lothian, Edinburgh She Lives! Part Two...
32 Tardy Taffy, Tired Tubby and The End of the World
33 The Isle of Wight Ferry, Ogopogos and Queen Victoria's Delight
34 The Festive Twelve - Theoretical Eggnog and the violent death of Tiny Tim
35 It's Been A While, Aged Archery and the Amish Wallop
36 Wanking Cats, Washing Dishes and Bad Dutch Accents in a Tell-All Style
37 One Man and His Dog and His Infected Cock and His Musical Nose
38 Licking The Biscuit Barrel Even If There's A Spider On It
39 Not Live at Leeds – Phill and Phil’s Perfect Ten, A Capital Idea with An Audience at the Screen On The Green
40 The Proclaimers Play for your Pleasure - P&P's Perfect Ten Live in London, Part II
41 Accidental Gay Porn and Looking Through The Sex Window at Wrighty...
42 Manchester, You Had It Coming (both times) - Phill and Phil’s Perfect 10 live from the Night & Day Café (part 1)
43 Manchester, You Had It Coming (both times) - Phill and Phil’s Perfect 10 live from the Night & Day Café (part 2)
44 The Festive 12 - Trouble at Home and Patricia Routledge on the Naughty List
45 (final) Racing For The Prize with The Beak of a Puffin and Recharging your Jupitus

Drinking Game

The perfect ten drinking game is a game requiring listeners to drink at certain signals and events referred to during the podcast. The rules are as follows;
  • Any mention of an ex-partner of Phil W - drain your glass
  • Any mention of Phil W's colour blindness - take a sip
  • Phill J mentions his "shitty pop quiz
    Never Mind the Buzzcocks
    Never Mind the Buzzcocks is a comedy panel game television show with a pop music theme, currently without a permanent presenter. It stars Phill Jupitus and Noel Fielding as team captains. The show is produced by Talkback Thames for the BBC, and is usually aired on BBC Two...

    " - take a sip
  • Any mention of a sexual act - drain your glass
  • Any mention of Biffins Bridge - take a sip
  • Anything vegetarian mentioned - drink half glass
  • Angela Lansbury
    Angela Lansbury
    Angela Brigid Lansbury CBE is an English actress and singer in theatre, television and motion pictures, whose career has spanned eight decades and earned her more performance Tony Awards than any other individual , with five wins...

    - drain your glass
  • A full "'Ello, 'ello, 'ello, 'ello - Wallop!" - drain your glass
  • Phill J does his comedy Welsh accent - half a glass
  • Phil W's legendary vodka story that's never elaborated on - two sips
  • Phill J hits the "goodnight" button accidentally - a shot


The game should be played only when the 30 minutes are going, however clearly rules are lax.
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