Directed by: Renny Harlin. Written by: Joel Silver and Steve Perry

Ford Fairlane

• Unfucking believable!
• So many assholes, So few bullets!
• Did I want the whole music industry to suck my dick Tracy?!
• I am so terifical I even have my own toll free numba, 1-800-UNBELIEVABLE!
• Bird Brain, why have you come to my planet!
• Fuckin' Australians! I hate that country, you know, that continent, whatever the hell it is. Don't we do nuclear testing there? [spots koala bear on Jazz's lap] What is that? Some kind of giant fucking mouse?
• [recalling joke he told to Jazz's parents] What's the definition of a vagina? A box a penis comes in.

Dialogue

Melodi: You're that guy, the private eye.

Ford: You're a poet and you didn't even know it.

Tourist: Can you tell us how to get to Mann's Chinese Theater?

Ford: Ah, go back to Michigan, asswipe!

Tourist: Oh no, we're from Wisconsin.

Ford: Yeah, and I'm from my dads penis. Get lost!

Kid: When are you gonna let me work with you? Why you always fucking with me?

Ford: Excuse me! You say the F word again, I'll bang you right the fuck out, you understand me? Now get the fuck outta here.

Kid: I got something serious to discuss.

Ford: What? Premature ejaculation?

Kid: You know, Ford, sometimes you can be a real dick.

Ford: "Dick", "fuck". What kind of kid are you?

Ford: Scalping at a funeral. You're a pretty sleazy guy.

Scalper: Thanks, you interested? It's festival seating so you get a good, uh-

Ford: How much?

Scalper: 300.

Ford: 300? You charged the chicks one.

Scalper: Hey, they blew me.

Ford: 300 coming up!

Ford: Hey, who killed Bobby Black? Who killed Johnny Crunch? Who's Art Mooney? Talk to me.

Zu Zu Petals: I don't know.

Ford: Talk to me!

Zu Zu Petals: I--I'm so scared! [gets on our knees] Help me!

Ford: Hey, baby, a simple thank you would suffice.

Zu Zu Petals: Fuck you!