Paris, France, 3635 Miles east of America

• [Paris is reduced to a smouldering pile of rubble]
  Joe: Bonjour, everyone! Don't worry. Everything is bon! We stopped the terrorists.

Recruiting Gary Johnston

• Spottswoode: Gary, this is Lisa. She specializes in how the terrorists think.
  Lisa: Usually a case of malignant narcissism brought on during childhood.

• Spottswoode: We will disguise you as as terrorist and take you deep into the Middle East. If your acting is successful, you'll be able to get us all the information we need to stop this whole thing from happening. Of course, if you're not interested, there's the door.
  Gary: Alright, thanks. (Walks out of the door.)
  Spottswoode: Huh.

Hans Blix in Kim Jong Il's palace

• Hans Blix: Let me look around, so I can ease the UN's collective mind.
  Kim Jong Il: Hans, ya-breakin' my balls here, Hans, ya breakin' my balls!
  Hans Blix: I'm sorry, but the UN must be firm with you. Let me see your whole palace, or else...
  Kim Jong Il: Or erse what?
  Hans Blix: Or else we will be very, very angry with you... And we will write you a letter, telling you how angry we are.

The Empire strikes back

• Spottswoode: Team, this is all my fault. I screwed up with Cairo. [pause] I let racism cloud my judgment. [pause] I was so sure the world's ultimate terrorist must be Middle Eastern that... I never suspected he was a God damn gook. I'll never be racist again.

America, Fuck Yeah!

• Choir: Ame-eri-icaaaaa, Ame-eri-icaaaaa...
  Soloist: America, fuck yeah! Com'again to save the motherfucking day, yeah!
  'Merica, fuck yeah! Freedom is the only way, yeah!
  Terrorists, your game is through, 'cause now you have to answer to
  'Merica, fuck yeah! So lick my butt and suck on my balls!
  'Merica, fuck yeah!

I'm so Ronery

• And so, I'm ronery
  A rittle ronery
  Poor rittle me
  There's nobody I can rerate to
  Feewl rike a bird in a cage
  It's kinda sirry
  But, not rearry
  Because, it's fiwring my body with rage.

Kim Jong Il - You are worthless

• You are worthwess Arec Barrwin,
  :You are worthwess Arec Barrwin,
  You failed in evwy way and now my stock in you has fallen,
  Your career is stallin' and,
  You're worthwess Arec Barrwin,
  That's why I bwew your head off and your children are all bawrin.'