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• If a director wants to give me a job, I sometimes ask them to screen-test me. Then they can't sort of blame me if they're not getting what they wanted later on. It's like, "You fucking hired me; you saw what you were getting."
  • Interview

• Because it doesn't happen like this, where we're having an interview and it sort of turns into a conversation--and a quite gratifying one, because it's all about me.
  • Interview

• A lot of nonsense is spoken about morality. The world is full of people who have had affairs and most marriages, if you look at the statistics, break down, and does that make people evil? It's they've made bad decisions. It diminishes the situation to say someone is 'morally bankrupt' because they've had an affair.
  • Article

• "You say 'ore´gano', we say 'orega´no'. You say 'tom a to' we say 'toma´to'. You say '[]erb' and we say herb because there's a fucking h at the beginning.
  • Comparing British and American English on Late Night with Conan O'Brien, 16 September 2004