Joan Crawford portrayed by Faye Dunaway

• I fought worse monsters than you for years in Hollywood

• No wire hangers! What's wire hangers doing in this closet when I told you no wire hangers, ever?! I work and I slave until I'm half dead, and all I hear people say is she's getting old. And what do I get? A daughter who cares as much about the beautiful dresses I give her as she cares about me! What's wire hangers doing in this closet?!
  • Note: the bolded line is ranked #72 in the American Film Institute's list of the top 100 movie quotations in American cinema.

• You're nothing but a rotten, crooked lawyer...

• Tina, bring me the axe!
  

• When you polish the floor you have to move the tree.
  

• I'm not mad at you, Helga, I'm mad at the dirt!
  

• Scrub. Scrub, Christina. It's not. This floor is not clean! Look at it! This floor is not clean! None of it... this floor is not clean. Nothing is clean. This whole place is a mess!
  

• Clean up this mess!

• Figure it out.

• Don't fuck with me, fellas! This ain't my first time at the rodeo.
  

• I should have known you'd know where to find the boys and the booze!
  

• Who wants to go swimming?
  

• Ah... you lost again!
  

• Ah, but nobody ever said that life was fair, Tina. I'm bigger and I'm faster. I will always beat you.
  

• Don't you ever use that tone of voice again with me, Missy!...Who do you think you're talking to?!...I'll tell you what yo're going to do: You are going to march yourself upstairs to your room, and will stay there, until I tell you to come out!
  

• I don't ask much from you, girl...Why can't you give me the respect that I'm entitled to?! Why can't you treat me like I would be treated by any stranger on the street?
  

• Let's go!

• When I told you to call me that, I wanted you to mean it.

• Barbara, please! Please Barbara!

• I can handle the socks.

• It all comes out in the wash.

• Mayer should know the price I pay!

Christina Crawford portrayed by Diana Scarwid / Mara Hoble

• Adopted children are luckiest because they were chosen.
  

• I wanna know... why did you adopt me?!
  

• Because I am not one of your fans!
  

• Maybe just a little true.
  

• Does she? Does she...?
  

• Jesus Christ!
  

• No, go back. Strap yourself in. She'll kill me if she finds out.
  

• But that's not fair, you're bigger than I am! It's not fair to win twice...
  

• Then I'm not gonna play with you anymore...EVER!
  

• Yes, Mommie Dearest. Uncle Ted.
  

• I fix all of my uncles' drinks this way.