Marvel: Ultimate Alliance Quotations

Marvel: Ultimate Alliance is a 2006 video game, produced by Activison and written by C.B. Cebulski.

Captain America

[Ending], The world can count on us...sir!

[After defeating an enemy] Final Justice!

[After defeating an enemy] Looks like you lose!

[entering a locker room in the Omega Base] This is insane! How can S.H.I.E.L.D. possibly generate an army using the new Super Soldier Serum? All it does is create monsters! This is a disgrace to the people who worked on the original serum!

[On team selection menu.] Team... Assemble! [a reference to the classic Avengers' battle cry; it is spoken by Iron Man as well]

[On team selection menu.] We're on the clock, people; let's roll!

Thor

Soulless machine! How dare you strike the son of Odin!

You stood little chance against the god of thunder!

I claim this victory for Asgard!

The son of Odin stands triumphant!

[leveling up] I feel as mighty as Odin!

Wolverine

[to Spider-Man, Captain America and Thor, after crawling out of a crashed gunship relatively unscathed.] What are you girls lookin' at?

[Leveling up.] Oh, yeah! I'm the best at what I do!

[At the end of the game, after Nick Fury says that the team will have to follow separate ways.] You're a punk, Fury.

[On team selection menu.] I've been achin' to bust somebody up.

[On team selection menu.] Let's get this show on the road.

[when using the 'assist' command.] Help me take this jerk down!

[Defeating an enemy] Bub!... You're a mess.

[Defeating an enemy] Guess you didn't want a piece of me.

[Defeating an enemy] Anybody else wants some?

[Defeating an enemy] See ya 'round, sucker.

[To Captain America on the Helicarrier] Stow it, Boy Scout! I don't take orders from you.

Spider-Man

[After Thor destroys a gunship] Show off.

[to gunship pilot.] Excuse me, is this the ferry to Staten Island?

[re: Wolverine.] That dude scares me.

Man, S.H.I.E.L.D. is the greatest! Flying aircraft carriers, office buildings on wheels. Please tell me you have a tunnel that runs from New York to Tokyo?

Has Tony Stark got it made or what? He's rich, he's a genius... and to top it all off, he's got a perfect mustache.

[when the player comments on him looking tense] The only way this could get worse is that the Earth would be destroyed to make way for an intergalactic highway!

[Leveling up.] This is better than a spider-bite!

[Critical health.] Your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man could use some help!

[After being saved by Uatu.] Am I dead? Why does Heaven smell like a wet dog? [turns to the side and sees Wolverine] Oh, wait, nevermind. [Wolverine snarls.]

[After defeating an enemy] Mind if I do my happy dance?

[After defeating an enemy] That's right. I won. Fear me.

[After defeating an enemy] Next time, I wanna fight someone who doesn't smell like old cheese.

[During a briefing.] So we're going up against guys with the powers of gods AND the undead? Anybody else worried about our chances here?

[On team selection menu.] Are we fighting supermodels this time?

[re:Galactus] Whoa! This dude eats planets? I've got to get a picture of that!

[On team selection menu.] Pose like you mean it, team!

Alright, alright. But would you mind hurrying up? My suit's riding up and giving me an incredible wedgie.

Blade

[after defeating an enemy.] Uh, you might want to see a doctor now.

[after defeating an enemy.] It's been a slice.

[after defeating an enemy.] You might wanna call some friends.

[leveling up.] Feelin' good now.

[On team selection menu.] Watch each other's backs.

Deadpool

[solo mission, narrating.] The day my father Odin banished me from Asgard, I was bitten by a vampire and had radioactive waste dumped into my eyes. To make matters worse, my mutant ability to control weather activated just as I was hit by a blast of gamma radiation. Nah, actually, I got this way by volunteering for the Weapon X Program. They promised to cure my cancer. And they cured it all right, by giving me an outrageous healing factor. Then they labeled me psychotic and tossed me into a prison lab. So I escaped and became what some people might call a 'mercenary'. I prefer the title 'cleaner of the gene pool'.

[Defeating an enemy.] I just wish we could have been friends.

[Defeating an enemy] You are officially a loser!

[Defeating an enemy] How embarassing for you... Loser-boy!

[Defeating an enemy] Quick! Somebody take a picture!

[Defeating an enemy] Ta-daaaaa!

[Defeating an enemy] Hey everybody look! I won! I won!

[When the player takes control of him] That's a big 10-4.

[When the player takes control of him] Okie-dokie! (he speaks this in two different tones)

[Leveling up.] And now I'm better at doing whatever it is Wolverine does!

[Leveling up.] Do I get a new car, too?

[Critical health.] Dude! I need help! And a pony!

[Critical health.] Give me help or give me a pillow!

[Calling for assistant.] Help! Help!

[When player issues the Follow command] Can we at least try to stay together?

[When player issued the Follow command] Get back here, you guys!

[Critical energy.] I'm low on power... but rich in Vitamin C!

[Critical energy] Right... like I have enough power to do that.

[Defeating an enemy] Hey, everybody, look! I won, I won!

You know what this team could use? A catchy theme song! Something that mentions shaking your booty.

[Can't move.] It's as if I can't go this way!

[to Nick Fury.] Sir, yes Sir! Private Deadpool reporting for duty! Which hand am I supposed to salute with?

[after speaking with Nick Fury.] Sir, yes, Sir! Stowing all stupid thoughts, sir! Should the vein in your forehead be throbbing like that?

[talking to Black Widow in the Doom-converted Stark Tower] Wait! We're not going to fight Dr. Doom! No one told me that! I want my lawyer... I want my mommy... I want my lawyer's mommy...

[On team selection menu.] Whatever happens, remember to protect me.

[On team selection menu.] Don't everybody die this time.

I have a rash. Wanna see it?

Ooh! Wanna hear me play the 1812 Overture on my armpit?

A haiku, by Deadpool: I hate broccoli / And think it totally sucks / Why is it not meat?

[Defeating an enemy.] My grandma taught me that move.

[Calling for assistance.] Help! This guy's tougher than me!

[On team selection menu.] Anybody got anything inspirational to say?!

[On team selection menu.] We're just going to the mall this time, right?

[On team selection menu.] Hey, let's go punch somebody!

I remember you. Weren't we on that one mission where we teamed up to do that one thing against that one guy? And we won?

[To Hank Pym] Hey, aren't you that guy who controls aunts? I gotta ask you: what's the point of controlling a bunch o' little old blue-haired ladies?

[Refering to Weasel] He's like the ultimate Boy Scout... unless of course money's involved. He'd sell his Grandma's walking cane for a buck. As a matter of fact, I bought his Grandma's walking cane for a buck!

[Talking about forming a super hero band] Oh, heck yeah. Just think of it - with Storm singing lead, Wolverine on the bass and The Thing on drums. And, not to brag, but I play a pretty mean bagpipe.

Others

Nick Fury: [shooting Dark Iron Man drones] Ha ha! It's like shooting fish in a barrel!

Iceman: [about Black Widow's possible change in allegiances] She's really hot, and I don't want her to be a traitor.

Iceman: [team management menu] Everybody, follow me!

Iceman: [team management menu] Aaaaaaand... pose!

Iceman: [after defeating an enemy] I'm big! I'm bad! I'm the Iceman!

Colossus: [after defeating an enemy] Need a break? Or did I just give you one? Ha ha ha ha!

Tony Stark's Receptionist: Warning: a small thermonuclear device is missing, and Deadpool was last seen in the weapons lab.

Tony Stark's Receptionist: Johnny Storm would like to announce that it is Ben Grimm's 65th Birthday. Happy Birthday, Mr Grimm!

Nightcrawler: En garde, mein Freund. [stabs Doombot through chest.]

Nightcrawler: [after defeating an enemy, with his characteristic German accent] Sometimes, I enjoy zis too much.

Nightcrawler: [at Mephisto's Realm, locked in the cage] Nein! Do not open this door! It will cause Jean's cage to fall. Please, if you have any mercy in your heart, do not doom me to a life of guilt. Save Jean. Let me be the one to perish.

Jean Grey: [at Mephisto's Realm, locked in the cage] Stay back! Do not unlock this door; Nightcrawler's cage would fall. I refuse to be the cause of his death. He's a good man and he deserves to live.

Thing: [after defeating an enemy] Ya' ready for round 2?

Thing: [after defeating an enemy] Consider yourself clobbered!

Thing: [after defeating an enemy] You lose, cupcake!

Thing: [leveling up] Holy mackerel!

Thing: [refering to Murderworld] It was about as much fun as it sounds.

Thing: [team management menu] Oh yeah! It's clobberin' time!

Thing: [team managment menu] You kids ready? Cause I sure am!

Human Torch: [defeating an enemy] What's the matter? Couldn't take the heat?

Human Torch: [defeating an enemy] BING! The turkey's done.

Human Torch: [defeating an enemy] Who's hot? Me.

Human Torch: [team management menu] Time to go nova!

Daredevil: [after defeating an enemy] Now that's what I call a knockout.

Daredevil: [after defating an enemy] Case closed!

Daredevil: [team management menu] We've got nothing to fear. (reference to his "Man Without Fear" epithet)

Elektra: [levelling up] It's like being brought back to life!

Elektra: [team management menu] Show no mercy...

Storm: [after defeating an enemy] Ha ha ha ha! I rather enjoyed that!

Storm: [after defeating an enemy] Sorry about that... a little!

Invisible Woman: [team management menu] To the defeat of Doctor Doom!

Ghost Rider: [team management menu] Doom doesn't stand a *ghost* of a chance!

Cyclops: [after defeating an enemy] Nice try, punk!

Hulk: [team management menu] Hulk never back down from fight!

Hulk: [team management menu] Hulk ready to do some real damage!

Hulk: [after defating an enemy] You should have left Hulk alone.

Sabertooth: [team management menu] LET'S GO!

Venom: [team management menu] This will be fun!

Venom: [critical health] I'm fading into dust!

Arcade: Ha ha ha! Hello, heroes! This is your old buddy Arcade. I hope you're ready for a fun filled day at MURDERWORLD, cause I've got some killer events lined up!

Arcade: And remember: No one ever leaves Murderworld unhappy...because no one ever leaves Murderworld alive ! Ha, ha, ha!

Arcade: [activating disco death-trap.] I hope you're ready to dance 'till you drop, 'cause in a few minutes, you're gonna be as dead as disco!

Arcade: [after being defeated by Captain America] Ohhh... Captain America. I'd salute, but I think my arm is broken.

Mephisto: [after either Nightcrawler or Jean Grey dies] Now you know the pain of the ultimate loss. And no doubt, you seek revenge. Come then, and face me! I will show you the true meaning of pain, when I rip your astral spirit from your body!

Galactus: [final dialogue.] Such... insignificant creatures. They dare steal from Galactus?! For that, I shall destroy their planet!

[During the end credits, there are a number of comedy recording sessions:]

Black Panther: Please. I am just a simple man who happens to rule a country and fight evil on a daily basis. Wait...Wolverine was the last in this booth, wasn't he? It smells of cheap cigars and beef jerky.

Dialogue

Colonel Nick Fury Somebody, get General Wilson on the horn!

Doctor Doom: [appears on screen.] Colonel Fury.

Colonel Nick Fury: Doom. I'll have your head for this.

Doctor Doom: I have little time for your petty threats, Colonel. Surrender your ship now, or I shall destroy it.

Colonel Nick Fury: Not on my watch. [into wrist-comm.] This a priority alert to all metahumans: U.N.N. Alpha requests immediate assistance.

Captain America: [After Thor transports himself, Captain America, Wolverine, and Spider-Man to the helicarrier.] Thor, take care of those gunships. Spider-Man, draw them towards the stern.

Spider-Man: Sure thing. I just love being the target. [latches webbing to a passing gunship, whooping.]

Captain America: Wolverine -

Wolverine: Stow it, Boy Scout. I don't take orders from you. [dives onto passing gunship claws-first.]

Spider-Man: Hey, Cap, looks like you - whoa!

[Captain America throws his shield directly past Spider-Man's head, dispatching a group of robot drones as it ricochets back to him.]

Spider-Man: [bemused.] ... Could use some help.

[Captain America decapitates a robot with his shield.]

Nick Fury: Spider-Man. Didn't expect you to be one of the first to show up.

Spider-Man: What? And miss riding on the Helicarrier? This beast has gotta be the biggest waste of tax payer money in history. Hey, you guys have any plans to make a flying Mt. Rushmore? Seriously, that would totally rock.

Winter Soldier: It's over, Cap! Give up!

Captain America: You know me better than that, kid.

S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent: Am I glad to see you. Someone named The Winter Soldier hacked into our network and trapped us with our own security force fields.

Deadpool: Boy, do you look stupid! Gimme ten bucks and I won't tell Nick Fury about this.

S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent: Ten dollars? Are you insane? You're a hero!

Deadpool: You're right. Make it 100. My tights don't come cheap.

S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent: But you're supposed to save people for free!

Deadpool: I charge stupid people. And you qualify, seeing as how you're trapped in your own living compartment. By the way, the price is up to 200.

S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent: Fine! Fine! I'll pay it! Just go to the security console and reboot the system. It'll take two of your team members to activate it. And watch out for traps.

Deadpool: Oooh, I don't like traps. The price just went up to 500.

S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent: All right! I'll pay whatever you want! Winter Soldier probably put laser tripwires along the way. If you walk through them a bomb will be triggered.

Deadpool: Uhh... Just to warn you, if I die, my price goes up to 1,000.

Fin Fang Foom: Mortals! You are foolish to even attempt to battle me! None can stand before the might of Fin Fang Foom!

Active Hero: The fight's over. The Masters of Evil have lost.

Fin Fang Foom: It is you who has lost! When I send this ship crashing to the earth, the world will see that the Masters of Evil are a force to be reckoned with.

Active Hero: We're not going to let that happen.

Fin Fang Foom: Ha! As if you have any say in the matter, human.

Professor Xavier: Greetings, Bobby. I trust you're learning from this rather unique group of individuals?

Iceman: You bet, Professor! Man, the things Ghost Rider can do with those chains... And when Deadpool gets going with that katana... [chuckling] Wow! Talk about messy!

Professor Xavier: Yes... Perhaps you could shift your focus to Black Panther or Captain America...

Active Hero: You seem a little tense.

Spider-Man: Gee, I can't see why... Dr. Doom's in control of an army of super villains and The Black Widow is working for him.

Active Hero: It's not that bad.

Spider-Man: Are you off your meds? The only thing that would make this worse is if the Earth were destroyed to make way for an intergalactic highway.

Active Hero: Do you really think the Black Widow's a traitor?

Spider-Man: Of course she is. Hey, I've been at this Super Hero game long enough to know that the hot chicks always turn evil. Probably because evil pays better.

Active Hero: Why don't you tell Colonel Fury about her?

Spider-Man: If one of Nick's little S.H.I.E.L.D. agents has turned to the dark side, then Nicky'll have to figure it out for himself.

Active Hero: It's your responsibility to tell Colonel Fury about the Black Widow.

Spider-Man: No, it isn't.

Active Hero: Yes, it is. You have great power; and with great power there must also come...

Spider-Man: If you finish that sentence, I'm gonna put so much web in your hair you'll have to shave your head.

Jarvis: A good day to you, sir. My name is Edwin Jarvis.

Deadpool: Hello, good citizen. I'm... CAPTAAAIN AMERICA!!! You don't have to salute if you don't want to.

Jarvis: I know Captain America, sir. And you are no Captain America.

Deadpool: Alllrighty then... I'm THOR!!! You might wanna kneel in my presence... I am the God of Thunder, you know.

Jarvis: Ahh, you must be the Deadpool character I was warned about.

Active Hero: You don't like S.H.I.E.L.D., do you?

Spider-Man: Can't say that I'm a big fan. Maybe it's my loner state of mind, but large military groups like S.H.I.E.L.D. make me very paranoid. Maybe I'm just jealous of their limitless budget. I mean, they have their massive Hellicarrier and Omega Base; I don't even have a Spidey-Mobile.

Hank Pym: Hey, Spider-Man! What's the word?

Spider-Man: Grease.

Captain America: Winter Soldier, give up. I'm here to stop you from destroying the helicarrier engines.

Winter Soldier: Captain America... Can't say it's good to see you again.

Radioactive Man: You have dealt with this fool before?

Winter Soldier: [chuckles] Oh, yeah! Cap and I go way back! Don't we... "buddy"?

Captain America: Winter Soldier, please... Stop this before the helicarrier is destroyed. Thousands of lives will be lost.

Winter Soldier: Sorry, no can do. I've got my orders. You, of all people, understand that, don't you? Orders have always been so important to you.

Captain America: I'll fight you, if I have to.

Winter Soldier: Then what are you waiting for? Let's see what you got... old man.

Thor: Radioactive Man! Cease this destruction or face the power of Mjolnir!

Radioactive Man: Have you forgotten how my radioactive body can repel your hammer, Thor? You're helpless against me.

Thor: The son of Odin is never helpless. I have defeated you before.

Winter Soldier: But what if you add me into the mix? Then are you so sure of yourself, Thunder God?

Thor: Winter Soldier, you are indeed brave, but do not let your courage lead you to destruction.

Radioactive Man: Ignore the blustering fool. Together, we can teach Thor a lesson in humility.

Thor: Come then! Battle me... and let us see who teaches who a lesson!

Iron Man: Glad to see you remember me, Crimson Dynamo. It's been a while since I kicked your tin-plated butt.

Crimson Dynamo: You will not defeat me this time. My new battlesuit is vastly superior to your armor.

Iron Man: Could have fooled me. You look like something from the early 1960s.

Mandarin: I left Doom's band of miscreants weeks ago after I attempted to become their leader. Needless to say, Doom took oppose to that and forced me out.

Player: So who was it we saw in Atlantis?

Mandarin: Most likely it was that pompous Loki. He has the ability to shapeshift.

Ancient One: Who would dare disturb my meditation?

Deadpool: Grampy! Is that you? Wow, you got a lot older. And uglier too!

Ancient One: You buffoon! I am not your grandfather! I am the Ancient One, teacher of Dr. Strange.

Deadpool: Are you sure? You're really grouchy just like Grampy was.

Ancient One: Yes, I am quite certain I am not related to you, you idiot!

Deadpool: Gee, Grampy used to call me that. Usually after I woke him up from a nap by shoving an ice cube down the back of his shirt.

Ancient One: Please be silent! I know that you heroes have banded together to battle the Masters of Evil. Let Dr. Strange know that I will be watching over you.

Deadpool: I'll tell him. Thanks, Grampy!

Dr. Doom: Baron Mordo, I trust...all is in order? Our guests will be ariving soon, and I would hate to be ill prepared.

Baron Mordo: You can rest assured. I have taken all the necessory steps.

Loki: Ha! An infant could have cast better spells. The heroes have detected YOUR magic and suspect something is afoot.

Baron Mordo: They can not possibly know the true meaning of the enchantments. I'd stake my life on it!

Loki: Be carefel what you wager.

Arcade: [after being defeated] You kids are being very naughty! You're all GROUNDED!

Active Hero: Enough jokes, Arcade. Where's Nightcrawler?

Arcade: I don't know. Maybe he ran off and joined the circus.

Active Hero: Guess we're going to have to pull you out of there and mess up that nice suit of yours.

Arcade: [frightened] I don't know, I DON'T KNOW, OKAY?! Dr. Doom used the Mutant Amplifier on him.

Active Hero: Keep talking.

Arcade: Dr. Doom used the Mutant Amplifier on Nightcrawler to open a portal to Mephesto's Realm. And before you ask, I don't know why he wanted to go there!

Nick Fury: Your next mission takes you to Mephisto's Realm. It's an alternate dimension filled with fire and brimstone.

Spider-Man: Gah! Why can't we ever go on a mission to a alternate dimension filled with lonely super-models?

Wolverine: 'Cause we're goin' to save Nightcrawler. You got a problem with that, bub?

Spider-Man: No. Sorry. I'll just be quiet now.

Wolverine: Best news I've heard all day.

Bullseye: Elektra! This is a surprise! Just how many times have I got to kill you, sweetheart?

Elektra: You got lucky during our last battle, Bullseye, and you know it. Now get out of the way. I need to use that computer.

Bullseye: Ack! You think you're gonna stop that missile I launched? You can't use that computer without getting the access card away from me!

Elektra: I don't think that'll be much of a problem.

Bullseye: Ha-ha-ha-ha! You're makin' me laugh, doll! Tell me, before I waste you again: how'd you come back to life?

Elektra: It's a long story, involving some very good friends... like Stick... and Daredevil.

Bullseye: Ahh, I knew old DD would be involved somehow. When I'm done with you, I'm gonna settle things with him, once and for all.

Elektra: You'd better just concentrate on the here and now, Bullseye... 'cause you're in for a rude awakening.

Active Hero: Can Weasel be trusted?

Deadpool: He's like the ultimate Boy Scout... unless of course money's involved. He'd sell his Grandma's walking cane for a buck. As a matter of fact, I bought his Grandma's walking cane for a buck!

[Beginning of Deadpool's comic mission]

Arcade: Hello, Deadpool. Ready for a fun filled day in Murderworld?

Deadpool: Yup. I've got my sunscreen on and I've taken my motion sickness pills, so bring on the rides.

Arcade: Oh, I don't think you understand. You're going to die here!

Deadpool: I know. Carnivals always slay me.

Arcade: No. You are going to physically die... as in stop breathing. You will cease to exist.

Deadpool: Riiiiight... so do you have bumper cars here?

Arcade: Arrrgh!

Hank Pym: How are you doing, Spider-Man?

Spider-Man: Uh, not so good. I had lunch at Taco Hut... you might wanna keep your distance.

Deadpool: Hey, Black Widow, I've been meaning to ask you... Are those real?

Black Widow: [gasps.] I beg your pardon?

Deadpool: Uh... Your teeth! Are they real? They're just so darn shiny and straight.

Bullseye: If it isn't my old buddy Daredevil! Hope you aren't still angry over me killin' your gal pal Elektra.

Daredevil: Bullseye, I'm not a vengeful man... but in your case, I'd make an exception.

Bullseye: Hey, it's not like I did it for fun! I had to prove I was a better assassin than Elektra!

Daredevil: You proved a lot of things that day. None of them good. Now get out of my way. We have to use that navigation console.

Bullseye: You aren't stopping that missile I launched because I hold the only access card to the computer!

Daredevil: I can't see how it's going to be a problem taking that card away from an egotistical blowhard like you.

Bullseye: Now there you go gettin' angry at me. I just hate it when people get angry... It makes me all... violent!

Daredevil: Then come on. Try getting violent with me.

Deadpool: Hey, did I enter the side show tent? 'Cause you look like the dog-faced boy.

Dark Spider-Man: Oh, you are a wit, Deadpool... or at least half of one. Tell me, do the chicks go for your insane babble?

Deadpool: About as much as they go for your attempts at self-deprecating humor.

Dark Spider-Man: So then it doesn't work.

Deadpool: No, not at all. But I've found an online dating service that's really good.

Dark Spider-Man: Cool. What's it called?

Arcade: Would you please get busy and destroy him, Spider-Man?

Dark Spider-Man: Oh... yeah. Sorry. Guess I'll have to kill you now.

Deadpool: Okay. But I'm really gonna miss me when I'm gone.

Deadpool: Weasel, old buddy... I haven't seen you in weeks. Where have you been hiding?

Weasel: In the hospital... You stabbed me in the leg... Remember?

Deadpool: Oh, yeah, that's right. But I had to. You were trying to eat the last Cheesy Puff.

Weasel: Ah... Uh... It-it was my bag of Cheesy Puffs!

Deadpool: Well, that's not how I remember it.

Arcade: Hello, and welcome to a little pinball game I like to call...Sudden Death! It's been a smashing success with everyone whos played it! May they rest in peace.

Active Hero: What do you think this is, Arcade? Some sort of game?

Arcade: Indeed I do. And of course, I'll only run a fair game...so all you need to do is get ONE MILLION POINTS TO WIN! How hard can that be?

Dum Dum Dugan: Wolverine. Never thought I'd be so glad to see your ugly face.

Wolverine: You keep up with all this sweet talk, Dugan, and you're gonna make me blush.

Spider-Man: Oh, the "Wrecking Crew?" Excuse me for not being scared.

Wolverine: I gotta agree with Webhead here. How tough could these jokers be?

The Player: All right, Mandarin, now that we have your attention, tell us what the Masters of Evil are planning.

Mandarin: I left Doom's band of miscreants weeks ago after I attempted to become their leader. Needless to say, Doom took offense to that and forced me out.

The Player: So who was that we saw in Atlantis?

Mandarin: Most likely it was that pompous Loki. He has the ability to shape shift.

The Player: But why would he do that?

Mandarin: Obviously to keep you busy while they enacted the next step of their plot.

The Player: What could that be?

Nick Fury: Team, once you've finished with Mandarin, return to base immediately. The Masters of Evil have kidnapped two X-Men: Nightcrawler and Jean Grey.

Mandarin: Ha, ha, ha, ha, haaaa!

Nick Fury: Welcome back from Mandarin's Palace. It looks like the Masters of Evil managed to pull a fast one on us and kidnap two X-Men; Jean Grey and Nightcrawler. For this next part of the operation, we're moving our headquarters to another location. When you're ready to go, talk to Mr. Wingfoot.

Nick Fury: Team, welcome to our new headquarters, the home of Dr. Stephen Strange.

The Player: Why did we leave Stark Tower?

Nick Fury: We moved because now that Loki's involved we're gonna need magic. And there's no better place on Earth for magic than the Sanctum Sanctorum.

The Player: Has there been any word on the kidnapping of Nightcrawler o Jean Grey?

Nick Fury: Professor Xavier has located one of his X-Men in Dr. Doom's castle. That means Latveria's your next stop. For more info, talk to Black Widow. You're free to explore your new H.Q. but when you're ready to start the mission, use the Orb of Teleportation near Wong.

The Player: Why is Professor Xavier here?

Nick Fury: I invited him because he's the only one who can locate the missing X-Men quickly.

The Player: What makes Xavier so special?

Nick Fury: Xavier is one of the most powerful telepaths on Earth. And there's that added incentive that he's the leader of the X-Men.

The Player: Why would Doom kidnap Jean Grey and Nightcrawler?

Nick Fury: S.H.I.E.L.D. analysis think it has something to do with the theft of the Mutant Amplifier from the Omega Base.

The Player: Why do they think that?

Nick Fury: If the Mutant Amplifier were used on Nightcrawler, he could teleport anywhere in the world. And with Jean Grey, well...I'd hate to think what could happen.

The Player: How do you mean?

Nick Fury: If her psychic powers were augmented and then she transformed into the Phoenix, she could tear the Earth apart without giving it a second thought.

The Player: What's the sphere Wong is standing by?

Hank Pym: That's the Orb of Teleportation. It's for transporting people to different locations.

The Player: Did Dr. Strange create it?

Hank Pym: Yes. I guess since he's the Sorcerer Supreme, he's the only one who could create such a powerful magical item.

The Player: What is the Orb of Teleportation?

Wong: It is a mystical device recently created by Dr. Strange, it aids him in reaching The Dark Dimension, where his friend Clea resides.

The Player: Is the Orb dangerous?

Wong: Not at all. Once I have attuned it to the proper location, you may use it any time you like.

The Player: What is this place?

Wong: This is the Sanctum Sanctorum, it is built upon a focal point for supernatural energies, and is the home of my teacher, Dr. Strange.

The Player: What goes on here?

Wong: This is where Dr. Strange conducts various experiments in the mystical world. It also houses his vast collection of occult objects.

Clea: Greeting, Humans. I am Clea, Sorceress Supreme of the Dark Dimension and friend to Dr. Strange.

The Player: Can we look around here?

Clea: Yes, but be wary. This is where Dr. Strange stores arcane objects. Most are harmless, but some could prove quite dangerous.

Doctor Strange: Greetings. I trust you have spoken with Clea about the dark magic she senses? I now sense it as well.

The Player: This dark magic Clea senses, what will it do?

Doctor Strange: It is difficult to tell. The magic waits like a creature on the hunt. It lurks in the dark, waiting for its moment to pounce.

The Player: There's nothing more you can tell us?

Doctor Strange: I'm sorry, all I know for certain is that this dark magic is the work of my arch-nemesis Baron Mordo.

The Player: How do you Baron Mordo?

Doctor Strange: Long ago, I had been a doctor of surgery and injured my hands in a car accident. While searching for a cure, I met The Ancient One.

The Player: Your teacher?

Doctor Strange: Yes, but at the time his student was Baron Mordo. I discovered Mordo intended to steal the Ancient One's power and I helped to stop him. Since then, Mordo and I have been bitter enemies.

The Player: Who's the Ancient One?

Doctor Strange: He grew up in the Himalayan Mountains some five hundred years ago. There he was trained in the mystic arts but was ultimately forced to battle his treacherous master. The young man then dedicated his life to fighting dark magic and joined the order of the Ancient Ones. He outlived his compatriots and feared he would die without finding an apprentice. Then he met me.

The Player: Who are you?

Clea: My name is Clea. I am the Sorceress Supreme of the Dark Dimension.

The Player: You know Dr. Strange?

Clea: Yes, we are quite well acquainted . Years back Stephen brought me to Earth and I became his student. Once I had learned all I could, I returned to my dimension to free it from the corrupt rule of my mother.

The Player: Dark magic is after us?

Clea: All I can tell you is, this house, the Sanctum Sanctorum, is the focal point of an immense evil energy.

The Player: Do you know when this evil magic will happen?

Clea: That is what most concerns me. It is happening now, even as we speak. Like a menacing vulture, it hovers waiting to strike.

The Player: Who is Baron Mordo?

Clea: A vile dark sorcerer who has long been a rival of Stephen's. And though he has great inborn magical powers, Mordo is no match for the mystical might of Dr. Strange

The Player: Why are they rivals?

Clea: Long ago, Mordo pretended to be a student of the Ancient One, all the time plotting to take his power. Stephen discovered Mordo's deception and attempted to warn the Ancient One.

The Player: How did S.H.I.E.L.D. get its start?

Nick Fury: It was originally created to battle HYDRA, a terrorist organization run by Baron Wolfgang Von Strucker

The Player: S.H.I.E.L.D.'s grown some since then.

Nick Fury: Yes. There was a time when S.H.I.E.L.D. became so large it suffered from traitors within the organization. But with people like the Black Widow at key positions we'll never have that problem again.

The Player: What is Castle Doom?

Black Widow: Located in Latveria's capital city, it looks like nothing more than a medieval castle, but it houses some of the most advanced technology on Earth.

The Player: What kind of defenses will we find there?

Black Widow: Doom prefers to use robots for security. These Doombots, as they are called, closely resemble the man who created them.

The Player: How were Nightcrawler and Jean Grey kidnapped?

Black Widow: They were visiting Dr. Moira MacTaggert on Muir Island when an army lead by Ultron attacked.

The Player: Was anyone hurt?

Black Widow: Not seriously. Ultron's team did not waste time with unnecessary battle. They fought their way into the lab area, trapped the X-Men in containment fields and then teleported out.

The Player: Were you a Soviet Agent?

Black Widow: Originally I was a ballerina, but at the news of my husband's death, I became a spy for the KGB.

The Player: Why did you defect?

Black Widow: I discovered the truth, that my husband was alive. He had become a agent known as the Red Guardian and his superiors wished him to sever all ties to his past.

Nick Fury: Look around you, team; we're standing in a land very few humans have ever seen. This is the world known as Valhalla, it's where brave Asgardian warriors go when they die. Understand that the only reason we're allowed to make headquarters here is because Asgard has fallen and they need our help to defeat Doom.

The Player: What can we do to help them?

Nick Fury: Right now we have two possible missions: First, the gate of the Bifrost bridge has been locked and needs to be opened. Second, many of the gods are being held prisoner in Asgard. For more information on freeing the prisoners, talk to Lady Sif. To find out about the Bifrost bridge, talk to Hermod. If you're ready to start now, take the path to Asgard or the portal to Bifrost.

The Vision: This is Asgard, a small planetary body in an alternate dimension, it is filled with mystical beings and consisted of nine separate worlds which are joined by special portals. Asgard is home to six major races: the human-like gods, the dwarves, trolls, demons, giants, and elves. Each reclaim to a different world.

Nick Fury: Good job, team. The gates of Bifrost are open now and the path to Earth is clear. Your next mission involves freeing the gods in Asgard. For more information, talk to Lady Sif or if you want to go now, use the path to Asgard. And you should be happy to know that having finished the Bifrost mission, you're allowed into the Hall of the Honored Fallen.

Hermod: Yes? How might I help you?

The Player: Who are you?

Hermod: I am Hermod, the fleetest of foot in all of Asgard. Because of my speed I sometimes act as a messenger for Odin.

The Player: Have you ever been to Earth?

Hermod: Yes. I lived there for a short time because of a spell Odin cast. The gods were sent to Earth and given human identities.

Lady Sif: Greetings, human. I would have you know Valhalla is a very sacred place of the Asgard dead. It is only because of the war that we would allow you to make camp here.

The Player: We understand, Sif. How goes the battle?

Lady Sif: Not well. Our city is overrun and our warriors imprisoned. Odin is now facing the Frost Giants alone.

The Player: What can we do to help, Lady Sif?

Lady Sif: You must travel to Asgard and free Balder from his prison. Then he can rally the other gods and win back our fair city.

Nick Fury: Now that the Bifrost Bridge is open and the gods have been freed in Asgard, we can turn our attention to locating Odin. The last we heard, Odin was heading towards Niffleheim to battle the Frost Giants.

The Player: Could something have happened to him?

Nick Fury: I doubt he's in trouble. But just to be sure, your next mission is to go to Niffleheim to see if Odin needs help. For more information on helping Odin, talk to Lady Sif. If you want to leave right now, take the well to Niffleheim.

The Player: Look, here's the Twilight Sword. This is what Mephisto traded to Doom in return for leading us into Mephisto's Realm. Sif, we've located the Twilight Sword but it's broken and there's destruction all around.

Lady Sif: This does not bode well at all. The sword must have been used on Odin. And if that happened... You must move with all haste. Locate Odin, he is no doubt now the prisoner of Loki and Dr. Doom.

The Player: What will they do to him?

Lady Sif: I could not even hazard a guess. But do not tarry. Odin's life is most likely in danger.

Ymir: Fear me, pitiful creatures. For no one can match the might of Ymir, the King of the Frost Giants.

The Player: What's happened to Odin?

Ymir: That petty tyrant has been defeated and is now in the control of Dr. Doom. What a battle that was! The look upon Odin's face will long be a treasured memory.

The Player: Where have they taken Odin?

Ymir: To the top of Raven's Spire, there Loki will seek out the invincible Destroyer Armor, then he will rule Asgard. What a glorious day this is for my people!

The Player: This day isn't over yet, Ymir.

Ymir: It is for you little ones. It is for you.

Thunderball: Hey, Wrecker! Look who's here!

Wrecker: Heads up, boys. Looks like we got ourselves a little challange.

Piledriver: "Little" is right. What fun are they gonna be? I wanna fight more gods!

Bulldozer: Yeah! This bunch is gonna be too easy!

Wrecker: Guess this is what we get for taking out their big guns first. Now it's just a matter of dealing with the small fries.

Active Hero: You may have the power of a god, Wrecker, but you're still a loser in my book.

Wrecker: Now you're making me angry. Big mistake. Get 'em men! And make 'em hurt real bad!

Deadpool: Yeah, you know, this team needs a catchy theme song. Something that mentions shakin' your booty.

Active Hero: A theme song?

Deadpool: We can call ourselves 'Deadpool and his lackeys'. And we can all get matching uniforms. Something in a dark blue - that color really sets off my eyes.

Active Hero: We don't need new costumes.

Deadpool: Yeah, yeah we do. With capes. Look at Dr. Doom, he gets all kinds of respect and you know why? Because he has a big, scary cape.

Active Hero: He's also a murdering psychopath.

Deadpool: Well, there is that, but you can't deny the cape really makes him look tough. But let's go him one better - let's wear elbow pads and shin guards with spikes coming out of them. Now that's tough.

Active Hero: You need to get serious.

Deadpool: (suddenly dead serious) No, I don't think so. You know how people talk crazy because they're insane? I talk crazy to keep from going insane. If only you knew what I've got twisting around in my brain thanks to Weapon X.

Active Hero: You're from Weapon X?

Deadpool: Yeah. I went there because they promised to cure my cancer.

Active Hero: Were they successful?

Deadpool: In a way. They gave me a healing factor like Wolverine's... and so many scars, I'm never takin' this face mask off.

Active Hero: Maybe we do need a theme song.

Deadpool: (back to normal) I like your thinkin', Sunshine. Hey, we could even form a band.

Active Hero: A Super Hero band?

Deadpool: Oh, heck yeah. Just think of it - with Storm singing lead, Wolverine on the bass and The Thing on drums. And, not to brag, but I play a pretty mean bagpipe.

Active Hero: It's been unusual as always, Deadpool.

Deadpool: I've got a rash. Wanna see it?

Hank Pym: Heya, Ben. How was Murderworld?

The Thing: It was about as much fun as it sounds.

Hank Pym: Hey, Johnny. How were things at the Omega Base?

Human Torch: Ah, other than almost dying... It was a pretty easy mission!

Active Hero: You sound embarassed by your looks.

The Thing: Well wouldn't you be? I gotta face even a grandma could hate.

Active Hero: How did you become the Thing?

The Thing: Oh. It always comes back to this, don't it? Yeah, I was flying when the ship got hit by the radation. That's how we became the Fantastic Four.

Active Hero: What's with you and the Human Torch?

The Thing: Ah, we may make shots at each other, but it's all in fun. Johnny's a good kid. Even if he is like a little yipping poodle most of the time.

Active Hero: Sometimes it seems like you too really hate each other.

The Thing: Naah. I love the little darling. I only get the urge to clobber him once in a while.

Ulik: Ha ha! We certinly showed Volla, didn't we, Kurse?

Kurse: Yes, but I would not be too proud. Volla never showed us where the key was to open this chest.

Ulik: Give me a boulder, and we'll have no need for a key!

Active Hero: What's the matter? No babies around to steal candy from?

Kurse: What are you doing here, humans? Don't tell me you're here to help Odin.

Ulik: The gods must really be defeated to need allies such as these!

Active Hero: In a minute, Ulik, we'll show you what defeated is all about.

Kurse: You would dare challenge us? How utterly insane.

Deadpool: Hiya, Black Bolt. How are ya?

Black Bolt: ...

Deadpool: Oh, that's right. You can't talk, can ya? Your voice is so powerful it would destroy half of Attilan if you said anything at all.

Black Bolt: ...

Deadpool: But c'mon, let's put that to the test. Just say one tiny word. "Spatula."

Black Bolt: ...

Deadpool: Oh, don't be such a stick in the mud. Come on, repeat after me: "Spatula."

Black Bolt: ...

Deadpool: You're not trying. "Spa-tu-la". Come on, you know you want to.

Black Bolt: ...

Deadpool: Fine, be that way. I bet you have a lousy speaking voice anyway.

Ancient One: Is that you, my student?

Doctor Strange: Yes, master. It is I, Doctor Strange.

Ancient One: Why have you disturbed my meditation, young one?

Doctor Strange: The world is in grave peril, master. Dr. Doom has formed a band of villains known as the Masters of Evil. I would ask that you watch over us, aid us in whatever way you can.

Ancient One: Rest assured, my friend, that the eyes of the Ancient One will forever be on you and your team.

Doctor Strange: Thank you, my master.

Jarvis: Greetings, Spider-Woman! May I say you look quite smashing today!

Spider-Woman: Jarvis... Are you flirting with me?

Jarvis: Why!... Ahem! Certainly not! That would be most unprofessional... Regardless of how attractive you are.

Grey Gargoyle: What have we here? Could this be the Amazing Spider-Woman I have heard so much about?

Spider-Woman: Close, but no cigar. You must be thinking of the Amazing Spider-Man.

Grey Gargoyle: No, no, no... It is you who are amazing. I have never beheld such a beautiful creature before.

Spider-Woman: Put your hormones in neutral, Pierre. You're having a reaction to my pheromones. It's a power I can't fully control yet.

Grey Gargoyle: Hmmm... Perhaps... you are right. I do find it difficult to think... in your presence.

Spider-Woman: Yeah, I get that a lot. Particularly in battle situations... like now.

Dark Thor: Halt, for now you face the might of Thor, son of Odin.

Spider-Man: Evil Thor, would you give me your hammer? I need it to free Odin and I'd really rather not fight you for it.

Dark Spider-Man: So you're the real deal, huh? Somehow I thought you'd be taller in person... and a lot more intelligent.

Spider-Man: Wait a minute, you're my exact double and you're making fun of me? Hmm. Maybe I'm not that bright after all.

Dark Spider-Man: I'm not your exact double - Doom made a few modifications.

Spider-Man: Well, it looks like he ruined my sense of fashion and trashed my voice. Is that it, or did he make other changes?

Dark Spider-Man: Yes, he gave me the desire to kill my enemy.

Spider-Man: As a fellow Spider-Man, I urge you not to use the word 'kill'. We aren't the kind of person who kills. We disable.

Dark Spider-Man: You are such a goody two-shoes! I'm gonna kill you!

Spider-Man: Hey! Now what word did we just finish talking about?

Vision: Hello, Deadpool.

Deadpool: Heya, Viz! You're gettin' more human every time I see you. At least, if your breath is any indication...

Dr. Doom: [after being defeated in the final battle.] Fools. You have accomplished nothing!

[The glow around Doom's hands suddenly disappears.]

Odin: [booming.] DOOM!

Dr. Doom: Odin! You can't be free!

Odin: Your wretched scheme is undone, and your black soul is mine!

Dr. Doom: Nooo!

[A lighting bolt strikes Doom and he disappears, leaving only his mask behind.]

Odin: An eternity of suffering is the fate of those who challenge the Gods!

Fin Fang Foom: I know you, human. You are the wizard, Doctor Strange.

Doctor Strange: And I know of you as well, Fin Fang Foom. Leave this place. I have no wish to destroy you. But make no sense, I will if you remain here.

Fin Fang Foom: You overestimate your powers, sorcerer. I am far mightier than any creature you have ever faced before!

Doctor Strange: But this battle is useless. The Masters of Evil have lost and you are all that remains of their forces.

Fin Fang Foom: I will send this ship crashing to the Earth then all the world will see that the Masters of Evil are a force to be reckoned with.

Doctor Strange: By the Hoary Hosts of Hoggoth, I will not allow that.

Fin Fang Foom: Call upon all of your mystic powers, wizard - but the might of Fin Fang Foom will prevail!

Magneto: It would appear the Masters of Evil have enlisted alien allies. My powers will be more than a match for this beast.

Fin Fang Foom: You overestimate your powers, sorcerer. I am far mightier than any creature you have ever faced before.

Magneto: My power is quite beyond sorcery. I control the elemental power of the universe itself.

Fin Fang Foom: I will send this ship crashing to the Earth then all the world will see that the Masters of Evil are a force to be reckoned with.

Magneto: Seeing as this vessel is made of metal, crashing it may prove most difficult for you.

Fin Fang Foom: Call upon all of your mystic powers, wizard - but the might of Fin Fang Foom will prevail!

Venom: Well, if it isn't another enemy of my enemy. I've enjoyed saving the innocent from stray missile and the like, but what I really like is to have a chat with the worst of them all...Spider-Man. Have you seen your old pal lately, bubblehead?

Mysterio: Huh, I've heard enough of your babbling!

Venom: Well then, why don't you listen to the lovely sounds of me shredding you into little teeny bits, scumbag. It's your funeral! Enjoy!

Spider-Man: Mysterio?... Jeez, it's good to see you! Still got a fishbowl for a head, I see.

Mysterio: Spider-Man, do you always have to be a half-wit?

Spider-Man: Oooh! Now that hurt! And speaking of getting hurt, step away from those plans before I have to get medieval on you.

Mysterio: You idiot! Why do you think S.H.I.E.L.D. has plans for Ultron?

Spider-Man: I thought everyone had 'em. I got some this morning in a box of cereal.

Mysterio: These plans are upgrades. The good guys want to capture Ultron so they can rewrite his programming and turn him into a S.H.I.E.L.D. weapon.

Spider-Man: That's impossible. Ultron is sentient. Reprogramming him is illegal.

Mysterio: Yes, it is; but all I care about are these plans. Ultron wants them for the weapon upgrades.

Spider-Man: Hah! If your Ultron gets weapon upgrades, then my Ultron will want weapon upgrades, and that just won't do!

Mysterio: Argh! I've heard enough of your babbling!

The Thing: Geez can you believe Fury was holding out on us about what the Black Widow was up to? And here we were thinking she was a traitor.

Human Torch: Don't go lumping me with the rest of you guys. I never thought she was a traitor.

The Thing: Oh you did too. The evidence pointed right at her. You were just letting her pretty face cloud your judgement kiddo.

Human Torch: What are you talking about? Yeah, she's hot, but I looked past that. I had a feeling she was innocent.

The Thing: Oh you had a feeling all right. But it had nothing to do with Black Widow's innocence.

Human Torch: How can you say that, I see women more than just something to admire.

The Thing: Oh is that so? Well then what's Black Widow's real name?

Human Torch: It's.. Nadia... or.. Nancy... or.. something like that.

Active Hero: Do you trust S.H.I.E.L.D.?

Wolverine: I trust Nick Fury. He's pulled my fat outta the fire more times than I can remember.

Active Hero: But what about the experiments on the Omega?

Wolverine: Look, Fury does what he has to ta keep the world safe. He ain't always got the luxury of playin' by the rules.

Loki: (narrating) Outside of the world you know, there exist a realm eternal... Asgard. The shining light of the Nine Worlds, Asgard is home to the Gods. All of whom bow down before the Allfather... Odin. Odin's life blood flows through Asgard and Asgard is Odin. His power is all and he keeps the Asgardian realm safe. But once each winter, the Allfather must rest and enter the Odinsleep. While Odin slumbers, his absence leaves Asgard vulnerable and this is when the wicked descend upon his kingdom. For seven days, an onslaught of trolls, giants, dark elves, and demons seek to take control of the Nine Worlds. But they eternally defeated by... Him! My arrogant oafish brute of a stepbrother...Thor!