Attributed

• The next flag they plant will be all white, and it'll be surrender.
  • On Michigan State's flag-planting, as attributed by John Walters, "Cool Hand on the remote", Sports Illustrated.com, 19 September 2005
• Ya know, Hitler was a great leader, too.
  • On Michigan Wolverines head coach Rich Rodriguez, as attributed by Dick Weiss, "Lou Holtz sorry for Hitler line", New York Daily News.com, 17 October 2008
• He had shoulder surgery on his elbow.
  • Attributed by Ben Weiximann, "Top 15 Funniest Lou Holtz Quotes", TheBleacherReport.com. Also see "Say What??? ESPN Broadcaster... a little confused...".
• They say a tie is like kissing your sister. I guess that is better than kissing your brother.
  • Attributed by Ben Weiximann, "Top 15 Funniest Lou Holtz Quotes", TheBleacherReport.com.
• On this team, we're all united in a common goal: to keep my job.
  • Attributed by Ben Weiximann, "Top 15 Funniest Lou Holtz Quotes", TheBleacherReport.com.
• If what you did yesterday seems big, you haven't done anything today.
  • Attributed by Ben Weiximann, "Top 15 Funniest Lou Holtz Quotes", TheBleacherReport.com.

Unsourced

• When all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
• Don't tell your problems to people: eighty percent don't care, and the other twenty percent are glad you have them.
• Lou Holtz was coaching Arkansas and the Razorbacks were winning a game that promised a trip to the Orange Bowl, and the students started throwing oranges on the field. Afterward they asked Holtz what he thought about it. "Thank God we're not going to the Gator Bowl," he said.
• He who complains about how the ball bounces is likely the one who dropped it.
• You never get ahead of anyone as long as you try to get even with him. If you burn your neighbor's house down, it doesn't make your place look better.
• Practice doesn't make perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect.
• Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it.
• I can't believe that God put us on this earth to be ordinary.
• Holtz's first head coaching job was at The College of William and Mary. The press asked him why he thought they lost a game. "We had too many Marys and not enough Williams."
• It doesn't matter what type of defense you call, take your eleven meanest guys, put them on the field and say 'sic em!'.
• Behind every successful person, stands a very successful mother-in-law.
• The good lord put eyes in front of your head rather than in back so you can see where you're going rather than where you've been.
• If you want to know something, don't ask the monkey, ask the organ grinder.
• I can't explain why a bride buys her wedding dress, whereas a groom rents his tux.
• The only thing that separates anger from danger is the letter 'd'. Anger will lead to danger.
• The freedom to swing your fist ends where the other guy's nose begins.