Yuri Orlov

• There are over 550 million firearms in worldwide circulation. That's one firearm for every twelve people on the planet. The only question is: How do we arm the other 11?

• The first and most important rule of gun-running is, never get shot with your own merchandise.

• They say, "Evil prevails when good men fail to act." What they ought to say is, "Evil prevails."

• Of all the weapons in the vast soviet arsenal nothing was more profitable than Avtomat Kalashnikova model of 1947, more commonly known as the AK-47, or Kalashnikov. It's the worlds most popular assault rifle, a weapon all fighters love. An elegantly simple nine pound amalgamation of forged steel and plywood, it doesn't break, jam, or overheat. It will fire whether it's covered in mud or filled with sand. It's so easy even a child could use it, and they do. The Soviets put the gun on a coin. Mozambique put it on their flag. Since the end of the Cold War, the Kalashnikov has become the Russian people's greatest export. After that comes vodka, caviar, and suicidal novelists. One thing is for sure, no one was lining up to buy their cars.

• The second rule of gun-running is always ensure you have a foolproof way of getting paid, preferably in advance, preferably to an offshore account.

• There are two tragedies in life. One is not getting what you want. The other is getting it.

• Where there's a will, there's a weapon.

• I sell to leftists, and rightists. I'd sell to pacifists, but they're not the most regular customers.

• The problem with dating dream girls is that they have a tendency to become real.

• Funny how you always resort to your native tongue in times of anger. And in times of ecstasy.

• The first time you sell a gun is a lot like the first time you have sex. You have absolutely no idea what you're doing, but it is exciting…and one way or another it's over way too fast.

• Some of the most successful relationships are based on lies and deceit. Since that's where they usually end up anyway, it's a logical place to start.

• I had a flair for languages. But I soon discovered that what talks best is dollars, dinars, drachmas, rubles, rupees and pounds fucking sterling.

• Say what you like about warlords and dictators; they always pay their bills on time.

• There's no problem with living a double life. It's the triple and quadruple lives that get you in the end.

• I don't put a gun to anybody's head and make them shoot. I admit, the shooting war is better for business, but I prefer people to fire my guns and miss, just as long as they keep firing.

• [To one of Agent Valentine's colleagues] Ahh…the new MP5. Would you like a silencer for that?

• Interpol Agent Jack Valentine couldn't be bought. At least, not with money. For Jack, glory was the prize.

• Selling guns is like selling vacuum cleaners; you make calls, pound the pavement, take orders. I was an equal-opportunity merchant of death; I supplied to every army but the Salvation Army. I sold Israeli-made Uzis to Muslims...I delivered Communist-made bullets to fascists...I even shipped cargo to Afghanistan while they were fighting my fellow Soviets. I never sold to Osama bin Laden—not on any moral grounds; back then, he was always bouncing cheques.

• You know who's going to inherit the earth? Arms dealers. Because everyone else is too busy killing each other. That's the secret to survival. Never go to war, especially with yourself.
• Every faction in Africa calls themselves by these noble names Liberation-this, Patriotic-that, Democratic Republic of something-or-other. I guess they can't own up to what they usually are -- Federation of Worse Oppressors Than the Last Bunch of Oppressors. Often, the most barbaric atrocities occur when both combatants proclaim themselves freedom fighters.
• Let me tell you what's gonna happen. This way you can prepare yourself. Okay. Soon there's gonna be a knock on that door and you will be called outside. In the hall there will be a man who outranks you. First, he'll compliment you on the fine job you've done, that you're making the world a safer place, that you're to receive a commendation and a promotion. And then he's going to tell you that I am to be released. You're going to protest. You'll probably threaten to resign. But in the end I will be released. The reason I'll be released is the same reason you think I'll be convicted. I do rub shoulders with some of the most vile, sadistic men calling themselves leaders today. But some of those men are the enemies of your enemies. And while the biggest arms dealer in the world is your boss, the President of the United States, who ships more merchandise in a day than I do in a year... sometimes it's embarrassing to have his fingerprints on the guns. Sometimes he needs a freelancer like me to supply forces he can't be seen supplying. So... you call me evil. But unfortunately for you, I'm a necessary evil.

• [while being left alone with the air plane] Or maybe he was hoping that the locals would tear me apart. But they were too busy with the plane. It's like parking your car in certain neighbourhoods in the Bronx, you just don't do it. [locals disassemble the plane through the night] The way I look at it, it's the way of Africa, maybe life. Everything that comes from the Earth eventually return, even a 40-ton Antonov cargo plane.

Agent Valentine

• [to Yuri Orlov] You get rich by giving the poorest people on the planet the means to continue killing each other. Do you know why I do what I do? I mean, there are more prestigous assignments. Keeping track of nuclear arsenals. You'd think that more critical to world security. But, it's not. No. Nine out of ten war victims today are killed with assault rifles and small arms. Like yours. Those nuclear missiles, they're sitting in their silos. Your AK-47, that is the real weapon of mass destruction.

• I'd tell you to go to hell, but I think you're already there.

Simeon Weisz

• Remember Yuri, take sides.

• Did you ever consider that I wanted both sides to lose? Bullets change governments far surer than votes. You're in the wrong place, my young friend; this is no place for amateurs.

• The problem with gun runners going to war, is that there is no shortage of ammunition.

Other

• Monrovian Hotel Clerk: [watching OJ Simpson's trial] My god, man, he nearly cut her head off. When I get to America, I will not live in Brentwood.

• African Girl: Mr. White Man, will my arm grow back?

• Russian General [surveying line of tanks] If you buy six, you one free!.

• Dimitry Orlov: I tell him to go have intercourse with himself.

• African Prostitute: [seducing Orlov, talking about AIDS] Why worry about something that will kill you in 10 years when there are so many things that will kill you today?

Dialogues

• Yuri Orlov: Beware of the Dog? You don't have a dog. Are you trying to scare people?
  Vitaly Orlov: No, it's to scare me. Remind me to be aware of the dog in me. The dog that wants to fuck everything that moves, wants to fight and kill weaker dogs. I guess it's to remind me to be more human.
  Yuri Orlov: Isn't being a dog part of being human? What if that's the best part of you, the dog part? What if you're really just a two-legged dog?
  Vitaly Orlov: You need to see somebody.

• Yuri: But in the Iran-Iraq War, you sold guns to both sides.
  Simeon Weisz: Did you ever consider that I wanted both sides to lose?

• Yuri [after Baptiste told him that he had been referred to as a "Lord of War"] : It's not Lord of War, it's "Warlord".
  Baptiste: Thank you, but I prefer it my way.

• Baptiste Jr.: Can you bring me the gun of Rambo?
  Yuri: Part One, Two, or Three?
  Baptiste Jr.: I've only seen Part One.
  Yuri: The M-60. Would you like the armor piercing bullets?
  Baptiste Jr.: Please.

• Prostitute (seducing Yuri): How can we make you happy?
  Yuri: By leaving.

• Yuri: How many Kalashnikovs do you have?
  Uncle Dimitri: Forty thousand.
  Yuri: Is that a four? Doesn't look like a four to me. Looks more like a one.
  Uncle Dimitri: No, it's a four.
  Yuri: It's whatever we say it is, because no one else will know the difference.

• Anatoly Orlov: Is this how you want to be remembered?
  Yuri Orlov: I don't want to be remembered at all. That means I'm dead.

• Yuri Orlov: Enjoy it.
  Jack Valentine: What?
  Yuri Orlov: This. Tell me I'm everything you despise. That I'm the personification of evil. That I'm what- responsible for the breakdown of the fabric of society and world order. I'm a one-man genocide. Say everything you want to say to me now. Because you don't have long.

• Customs Officer: We're with the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.
  Yuri Orlov: [morosely] Let me guess... this isn't about the alcohol or tobacco.