Written and directed by Shane Black.

Harry

• [voiceover] I was wetter than Drew Barrymore at a grunge club.

• It was the first time I felt how pitying someone and wanting to fuck them can get all tangled up in your head. Overwhelming sadness, meanwhile you got a Rodney. Is that sick? I think… yeah… I think that's sick.

Dialogue

Harry: Still gay?

Gay Perry: Me? No, I'm knee-deep in pussy. I just love the name so much I can't get rid of it.

Harry: Do you think I'm stupid?

Gay Perry: I don't think you'd know how to feed yourself, if you didn't flap your mouth so much. Yes I think you're stupid.

Gay Perry: Look up idiot in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?

Harry: A picture of me?

Gay Perry: No! The definition of the word "idiot"! Which you fucking are!

Harry: What is it out here with these women?

Harmony: Oh please, Harry, they're no different from anywhere else.

Harry: Yes, they are. These are damaged goods, every one of them, from way back. I'm telling you, you take a guy who sleeps with 100 women a year, go into his childhood - dollars to doughnuts, it's relatively unspectacular... Now, you take one of these... gals, who sleeps with 100 guys a year, and I bet you if you look in their childhood, there's something rotten in Denver.

Harmony: Denmark.

Harry: That too! But it's abandonment, it's abuse, it's, "My uncle put his ping-ping in my papa!"... and then they all come out here! I swear to God, it's like somebody took America by the East Coast, and shook it, and all the normal girls managed to hang on.

Harmony: OK, everyone who hates Harry raise your hand!

[All the girls in the club raise their hands.]

Gay Perry: See that? Obedient little bitches too.

[Off-screen girl shouts "Fuck you!" and tosses a glass at Perry which he dodges]

[Harry catches Agent Type feeling up Harmony, who's passed out.]

Harry: You know what? You'd better be her doctor.

[Agent Type looks up, busted.]

Harry: Walk away, don't think, just do it.

Agent Type: What are you, her brother or something? It's none of your business, man. I will fuck you up.

Harry: [coolly] No. You'll try, and that little experiment will end in tears, my friend. So, again for the cheap seats, do not think, walk the fuck away - or let's you and me go outside right now. It's past my bedtime. Make a choice.

[Cut to Harry getting the crap kicked out of him.]

Harmony: [about the blonde woman in the room] She's been fucked more times than she's had hot meals.

Harry: Mmmm, I heard about that. It was neck and neck until she skipped lunch.

Gay Perry: I want you to picture a bullet inside your head right now. Can you do that for me?

Gunman: Fuck you. Anyway, that's ambiguous.

Gay Perry: Ambiguous. No, no, I don't think so.

Harry: No, I think what he means is that when you say "Picture it inside your head" okay is that that a bullet will be inside your head. Or picture it in your head.

Gay Perry: Harry will you shut up.

Harry: Well he's got a point.

Gunman: Look, I don't know anything about a girl, seriously. I was bluffing.

[Harry begins unloading his revolver]:Harry: Oh okay, you know what? I think you are bluffing right now.

Gay Perry: Harry what are you doing?

[sticks one bullet in the cylinder and spins it.]:Harry: Well what I am doing for the guy who likes tobluff, is I am playing a little game called "Am I bluffing?" Where is she? Where the fuck is Harmony?

Gay Perry: Harry,

[Harry spins the cylinder again and closes it]

Harry: You want to play hard ball, I can do that. Where...is...the girl![The gun unexpectedly fires into the gunman's head.]

Gay Perry: What did you just do!?

Harry: There was only one bullet in that right?

Gay Perry: You put a live round into that gun?

Harry: Well I didn't know, I thought there was like an...eight percent chance.

Gay Perry: Eight? Who taught you math?