Keeping Up Appearances Quotations

Keeping Up Appearances, British sitcom.

Workman: Yes, Mrs. Bucket.

Mrs. Bucket: It's Bouquet.

"But I thought your friends liked your lilac car ..."
Elizabeth: Well, my watch says 4:30!

Hyacinth: Oh, that watch. Yes, I expect it would ...

"I've come to help out with church cleaning for that dishy vicar!"
"What a silly little voice!"
"Beautiful day, isn't it? Completely conducive to contemplating cozy charismatic country cottages."
"The Bouquet residence, lady of the house speaking. (Pause) Oh, it's you Daisy".
"It's my sister Violet, the one with the Mercedes, sauna and a musical bidet. Classical, of course.".
"It's my sister Violet, the one with the Mercedes, sauna and room for a pony."
(about the clergyman) "Rings his own bells? How democratic".
"My next door neighbour, Elizabeth, you met her at one one of my candle light suppers, she drops things".
(after coming out of a garden, surprised) "I thought I heard a Willow Warbler! One of my favourite songbirds".
"Oh, Richard!"
"But is it a large tear in his flamenco frock?"
"I once caught Richard playing with a frisbee, he said he found it, but I wasn't sure."
"I'll be up there, looking for icebergs and growing a beard."
"I'll have to have the Vicar's confirmation that this is Angel Gabrielle blue."
"They are my family and I love them dearly, especially at this time of year, when it gets dark early."
"The one thing that distinguishes us from other people is the absence of vulgar noise"
"Now listen horse, I'm not a person to be trifled with."
"I do apologise, Vicar, I must answer my white, slimline telephone with last number redial facilities, it's bound to be someone important."
"I do hope you're not going to spoil things with lower middle class humor"
"Oh no dear! I couldn't let you loose as a Roman again!"
"Home, Richard! I will not share my throne with these impostors!"
(while searching for Iron Age remains) "According to the book, we should find the remains of barrows somewhere around here. I expect they carried rocks and things around!"
(Onslow, after Hyacinth is startled into the hedge by his barking dog) "A little less noise you daft bitch! That goes for the dog, too... ha ha ha!"
(Onslow, after ascertaining that neither Daisy or Rose have bought him any more beer) "Look at me, sitting here, completely surrounded by no beer!"
Its a matter of complete indifference to me whether the milks pasteurized, immunized, sterilized or privatized! I will not share my milk bottles with strangers"
Vicars wife after spotting Rose standing beside the road: "Oh damn, it's the vampires sister - turn around!"
Hyacinth while talking to the vicar: "What is the missionary position in China these days?"
(Hyacinth) "Richard, I've been offered a job at Frosticles."
(Richard) "Take it, Hyacinth"
(Hyacinth) "I couldn't do that dear, you'd be so bored at home without me."
(Hyacinth is harrassing a bystander, trying to commandeer his phone-booth)
(Richard, Yelling) "Get in the car, Hyacinth!"

(Bystander) "In wartime, a man would get a medal for that, he would."