Directed by Donald Petrie. Written by Michele Alexander and Jeannie Long.

Dialogue

Michelle: Mike and I had such a connection. The first time that we had sex, it was so beautiful I cried.

Jeannie: You cried?

Michelle: Yeah.

Andie: You mean one glistening tear on your cheek, right?

Michelle: No, I was really emotional. I even told him that I loved him.

Andie: After how many days?

Michelle: Five... two.

Andie: Michelle, if the most beautiful woman in the world acted the way you did, any normal guy would still go running in the other direction.

Michelle: No. No guy would go running from you, Andie. You could barf all over him and he'd say, "Do it again."

Andie: Oh, that is both incredibly disgusting and categorically untrue.

Lana: Are we loving the way she looks, all?

Michelle: I haven't eaten since the split.

Lana: Good for you. Write about it.

Michelle: I can't use my personal life for a story.

Lana: I understand completely... Who will use Michelle's personal life for a story?

Andie: Look at Michelle. She is a great girl, right? An amazing woman. But she has a problem hanging on to relationships and doesn't really know what she's doing wrong, which is like a lot of our readers. So, I was thinking, that I could start by dating a guy, and then drive him away. But only using the classic mistakes most women, Like Michelle, make all the time. I'll keep a diary of it and it will be sort of a dating "How To" in reverse.

Lana: What not to do.

Andie: Yeah.

Lana: "How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days". Yes. Go.

Spears: I'm not talking about lust. A woman in lust wants chocolate. A woman in love wants diamonds.

Ben: Yeah, I'm not talking about lust either, ladies. I'm talking about deep, meaningful, head-over-heels, his-n-hers towels, let's-grow-old-together L-O-V-E. Look, I love women. I do. Whether they're 4, 40 or my 88-year-old grandmother, I respect women. Alright? And I also listen to women. And that's why I can sell myself to any woman, anywhere, any time.

Spears: Make a woman fall in love with diamonds, Benjamin, or with you?

Andie: Andie Anderson.

Ben: Benjamin Barry.

Andie: Cute.

Ben: Thank you.

Andie: I meant your name.

Ben: Thank you two times.

Andie: Unattached?

Ben: Currently.

Andie: Likewise.

Ben: Surprising.

Andie: Psycho?

Ben: Rarely... Interested?

Andie: Perhaps.

Ben: Hungry?

Andie: Starving.

Ben: Leaving.

Ben: I'm in advertising. I work mostly with alcoholic beverages and athletic equipment companies, and I'm trying to break into the jewellery market right now.

Andie: Saving the world one keg party at a time?

Ben: What about you?

Andie: What about me?

Ben: Have I seen your work?

Andie: I work at Composure.

Ben: Fastest growing women's magazine in the country. I'm impressed. Saving the world one shopaholic at a time, eh?

Andie: It's beautiful.

Ben: Thanks.

Andie: Youre beautiful. The game, the whole thing... I wish I ate meat. Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb. You have to take this away before I gag.

Andie: Does Princess Sophia want to come out and play?

Ben: Who's Princess Sophia? (she points to his crotch) No, no, no, no. Whoa, whoa. You're kidding me right? Princess Sophia?

Andie: Little? Big? Little? Big? I don't know, we will find out!

Ben: Listen, you can't name my member Princess Sophia.

Andie: Yes I can.

Ben: Listen... listen... if you're gonna name my, my member, you've gotta name it something hyper-masculine. Something like Spike, or Butch, or Krull the Warrior King.

Thayer: I thought you said after the Knicks game, she was a goddess.

Ben: Oh, she was. That was the good Andie, this amazing, fun, cool, sexy woman. I'm talking about the evil Andie now. It's like a crack-enhanced Kathy Lee Gifford.

Ben: Look at Krull's necklace. It's got more ice than Liberace, don't you?

Andie: Oh, it's just a little frosting.

Andie: I did something kind of wacky. I used Photoshop at work today to composite our faces together to see what our kids would look like. Our family album! You don't want to see our children?

Ben: We don't have... children.

Andie: Oh, no. Our love fern. It's dead.

Ben: No, it's just sleeping.

Andie: You let it die. Are you going to let us die?

Ben: The one night that we even thought about.. getting close to having sex. She up and decides she's going to nickname my...

Michelle: Penis.

Ben: Princess Sophia! You wanna talk about shooting a man's horse!

Andie: I thought it was a beautiful name.

Michelle: Hmm, I see, Benjamin. And when was it that you first realised that you were attracted to other men?

Phillip Warren: I understand you've been an inspiration to Ben in more ways than one. And I must say, you look rather inspired yourself. There isn't a diamond it the room that sparkles like a woman in love.

Andie: Oh, no, no. I'm not in love.

Phillip: No? I guess I was mistaken.

Andie: No, no. I mean... I've only known him for ten days... You can't... I can't be...

Phillip: Ben is a very lucky man.

Andie: Mr Warren, please don't tell him. Please don't tell him.

Lana: Congratulations. This shows me you're ready to be unleashed. From now on, feel free to write about anything.

Andie: Anything?

Lana: Wherever the wind blows you.

Andie: Even politics?

Lana: Well, the wind's not going to blow you there.

Andie: What about religion, poverty, economics?

Lana: This wind is really more of a light breeze.

Andie: [Ben awnsers the phone to Andie in the middle of a meeting] Its me!

Ben: I'm in the middle of a meeting. Can I call you back later?

Andie: I miss you benny boo boo... boo boo boo

Cast

• Kate Hudson — Andie
• Matthew McConaughey — Ben
• Kathryn Hahn — Michelle
• Annie Parisse — Jeannie
• Bebe Neuwirth — Lana
• Thomas Lennon — Thayer
• Robert Klein — Phillip