Directed by Chris Columbus. Written by John Hughes.

Kevin McCallister

• [To Harry and Marv] You can mess with a lot of things, but you can't mess with kids on Christmas.
• [To Harry and Marv] Don't you know a kid always wins against two idiots?
• Sick!
• [imitates his father with a his Talkboy in slow motion] Howdy-do. This is Peter McCallister, the father. I'd like a hotel room, please, with an extra large bed, a TV, and one of those little refrigerators you have to open with a key. Credit card? You got it.
• (After realizing he's in the Big Apple) Yikes! I did it again!
• My family's in Florida, and I'm in New York. [in the verge of happiness] My family's... in Florida...? I'm in... New York?
• My tie's in the bathroom. I can't go in there, 'cause Uncle Frank's taking a shower. He says if I walked in there and saw him naked, I'd grow up never feeling like a real man, whatever that means.
• This is it. No turning back. Another Christmas in the trenches.

Frank McCallister

• (snatches a can of Coke out of Fuller's hand) Hey, hey, easy on the fluids, pal! The rubber sheets are packed. (takes a sip of the Coke himself)
• Get outta here, you nosy little pervert, or I'm gonna slap you silly!
• Ohhh, you're cookin', Frankie!
• [As the others look at their motel in surprise] Didn't look this bad on our honeymoon.
• I know I shouldn't complain about a free trip, but jeez, you guys give the worst gol-dern wake up calls!

Harry

• (after Marv steals money from a donation bag) That's very smart, Marv. We bust out of jail just to rob 14 cents from a Santa Claus.
• Yep, there's nobody dumb enough to knock off a toy store on Christmas Eve!

Marv

• At midnight tonight, we're hittin' Duncan's Toy Chest. 5 floors of cash!
• (to Kevin) SUCK BRICK, KID!! (throws the brick, but misses)
• Harry, I've reached the top! (falls down a hole)

Mr. Hector, the Hotel Concierge

• [Upon discovering that the McCallisters' credit card was "stolen"] Bingo!
• What's the matter? Store wouldn't take your stolen credit card? Let's see what the police have to say about this.

Dialogue

Kate: What kind of idiots do you have working here?

Mrs. Stone: The finest in New York.

[Harry and Marv, who have escaped from prison, have arrived in New York in a fish truck]

Harry: Here we are, Marv. New York City, the Land of Opportunity. [Takes a deep breath] Smell that?

Marv: [Takes a deep breath] Yeah.

Harry: Know what that is?

Marv: Fish.

Harry: It's freedom.

Marv: No, it's fish.

Harry: It's freedom, and it's money.

Marv: Okay, okay, it's freedom.

Harry:: Come on, let's get out of here before someone sees us. [He leaves the truck]

Marv: And it's fish. [He leaves]

Cop: Well, Mr. Duncan, it's all over with. We apprehended the thieves, and recovered your money.

Duncan: Good. I wanna get that money over to the Children's Hospital as soon as possible.

Cop: Yo, I'll handle it personally.

Duncan: Ah! Thank you very much!

Harry: Yeah. We stay around for a while, grab a couple of phony passports and then hightail it to some foreign country.

Marv: Arizona? [He uses a sticky glove to steal some coins from a Santa Claus' bucket]

Harry: That's very smart, Marv. You bust outta jail to rob 14 cents from a Santa Claus?

Marv: Every little bit helps. Besides, now we've got our new nicknames: We're the Sticky Bandits!

Harry: [annoyed] Real cute.

Johnny: Hold it right there!

Susie: It's me, Johnny.

Johnny: I knew it was you. I could smell ya gettin' off the elevator!

Susie: It's gardenias, Johnny. Your favorite.

Johnny: You was here last night too, wasn't ya?

Susie: I was singin' at the Blue Monkey last night.

Johnny: You was here...and you was smoochin' with my brother!

Susie: That's a dirty, rotten lie, Johnny.

Johnny: Don't gimme that. You been smoochin' with everybody! Snuffy, Al, Leo, Little Moe with the gimpy leg, Cheeks, Bony Bob, Cliff... I could go on forever, baby!

Susie: You've got me all wrong!

Johnny: All right. I believe ya. (extracts his Tommy Gun) But my Tommy Gun don't!

Susie: Johnny! You're the only duck in my pond!

Johnny: Get down on your knees and tell me ya love me.

Susie: Baby! I'm over the moon for ya!

Johnny: Ya gotta do better than that!

Susie: If my love was an ocean, Lindy'd have to take 2 airplanes to get across it!

Johnny: Maybe I'm off my hinges, but I believe ya. That's why I'm gonna let ya go. I'm gonna give ya 'til the count of 3 to get your lousy, lyin', low-down 4-flushin' carcass out my door! 1... 2...

(Johnny shoots Susie while laughing maniacally, as usual)

Johnny: 3! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal! (quickly shoots repeatedly) And a Happy New Year. (shoots once more)

Johnny: Hold it right there!

Mr. Hector: This is the Concierge, sir.

Johnny: I knew it was you. I could smell ya getting off the elevator! You was here last night too, wasn't ya?

Mr. Hector: Yes, sir. I was.

Johnny: You was here...and you was smoochin' with my brother.

Mr. Hector: But...I'm afraid you're mistaken, sir.

Johnny: Don't gimme that. You been smoochin' with everybody! Snuffy, Al, Leo, Little Moe with the gimpy leg, Cheeks, Bony Bob, Cliff...

(The security guard, who's name tag reads "Cliff," gasps with a shocked look on his face and the rest of the staff stares shockingly at him)

Cliff: No. It's a lie!

Johnny: I could go on forever, baby.

Mr. Hector: I'm terribly sorry, sir, but I'm afraid you're mistaken. We're looking for a young man.

Johnny: All right. I believe you. (extracts his gun) But my Tommy gun don't!

(Mr. Hector gives a confused look)

Johnny: Get down on your knees and tell me you love me.

Mr. Hector: On your knees.

(the entire staff gets down on their knees)

Mr. Hector: I love you!

(Kevin snickers quietly and unmutes the T.V.)

Johnny: Ya gotta do better than that!

Mr. Hector, Cedric, Mrs. Stone, and Cliff: I love you!

Johnny: Maybe I'm off my hinges, but I believe ya. That's why I'm gonna let ya go. I'm gonna give ya 'til the count of 3 to get your lousy, lyin', low-down, 4-flushin' carcass out my door! 1... 2...!

(Johnny shoots as the staff ducks from the room, and several hotel guests notice)

Johnny: 3! (while Kevin mouths him) Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal! (shoots again) And a Happy New Year. (shoots once more)

Mr. Hector (as the staff crawls out): Stay in your rooms! This is an emergency! There's an insane guest with a gun!

Harry: [after catching Kevin] Come to Papa!

Marv: 'Round trip to Miami? What's the matter, kid? Get on the wrong plane, squirt?

Harry: Looks like you won't be needin' this, kid. (takes ticket out of Kevin's hand and rips it)

Marv: American don't fly to the promise land, little buddy.

(the gang passes Kevin's bag around from Peter all the way to Fuller)

Peter: Give this to Kevin.

Kate: Give this to Kevin.

Leslie: Give this to Kevin.

Tracy: Give this to Kevin.

Linnie: Kevin.

Buzz: Give this to Kevin.

Rod: Give this to Kevin.

Sondra: Give this to Kevin.

Megan: Give this to Kevin.

Jeff: Give this to Kevin.

Brooke: Give this to Kevin.

Fuller: Here you go, Kevin.

(but instead of Kevin, Fuller notices 2 elderly people, so he passes the bag around to the others)

Fuller: Kevin's not here.

Brooke: Kevin's not here.

Jeff: Kevin's not here.

Megan: Kevin's not here.

Sondra: Kevin's not here.

Rod: Kevin's not here.

Linnie: Kevin's not here.

Tracy: Kevin's not here.

Leslie: Kevin's not here.

Kate: Kevin's not here.

(she hands the bag to Peter, who suddenly reacts)

Peter: What?!

(Kate only reacts by laughing, until...)

Kate: KEVIN?!!!

(she faints)

Cedric: You know, Herbert Hoover once stayed on this floor.

Kevin: The vacuum guy?

Cedric: No, the, uh, president.

Harry: [Opens the cash register in Duncan's Toy Chest and steals money from it] Merry Christmas, Harry!

Marv: [Opens a chest stuffed with cash and steals money from it] Happy Hanukkah, Marv!

Marv: My, how the tables have turned.

Harry: How do you like the ice, kid? Let's take a little stroll in the park.

Peter and Kate: (get out of bed in surprise upon noticing they woke up late, like in the previous movie) WE DID IT AGAIN!!! YAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!

Mrs. Stone, Desk Clerk: Can I help you?

Kevin McCallister: A reservation for McCallister?

Mrs. Stone, Desk Clerk: A reservation for yourself?

Kevin McCallister: Ma'am, my feet are hardly touching the ground. I'm barely able to look over the counter. How can I make a reservation for a hotel room? Think about it. A kid coming into a hotel, making a reservation? I don't think so.

Harry: Sonny!

Kevin McCallister: Yes?

Harry: Nothing would thrill me more greatly than to shoot you. Knocking off a youngster ain't gonna mean all that much to me. Understand? But since we're in a hurry, I'll made a deal with you: you throw down your camera and we won't hurt you. You'll never hear from us again. Okay?

Kevin McCallister: You promise?

Harry: I cross my heart and hope to die.

Kevin McCallister: Okay (picks up brick from pile behind him)

Harry: (he and Marv snicker) Okay, kid. Give it to me! (Kevin throws the brick at Marv hitting him on the forehead)

Taglines

• He's Up Past His Bedtime In The City That Never Sleeps.

• Yikes! I Did It Again!

• First, He Was Home Alone, Now, He's Lost In New York.

• Start Spreading The News... New York is a Real Scream!