Directed by Amy Heckerling. Written by Cameron Crowe.

Mike Damone

• [the "five-point plan"] First of all Rat, you never let on how much you like a girl. "Oh, Debbie. Hi." Two, you always call the shots. "Kiss me. You won't regret it." Now three, act like wherever you are, that's the place to be. "Isn't this great?" Four, when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order for the both of you. It's a classy move. "Now, the lady will have the linguini and white clam sauce, and a Coke with no ice." And five, now this is the most important, Rat. When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.

Brad Hamilton

• [After being caught masturbating by Linda] Doesn't anybody ever fucking knock anymore?!?

Mr. Hand

• [passing back quizzes] C, D, F, F, F. Three weeks we've been talking about the Platt Amendment. What are you people, on dope?

Dialogue

Brad: Why don't you get a job Spicoli?

Spicoli: What for?

Brad: You need money.

Spicoli: All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I'm fine.

Damone: I mean don't just walk in. You move across the room. And you don't talk to her. You use your face. You use your body. You use everything. That's what I do. I mean I just send out this vibe and I have personally found that women do respond. I mean, something happens.

Mark: Well, naturally something happens. I mean, you put the vibe out to 30 million chicks, something is gonna happen.

Damone: That's the idea, Rat. That's the attitude.

Mark: The attitude?

Damone: Yeah! The attitude dictates that you don't care whether she comes, stays, lays, or prays. I mean whatever happens, your toes are still tappin'. Now when you got that, then you have the attitude.

Mr. Hand: Where is Jeff Spicoli? I saw him earlier today, near the first floor bathrooms, is he still on campus? Anyone?

[Desmond raises hand]

Mr. Hand: Yes, Desmond?

Desmond: I saw him outside, near the food machines.

Mr. Hand: How long ago?

Desmond: Right before class.

Mr. Hand: All right. Bring him in.

[Desmond exits]

Mr. Hand: What is this fascination with truancy? What is it that gets inside of your heads? There are some teachers at this school who look the other way at truants. It's a little game you both play. They pretend they don't see you, and you pretend you don't ditch! Now, in the end, who pays the price? YOU!

Spicoli: Hey, wait a minute. There's no birthday party for me here! Hola, Mr. Hand.

Mr. Hand: What's the reason for your truancy?

Spicoli: Just couldn't make it on time.

Mr. Hand: You mean you couldn't or wouldn't?

Spicoli: See, there was a full crowd at the food lines.

Mr. Hand: Food will be eaten on your time. Why are you continuously late for this class, Mr. Spicoli? Why must you shamelessly waste my time like this?

Spicoli: [thinks it over] I don't know.

Mr. Hand: [writes I DON'T KNOW on the chalkboard and then steps back to admire it] I like that. Hmm Hmm. "I don't know," that's nice. 'Mr. Hand, will I pass this class?' 'Gee Mr. Spicoli, I don't know.' That's nice, I really like that. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm going to leave your words on my board for all my classes to enjoy, giving you full credit of course, Mr. Spicoli.

Spicoli: All right!

Cast

• Sean Penn - Jeff Spicoli
• Jennifer Jason Leigh - Stacy Hamilton
• Judge Reinhold - Brad Hamilton
• Phoebe Cates - Linda Barrett
• Robert Romanus - Mike Damone
• Brian Backer - Mark Ratner
• Ray Walston - Mr. Hand
• Scott Thomson - Arnold
• Vincent Schiavelli - Mr. Vargas
• Amanda Wyss - Lisa
• Forest Whitaker - Charles Jefferson
• Anthony Edwards - Stoner Bud
• Eric Stoltz - Stoner Bud