ER Quotations

ER (1994–2009) is a long running medical drama that follows the lives of doctors and nurses in a Chicago emergency room.

24 Hours [1.1]

Benton: Do you know how to start an IV?

Carter: Uh, actually, no.

Benton: I thought you were third year.

Carter: I am, but all I've done is dermatology and psychiatry.

Benton: The well-dressed specialties, huh?

Mark: See, there's two kinds of doctors. The kind that gets rid of their feelings. And the kind that keeps them. If you're going to keep your feelings, you're going to get sick from time to time. That's just how it works.

Mark: …by the way, I went to medical school with Dr. Benton. He used to get sick all the time. So, don't let him give you any crap. You'll be fine.

Patient: Are you married?

Susan: No, I'm a doctor.

Day One [1.2]

Benton: [Carter gives him an H&P on a patient] Mother's maiden name?

Haleh: He's kidding.

Mark: [about Carol's suicide attempt] It's not your fault, Doug. You're going to have to forgive yourself sooner or later.

Doug: I thought you were some kind of saint. I was going to start calling you Mahatma.

Going Home [1.3]

[Earlier in the show, Carol attempted suicide by overdosing on barbituates.]

Carol: I'm here to unload that new shipment of barbituates.

Jerry: At least you didn't kill off your sense of humor.

Carol: No, just a few brain cells.

Hit and Run [1.4]

Carter: You ever get used to this?

Benton: Used to what?

Carter: Going on three hours sleep.

Benton: Anything more than three hours and I'm sluggish all day.

Mark: I was embraced by two men today. I find that highly unusual.

Susan: Some guys have all the luck.

Walt: [to Benton] No, don't hand me that OR crap, already know how important your job is compared to the small events of my life.

Into that Good Night [1.5]

Sam: How's your heart?

Mark: Pretty good shape.

Sam: Want to lend it to me for the weekend? Naw. You got better things to do with it. Do 'em all. You never know when you'll get the chance.

Carter: What's he doing?

Susan: Practicing one-handed knots. He'd do it with his teeth if he could.

Benton: No I wouldn't. You can't wear a glove on your teeth.

Sarah: My mom says my dad's gonna die.

Mark: Yes, he is.

Sarah: Why can't you fix him?

Mark: We can't fix everything.

Susan: At your age Ryan Sandberg was retired.

Doug: At my age Mozart was dead.

Chicago Heat [1.6]

Mark: Jerry, if this guy's still here in the morning, why don't we get some shovels and bury him in the parking lot.

Rachel: Did you make him all better?

Benton: Who?

Rachel: The boy in the green room.

Benton: [to Mark] The gunshot victim.

Mark: They tried really hard, Rachel. But he died.

Rachel: Will his mommy be sad?

Mark: Very sad.

Rachel: [to Benton] Are you sad?

Benton: Yeah.

Rachel: If you're sad, why aren't you crying?

[Benton kneels beside Rachel.]

Benton: I am. [touches Rachel's heart.] Right here.

Rachel: If I got hurt, would you fix me?

Mark: Yes, I would.

Rachel: You wouldn't let me die?

Rachel: My daddy's your doctor.

Kanesha: He helped me be better.

Rachel: [whispers] That's what doctors do.

[A car has slammed through the ER doors.]

Doug: Jerry, call security. Somebody's in my parking space.

Another Perfect Day [1.7]

Mark: We're going to have to do a lumbar puncture. You ever done one?

Carter: Uh no, but I've seen it done.

Mark: See One, Do One, Teach One.

9 1/2 Hours [1.8]

Mae Benton : Carter? You got people in Tennessee?

Carter: On my father's side.

Mae Benton : I think his people owned our people.

ER Confidential [1.9]

Doug: I'm not a grownup doctor.

Lydia: We all know that, but everyone else's busy.

Blizzard [1.10]

[Carol is pushing a biker in a wheelchair.]

Carol: You know what we call motorcycles around here, Ace?

Patient: No. What?

Carol: Donor-cycles.

Patient: [laughs] Donor-cycles. I like that.

Carol: You would.

Morgenstern: How are we doing?

Doug: One step ahead of the Reaper.

Morgenstern: Thats all you can ask for.

Carter: Oh God, I killed Santa.

The Gift [1.11]

Doug: [to Carol] Tell him that you don't love me. Tell him that you don't think about me when you're with him.

Happy New Years [1.12]

Hicks: When I was a resident, I was always worried about getting people's approval, the attendings', the patients', maybe because I was a woman, a black woman. Life was a lot easier once I got over it. Don't let the patients get to you, Dr. Lewis. We treat them as soon as we can and there's no need to apologize for how long it takes. We are a busy hospital, not a restaurant.

Luck of the Draw [1.13]

[Deb Chen is performing a rectal.]

Carter: How's it going in there, Deb?

Chen: I'm stuck.

Carter: Deb?

Chen: Yes?

Carter: Did you use a lubricant?

Chen: Was I supposed to?

Morgenstern: That's what I love about you, Peter: Naked ambition tempered by arrogance.

Haleh: [discussing Deb's examination of an unconscious Carter] The term isn't average male genitalia, it's normal male genitalia.

Doug: [talking about Linda Farrell] Serious? Our longest phone conversation is "Get over here."

February Fifth, 1995 [1.15]

Carter: You ever put in a foley?

[Deb shakes her head.]

Carter: You're in for a treat.

Mark: [in a noisy helicopter] Hell of a life isn't it?

Paramedic: What?

Mark: Its a hell of a life.

[The paramedic points to his ear.]

Mark: I said, I want to have sex with your wife.

[The paramedic gives a thumbs up.]

Love's Labor Lost [1.19]

Mark: How do I deliver this baby?

Carol: Are you asking me?

Mark: No, I'm asking God.

A Miracle Happens Here [2.10]

[Carol is trying to convince everyone in the ER to go upstairs and join her in caroling for recovery, with no luck.]

Carol: Well, you just mouth the words. That’s what I do.

Susan: Well who sings?.....

Carol: Well I’m working on that. [Carter walks by. Carol smiles, pleasently] Carter!-

Carter: No, no, no, no. Chronic tonedeaf and acute stage fright.

[Carol is alone in recovery now, caroling without any other ER docs- horribly.]

Carol: On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....uhhh....

[All the other ER docs enter surprisingly and start singing.]

Doug: 12 tonedeaf doctors.

Mark: 11 lords a lording.

Susan: 10 drummers drumming.

Carter: 9 something something.

Lydia: 8 maids a milking.

Malik: 7 swans a swatting.

Harper: 6 geese a gagging.

Everyone: 5 golden rings! 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtledoves, and a partridge in a pear tree!

Take These Broken Wings [2.21]

[Kerry agrees to go with Mark’s recommendations for Susan for chief resident only if Mark agrees to go with Kerry for the attending position.]

Kerry: So you really think Susan Lewis would make a good chief resident?

Mark: Yes, I do. [Kerry leaves]

Conni: What was that about?

Mark: I think I just sold my soul to the devil

John Carter, M.D. [2.22]

[Trying to get Carter's attention]

Susan: Dr. Carter! [Carter ignores while putting on his new lab coat]... Dr. Carter! [still no response] DR. CARTER!!!

Carter: Oh Crap. Coming

Last Call [3.04]

Mark: I've given it a lot of thought, and I've decided to be spontaneous.

Union Station [3.08]

[Susan is moving to Arizona, and Mark is seeing her off]

Susan: [As her train begins to pull away] I love you!

Mark: What?

Susan: I love you... bye!

Ask Me No Questions, I'll Tell You No Lies [3.09]

Carol: Have you seen Mark? Is he okay?

Doug: Put it this way, he called a staff meeting.

Carol: Mark Greene?

Doug: Yep.

Carol: Glasses? Receding hair line? Broken heart?

Doug: That's the one.

Whose Appy Now? [3.14]

Doyle: I can't believe what an exciting procedure we're doing!

Carter: I know.

Hicks: Change of plans, we're doing the appy.

Carter: The Appy?!?

Hicks: Disappointed?

Carter: Well, yeah.

Hicks: You haven't seen the patient yet/
[Carter looks over and sees Benton. He, of course is mad at him because he thinks he killed Gant]

Carter: Oh! Ohhhhhh... there is a god!

Season 4

Ambush [4.1]

Something New [4.2]

Friendly Fire [4.3]

When the Bough Breaks [4.4]

Good Touch, Bad Touch [4.5]

Ground Zero [4.6]

Fathers and Sons [4.7]

Freak Show [4.8]

Obstruction of Justice [4.9]

Do You See What I See? [4.10]

Think Warm Thoughts [4.11]

Sharp Relief [4.12]

Carter's Choice [4.13]

Family Practice [4.14]

Exodus [4.15]

My Brother's Keeper [4.16]

A Bloody Mess [4.17]

Gut Reaction [4.18]

Shades of Gray [4.19]

Of Past Regreat and Future Fear [4.20]

Suffer the Little Children [4.21]

A Hole in the Heart [4.22]

Masquerade [5.05]

Carter: Okay, party's over; you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here!

Lucy: What's wrong, was the music too loud?

Carter: No, the furniture was too on fire.

The Storm Part 1 [5.16]

(Talking about the Titanic with Lucy and Dale.)

Carter: Leonardo DiCaprio, hoop skirts, and tragic love is kinda my idea of hell on earth.

Power [5.20]

[Romano has just started operating when the power goes out]

Romano: Wish I hadn't just made that incision...

Truth & Consequence [6x05]

Dave: Hey how you doing Jesse I'm Dr. Dave

Patient: I'm not feeling too well

Dave: Well what seems to be the problem?

Patient throws up

Dave: That's colorful

Such Sweet Sorrow [6.21]

Carol: I have to go find out.

Luka: Find out what?

Carol: If he's still in love with me... because... I'm still in love with him. I am. I've been in love with him since I was 23 years old. He's everything to me. He's my life. I feel complete when I'm with him and I feel empty when we're apart. He's the father of my children... and he's my soulmate.

Survival of the Fittest [7.17]

Romano: [To a very pregnant Elizabeth] Are you sure you can still reach the table?

Elizabeth: At least I can see the table...

April Showers [7.18]

Elizabeth: This is America, and sometimes in this country you have to kick some ass!

It's All in Your Head [8.15]

Gallant: Is there a lost and found box?

Haleh: Yeah, someone stole it.

Bygones [8.17]

[Romano walks into the lounge and sees that Elizabeth is crying]

Romano: What's wrong, is Prince Harry in rehab again?

[Later..]
Romano to Elizabeth about Mark:
Romano: Is he your husband?
Elizabeth: Yes
Romano: Do you love him?
Elizabeth: Yes

The Letter [8.20]

[After Gallant gets sick during a trauma. Carter repeats what Dr. Mark Greene told him in the same situation eight years ago.]

Gallant: You know, sometimes I don't think I can do this.

Carter: You know, there's two kinds of doctors. There's the kind that get rid of their feelings, and the kind that hold on to them. If you hold on to your feelings you're going to get sick every once in a while. It's part of it. You know, people come in here, and they're sick, and they're bleeding, sometimes they're dying. And they need our help. And helping them is more important than how we feel. But hell, I've been doing this eight years I still get sick. Take another minute.

Lockdown [8.22]

Carter: Abby is the Obi-Wan Kenobi of nursing

Pratt: What does that make you, Yoda?

Carter: Learn from her you will.

Chaos Theory [9.01]

Romano: [coming to in the ER after losing his arm] Oh no, I'm at County

Abby: Chaos Theory?

Carter: Yeah, a virus mutates in the Congo. We evacuate an ER in Chicago. Romano gets his arm cut off.

Abby: You lost me.

Carter: Seemingly random events, all part of a larger equation.

Abby: I'm hot.

Carter: You know, a butterfly flaps its wings in China, and creates a tornado halfway around the world.

Abby: Are you hot?

Carter: I'm just saying that there's an inherent unpredictability about everything-- evolution, life. Love, relationships.

Abby: So what am I? The butterfly or tornado?

Carter: No, you're chaos in general.

Abby: Oh, thanks.

Carter: No, I'm just saying, you're chaos to me. The unknown. I'm chaos to you.

Abby: You are hardly chaos, Carter.

Carter: I'm just saying there's a risk in anything that you do, right? But don't you want to stack the odds in your favor? I mean, I'm drawn to you. It's kind of that simple. I've been drawn to you for two years, but chaos always seems to rule, and I don't want it to rule. I want to know where it's taking me. You know what I mean?

Abby: [strips] Nope. [goes into the ocean]

Carter: The tornado. Definitely the tornado.

A Hopeless Wound [9.05]

Romano: I know most people don't like me; I don't care, I don't like most people. But I'm good at what I do. I save people's lives. Every day. If I can't do that...

When Night Meets Day [9.21]

Romano: Do me a favor, write "Not this one, idiot" on my arm...

Romano: [looking at arm] You forgot "idiot"

Elizabeth: I'll be there Robert...

Romano: Just the same... "Idiot".

[Elizabeth finishes writing]

Out of Africa [10.05]

[It's Sam first day, and she has just jumped on a hostile patient and stabbed him with a syringe]

Romano: Please tell me she works here...

Sam : Sam Taggart, new nurse!

Romano: So, what's today's excuse for Triage being a stinking, overpopulated cesspool of humanity?

Sam : The healthcare system?

Romano: Yeah, well, if things get too locked up, you can try stabbing some of these deadbeats in the neck. That ought to have them running to Northwestern.

Romano: There's nothing I find sexier than a mute girl covered in blood, so keep your head down and your mouth shut.

Sam : You remind of a guy I used to date. He's dead.

[about Romano ]

Sam : You've got one poisonous one-armed midget running this place.

Alex: This your new hospital?

Sam : Yep.

Alex: Looks even crappier than the last one.

The Greater Good[10.06]

[Discussing a patient...]

Sam : She needs a little TLC and maybe some Zoloft.

Susan: That makes two of us

Death and Taxes [10.07]

Susan: What are you doing?

Sam : He just grabbed my ass. Here, take this to church and have it exorcised.

Romano: That's right, you keep walking! Right up to the nursing director's office 'cause by the time you get there, there'll be a pink slip waiting for you.

Sam : Good! Give me plenty of time to file my sexual harassment lawsuit!

Romano: Do you mind?

Susan: Yes, I do. You can have it back by the end of the day if you learn to behave!

Romano: Give me my damned arm back!

Sam : I've got a rule against ass grabbing.

Susan: That's a good rule.

Missing [10.09]

Luka: You sent that man up for a pulmonary angiogram?

Neela: Dr.Lewis wanted to be sure before heparinising.

Luka: What's your opinion?

Neela: I'm not sure my opinion matters.

Sam : Luka. You got a minute?

Luka: [To Neela] If you don't think it matters, then it doesn't.

Sam : Dr.Kovac! Tell me you did not put a splint on my kid's arm.

Luka: I'm sorry, but we're busy trying to find a man's finger right now.

Sam : Yeah, and the reason it's missing, is because in stead of studying here like I told him, he's off with you playing doctor.

Frank: What?!

Sam : Not like that.

Luka: I'm sorry about the splint.

Sam : Look. I appreciate you trying to be his friend. I just don't want things to get weird. You're a good guy, I'm sure. But you don't know crap about raising kids. So thanks for the help, but no thanks. I got it covered.

Luka: [ Nods ] O.k.

Touch & Go [10.11]

[ Alex has sown stitches into his own leg ]

Sam : You ever seen a kid do something this crazy before?

Carter: Honestly? [ shakes his head ]

NICU [10.12]

Pratt: When'd you two start your rotation?

Abby: Five minutes ago.

Pratt: Well, the NICU's great! Intubations, chest-tubes, umbilical-lines. You get to do all sorts of teeny-tiny kick ass procedures.

[ elevator door opens ]

Nurses: Card's is waiting and Raab's is pissed. Wanna give him a pneumo?

[ The nurses, Abby and Neela roll the baby away ]

Sam : Good luck you two!

Pratt: Yeah, you gonna love it! [ To Sam ] Let's get out of here.

Sam : I hate the NICU.

Pratt: Those guys are screwed.

Get Carter [10.13]

Sam : You know what? Why don't save your lectures for the med students 'cause the nurses don't want to hear it.

Sam : What is it with Kovac and his holier than thou healing hands? I'm getting pretty sick of that.

Chuny: Oh, I don't know. Those healing hands have their good points. Right, Abby?

Sam : Did you go out with Kovac?

Abby: Briefly, yeah.

Sam :And Carter?

Abby: Yep.

Chuny: Abby's the ER slut.

Abby: I went out with two doctors in five years that I've worked with.

Lester Kertzenstein: Hey, Abby. Are we still on for tonight?

Abby: Yeah.

Lester Kertzenstein: Great.

Abby: We're studying! And you shouldn't talk, Chuny.

Impulse Control [10.14]

Sam : When I finally figured out where the clinic was, I sat in the waiting room and when they called my name I couldn't get up. The second time I went, I was too late. And now I look at Alex...

Abby: The clinic I went to had a Strawberry Shortcake poster. I just looked at that the whole time.

Arnie Nadler: Hi, i want to talk about the incident with Dr. Morris.

Sam : It was no incident, it was a french fry.

Frank: You waiting for Weaver?

Sam : Yeah.

Morris: Well, don't hit her. She's crippled.

Frank: HAHAHAHAHA

Forgive and Forget [10.16]

Neela:[to Frank] You know what? You're a horrible man. Do you think it's pleasant being greeted every day by a fusilade of homophobic, xenophobic ranting from a bigot? From now on, I expect nothing from you but silence; blissful silence.

Luka: No, it was fine.

Sam : Because, when I said before... I didn't mean we shouldn't see each other at all. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.

Luka: You want things to be casual.

Sam : Right. But if it's a choice between something serious or nothing, maybe serious is the way to go.

[ About Gillian ]

Luka: She has a boyfriend.

Sam : That's nice.

Luka: You said you didn't want to be exclusive!

Sam : I said it four days ago!

Luka: I forgot she was coming.

Sam : You know what, I don't care. It's fine, Luka.

Luka: It's fine?

Sam : You think I really care how many french girls you're screwing? You already nailed every nurse in the ER!

Where There's Smoke [10.18]

Jerry: Oh, hey! Kovac called. He said next time he's gonna have a triple latte first. Does that make any sense?

Sam : [ smiles ] Yeah.

Chen: Are you two living together now?

Sam : No.

Chen: Well, for what it's worth, I think Luka's a good guy.

Sam : Oh, wait. You didn't...

Chen: ...Sleep with him? No, I went in a completely different direction (Chen waves at Pratt).

Just a Touch [10.19]

Sam : Men only care about three things: food, sports, and sex. Dogs are more mysterious.

Morris: Sounds like he TUBE'd her.

Sam : What?

Morris: TUBE: Totally Unnecessary Breast Exam.

Sam : Morris, you're such an ass.

Kerry: What was that?

Morris: Huh?

Kerry:What was that term?

Morris: I dunno. I didn't make it up.

Drive [10.22]

Sam : We're moving.

Alex: No!

Sam : Come on, hurry up!

Alex: I don't wanna go!

Sam : Ah, you don't exactly have a choice.

Alex: I'm not going!

Sam : Yes you are.

Alex: I like it here.

Sam : Yeah? So did I.

Alex: You're just being a bitch.

Sam : What did you call me?

Alex: I'm sick of moving just because you're screwed up!

Sam : You know what I'm sick of, Alex?! I'm sick of pretending that your dad is a good guy! I'm sick of keeping my mouth shut about all the crap that he's done and all the stuff that he hasn't. And I'm sick of him tracking us down every time he loses a job, so he can come here and buy you enough presents to make you think that he's actually a father. Because he's not! He's a user, and a loser, and I am not gonna let him turn you into one too. Now get your ass in that room and start packing!

One for the Road [11.01]

[ Luka leans up against his car at the motel, Sam is getting ice from the ice machine. ]

Luka: [ sighs ] What are you doing Sam?

Sam : This is what I do, you know that. I don’t stay in one place that long.

Luka: How long are you going to keep doing that?

Sam : As long as I have to.

Luka: You can’t keep running away.

Sam : Sure I can.

Luka: This isn’t just about Steve.

Sam : Sorry, sometimes there’s a little collateral damage. I have to do this for Alex.

Luka: From what I can tell, it’s not working for him.

Sam : Yeah well, he’s 10, he doesn’t know what’s working for him.

Luka: Is this the life you want for him? For yourself?

Sam : [ opens her mouth as if to say something, but is speechless ] I don’t know what else to do.

Luka: Go to your car and follow me back to Chicago. You don’t have to do this alone, I’m here, you can trust me.

[ A tear runs down Sam’s cheek. Luka pushes her hair back and caresses her face with his hand. ]

Sam : That’s not something I’m good at.

Luka: Why not give it a try? It can’t be any worse than this, can it?

[ They both smile and softly laugh ]

Damaged [11.02]

[ Luka wakes up, turns to see that Sam is not there and gets out of bed. We then see Sam at the open window. Luka comes out of the room and hugs her. ]

Luka: You’re not sleepy? You will get cold like that.

Sam : He’ll come back [ Sam moves away from Luka. ] We won’t have any idea when. Sleeping in one morning or on our way home from a movie, and he’ll just show up.

Luka: We’ll deal with that.

Sam : I don’t know why you would want to.

[ Sam looks into Alex’s room where he is sleeping ]

Luka: I can think of a reason. [ Luka closes the window. ] This place is too small. You should both come and live with me.

Sam : What?

Luka: My apartment has two floors. Alex can sleep downstairs.

Sam : Luka! If we all move in together it is going to be because it is something we all want, not because you think we need to be protected!

Luka: Hey.

[ Sam walks away and mumbles something about a shower. ]

Luka: Hey! Sam stops and turns and Luka picks up the frying pan. ] Scrambled or fried?

Sam : Poached!

Luka: Poached??

[ Later, after shark guy, Luka, Sam , Malik and Jerry joking about nurse sharks. They are reading off the internet ]

Jerry: It says here they adjust well to captivity.

Malik: Sounds like a nurse to me!

Sam : Not all of us!

Luka: They tend to move slowly but with a relatively small range during the day.

Sam [ laughs ]: Hey, watch it!

[ Luka says goodbye to Carter. Sam give Carter a med record and follows Luka out the door and chases him down. ]

Sam :Luka!

Luka: I thought you were still on?

Sam :For awhile, yeah. Ah, you know what you said, earlier, on the steps? [ Luka nods ] Me too. So… come on by later and I’ll make you some eggs.

Luka: [ nods again ] OK.

[ They both turn to go. Sam turns and yells out ]

Sam : Hey!

[ Sam runs to Luka he grabs her in his arms as he laughs and they kiss. ]

An Intern's Guide to the Galaxy [11.05]

Dubenko: Jet-skis account for only 20% of boats but are involved in 44% of injuries, know why that is? Dr. Lockhart?

Abby: No.

Dubenko: "No" is right -- no throttle, no steering, no way to stop.

White Guy, Dark Hair [11.07]

[ Cut to Sam sorting supplies in an empty trauma room. Luka enters ]

Luka: The detective is still here.

Sam : You shouldn’t have been so dismissive of me in front of him.

Luka: You didn’t need to discuss the details of Louise’s condition. She deserves some privacy.

Sam : Yeah, and she deserves a chance to help. We have an option we haven’t even talked about.

Luka: And that is?

Sam : If we deflate the crike balloon Louise could wisper.

Luka: You want to take her off the vent?

Sam : Just for a few moments at a time.

Luka: She is requiring 100% oxygen

Sam : I take her off the vent every time I suction her and she’s fine. Come on, we both know it’s possible.

Luka: Technically, yes, but why risk it?

Sam : Because she wants to help.

Luka: She does or you do?

Sam : What is that supposed to mean?

Luka: [ a beat, softer ] You’re sensitive about these kinds of cases.

Sam : What?

Luka: You always want to stand up for women who’ve been assaulted.

Sam : And you don’t?

Luka: Of course I do. Maybe because of when you were with Steve?

Sam : Steve never raped me.

Luka: Physical abuse? Hitting you?

Sam : Oh, this has nothing to do with that.

Luka: Are you sure?

Sam : Yeah. There’s a violent rapist out there. How are you going to feel in two days, two weeks, a month from now when we get another woman like Louise in here.

[ Malik comes in and says: Hey, crit’s only 19 on your GI bleeder.Luka gives a nod to Malik ]

Sam : Go. Go.

[ Luka leaves. ]

[ Sam is preparing Louise’s body. Luka comes in and Sam notices him. Luka stands at the foot of the bed and Sam is looking at Louise’s face. ]

Luka: I thought they would have taken her by now.

Sam : Morgue’s backed up. Cororner’s backed up. Same ‘ol, same ‘ol. I thought you were with that (some medical term) kid.

Luka: Peds surgery took him up to the OR.

[ Sam starts to cry ]

Luka: Sam, you don’t need to do this.

Sam : I know.

Luka: There are other nurses.

Sam : I know.

Luka: Sam.

Sam : I shouldn’t have done it.

Luka: The contusions were severe. She could have died anyway.

'Sam : I shouldn’t have done it, Luka.

Luka: You did what you did to help the patient, Sam.

[ Pause ]

Luka: Sam?

Sam : When I deflated the balloon Louise was still so traumatized. He kept asking her all these questions and the only thing that she could remember was….. white guy, dark hair.

[ Luka walks up to Sam, standing behind her. ]

Sam : I did what I did for “white guy, dark hair.”

Shot in the Dark [11.08]

Sam : Where'd he get it? [long pause] You subscribe?

Luka: I like the articles!

Sam : Oh, please

Only Connect [11.11]

Sam : He to young to go, and shouldn't even be listening to that kind of music anyways.

Luka: I did't know you already said no.

Sam : Luca, I'm trying to teach him the value of a dollar and you go and give him everything that he wants.

Luka: It was only fifty bucks.

Sam : For a concert ticket for a ten year old, NO. That's ridiculous.

Luka: I just don't think you should be worried about money so much.

Sam : Look, I appreciate your generosity, but I am not going to let you start paying for everything.

Luka: But you don't have to pay exactly half the rent and half the bills every month, that's ridiculous.

Sam : You know I've been taking care of me and Alex for 10 years on my own, I think I can handle it.

Luka: You know, this isn't about money at all. You're worried about losing your independence or something. And about my role in Alex's live. What are you worried you're losing control or something.

Sam : You know what, you always do this.

Luka: Do what?

Sam : This! Telling me what I'm really mad about.

Luka: Most of the time you don't know what you're really mad about.

[ Sam walks to the door ]

Luka: Sam, this isn't our stop

Neela: Does every 10-year old kid have ADHD?

Sam : ADD, A Gameboy and an I-Pod

Sam : You're really good at teaching other people how to communicate.

Luka: Thanks

Sam : We shoud try it ourselves sometime.

Luka: Yeah.

[ Silence, Luka gets a smirk on his face and tilts his head down to her a bit. ]

Luka: But my English, you know? I still need to work on it.

Sam : Aw, you're pulling the Croatian card? That's low!

[ She hits him gently and he pulls her into an embrace, hard. He looks down at her adoringly and she returns the look. ]

Luka: You were right about one thing.

Sam : Only one thing?

Luka: $50 is too much for a concert ticket.

[ She watches him as he comes in for a kiss. It's romantic as the camera pulls away and the show ends on them on the El kissing. ]

Middleman [11.13]

Luka: He doesn't get to you?

Sam : Doctor Hair? I think he's kinda cute.

Luka: What?!

Sam : Surgery and ER have these battles in every hospital I've ever worked in. It's not personal. It's, surgeons think they're much better and smarter than everyone else. It's a defense mechanism. To make up for their terrible lifestyle.

Luka: The guy needs an ex-lap.

Sam : It's a pissing match, Luka. Let it go. Come on, you're taller and sexier, and you already got the girl.

Luka: This isn't about ego.

Sam : Oh, it's not?

Carter est Amoureux [11.21]

Meredith Smart - Couples Therapist: What are you feeling, Luka?

Luka: I'm happy! I'm happy and Sam's not. I don't know why. We're healthy, we enjoy each other... our work. We have a good life.

Meredith Smart - Couples Therapist: How does that make you feel, Sam?

Sam : Like hitting him over the head with a hammer.

Meredith Smart - Couples Therapist: So what brings you to me today?

Sam : I don't think Luka and I should be together.

Cañon City [12.01]

[ About Alex, as he visits with Steve in prison ]

Sam : Steve doesn't care about us, but for some reason, that boy loves him.

Blame It on the Rain [12.04]

Frank: Aren't you two supposed to keep 50 feet apart or something?

Sam : Bite me, Frank.

Frank: If you ask me, you're better off without her.

Luka: I didn't.

Dream House [12.06]

Eve: Management is a bitch.

Sam : Yeah, it's not the only one.

The Human Shield [12.07]

Mr. Butler: I've got lawyers, lady.

Sam : Yeah? Well, I've got Jerry, so unless you want to be carried out of here like a dirty diaper, I suggest you sit down.

Frank: Well, if it isn't the "Hatchet Lady." Axe anybody else today?

Sam : Stick a sock in it, Frank.

Split Decisions [12.12]

[Morris tells Pratt he needs some advice]

Pratt: Stop smoking dope and slow down on the porn.

Quintessence of Dust [12.14]

Morris: Why are you still here?

Abby: Uh, 'cause my fridge at home was empty and I was hungry

Morris: [looking at the ice cream sandwich she is eating] Didn't I see you eating one of those 20 minutes ago?

Abby: This is my third.

Morris: Third? What are you, pregnant?

[pause, then Abby tries to act like this idea is crazy]

Abby: What? What are you talking about?

Morris: Oh my God, you are!

Abby: You're crazy.

Morris: You are, aren't you??

Abby: No...

Morris: You are totally pregnant!

Abby: So what, you're in love with Albright.

Morris: I am not!

Abby: Oh Morris, come on.

Morris: You shut up.

Abby: You shut up too.

Morris: You shut up first!

Pratt: Shut up about what?

Morris: Nothing.

Abby: Nothing.

Lost in America [12.17]

Dubenko: You know, I once ate a hash brownie before giving a big talk in Amsterdam. I mistakenly thought that it would take an hour to kick in...suddenly I was up on stage, completely out of my head, lecturing to a room full of biochemists in a faux French accent.

The Gallant Hero and the Tragic Victor[12.21]

(On his video to Neela)

Michael: So... hopefully you're never gonna see this thing. But if you are, then something went wrong. Well, maybe not wrong, but certainly not according to plan. I love you, Neela. Marrying you was the happiest day of my life. You just, you make me strong. Now, I know you didn't want me to come back to Iraq. And if you're watching this, you owe me a big I told you so, but I did what I had to do. You're the most beautiful and kind person that I know. I just, want you to be happy. And just know that I'll always be with you. I want you to find somebody, get married, have a baby. Of course he won't be as fine as me, but you'll just gonna have to live with that. I love you Neela. Forever.

----

Luka: Everything alright with you?

Pratt: Yeah, why?

Luka: Sometimes it can be a difficult transition, coming back to this place.

Pratt: I'll be o.k. I was just a little rattled earlier. Cause of the whole Mike situation.

Luka: Well, good to have you back.

Pratt: Hey, thanks for making me go there.

Luka: Someday maybe you can tell me all about it?

Pratt: Yeah, someday.

----

Clemente: Abby, You can't give me Haldol. You can't give me Haldol, Abby. I'm not crazy. You understand?

Abby: It's o.k, it's o.k.

Clemente: Hey Ray! Come here, buddy, come here. Come here buddy, come here buddy. These freaking chicks are losing their minds. Come here and help me man!

Abby: Get Luka.

Clemente: (to paramedic) What are you gonna amputate my leg? (to Ray) Yeah, run to daddy, little **** Run to daddy little ****

----

Clemente: Get a head CT.

Kovac: What is wrong with you?!

Clemente: I'm trying to help you, that's all.

Kovac: You don't listen to a word anybody says! You're all over the place!

----

Ray: Did she just call you Mo?

Morris: It'a nickname. For Morris.

Abby: Or homo.

Morris: Ey, don't worry. That little vixen is getting punished tonight. Oh yeah, she's in store for a little (sings) Mo, Mo, Morris. How do you like it, how do you like it? Oh, yeah, Morris!

----

Neela:I got it!

Ray: What?

Neela:The surgical residency! I got it!

Ray: Oh yeah, that's great

Neela: Try to contain your enthusiasm

----

(Michael Gallant's last words)

Gallant: My wife, Neela, is a doc...

(His truck is destroyed by a bomb)

----

Ray: Get outta here.

Morris: I swear! She invited me in for a drink, the door wasn't even closed, she was tearing my clothes off.

Ray: Yeah, right.

Morris: To quote my man Rick James, the girl is a superfreak. (sings) Superfreak, she's super freaky yeaow! She had sex toys I'd never seen before. They must've been German or something. One took two hands to operate.

Ray: Morris!

Morris: Check it out. (picks up his camera-phone) Oh yeah, I tapped that.

Ray: What exactly am I looking at?

Morris: That's Albright.

Ray: Where?

Morris: Right there!

Ray: I've seen more convincing pictures of Bigfoot.

Morris: But, but it was dark, I couldn't use the flash!

----

(Luka and Abby discuss the possibility of taking a vacation while holding each other)

Abby: We could hang out by a pool... the ocean...

Luka: I could dig a hole in the sand for your big belly.

Abby: (Abby looks up at Luka and smiles) What is that? Some sort of Croatian mating ritual?

Luka: Uh-hum.

Abby: Am I a sea turtle?

Neela: I had to come home and find a photograph because I couldn't picture him in my head.

Bloodline [13.01]

[Luka and Abby discuss a name for their soon-to-be-born son.]

Abby: We don't have a name.

Luka: I was kind of hoping we could name him after my father.

Abby: Really?

Luka: Yeah. He would really love to have a grandson named Mongo.

Abby: M-mongo?

Luka: Yeah, it's a very popular name in Croatia.

[Luka grins, and they both laugh.]

Luka: I'm just kidding. My father's name is Josef. I don't care how we're gonna call him.

Abby and Luka head to the OR for Abby's C-section.]

Abby: I want to be awake, Luka.

Luka: You're OK. You're gonna be OK.

Dr. Coburn: 12 of betamethasone.

Abby: Oh, come on!

Dr. Coburn: We have to mature the baby's lungs in case of an emergent birth.

Abby: No, no, no, no, no! I have two and a half months left to go. This baby is not coming until then.

Abby: Is one going to be enough?

Luka: What?

Abby: One baby. Um, my uterus wouldn't stop bleeding and Coburn did everything she could but...

Luka: You had a hysterectomy? (Abby nods) Well, one is all we need.

Sam : You know, Steve, I was gonna ask you what happened to you to turn you into this. But then I realized it was always in the cards from the moment that I met you. You were on your way to becoming exactly what you are now.

Steve: I love him. I know you don't believe that. Especially right now. But I do.

Sam : Yeah, you love him. Right. That's why you get some woman to snatch him from school and tie him up and leave him in a van. You don't even remember his medicine.

Frank: You know, I always believed that nothing ever really changed. I'm old enough that I know that there's always gonna be trouble. War, taxes. Bad guys now are pretty much the same as bad guys have always been. That's not how I feel today. I feel like the world is getting worse and worse and worse. And that what we're watching is the slow, steady descent of the human race.

Pratt: No, no, I don't buy that. I think that today was just a bad day for the whole team.

[ Sam and Steve are in a high speed police chase. ]

Sam : Let us out! You don't need us anymore!

Steve: You're not prisoners, you're my family!

Sam : You're going to get your family killed! Is that what you want?

Dr. Coburn: You know I want you to have a healthy baby.

Abby: Then why do you keep focusing on the worst-case scenario?!

Luka: It's her job!

Graduation Day [13.02]

Frank: What'd you do, rob a pimp?

Morris: Yeah, your dad says hi.

Morris: I am not an ass-kissing company man; I'm an ass-kissing ER man, and I want my scrubs back.

Ames V. Kovac [13.05]

Abby: Didn't you used to be ... ?

Gates: A paramedic? Yeah, now I'm an intern.

Pratt: Next week he wants to be a cowboy.

Gates: Austronaut.

Jigsaw [13.07]

Morris: Hey, Sam?

Sam : Yeah?

Morris: He's our AMA patient from this morning, right?

Sam : [takes a look] Yeah, the flu jerk

Morris: I should've stayed a resident. No responsibilities, just heal 'm and deal 'm, that was the life.

Sam : Morris, can I tell you something as a friend? (Morris nods) Sometimes you are such a little bitch! You make three times as much as I do, and for what? Give orders, instead of take them? Boo-hoo for you!

Sam : How long have you been conjested?

Willis Peyton: I don't know, does it matter?

Sam : No, I'm just making conversation.

Crisis of Conscience [13.16]

Dr. Lucien Dubenko: Save the cheerleader, save the world (TV-Show "Heroes" repeated quote)

Skye's The Limit [14.09]

[ Anspaugh announced a temporary Chief ]

Morris:Here we go again.

Sam gave to Frank an order ]

Frank: I liked you better when you were a blonde.

[when Morris told her to squeeze the exercise balls]

Sam :Archie, you couldn't pay me to touch your balls

Life After Death [15.01]

Morris: Raise your cheese as we embrace the memory of our colleague, our mentor, our chief, our dear friend... To Greg!

And in the End ... [15.22]

Carter: Dr. Greene... you coming? (last non-diagnostic line in the series)

Seventh Disaster Paramedic: Tight wheezing throughout the ride, pulse ox 88.

Morris: Check for singed nosehairs from smoke inhalation. Set up for intubation.

Eighth Disaster Paramedic: 38-year-old man. 12-foot fall, no sensation from the waist down.

Morris: Tracy, CT, L-spine, page neurosurgeon. Go! (final lines in the series)

Sources

Episode Guide at ER Headquarters