Directed by John McTiernan. Written by Johnathan Hensleigh & Roderick Thorp.

John McClane

• Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker.

• I never knew Canada could be this much fun.

• Say hello to your brother.

• [Walking up to two bad guys in a truck] Hey, fellas! Mickey O'Brien, aquaduct security. Hey listen, we got a report of a guy coming through with, uh … eight reindeer. [empties his pistol on them] Yeah, they said he was a jolly old fat guy with a snowy white beard, cute little red 'n' white suit. I'm surprised you didn't see him.

Zeus Carver

• [To McClane] You having a nice day, sir? You feeling all right? Not to get too personal, but a white man standing in the middle of Harlem wearing a sign that says "I HATE NIGGERS" has either got some serious personal issues, or not all his dogs are barking.

• That's a white man with white problems. Why should I get involved?

Simon Gruber

• [Disguised as a City Engineer, surveying the damage caused by one of his bombs] Holy Toledo! Somebody had fun.

• As I was going to St. Ives, / I met a man with seven wives. / Every wife had seven sacks, / Every sack had seven cats, / Every cat had seven kittens. / Kittens, cats, sacks, wives, / How many were going to St. Ives?

• I'm a soldier, not a monster. Even though I sometimes work for monsters.

• Said Simple Simon to the pieman going to the fair, "Give me your pies … or I'll cave your head in."

• I think he's dead, my dear.

• Money is shit to me. I would not give up McClane for all the gold in your Fort Knox.

• Yesterday we were an army with no country. Tomorrow, we have to decide which country we want to buy!

• [Addressing his troops] And remember, this is all due to the g-g-g-g-g-g-gullibility of the New York Police Department!

Dialogue

[Zeus has just met McClane]

Zeus: Good morning.

McClane: Good morning.

Zeus: You having a nice day, sir? You feeling all right? Not to get too personal, but a white man standing in the middle of Harlem with a sign that says "I HATE NIGGERS" has either some serious personal issues, or not all his dogs are barking.

[McClane yawns]

Zeus: Hey, I'm talking to you! You've got about three seconds before those guys over their see you, and when they do, they will kill you, understand? You are going to have a very bad day.

[A black gang has seen McClane with the "I HATE NIGGERS" sign and is surrounding him and Zeus]

Black Man: Hey Zeus, he a friend of yours?

Zeus: He look like a friend of mine? I think this dude has just escaped from some hospital. You know, like Belleview.

John McClane: How deep is it cut?

Zeus: How the hell would I know?

John McClane: Just keep pressure on it. Jesus, right? John McClane. Thanks for covering my ass back there. I owe you one.

Zeus: Damn right, you owe me one! Do you know what those guys are doing to my shop right now?

John McClane: Chill out!

Zeus: Chill out? Talk like a white man!

John McClane: Jesus …

Zeus: Why're you calling me "Jesus"? Do I look Puerto Rican?!

John McClane: The guy back there called you Jesus!

Zeus: No, he said "Hey, Zeus"! Father of Apollo? Don't-fuck-with-me-or-else-I'll-shove-a-lighning-bolt-up-your-ass? Zeus! You got a problem with that?

John McClane: No …

[McClane and Zeus have just hijacked a taxi]

Zeus: I used to drive a cab. The fastest way to – whooaaah!

[McClane runs a red light, barely avoiding collision with several cars]

McClane: What were you saying?

Zeus: I was saying, I used to drive a cab. The fastest way south is 9th avenue, but we seem to be going east … what the hell are you doing, McClane?!

McClane: Trust me, I know what I'm doing.

Zeus: Not even God knows what you're doing!

John McClane: Hey, can you pick locks?

Zeus: Is this one of those black things again?

John McClane: Listen, you fail, I cover your ass. I fail, you cover my ass!

Zeus: And if we both fail?

John McClane: Then we're both fucked!

[After McClane and Zeus "requisition" of a man's car]

Zeus: Hey, who was the twenty-first President?

Man: Go fuck yourself!

[McClane and Zeus are speeding through Central Park in a taxicab]

Zeus: Are you aiming for these people?

John McClane: No! [pause] Maybe that mime.

[McClane opens jeep door and a dead body falls out]

Zeus: What are you doing?

McClane: Interrogating him.

Zeus: … And what's he gonna tell you? "I'm dead"?

McClane: Well, I ain't gonna know 'til I ask him now, am I?

McClane: There's gold in the Federal Reserve, and they took a shitload of it! They're heading north in dump trucks!

Cobb: Have you been drinking, McClane?

McClane: No, not since this morning.

FBI agent: Does the name Gruber mean anything to you, Lieutenant?

[Flashback to Hans Gruber falling off the top of Nakatomi Tower]

McClane: It rings a bell, yeah.

McClane: [on the guard's phone] Attention! Attention! Nils is dead! I repeat, Nils is dead, fuckhead. So's his pal, and those four guys from the East German All-Stars. Your boys at the bank, they're gonna be a little late.

Simon Gruber: [on the phone] John … in the back of the truck you're driving, there's 13 billion dollars worth of gold bullion. I wonder, would a deal be out of the question?

McClane: [on the phone] Yeah, I got a deal for you. Come out from that rock you're hiding under, and I'll drive this truck up your ass.

Simon Gruber: [on the phone] How colorful.

Gang member: [pops up] Nicht schießen!

John McClane: [shoots him twice] What was that?

Mathias Targo: [kicks McClane out from behind] He said "don't shoot".

Mathias Targo: I see you all day, little man. Policeman? [kicks McClane] And you don't go away!

John McClane: Yeah, I'm the fucking Energizer bunny. [stabs him in the leg]

Zeus: Don't fucking move.

Simon: [turns around] Oh, the Samaritan.

Zeus: Gimme the goddamn code.

Simon: Code?

[Realizing what Zeus is talking about]

Simon: Oh, you mean for the school. I'm sorry, I can't do that.

Zeus: You call in that code right now, or I'll blow your sick ass into the next world.

Simon: If that's what you gotta do.

[Zeus pulls the trigger on his gun and nothing happens. Simon takes the gun from Zeus.]

Simon: You forgot to take the safety catch off.

[Shoots Zeus in the leg]

Zeus: Oh, God!

Simon: See, that works. Now, where's McClane?

Simon Gruber: [into radio] Bridgeport coast guard, come in, please. [to McClane] They put you on hold?

John McClane: She told me to stay on the line.

Simon Gruber: [laughing] Oh, God, I love this country.

John McClane: You know, your brother was an asshole.

Simon Gruber: [looks up sharply, then laughs] He was an asshole! You – you got his number.

[Later, while being tied to the bomb]

Zeus: Didn't you say you didn't even like your brother?

Simon Gruber: There's a difference between not liking one's brother, and not caring when some dumb, Irish flatfoot drops him out a window.

[While tied to a large bomb]

John McClane: Hey fuckhead. Yeah, you, fuckhead. There's just one thing I gotta know. You got any aspirins? 'Cause I've had a bad fucking headache all day long.

Simon Gruber: [laughs and throws him a bottle of aspirin] Must be your lucky day. Keep the bottle!

[The bomb starts beeping]

Zeus: What the fuck is that?

John McClane: I think I made it mad.