Cow and Chicken Quotations

Cow and Chicken, is an Emmy Award-nominated American animated series, created by David Feiss. The series chronicles the adventures of a cow, named Cow, and her chicken brother, named Chicken. They are often tormented by The Red Guy, a usually naked devil-like character who poses as various characters to scam or hurt them.

Theme song

Chicken: Mama had a chicken!

Cow: Mama had a cow!

Cow & Chicken: [in unison] Dad was proud, and he didn't care how!

Theme song plays

Chicken: Cow!

Theme song plays some more

Cow: Chicken!

Theme song plays even more

Cow & Chicken: Cow and Chicken!

Even more!

The Red Guy starts laughing and flashes his butt a little

"Field Trip to Folsom Prison Blues / Girls' Bathroom"

Cow: [gasps] That is a good way to lose a beak!

Chicken: Ah, shut your pie-hole! [gets hit with sign]

Chicken: I gotta be home by 8:00 or I'm in big trouble! Anyhow, Mom is making pork butts and taters. She only makes it on Tuesdays; it's my favorite!

"Supermodel Cow / Part Time Job"

Cow: That's it! I'll get a part-time job at the milk farm. I'll make money to buy Crabs the Warthog.

Chicken: You think they want your milk? It says the finest cows on Earth not Mars!

Chicken: Hey, Mr. Hiney! When do I get paid for this gig?

The Red Guy: Oh, you won't need any money where you're going, little fella..

"Alive! / Who Is Supercow?"

Dad: Will you be needing anything while we're away?

Boneless Chicken: Sure, how 'bout a spine for my limp and lifeless body?

Cow: Oh, Mom and Dad! I missed you both so much these long months of being marooned.

Dad: Sweetheart, we've only been gone half an hour for Chicken's parent-teacher conference.

"Confused / The Molting Fairy"

Cow: Mom always says not to go to the carnival naked.

The Red Guy: Got any scabs?! They could be worth gold.

"The Ugliest Weenie"

Cow: Didn't you remember mom always says we should never run into a burning school auditorium?

Chicken: It must've slipped my mind..

Red Guy: Oh, we're flat out of time. Stay tuned after the commercial break. And maybe we'll show you the rest of the play. Or maybe we'll fill the time up with even more commercials! [laughs]

"Orthodontic Police / Cow with Four Eyes"

The Red Guy: What are you people, a bunch of communists?

Teacher: Nothing is more important than straight teeth. Well, at least that's what the pantsless policeman said.

"Cow Instincts, Don't It? / Ballerina Cow"

Cow: I'm a big fat loser!

Chicken: I could have told you the big and fat part.

"Chicken's First Kiss / Squirt the Daisies"

Winney: Hi Chicken! I like your waddle. Do you clean it with special soap to make it so shiny?

Mom: Oh Chicken, you don't get cooties from being kissed.

Chicken: You don't?

Dad: No son, you get them from...toilet seats..

"Space Cow / The Legend of Sailcat"

Chicken: [to Cow] They'd never let you go in outer space. There's no room!

"Headhunting in Oregon / The King and Queen of Cheese"

Dad: We're going to Oregon to find some head hunters.

The Red Guy: Hello! It's me, Larry Lackapants, Arkansas Cheese master, soon to be the King & Queen of Cheese!

"The Bad News Plastic Surgeons / The Exchange Stüdent"

Teacher: Everybody just shut your porktraps for a minute!

The Red Guy: Plastic surgery isn’t just a sport, it’s a way of life.

The Red Guy: Oo I like your spirit. You’re hired. Oo by the way, who did your wattle?

The Red Guy: Which one of you weenies is our victum slash volunteer?

Cow: Nip and tuck, short and curl, my brother Chicken is not a girl!

Chicken: Couldn’t have done this without you, Dr. Hiney.

The Red Guy: Oh please call me Dr. Hiney.

Policeman: Hey, it says here you're a plastic pipe salesman from bend Oregon!

Chicken: He wasn’t even a New Mexican..

Cow: Mom! Dad! Photo-realistic beaver is teasing me again!

Cow

[After Chicken stamps a price tag on her labelled 19 cents] - My buns are only 19 cents??? (tearful) I'm soo CHEAP!!!
[Playing "My First Battleboat" game with Chicken] - A-aa! Ladies first!
[After Chicken removed all his feathers to trade them with the Feather Fairy] - Mom said "Never go to the carnival naked".
[in an skittish voice] - Cousin Sow, you are such a pig.

Supercow

Supercow! Al rescate! [translates as "Supercow to the Rescue!"]
Oye, Diablo! Eso lo vas a sentir!
Que me pasa? Yo soy supercow, defendedora de la justicia!

Chicken

"Ooh, mom! I needed that money to buy socks!" [points to his chicken-clawed feet]
"No, I do not choose to play no stupid cow-games!"
[After being put into detention for destroying the school] "Thanks a loads, Larry!"
"Not only am I not a boy, I'm not even a chicken!" [breaks into tears]
"Remind me to put myself up for adoption."
[Whilst playing "Immoral Wombat" video game] "Take that, you wussie wombat!"

Mom and Dad

Dad: "You know, Mama? It's times like these that make me proud to be a man!"

Mom: "Me, too!"

[This can also go the other way, with Mom saying "It's times like these that make me proud to be a woman!" With Dad saying "Me, too!"]

Dad: "If you something bad were to happen to your sister... we'd be pretty mad!"

The Red Guy

"Oh!"

"Hello! It's me, [insert name/occupation]!"
- "Hello! It's me, the warden!"
- "Hello! It's me, the naked guy!"
- "Hello! It's me, Rear-admiral Floyd!"
- "Hello! It's me, Lance Sackless!"
- "Hello! It's me, the Red Guy!"
- "Hello! It's me, the director, Ivan Panced! COULD YOU TELL!"

"Hello! It's me the Devil, I stand for all that is bad...[laughs] also I'm butt-naked [laughs]emphasis on butt.

"I love evilness, I hate goodness, and I love my big fat ass and MY nudity, right Cerberus?"

"Pardon me, Mr. Cow, but I don't speak Spanish."

[An excuse he gives after loudly screaming at another character] Oh, sorry. I thought you was my grandma.

"Now I can die happy!"

[After being beeten by Supercow for locking the whole world in a "Free Trailer"] "Oh, joy! Oh, glory! Someone's finally playing with the Red Guy!"

"Hello ladies!"

"I'm hurt!/I'm hurt worse!" [screams or groans]

"And your point is?" [when reacting to criticism against him].

"Hello, naked guy stuck to post here! I'm getting really annoyed here."

"AAH! I'm mentally challenged!"

"Any chance we can talk this over, Supercow?"

"Now don't tell me you didn't see that coming!"

[After Chicken was flattened by a steamroller in a video game, Red plays with a vibration fork] "Ooh, my favorite tone! B Flat!"

[Pointing a telescope to his own butt] "Dear sweet grandma!! What's this?? [Realises it] Full moon tonight, work it baby."

[Plotting something] "Things are running a bit too smoothly...and I'm gonna mess it up! And it will only take a quarter!" What a deal.

[As an eye doctor] "This won't hurt...for very long."

[As a fake teacher in plastic surgery] "Please, call me doctor Hiney Bottom!"

"Walk this way!" [does buttwalking and Chicken tries to mimic him]

[After having himself blown up and about to drop in a waterfall]: "Now, that wasn't so bad...this is bad!"

Red Guy [as Dead Ghost]: "I'm going to punish this naughty chicken by washing his mouth out with soap!"

Chicken: "Don't you mean 'wash my mouth out with soap?"

Red Guy: "Soap? Oh! Even better!"

Chicken: Are you ready for this dick, bitch?

Red Guy [as Mr.Cheeks]: [looking at his ass lover]: Oh Yeah, you wanna fuck my booty, all in my booty .

Mom [lowering the door glass of the car]: Where do you go, stranger?

Red Guy [with a question in the voice]: Home.

Mom : What a coincidence. That's just where we all going! [the same dialogue is repeated in the end of the episode between Flem and Red]

Red Guy: And, viola.

Mom: Erm, I think that's voila.

Red guy: Excuse me, but who's the doctor here?

Mom: Err, you are?

Red Guy: Ooh, that's right!

Dad [As the Red Guy, as Dr. Bottoms, is milking Cow]: Uh, Doctor what is the point of this experiment?

Red Guy: Well, I'm thirsty, and your daughter's a cow. DO THE MATH and kiss my BIG FAT ASS!

Red Guy [To the audience, after Flem's dad is unable to explain how Flem and Earl forgot where they were]: Of course Flem's dad couldn't explain what happened. Because HE'S AN IDIOT! Oh just look at those shorts, doesn't he have a cute butt!

Red Guy [As the Warden, face-to-face with another of his alter-ego's, Lance Sackless]: Oh hello! It's me, the Warden! I have the feeling that this is the beginning OF A BOOTIFUL FRIENDSHIP!!

Boneless Chicken

Mom: "Where would we be without you, Boneless Chicken?"

Boneless: Where?! Well, you could be stuck in a creek without a paddle or burning your bridges before they're axed. Who can say, really?"

[After hearing people laugh when he spoke] "No, really! That wasn't a joke!"

Random Citizens

Drugs Testing Woman: "You won't be wrestling today, yesterday, or three years ago!!"

Teacher: SHUT YER PIE HOLES!

Man at Crying Club: ...and then my grandma BEAT UP MY CAT!