Dr. Ben Sobel

Dr. Ben Sobel: (masquerading as a mobster) My name is Ben Sobel... -lioni. Ben Sobellioni. I'm also known as, uh, Benny the Groin, Sammy the Schnozz, Elmer the Fudd, Tubby the Tuba, and once as Miss Phyllis Levine.

Dialogue

Dr. Ben Sobel: Oedipus was a Greek king who killed his father and married his mother.

Boss Paul Vitti: (scoffing) Fuckin' Greeks.

Dominic: Times are changing. You've got to change with the times.

Boss Paul Vitti: What, am I supposed to get a fuckin' website?

Boss Paul Vitti: If I talk to you, and you turn me into a fag... I'm gonna kill you, you understand?

Dr. Ben Sobel: Could we define the word "fag," because...?

Boss Paul Vitti: I go fag, you die. Got it?

Dr. Ben Sobel: Got it.

Dr. Ben Sobel: You know what I do I'm angry? I hit a pillow. Just hit the pillow, see how you feel.

Boss Paul Vitti: (empties a gun into the pillow) There's your fuckin' pillow.

Dr. Ben Sobel: Feel better?

Boss Paul Vitti: ...Yeah, I do.

Dr. Ben Sobel: Good.

Boss Paul Vitti: Hey, people get depressed, they jump. But that ain't my fault.

Dr. Ben Sobel: Oh, so you're telling me it was suicide?

Boss Paul Vitti: I don't know, he probably left a note. Jelly, did they find that note?

Jelly: (taking out a pen) Uh no, but they will in a minute.

Dr. Ben Sobel: Oh, and let me guess what it says? "Life is bullshit, I can't fucking take it no more! Signed, the Dead Guy."

Jelly: Hey, that's good, Doc.

Boss Paul Vitti: Hey, I got news for you, you little two-bit prick, son-of-a-bitch, rat-bastard you did nothing for me! Whatever you did the other day didn't take! I'm still fucked up! You did fucking NOTHING for me!

Dr. Ben Sobel: Hey, what do you expect? I saw you for five minutes! I can't work miracles, Mr. Vitti! And let me tell you something, I do not appreciate it when someone sneaks into my hotel room and kidnaps me in the middle of the night. I have a life, Mr. Viti, I have a family, and I have a serious practice, and I don't have time for your BULLSHIT...! That got away from me at the end there.

Dr. Ben Sobel: What happened with your wife last night?

Boss Paul Vitti: I wasn't with my wife, I was with my girlfriend.

Dr. Ben Sobel: Are you having marriage problems?

Boss Paul Vitti: No.

Dr. Ben Sobel: Then why do you have a girlfriend?

Boss Paul Vitti: What, are you gonna start moralizing on me?

Dr. Ben Sobel: No, I'm not, I'm just trying to understand, why do you have a girlfriend?

Boss Paul Vitti: I do things with her I can't do with my wife.

Dr. Ben Sobel: Why can't you do them with your wife?

Boss Paul Vitti: Hey! That's the mouth she kisses my kids goodnight with! What are you, crazy?

Michael Sobel: Was that really Paul Vitti?

Dr. Ben Sobel: Well, I didn't ask to see his Mafia decoder ring, but yes.

[Vitti is trying to forgive Primo for attempting to whack him.]

Boss Paul Vitti: And hopefully, hopefully... if you make one more move on me, you motherfucker, I'll fuckin' cut your fuckin' balls off and shove 'em up your fuckin' ass. I'll fuckin' bury you! I'm gonna stick ice picks in your eyes and send 'em to your family so they can eat them for dessert!

Primo: Hey, Paul.

Boss Paul Vitti: What?

Primo: Fuck you.

Boss Paul Vitti: (throws down phone) You motherfucker!

Dr. Ben Sobel: You don't hear the word "no" very often, do you?

Boss Paul Vitti: I hear it all the time, but usually its, "No, please, no, no!"