Directed by Bob Fosse. Written by Robert Alan Arthur and Bob Fosse.

Joe Gideon

• [repeated line] It's showtime, folks!
• Sometimes, I don't know where the bullshit ends and the truth begins.
• [to Audrey] If I die, I'm sorry for all the bad things I did to you. [to Katie] And if I live, I'm sorry for all the bad things I'm gonna do to you.
• Do you supposed Stanley Kubrick ever gets depressed?
• Stop smiling! Lay back! Lay back! Hold it, hold it, hold it. Candy, Casey, very good. You're gonna do it again, Victoria. Gary, Danny, let's go. Stop smiling, it's not the high school play. Count! Hold it. [to Victoria] Stand on your right foot. Point your left toe. Drop the shoulder. Now, that's not too hard, is it? Again!
• The pain is gone. I'm OK. Nothing wrong with me a rewrite of the show wouldn't cure. A couple of good jokes is what I need.
• [last lines, Joe is dying] Hey, at least I won't have to lie to you anymore.

Others

• O'Connor Flood: Ladies and gentleman, let me lay on you a so-so entertainer, not much of a humanitarian, and this cat was never nobody's friend. In his final appearance on the great stage of life - uh, you can applaud if you want to - Mr. Joe Gideon!
• O'Connor Flood: [singing] Give it to me! Bye bye life, Bye bye happiness, hello loneliness, I think he's gonna die. Bye bye life, Bye bye happiness, Hello emptiness, I think he's gonna die. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. Goodbye your life, goodbye.
• Audrey Paris: You see, Sammy, in California everybody needs a car. I got a friend who bought a Mercedes just to get to the bathroom.
• Davis Newman: This chick, man, without the benefit of dying herself, has broken down the process of death into five stages: anger, denial, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Sounds like a Jewish law firm. "Good morning, Angerdenialbargainingdepressionacceptance!"
• Davis Newman: There's all this bullshit about death with dignity. You know what death with dignity is, man? You don't drool.

Dialogue

[first lines]

Joe Gideon: To be on the wire is life. The rest is waiting.

Angelique: That's very theatrical, Joe.

Joe Gideon: Yeah, I know.

Angelique: Did you make that up?

Joe Gideon: I wish I had.

Angelique: Do you believe in love?

Joe Gideon: I believe in saying, "I love you." It helps you concentrate.

Joe Gideon: Katie, I tried to give you everything I could give.

Kate Jagger: Oh, you give all right; presents, clothes. I just wish you weren't so generous with your cock.

Victoria Porter: [crying] No, you're right. I'm terrible. I know I'm terrible. I look in the mirror and I'm embarrassed. Maybe I should quit. I just can't seem to do anything right.

Joe Gideon: Listen, I can't make you a great dancer. I don't even know if I can make you a good dancer. But, if you keep trying and don't quit, I know I can make you a better dancer. I'd like very much to do that. Stay?

Victoria Porter: Are you going to keep yelling at me?

Joe Gideon: Probably.

Audrey Paris: Quick. Tell me. What was the name of the girl in Philadelphia, the blonde with the television show?

Joe Gideon: Ah, the blonde with the television show. The blonde with the television show in Philadelphia? I remember that girl's name. I remember that girl's name because that girl meant something to me. The blonde with the television show - her name was Sweetheart! Honey? Baby? I can't remember her name.

Audrey Paris: Dorothy. Dorothy.

Joe Gideon: Who cares? I can't remember her name.

Joe Gideon: Nothing I ever do is good enough. It's not beautiful enough, it's not funny enough, it's not deep enough, it's not anything enough. Now, when I see a rose, that's perfect. I mean, that's perfect. I want to look up to God and say "How the hell did you do that? And why the hell can't I do that?"

Angelique: Now that's probably one of your better con lines.

Joe Gideon: Yeah, it it. But that doesn't mean I don't mean it.

Joe Gideon: A great entertainer...

O'Connor Flood: A great entertainer!

Joe Gideon: A great humanitarian...

O'Connor Flood: A great humanitarian!

Joe Gideon: And my dear friend for 25 years...

O'Connor Flood: And my dearest friend for 20 years!

Katie Jagger: You missed by five years, Joe.

Joe Gideon: Oh boy, do I hate show business!

Katie Jagger: Joe, you love show business.

Joe Gideon: Oh, that's right. I love show business. I'll go either way.

Joe Gideon: I always look for the worst in people.

Angelique: A little of yourself in them?

Joe Gideon: Yeah, a little of myself. And generally, I find it.

Angelique: Well, it may take you years, but you'll find it. Oh, you are cute. You are cute.

Michelle Gideon: It's just that I keep wondering, Dad. Why don't you get married again?

Joe Gideon: I don't get married again, because I can't find anyone I dislike enough to inflict that kind of torture on.

Joe Gideon: [about Katie] Why do you suppose she'd put up with this?

Angelique: I could think of many reasons for being with you.

Joe Gideon: Now, don't bullshit a bullshitter.

Dancer Backstage: Oh, fuck him! He never picks me!

Dancer Backstage: Honey, I did fuck him and he never picks me either.

[Katie just finished setting up a dinner date, probably to make Joe jealous.]

Joe Gideon: Who was that?

Katie Jagger: Michael Graham.

Joe Gideon: Who is Michael Graham?

Katie Jagger: A dancer in my ballet class.

Joe Gideon: Straight or gay?

Katie Jagger: What do you mean?

Joe Gideon: I mean, is looking to get laid or is he looking for Mr. Right?

Katie Jagger: He's straight.

Joe Gideon: And tall. [turns to leave] Michael Graham is a very tall name. [leaves his room slowly but comes running back] Ho ho ho... Goddamn you, how dare you use my phone! My telephone! To call someone who is not gay!

Katie Jagger: [laughing] I see! You can go out with any girl in town. Any girl.

Joe Gideon: [pointing] That's right! I go out with any girl in town. I stay in with you.

Taglines

• All that work. All that glitter. All that pain. All that love. All that crazy rhythm. All that jazz.

Main cast

• Roy Scheider - Joe Gideon
• Jessica Lange - Angelique
• Leland Palmer - Audrey Paris
• Ann Reinking - Kate Jagger
• Cliff Gorman - David Newman
• Ben Vereen - O'Connor Flood
• Erzsebet Foldi - Michelle Gideon
• Michael Tokan - Dr. Ballinger
• Max Wright - Joshua Penn
• William LeMassena - Jonesy Hecht
• Deborah Geffner - Victoria Porter
• John Lithgow - Lucas Sergeant