If you love Barry Manilow, you're gonna love the Insane Clown Posse. Love them. They're exactly... well, they're not exactly alike, but they're a little bit alike.

Fucking boring! Seriously! Goddammit, this is a DVD! I need dinosaurs, thunder, race wars, something! Dammit, I gotta sell this motherfucker!

I want to combine the NAACP with Mothers Against Drunk Driving. It's called Mothers Against the Advancement of Colored People.

I failed kindergarden because I couldn't spell my last name.

When I was a kid, I had dyslexia. I would write about it in my "dairy."

Whenever I'm with a woman I whisper softly into her ear, "Touch my vagina," and she's like, "What!" and I'm like, "That's what you're supposed to say."

Did you ever wake up with an erection...and find yourself in a massage chair at Brookstone? And you yell to the sales clerk "I'll take it!"

At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?

I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean.

My girlfriend looks a little like Charlize Theron...and a lot like Patrick Ewing.