Always go to other peoples' funerals; otherwise they won't go to yours.

The future ain't what it used to be.

I knew the record would stand until it was broken.

I really didn't say everything I said. [...] Then again, I might have said 'em, but you never know.

If people don't want to come to the ballpark how are you going to stop them?

If the world were perfect, it wouldn't be.

If you ask me a question I don't know, I'm not going to answer.

If you can't imitate him, don't copy him.

It gets late early out there.