Triangulation (family dynamics)
Encyclopedia
Triangulation is most commonly used to express a situation in which one family member will not communicate directly with another family member, but will communicate with a third family member, which can lead to the third family member becoming part of the triangle. The concept originated in the study of dysfunctional family
systems, but can describe behaviors in other systems as well, including work.
Triangulation can also be used as a label for a form of "splitting
" in which one person plays the third family member against one that he or she is upset about. This is playing the two people against each other, but usually the person doing the splitting, will also engage in character assassination
, only with both parties.
Some earlier related work, published in a 1951 paper, had been done by the German psychoanalyst Hans Loewald
in the area of pre-Oedipal behavior and dynamics. In a 1978 paper, the child psychoanalyst Dr. Selma Kramer wrote that Loewald postulated the role of the father as a positive supporting force for the pre-Oedipal child against the threat of reengulfment by the mother which leads to an early identification with the father, preceding that of the classical Oedipus complex. This was also related to the work in Separation-Individuation theory of child development by the psychoanalyst Margaret Mahler
.
, the term triangulation is most closely associated with the work of Murray Bowen
. Bowen theorized that a two-person emotional system is unstable in that it forms itself into a three-person system or triangle under stress.
In the family triangulation system the third person can either be used as a substitute for the direct communication, or can be used as a messenger to carry the communication to the main party. Usually this communication is an expressed dissatisfaction with the main party. For example, in a dysfunctional family in which there is alcoholism
present, the non-drinking parent will go to a child and express dissatisfaction with the drinking parent. This includes the child in the discussion of how to solve the problem of the afflicted parent. Sometimes the child can engage in the relationship with the parent, filling the role of the third party, and thereby being "triangulated" into the relationship. Or, the child may then go to the alcoholic parent, relaying what they were told. In instances when this occurs, the child may be forced into a role
If you have ever been a “Daddy's girl” or “Mommy's boy”, you may have not realized that you could have been a victim of Triangulation. It comes in many different forms and would be quite common for a dysfunctional family that had no values or boundaries. In some cases, triangulated children are used to fulfill the needs of intimacy. According to research, if there is confusion of boundaries, when a child is asked to play “little Mother”, there can be a faint sign of triangulation, while incest between parent and child would be a severe boundary violation.
A spouse will also use triangulation to their advantage, if the other partner and child are engaged in this behavior. The behavior is often permitted and sometimes encouraged, in order to escape the realities of parenting and intimacy. For example, a wife will condone her daughter or son to sleep in the parents room in between her and her husband; claiming it's because the child needs comfort or she need her "baby". The husband will not react to these odd conditions and his sexual needs will not be met, leaving him frustrated and dissatisfied, in addition to the unwanted feelings for his own child. This could lead him to looking for satisfaction outside of the family. He may prefer to live in a lifeless marriage, for an opportunity to satisfy his needs for intimacy, companionship and sex, elsewhere. From the reasons stated above, it is obvious that this is unhealthy and should be avoided at all costs. Harmful effects and associated changes may occur in the child’s behavior. They may act out in a harmful manner in order to get the attention of both parents off the regular stressful environment, just so the parents will work together to solve the child’s needs Common examples of the ways triangulated children act out include: drug addiction, eating disorders, chronic shoplifting, vandalism, cutting (ritual and habitual superficial slicing of the epidermis), excessive piercing, tattooing or other forms of self-mutilation, violence, academic problems, truancy, or any combination of the above. There are treatments for these problems such as marriage counseling."When one person in a family(the patient) has pain which shows up in the symptoms, all family members are feeling this pain some way".
Dysfunctional family
A dysfunctional family is a family in which conflict, misbehavior, and often abuse on the part of individual members occur continually and regularly, leading other members to accommodate such actions. Children sometimes grow up in such families with the understanding that such an arrangement is...
systems, but can describe behaviors in other systems as well, including work.
Triangulation can also be used as a label for a form of "splitting
Splitting
Splitting may refer to:* Splitting * Lumpers and splitters, in classification or taxonomyMathematics* Heegard splitting* Splitting field* Splitting principle* Splitting theorem* Splitting lemma...
" in which one person plays the third family member against one that he or she is upset about. This is playing the two people against each other, but usually the person doing the splitting, will also engage in character assassination
Character assassination
Character assassination is an attempt to tarnish a person's reputation. It may involve exaggeration, misleading half-truths, or manipulation of facts to present an untrue picture of the targeted person...
, only with both parties.
In psychology
In the field of psychology, triangulations are necessary steps in the child's development when a two-party relationship is opened up by a third party into a new form of relationship. So the child gains new mental abilities. The concept was introduced in 1971, by the Swiss psychiatrist Dr. Ernest L. Abelin, especially as early triangulation, to describe the transitions in psychoanalytic object relations theory and parent-child relationship in the age of 18 months. In this presentation, the mother is the early caregiver with a nearly "symbiotic" relationship to the child, and the father lures the child away to the outside world, resulting in the father being the third party. Abelin later developed an organizer- and triangulation-model, in which he based the whole human mental and psychic development on several steps of triangulation.Some earlier related work, published in a 1951 paper, had been done by the German psychoanalyst Hans Loewald
Hans Loewald
Hans Loewald was a psychoanalyst and theorist, born in Colmar, then Germany. His father, who died shortly after his birth, was a Jewish physician with an interest in dermatology and psychiatry, his mother a gifted musician, who played the piano. He studied philosophy with Martin Heidegger, who...
in the area of pre-Oedipal behavior and dynamics. In a 1978 paper, the child psychoanalyst Dr. Selma Kramer wrote that Loewald postulated the role of the father as a positive supporting force for the pre-Oedipal child against the threat of reengulfment by the mother which leads to an early identification with the father, preceding that of the classical Oedipus complex. This was also related to the work in Separation-Individuation theory of child development by the psychoanalyst Margaret Mahler
Margaret Mahler
Margaret Schönberger Mahler was a Hungarian physician, who later became interested in psychiatry. She was a central figure on the world stage of psychoanalysis...
.
Family triangulation
In family therapyFamily therapy
Family therapy, also referred to as couple and family therapy, family systems therapy, and family counseling, is a branch of psychotherapy that works with families and couples in intimate relationships to nurture change and development. It tends to view change in terms of the systems of...
, the term triangulation is most closely associated with the work of Murray Bowen
Murray Bowen
Murray Bowen, M.D., was an American psychiatrist and a professor in Psychiatry at the Georgetown University. Bowen was among the pioneers of family therapy and founders of systemic therapy...
. Bowen theorized that a two-person emotional system is unstable in that it forms itself into a three-person system or triangle under stress.
In the family triangulation system the third person can either be used as a substitute for the direct communication, or can be used as a messenger to carry the communication to the main party. Usually this communication is an expressed dissatisfaction with the main party. For example, in a dysfunctional family in which there is alcoholism
Alcoholism
Alcoholism is a broad term for problems with alcohol, and is generally used to mean compulsive and uncontrolled consumption of alcoholic beverages, usually to the detriment of the drinker's health, personal relationships, and social standing...
present, the non-drinking parent will go to a child and express dissatisfaction with the drinking parent. This includes the child in the discussion of how to solve the problem of the afflicted parent. Sometimes the child can engage in the relationship with the parent, filling the role of the third party, and thereby being "triangulated" into the relationship. Or, the child may then go to the alcoholic parent, relaying what they were told. In instances when this occurs, the child may be forced into a role
If you have ever been a “Daddy's girl” or “Mommy's boy”, you may have not realized that you could have been a victim of Triangulation. It comes in many different forms and would be quite common for a dysfunctional family that had no values or boundaries. In some cases, triangulated children are used to fulfill the needs of intimacy. According to research, if there is confusion of boundaries, when a child is asked to play “little Mother”, there can be a faint sign of triangulation, while incest between parent and child would be a severe boundary violation.
A spouse will also use triangulation to their advantage, if the other partner and child are engaged in this behavior. The behavior is often permitted and sometimes encouraged, in order to escape the realities of parenting and intimacy. For example, a wife will condone her daughter or son to sleep in the parents room in between her and her husband; claiming it's because the child needs comfort or she need her "baby". The husband will not react to these odd conditions and his sexual needs will not be met, leaving him frustrated and dissatisfied, in addition to the unwanted feelings for his own child. This could lead him to looking for satisfaction outside of the family. He may prefer to live in a lifeless marriage, for an opportunity to satisfy his needs for intimacy, companionship and sex, elsewhere. From the reasons stated above, it is obvious that this is unhealthy and should be avoided at all costs. Harmful effects and associated changes may occur in the child’s behavior. They may act out in a harmful manner in order to get the attention of both parents off the regular stressful environment, just so the parents will work together to solve the child’s needs Common examples of the ways triangulated children act out include: drug addiction, eating disorders, chronic shoplifting, vandalism, cutting (ritual and habitual superficial slicing of the epidermis), excessive piercing, tattooing or other forms of self-mutilation, violence, academic problems, truancy, or any combination of the above. There are treatments for these problems such as marriage counseling."When one person in a family(the patient) has pain which shows up in the symptoms, all family members are feeling this pain some way".
Further reading
- Ernst Abelin (1975): Some further observations and comments on the earliest role of the father. Internat. J. Psycho-Anal. 56:293-302
- Ernst Abelin (1980): Triangulation, the Role of the Father and the Origins of Core Gender Identity during the Rapprochement Subphase. In: Rapprochement, ed. R. Lax, S. Bach and J. Burland. New York: Jason Aronson, S. 151-169.
- Ernst Abelin (1986): Die Theorie der frühkindlichen Triangulation. Von der Psychologie zur Psychoanalyse. In: Das Vaterbild in Kontinuität und Wandel. ed. J. Stork. Stuttgart: Fromann-Holzboog, S. 45-72 Ruhr-UNI-Bochum/ Thomas Bonnhoefer/ Gotteslehre