The Calzone
Encyclopedia
"The Calzone" is the 130th episode of the NBC
NBC
The National Broadcasting Company is an American commercial broadcasting television network and former radio network headquartered in the GE Building in New York City's Rockefeller Center with additional major offices near Los Angeles and in Chicago...

 sitcom Seinfeld
Seinfeld
Seinfeld is an American television sitcom that originally aired on NBC from July 5, 1989, to May 14, 1998, lasting nine seasons, and is now in syndication. It was created by Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld, the latter starring as a fictionalized version of himself...

. This was the 20th episode of the seventh season. It aired on April 25, 1996.

Plot

George
George Costanza
George Louis Costanza is a character in the American television sitcom Seinfeld , played by Jason Alexander. He has variously been described as a "short, stocky, slow-witted, bald man" , "Lord of the Idiots" , and as "the greatest sitcom character of all time"...

 becomes Steinbrenner
George Steinbrenner
George Michael Steinbrenner III was an American businessman who was the principal owner and managing partner of Major League Baseball's New York Yankees. During Steinbrenner's 37-year ownership from 1973 to his death in July 2010, the longest in club history, the Yankees earned seven World Series...

's pet, when he shares an eggplant calzone
Calzone
A calzone Italian: , "stocking" or "trouser") is a turnover that originates from Italy. It is shaped like a semicircle, made of dough folded over and filled with ingredients common to pizza....

 with him. Steinbrenner then has George bring him a calzone for lunch everyday. One day, when George throws his money into the tip jar unnoticed, he attempts to grab it to place it back when someone was looking. Just as he is grabbing the money the guy turns and, under the impression that George is stealing money from the jar, refuses to sell him any more calzones. George then recommends to Steinbrenner that they try something new for lunch the next day. Steinbrenner insists that they continue to keep their routine. George makes a deal to obtain the calzones for his boss when Newman
Newman (Seinfeld)
Newman is a recurring character on the television show Seinfeld, played by Wayne Knight from 1991 until the show's finale in 1998.-Background:...

 brings them to him, as he is coming through on his mail route. Kramer
Cosmo Kramer
Cosmo Kramer, usually referred to as simply "Kramer", is a fictional character on the American television sitcom Seinfeld , played by Michael Richards...

 is raving about wearing clothes "straight out of the dryer." Elaine
Elaine Benes
Elaine Marie Benes is a fictional character on the American television sitcom Seinfeld , played by Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Elaine's best friend is her ex-boyfriend Jerry Seinfeld; she is also good friends with George Costanza and Cosmo Kramer...

's boyfriend, Todd Gack (John D'Aquino
John D'Aquino
John D'Aquino is a Canadian-American actor who is perhaps best known for his role as Lt. Benjamin Krieg in the NBC TV series seaQuest DSV during the show's first season, a role he later reprised in the third season and President Richard Martinez in the Disney Channel Original Series Cory in the...

) is dating her without really ever asking her out.

Jerry
Jerry Seinfeld (character)
Jerome "Jerry" Seinfeld is the main protagonist of the American television sitcom Seinfeld . The straight man among his group of friends, this semi-fictionalized version of comedian Jerry Seinfeld was named after, co-created by, based on, and played by Seinfeld himself.The series revolves around...

 takes advantage of his beautiful girlfriend Nicki's (Danette Tays) ability to get anything she wants, including convincing a cop to not give Jerry a speeding ticket. Todd Gack sells Jerry some Cuban cigars, but they really turn out to be from Peru
Peru
Peru , officially the Republic of Peru , is a country in western South America. It is bordered on the north by Ecuador and Colombia, on the east by Brazil, on the southeast by Bolivia, on the south by Chile, and on the west by the Pacific Ocean....

. Kramer starts using an oven for his clothing. When Newman decides not to go to work because it is raining, George asks Kramer to get him the calzone to stay in Steinbrenner's good graces. Kramer puts his clothes in the pizza oven at Paisano's, and they get burned. He tries to pay the Calzone seller with pennies and a fight ensues with the seller kicking Kramer out of the restaurant. Kramer goes to George's office and drops his burnt clothes by a vent. The Calzone smell wafts into Steinbrenner's office, and he runs to George's office, thinking he has calzones. George tries to fool Steinbrenner by going to another calzone restaurant. As he comes back, he finds Steinbrenner digging through his office, realizes the smell is from the clothes, and gets the idea to put the Yankees' clothes in a pizza oven.

Jerry and Elaine lose Nicki and Todd to one another, when Nicki sees Todd about the cigars but he winds up weedling another "non-date date" dinner with her. Jerry and Elaine are smoking the Peruvian cigars, which "smell like a rubber fire"; when Elaine asks Jerry if he wound up paying for them, Jerry says, "It's being taken care of right now." The scene cuts to Kramer knocking at Todd's apartment door, then tossing him a large, heavy sock full of pennies.

Quotes

  • Jerry: Why don't you just have someone else get the calzones?
    George: Because the next thing you know Steinbrenner will be having lunch with him. You know how these interoffice politics work.
    Jerry: No, I've never had a job.

  • Jerry: So what's Steinbrenner gonna do if he doesn't get his calzone?
    George (panicked): What's he gonna do? That's exactly the point! Nobody knows what this guy is capable of! He fires people like it's a bodily function!

  • George: Shouldn't you be at work by now?
    Newman: Work? It's raining.
    George: So?
    Newman: I called in sick. I don't work in the rain.
    George: You don't work in the rain? You're a mailman! "Neither rain nor sleet nor...
    United States Postal Service creed
    The United States Postal Service has no official creed or motto.Often falsely cited as such, "Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds" is an inscription on the James Farley Post Office in New York City, derived from...

    " It's the first one!
    Newman: I was never that big on creeds.

  • Jerry : I got some Cubans for George's wedding. They were more than I wanted to pay for but what the hell!
    Kramer : Oh yeah baby. [puts cigar in mouth, then spits it out] What are these? "Producto de Peru
    Peru
    Peru , officially the Republic of Peru , is a country in western South America. It is bordered on the north by Ecuador and Colombia, on the east by Brazil, on the southeast by Bolivia, on the south by Chile, and on the west by the Pacific Ocean....

    ?" If you think these are Cubans you have another thing coming.
    Jerry: Peru!? I paid 300 bucks for these. I could have bought a house in Peru for 300 bucks!

  • Elaine: What kind of a name is Todd Gack anyway?
    Jerry: I think it's Dutch.

  • Cop: I got you on the radar at 93 mph.
    Jerry: Huh - You must have got me when I slowed down to take that curve, because for a while there, I was doing well over 100.

Trivia

  • Danette Tays, who plays Jerry's girlfriend Nicki in this episode, appeared in a 1990s Rold Gold Pretzel commercial with Jason Alexander
    Jason Alexander
    Jay Scott Greenspan , better known by his professional name of Jason Alexander, is an American actor, writer, comedian, television director, producer, and singer. He is best known for his role as George Costanza on the television series Seinfeld, appearing in the sitcom from 1989 to 1998...

    .
  • Montreal
    Montreal
    Montreal is a city in Canada. It is the largest city in the province of Quebec, the second-largest city in Canada and the seventh largest in North America...

     is referenced in this episode, making it the only Canadian city ever mentioned in the history of the show.
  • The USPS Creed actually starts "Neither snow nor rain..." so rain is, in fact, second.
  • George Steinbrenner
    George Steinbrenner
    George Michael Steinbrenner III was an American businessman who was the principal owner and managing partner of Major League Baseball's New York Yankees. During Steinbrenner's 37-year ownership from 1973 to his death in July 2010, the longest in club history, the Yankees earned seven World Series...

    mentions at a meeting that he was in the Army when, in fact, he served in the Air Force.
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