"Iraq is a manufactured conflict for the sake of geopolitical dominance in the area."

"I think that by staying out of shape at the age of 33 I'm doing myself a huge favor for my future. There will never be anyone commenting on how I've 'let myself go.' I've gone. It's gone. It's not going, it's GONE."

"I can't wait for the next fad though, and I predict it's going to be Pennsylvania dutch culture, very Amish. It's going to be bonnets and butter churns."

"The camera adds ten pounds. Why? What, we don't have the technology to remedy that one little thing? We can have fucking Forrest Gump cohorting with John F. Kennedy, and we can't just fix that one little thing, the ten pound variant on a lens...You can actually levitate now when you watch a movie about flying, but they just don't have the technology for that ten pound margin of error."

"I actually was class clown, but I don't know how that happened because I've never been considered an outwardly funny person — as the people in this room will attest."

"The notebook. Yes, as you know Garofalo's a little forgetful. Has to bring her notebook. Between the Aspartame|Nutrasweet and the Fen-phen|Fen-phen, I don't know whether to shit or wind my watch at this point. I gotta have a thing happening here because I don't wanna forget what I wanna discuss with you. I owe you that much."

"But let me ask you this though, first and foremost: who's your favorite Spice Girl? Mine is Sporty Spice and I'll tell you why. You know what? She might not be as aesthetically pleasant as the rest but she'll do a backflip and steal your heart."

"No no no! Don't clap! No no no, you make me seem like I'm like a prophet or something and I'm so not!"