An
intimate relationship is a particularly close
interpersonal relationshipAn interpersonal relationship is an association between two or more people that may range from fleeting to enduring. This association may be based on limerence, love and liking, regular business interactions, or some other type of social commitment...
. It is a relationship in which the participants know or trust one another very well or are
confidantIn theater, the confidant character is usually someone the lead character confides in and trusts. Typically, these consist of the best friend, relative, doctor or boss...
s of one another, or a relationship in which there is
physicalPhysical intimacy is sensual proximity and/or touching. It can be enjoyed by itself and/or be an expression of feelings which people have for one another...
or
emotional intimacyEmotional intimacy is a dimension of interpersonal intimacy that varies in degree and over time, much like physical intimacy. Affect, emotion and feeling may refer to different phenomena. Emotional intimacy may refer to any or all of those in both a lay or a professional context.Emotional intimacy...
.
Intimate relationships play a central role in the overall human experience. Humans have a universal need to belong which is satisfied when intimate relationships are formed. Intimate relationships consist of the people that we are attracted to, whom we like and
loveLove is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection and attachment. The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure to intense interpersonal attraction...
, romantic and
sexual relationshipsHuman sexuality is how people experience the erotic and express themselves as sexual beings. Frequently driven by the desire for sexual pleasure, human sexuality has biological, physical and emotional aspects...
, and those who we marry and provide emotional and personal support. Intimate relationships provide people with a social network of people that provide strong emotional
attachmentsThis article is about attachment in psychology. For Attachment theory, see the article of that name.In attachment theory psychology, attachment is a product of the activity of a number of behavioral systems that have proximity to a person, e.g. a mother, as a predictable outcome...
and fulfill our universal needs of belongingness and the need to be cared for.
The systematic study of intimate relationships is a relatively new area of research within the field of
social psychologySocial psychology is a type of social science that is concerned with individuals' thoughts, feelings and behavior as they affect or are affected by other individuals...
that has emerged within the last few decades. Although the systematic study of intimate relationships is fairly recent, social thought and analysis of intimate relationships dates back to early Greek philosophers. Early scholarly studies were also interested in intimate relationships but were limited to dyads or small groups of people in the public and narrowly examined behaviours such as competing and cooperation, negotiation and bargaining and compliance and resistance.
Physical intimacy is characterized by
romanticRomance is a general term that refers to the attempt to express love with words or deeds. It also refers to a feeling of excitement associated with love....
or
passionLimerence refers to an involuntary cognitive and emotional state of intense romantic desire for another person. The term was coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov to describe the ultimate, near-obsessional form of romantic love....
ate
loveLove is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection and attachment. The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure to intense interpersonal attraction...
and attachment, or
sexual activityHuman sexuality is how people experience the erotic and express themselves as sexual beings. Frequently driven by the desire for sexual pleasure, human sexuality has biological, physical and emotional aspects...
.
Physical and emotional intimacy
LoveLove is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection and attachment. The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure to intense interpersonal attraction...
is an important factor in physical and emotional intimate relationships. Though the term is notoriously difficult to define, any thoughtful inquiry into the subject will show it to be qualitatively, not only quantitatively, different than liking, and the difference is not merely in the presence or absence of
sexual attractionSexual attraction or sex appeal refers to a person's ability to attract in a sexual or erotic manner the interest of another person. The attraction may be to a physical quality of a person, or it may be to other more nebulous qualities of the person....
. There are two types of love in a relationship; passionate love and companionate love. With companionate love, potent feelings diminish but are enriched by warm feelings of attachment, an authentic and enduring bond, a sense of mutual commitment, the profound knowledge that you are caring for another person who is in turn caring for you, feeling proud of a mate's accomplishment, and the satisfaction that comes from sharing goals and perspective. In contrast, passionate love is marked by infatuation, intense preoccupation with the partner, strong sexual longing, throes of ecstasy, and feelings of exhilaration that come from being reunited with the partner.
People who are in an intimate relationship with one another are often called a couple, especially if the members of that couple have ascribed some degree of permanency to their relationship. Such couples often provide the emotional security that is necessary for them to accomplish other tasks, particularly forms of labor or work.
History of Intimate Relationships
Ancient Philosophers-Aristotle
Ancient philosophers mused over ideas of marital satisfaction, faithfulness, beauty and jealously although their concepts and understandings were often inaccurate or misleading.
Over 2300 years ago,
interpersonal relationshipAn interpersonal relationship is an association between two or more people that may range from fleeting to enduring. This association may be based on limerence, love and liking, regular business interactions, or some other type of social commitment...
were being contemplated by
AristotleAristotle was a Greek philosopher, a student of Plato and teacher of Alexander the Great. He wrote on many subjects, including physics, metaphysics, poetry, theater, music, logic, rhetoric, politics, government, ethics, biology, and zoology.Together with Plato and Socrates , Aristotle is one of...
. He wrote: “One person is a friend to another if he is friendly to the other and the other is friendly to him in return” (Aristotle, 330 B.C., trans. 1991, pp 72-73).
AristotleAristotle was a Greek philosopher, a student of Plato and teacher of Alexander the Great. He wrote on many subjects, including physics, metaphysics, poetry, theater, music, logic, rhetoric, politics, government, ethics, biology, and zoology.Together with Plato and Socrates , Aristotle is one of...
believed that by nature humans are social beings.
AristotleAristotle was a Greek philosopher, a student of Plato and teacher of Alexander the Great. He wrote on many subjects, including physics, metaphysics, poetry, theater, music, logic, rhetoric, politics, government, ethics, biology, and zoology.Together with Plato and Socrates , Aristotle is one of...
also suggested that there were three different types of relationships. People are attracted to relationships that provide utility because of the assistance and sense of belonging that they provide. In relationships based on pleasure, people are attracted to the feelings of pleasantness and that they are engaging. However, relationships based on utility and pleasure were said to be short lived if the benefits provided by one of the partners was not reciprocated. In relationships based on virtue, we are attracted to others’ virtuous character.
AristotleAristotle was a Greek philosopher, a student of Plato and teacher of Alexander the Great. He wrote on many subjects, including physics, metaphysics, poetry, theater, music, logic, rhetoric, politics, government, ethics, biology, and zoology.Together with Plato and Socrates , Aristotle is one of...
also suggested that relationships based on virtue would be the longest lasting and that virtue based relationships were the only type of relationship that each partner was liked for themselves. Although
AristotleAristotle was a Greek philosopher, a student of Plato and teacher of Alexander the Great. He wrote on many subjects, including physics, metaphysics, poetry, theater, music, logic, rhetoric, politics, government, ethics, biology, and zoology.Together with Plato and Socrates , Aristotle is one of...
put forth much consideration about relationships, as like many other ancient philosophers, did not use systematic methods and therefore could not conclude that his thoughts and ideas were correct. The
philosophical analysisPhilosophical analysis is a general term for techniques typically used by philosophers in the analytic tradition that involve "breaking down" philosophical issues. Arguably the most prominent of these techniques is the analysis of concepts...
used by
AristotleAristotle was a Greek philosopher, a student of Plato and teacher of Alexander the Great. He wrote on many subjects, including physics, metaphysics, poetry, theater, music, logic, rhetoric, politics, government, ethics, biology, and zoology.Together with Plato and Socrates , Aristotle is one of...
dominated the analysis of intimate relationships until the late 1880’s.
1880's to Early 1900's
Modern
psychologyPsychology is an academic and applied discipline involving the systematic, and sometimes scientific, study of human or animal mental functions and behavior...
and
sociologySociology is the scientific or systematic study of human societies. It is a branch of social science that uses various methods of empirical investigation and critical analysis to develop and refine a body of knowledge about human social structure and activity, often with the goal of applying such...
began to emerge in the late 1800’s. During this time theorists often included relationships into their current areas of research and began to develop new foundations which had implications in regards to the analysis of intimate relationships. Freud wrote about parent-child relationships and their effect on
personality developmentAn individual's personality is an aggregate conglomeration of decisions we've made throughout our lives . There are inherent natural, genetic, and environmental factors that contribute to the development of our personality...
. Freud’s analysis proposed that people’s
childhoodChildhood is a broad term usually applied to the phase of development in humans between infancy and adulthood.-Age definition of a child:...
experiences are transferred or passed on into adult relationships by means of feelings and expectations. Freud also founded the idea that individuals usually seek out marital partners who are similar to that of their opposite-sex parent.
In 1891,
JamesWilliam James was a pioneering American psychologist and philosopher trained as a medical doctor. He wrote influential books on the young science of psychology, educational psychology, psychology of religious experience and mysticism, and the philosophy of pragmatism...
wrote that a person’s self concept is defined by the relationships we endure with others. In 1897,
DurkheimDavid Émile Durkheim was a French sociologist and pioneer in the development of modern sociology and anthropology. His work and editorship of the first journal of sociology, L'Année Sociologique, as well as his creation of the first European department of sociology, helped establish sociology...
’s interest in social organization led to the examination of social isolation and
alienationIn sociology and critical social theory, alienation refers to an individual's estrangement from traditional community and others in general. It is considered by many that the atomism of modern society means that individuals have shallower relations with other people than they would normally...
. This was an influential discovery of intimate relationships in that Durkheim argued that being socially isolated was a key antecedent of
suicideSuicide is the intentional killing of one's self. Many dictionaries also note the metaphorical sense of "willful destruction of one's self-interest"...
. This focus on the darker side of relationships and the negative consequences associated to social isolation were what Durkheim labeled as
anomieAnomie, in contemporary English language, is a sociological term which may most simply be described as a personal condition resulting from a lack of norms. For Émile Durkheim, a lack of social ethic produces moral deregulation and an absence of legitimate aspirations. Though anomie is commonly...
.
SimmelGeorg Simmel was one of the first generation of German sociologists. His neo-Kantian approach laid the foundations for sociological antipositivism, presenting pioneering analyses of social individuality and fragmentation, and of culture, which he described in terms of historical 'forms and contents'...
wrote about
dyadsA dyad in sociology is a noun used to describe a group of two people. "Dyadic" is an adjective used to describe this type of communication/interaction...
, or partnerships with two people, and examined their unique properties in the 1950’s. Simmel suggested that dyads require consent and engagement of both partners to maintain the relationship but noted that the relationship can be ended by the initiation of only one partner. Although the theorists mentioned above sought support for their theories, their primary contributions to the study of intimate relationships were conceptual and not empirically grounded.
The Rise of Empiricism
The use of empirical investigations in 1989 was a major revolution in
social analysis-Sociology:Social analysis is a term used in Social sciences and the Humanities, notably in C. Wright Mills' The Sociological Imagination, Bertrand Russell's Power: A New Social Analysis, Anthony Giddens's Central Problems in Social Theory: Action, Structure and Contradiction in Social Analysis,...
. A study conducted by Monroe , examined the traits and
habitsHabits are routines of behavior that are repeated regularly, tend to occur subconsciously, without directly thinking consciously about them. Habitual behavior sometimes goes unnoticed in persons exhibiting them, because it is often unnecessary to engage in self-analysis when undertaking in routine...
of children in selecting a friend. Some of the
attributesCharacteristic may refer to:In mathematics:* Characteristic function* Euler characteristic* Characteristic * Characteristic subgroup...
included in the study were
kindnessKindness is the act or the state of being kind and marked by charitable behaviour, marked by mild disposition, pleasantness, tenderness and concern for others...
, cheerfulness and
honestyHonesty is speaking truth and creating trust in minds of others. This includes all varieties of communication, both verbal and non-verbal. Honesty implies a lack of deceit. A statement can be strictly true and still be dishonest if the intention of the statement is to deceive its audience. ...
. Monroe asked 2336 children aged 7 to 16 to identify “what kind of chum do you like best?” The results of the study indicate that children preferred a friend that was their own age, of the same sex, same in size physically, a friend with light features (hair and eyes), friends that did not engage in
conflictConflict is actual or perceived opposition of needs, values and interests. A conflict can be internal to individuals. Conflict as a concept can help explain many aspects of social life such as social disagreement, conflicts of interests, and fights between individuals, groups, or organizations...
, someone that was kind to animals and humans and finally that they were honest. The two characteristics that children reported as least important included
wealthWealth is an abundance of valuable resources or material possessions. The word is derived from the old English wela, which is from an Indo-European word stem...
and
religionA religion is a system of human thought which usually includes a set of narratives, symbols, beliefs and practices that give meaning to the practitioner's experiences of life through reference to a higher power, deity or deities, or ultimate truth...
.
The study by Monroe was the first to mark the significant shift in the study of intimate relationships from analysis that was primarily philosophical to those with
empiricalThe word empirical denotes information gained by means of observation, experience, or experiment. A central concept in science and the scientific method is that all evidence must be empirical, or empirically based, that is, dependent on evidence or consequences that are observable by the senses...
validity. This study is said to have finally marked the beginning of relationship science. However, in the years following Monroe’s influential study, very few similar studies were done. There were limited studies done on children’s friendships, courtship and marriages and families in the 1930’s but few relationship studies were conducted before or during
World War IIWorld War II, or the Second World War , was a global military conflict which involved a majority of the world's nations, including all great powers, organized into two opposing military alliances: the Allies and the Axis...
. Intimate relationships did not become a broad focus of research again until the 1960’s and 1970’s when there was a vast amount of relationship studies being published.
1960’s and 1970’s
An important shift was taking place in the field of
social psychologySocial psychology is a type of social science that is concerned with individuals' thoughts, feelings and behavior as they affect or are affected by other individuals...
that influenced the research of intimate relationships. Up until the late 1950’s, the majority of studies were non-experimental. By the end of the 1960’s more than half of the articles published involved some sort of experimental manipulation. The 60’s was also a time when there was a shift in
methodologyMethodology can be defined as:# "the analysis of the principles of methods, rules, and postulates employed by a discipline";# "the systematic study of methods that are, can be, or have been applied within a discipline"; or...
within the psychological discipline itself. Participants consisted mostly of college students, experimental methods and research was being conducted in laboratories and the experimental method was the dominant methodology in
social psychologySocial psychology is a type of social science that is concerned with individuals' thoughts, feelings and behavior as they affect or are affected by other individuals...
. Experimental manipulation within the research of intimate relationships demonstrated that relationships could be studied scientifically. This shift brought relationship science to the attention of scholars in other disciplines and has resulted in the study of intimate relationships being an international multidiscipline.
1980’s to 2000’s
In the early 1980’s the first conference of the International Network of Personal Relationships (INPR) was held. Approximately 300 researchers from all parts of the world attended the conference. In March 1984, the first journal of Social and Personal Relationships was published. In the early 1990’s the INPR split off into two groups, however in April 2004 the two organizations rejoined and became the International Association for Relationship Research (IARR).
Today
Today the study of intimate relationships (relationship science) uses participants from diverse samples and examines a wide variety of topics that include family relations, friendships and romantic relationships usually over a long period of time. The current study of intimate relationships includes the both the positive aspects of relationships as well as negative or unpleasant aspects.
Current research being conducted by
John GottmanJohn Gottman, Ph.D. is known for his work on marital stability and relationship analysis through scientific direct observations published in peer-reviewed literature...
and his colleagues involves inviting married couples into a pleasant setting, in which they revisit the disagreement that caused their last argument. Although the participants are aware that they are being videotaped, they soon become so absorbed in the interaction that they forget they are being recorded. With the second-by-second analysis of the observable reactions as well as emotional reactions, Gottman is able to accurately predict with 93 percent accuracy the future fate of the couples relationship.
Another current area of research within the intimate relationships is being conducted by Terri Orbuch and Joseph Veroff (2002). They are monitoring
newlywed couples using self-reports over a long period of time (longitudinal). Participants are required to provide extensive reports about the nature and the status of their relationships. Although many of the marriages have ended since the beginning of the study, this type of relationship study allows researchers to track marriages from start to finish by conducting follow-up
interviewsInterviews is:# the plural form of "interview"# a compilation album by Bob Marley & the Wailers, see Interviews # a C++ toolkit for the X Window System, see InterViews...
with the participants in order to determine what factors are associated with marriages that last and those that do not. Although the field of relationship science is still relatively young, research is being conducted by researchers from many different disciplines that continues to broaden the scope of intimate relationships.
The intimate partners
Terms for partners in intimate relationships include:
- Boyfriend
A boyfriend is a person's regular male companion in a romantic or sexual relationship, though normally not in long-term committed relationships, where other titles are more commonly used...
/GirlfriendGirlfriend is a term that can refer to either a female partner in a non-marital romantic relationship or a female non-intimate friend that is closer than other friends....
- Confidant or confidante
In theater, the confidant character is usually someone the lead character confides in and trusts. Typically, these consist of the best friend, relative, doctor or boss...
- Family member
Family denotes a group of people or animals affiliated by a consanguinity, affinity or co-residence...
- Friend
Friendship is the cooperative and supportive relationship between two or more people. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, affection, and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis...
- Life partner
A life partner is a romantic or otherwise very close friend for life. The partners can be of the same or opposite sexes, married or unmarried, and monogamous or polyamorous....
/PartnerA partner is:*A friend who shares a common interest or participates in achieving a common goal*A member of an intimate relationship*A member of a partnership*A business partner...
- Spouse
Marriage is a social union or legal contract between individuals that creates kinship. It is an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged by a variety of ways, depending on the culture or demographic...
- Mistress
A mistress is a man's long-term female lover and companion who is not married to him, especially used when the man is married to another woman. The relationship generally is stable and at least semi-permanent; however, the couple does not live together openly. Also the relationship is usually,...
- Significant other
Significant other is a gender-blind, politically correct term to refer to a person's partner in an intimate relationship without disclosing or presuming anything about their marital status or sexual orientation. It is also vague enough to avoid offence from using a term that an individual might...
- Companion
A domestic partnership is a legal or personal relationship between two individuals who live together and share a common domestic life but are neither joined by marriage nor a civil union...
See also
- Free Union
A free union is a union between two persons that lacks any publicly recognized bond .-Roman Catholic Criticisms:The Roman Catholic Church argues that the phrase "free union" is misleading. The Catechism of the Catholic Church raises the question of what "union" can mean in the phrase "free union"...
- Intimacy
Intimacy generally refers to the feeling of being in a close personal association and belonging together. It is a familiar and very close affective connection with another as a result of entering deeply or closely into relationship through knowledge and experience of the other. Genuine intimacy in...
- Love
Love is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection and attachment. The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure to intense interpersonal attraction...
- Marriage
Marriage is a social union or legal contract between individuals that creates kinship. It is an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged by a variety of ways, depending on the culture or demographic...
- Romance (love)
- Sexual partner
A sexual partner is a person with whom one engages in sex acts. Note that it is possible to have a sexual partner without having an intimate relationship or even an acquaintanceship with that person; viz., casual sex or sex with a prostitute....
- Human sexuality
Human sexuality is how people experience the erotic and express themselves as sexual beings. Frequently driven by the desire for sexual pleasure, human sexuality has biological, physical and emotional aspects...
- Significant other
Significant other is a gender-blind, politically correct term to refer to a person's partner in an intimate relationship without disclosing or presuming anything about their marital status or sexual orientation. It is also vague enough to avoid offence from using a term that an individual might...
- Dating (activity)
Dating is a form of courtship, and may include any social activity undertaken by, typically, two people with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as their partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse. The word refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon...
- Polyamory
Polyamory is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate sexual relationship at a time with the consent of everyone involved....
- Monogamy
Monogamy is the state of having only one sexual partner at any one time. The word monogamy comes from the Greek word monos "μονός", which means one or alone, and the Greek word gamos "γάμος", which means marriage or union...
- Polygamy
The term polygamy is used in related ways in social anthropology, sociobiology, sociology, as well as in popular speech. Polygamy can be defined as any "form of marriage in which a person [has] more than one spouse."In social anthropology, polygamy is the practice of marriage to more than one...
External links