Don't order one for the road, because the road is already laid out.

Funny is an attitude.

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.

[about his alter-ego] I don't think Geraldine will be back. She was the girl of my dreams, and she carried me longer than my mother did.

It would be ridiculous for me to say anything negative regarding blacks having an equal opportunity on TV. After all, I was number one in the ratings four times last year and twice this season. What could be more damn equal than that? If they get any more equal, I don't want it.

Most drag impersonations are a drag. But women can like Geraldine, men can like Geraldine, everyone can like Geraldine.

My show is my statement. What I have to say is on the screen. My life is my own. I don't want to talk about my private self. Why should I?

The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down.

The secret of my success with Geraldine is that she's not a put-down of women.

Violence is a tool of the ignorant.