43-Man Squamish
Encyclopedia
43-Man Squamish is a fictional sport
that was invented in issue #95 of MAD Magazine (June 1965) by George Woodbridge
and Tom Koch
. The article was memorable enough to be mentioned by the New York Times in Woodbridge's 2004 obituary.
Published under the "There's a Soccer Born Every Minute Dept." heading, the magazine purported that its new sport would avoid the "inherent evils" present in other college sports, described as too professional and which do not allow everyone to participate. 43-Man Squamish is an incredibly complex game with intentionally convoluted and confusing rules. In the article, new terminology is introduced with no explanation; much of the humor derives from the reader's half-successful attempts at gleaning a meaning from context. Exactly what everyone on the team is supposed to do, exactly what penalties apply, and exactly when or why the "yellow danger flag" is to be flown remains far from clear, even after repeated readings.
Although writer Koch intended the game to be completely unplayable, MAD Magazine received many reprint requests from colleges. Some colleges even attempted to form teams and play the game; the letters column to MAD #97 included several "team photos" and accounts from new acolytes of the sport. A student from Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute
issued a public challenge to Harvard, and sent in photographs of its team in poses taken from the original article. A photo of the team from the University of Alberta
accompanied a letter exulting that "we happen to be the only undefeated Squamish team in Western Canada, mainly because we are the only team in Western Canada, and we haven't played a game. We can't understand why we have no opposition." A letter from the Athletic Committee of Marquette University
reported that three of its Squamish players had been suspended for "sportsmanlike conduct."
28 years later, MAD debuted the alleged board game "Three-Cornered Pitney," also written by Tom Koch, which featured similarly ridiculous rules. In Mad's spoof of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, the name of Quidditch
was replaced with "Squamish".
The game officials are a Probate Judge (dressed as a British judge
, with wig), a Field Representative (in a Scottish
kilt
), a Head Cockswain (in long overcoat), and a Baggage Smasher (dressed as a male beachgoer in pre-World War I
years). None has any authority after play has begun.
, while the Visiting Captain guesses the toss. If he guesses correctly, the game is cancelled immediately. If not, the Home Team Captain must then decide if he wishes to play offense or defense first. Play begins after a frullip is touched to the flutney and the recitation "My uncle is sick but the highway is green!" is intoned in Spanish. Penalties are applied for infractions such as walling the Pritz, icing on fifth snivel, running with the mob, rushing the season, inability to face facts, and sending the Dummy home early.
The offensive team has five Snivels (equivalent to downs in American football
) to advance to the enemy goal. Carrying the Pritz across the goal line is a Woomik and scores 17 points; hitting it across with the frullip counts as a Durmish and only scores 11 points. Except in the 7th Ogre (and the 8th, if it rains), only the offensive Niblings and Overblats are allowed to score. In such cases, the four Quarter-Frummerts are allowed to kick or throw the Pritz, and the nine Finks are allowed to heckle the opposition by doing imitations of Barry Goldwater
.
The teams are to play a sudden-death overtime to break a tie, unless both Left Overblats are out of the game on personal fouls. If this is the case, the tie is settled by the teams lining up on opposite sides of the flutney (inherently difficult on a pentagonal shape) and shouting dirty limericks at each other until one side breaks up laughing.
When an insufficient number of players precludes a regulation 43-Man Squamish match, a simplified version may be played: 2-Man Squamish. The rules are the same, except in 2-Man Squamish, the object is to lose.
, such as Medeba Adventure Learning Centre, Graphite Bible Camp, and Aush-Bik-Koong Bible Camp.
This adaptation, while it does not follow the extravagant rule system, does bear a distant similarity, and is explained using the same terms. It is full-contact, generally with no protective equipment, and played using a rugby
ball as a Pritz. Any player may be tackled (below the waist) at any time, however the word "Org!" (a reference to the 7 "Ogres" in 43-Man Squamish) must be shouted as a warning before a player may tackle another. The ball must be carried, thrown, and kicked with both hands, and must be kicked into the goal with the players non-dominant foot.
-style question card in the "Weird Al" Yankovic
parody video "White & Nerdy
". "Weird Al" also mentions the sport in an episode of The Weird Al Show
.
A commercially released bootleg CD of music by Pink Floyd
was titled My Uncle Is Sick Because The Highway Is Green, a slight misquote of the phrase used to begin play in 43-Man Squamish.
The game has given birth to a non-Greek college service organization also called "Squamish," analogous to a fraternity/sorority
.
Sport
A Sport is all forms of physical activity which, through casual or organised participation, aim to use, maintain or improve physical fitness and provide entertainment to participants. Sport may be competitive, where a winner or winners can be identified by objective means, and may require a degree...
that was invented in issue #95 of MAD Magazine (June 1965) by George Woodbridge
George Woodbridge
George Woodbridge was an American illustrator known for his exhaustive research and historical accuracy. He is sometimes referred to as "America's Dean of Uniform Illustration" because of his expertise in drawing military uniforms....
and Tom Koch
Tom Koch
Tom Koch was a writer, most notably for Mad Magazine .Pronounced like "Cook" Koch is also known as one of the primary writers for radio performers Bob and Ray; and it was this aspect that brought him to Mad when scripts from the same show were reproduced in the magazine with caricatures of the...
. The article was memorable enough to be mentioned by the New York Times in Woodbridge's 2004 obituary.
Published under the "There's a Soccer Born Every Minute Dept." heading, the magazine purported that its new sport would avoid the "inherent evils" present in other college sports, described as too professional and which do not allow everyone to participate. 43-Man Squamish is an incredibly complex game with intentionally convoluted and confusing rules. In the article, new terminology is introduced with no explanation; much of the humor derives from the reader's half-successful attempts at gleaning a meaning from context. Exactly what everyone on the team is supposed to do, exactly what penalties apply, and exactly when or why the "yellow danger flag" is to be flown remains far from clear, even after repeated readings.
Although writer Koch intended the game to be completely unplayable, MAD Magazine received many reprint requests from colleges. Some colleges even attempted to form teams and play the game; the letters column to MAD #97 included several "team photos" and accounts from new acolytes of the sport. A student from Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute
Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute
Stephen Van Rensselaer established the Rensselaer School on November 5, 1824 with a letter to the Rev. Dr. Samuel Blatchford, in which van Rensselaer asked Blatchford to serve as the first president. Within the letter he set down several orders of business. He appointed Amos Eaton as the school's...
issued a public challenge to Harvard, and sent in photographs of its team in poses taken from the original article. A photo of the team from the University of Alberta
University of Alberta
The University of Alberta is a public research university located in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. Founded in 1908 by Alexander Cameron Rutherford, the first premier of Alberta and Henry Marshall Tory, its first president, it is widely recognized as one of the best universities in Canada...
accompanied a letter exulting that "we happen to be the only undefeated Squamish team in Western Canada, mainly because we are the only team in Western Canada, and we haven't played a game. We can't understand why we have no opposition." A letter from the Athletic Committee of Marquette University
Marquette University
Marquette University is a private, coeducational, Jesuit, Roman Catholic university located in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Founded by the Society of Jesus in 1881, the school is one of 28 member institutions of the Association of Jesuit Colleges and Universities...
reported that three of its Squamish players had been suspended for "sportsmanlike conduct."
28 years later, MAD debuted the alleged board game "Three-Cornered Pitney," also written by Tom Koch, which featured similarly ridiculous rules. In Mad's spoof of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, the name of Quidditch
Quidditch
Quidditch is a fictional sport developed by British author J. K. Rowling for the Harry Potter series of novels. It is described as an extremely rough, but very popular, semi-contact sport, played by wizards and witches around the world...
was replaced with "Squamish".
Participants
Each team consists of one left and one right Inside Grouch, one left and one right Outside Grouch, four Deep Brooders, four Shallow Brooders, five Wicket Men, three Offensive Niblings, four Quarter-Frummerts, two Half-Frummerts, one Full-Frummert, two Overblats, two Underblats, nine Back-Up Finks, two Leapers and a Dummy — for a total of 43.The game officials are a Probate Judge (dressed as a British judge
Judge
A judge is a person who presides over court proceedings, either alone or as part of a panel of judges. The powers, functions, method of appointment, discipline, and training of judges vary widely across different jurisdictions. The judge is supposed to conduct the trial impartially and in an open...
, with wig), a Field Representative (in a Scottish
Scotland
Scotland is a country that is part of the United Kingdom. Occupying the northern third of the island of Great Britain, it shares a border with England to the south and is bounded by the North Sea to the east, the Atlantic Ocean to the north and west, and the North Channel and Irish Sea to the...
kilt
Kilt
The kilt is a knee-length garment with pleats at the rear, originating in the traditional dress of men and boys in the Scottish Highlands of the 16th century. Since the 19th century it has become associated with the wider culture of Scotland in general, or with Celtic heritage even more broadly...
), a Head Cockswain (in long overcoat), and a Baggage Smasher (dressed as a male beachgoer in pre-World War I
World War I
World War I , which was predominantly called the World War or the Great War from its occurrence until 1939, and the First World War or World War I thereafter, was a major war centred in Europe that began on 28 July 1914 and lasted until 11 November 1918...
years). None has any authority after play has begun.
Playing field
Squamish is played on a pentagonal field, or Flutney, and the game is normally played within seven 15-minute Ogres, or eight if it's raining.Equipment
- An official Pritz (or ball) is 3-3/4 inches in diameter. It is constructed from untreated ibex hide, and is stuffed with blue jayBlue JayThe Blue Jay is a passerine bird in the family Corvidae, native to North America. It is resident through most of eastern and central United States and southern Canada, although western populations may be migratory. It breeds in both deciduous and coniferous forests, and is common near and in...
feathers. - Each player is equipped with a Frullip, a long hooked stick very similar in appearance to a shepherd's crook. It is used to prevent opposing players from scoring with the Pritz.
- Gloves, a helmet, and flippers are also required in an official Squamish game. Any extra padding is suggested, but optional.
Gameplay
Before any game, the Probate Judge must first flip a coin, usually a new Spanish pesetaSpanish peseta
The peseta was the currency of Spain between 1869 and 2002. Along with the French franc, it was also a de facto currency used in Andorra .- Etymology :...
, while the Visiting Captain guesses the toss. If he guesses correctly, the game is cancelled immediately. If not, the Home Team Captain must then decide if he wishes to play offense or defense first. Play begins after a frullip is touched to the flutney and the recitation "My uncle is sick but the highway is green!" is intoned in Spanish. Penalties are applied for infractions such as walling the Pritz, icing on fifth snivel, running with the mob, rushing the season, inability to face facts, and sending the Dummy home early.
The offensive team has five Snivels (equivalent to downs in American football
American football
American football is a sport played between two teams of eleven with the objective of scoring points by advancing the ball into the opposing team's end zone. Known in the United States simply as football, it may also be referred to informally as gridiron football. The ball can be advanced by...
) to advance to the enemy goal. Carrying the Pritz across the goal line is a Woomik and scores 17 points; hitting it across with the frullip counts as a Durmish and only scores 11 points. Except in the 7th Ogre (and the 8th, if it rains), only the offensive Niblings and Overblats are allowed to score. In such cases, the four Quarter-Frummerts are allowed to kick or throw the Pritz, and the nine Finks are allowed to heckle the opposition by doing imitations of Barry Goldwater
Barry Goldwater
Barry Morris Goldwater was a five-term United States Senator from Arizona and the Republican Party's nominee for President in the 1964 election. An articulate and charismatic figure during the first half of the 1960s, he was known as "Mr...
.
The teams are to play a sudden-death overtime to break a tie, unless both Left Overblats are out of the game on personal fouls. If this is the case, the tie is settled by the teams lining up on opposite sides of the flutney (inherently difficult on a pentagonal shape) and shouting dirty limericks at each other until one side breaks up laughing.
When an insufficient number of players precludes a regulation 43-Man Squamish match, a simplified version may be played: 2-Man Squamish. The rules are the same, except in 2-Man Squamish, the object is to lose.
Adaptations
An adaptation of the game, using the same name, is often played at some camps in OntarioOntario
Ontario is a province of Canada, located in east-central Canada. It is Canada's most populous province and second largest in total area. It is home to the nation's most populous city, Toronto, and the nation's capital, Ottawa....
, such as Medeba Adventure Learning Centre, Graphite Bible Camp, and Aush-Bik-Koong Bible Camp.
This adaptation, while it does not follow the extravagant rule system, does bear a distant similarity, and is explained using the same terms. It is full-contact, generally with no protective equipment, and played using a rugby
Rugby football
Rugby football is a style of football named after Rugby School in the United Kingdom. It is seen most prominently in two current sports, rugby league and rugby union.-History:...
ball as a Pritz. Any player may be tackled (below the waist) at any time, however the word "Org!" (a reference to the 7 "Ogres" in 43-Man Squamish) must be shouted as a warning before a player may tackle another. The ball must be carried, thrown, and kicked with both hands, and must be kicked into the goal with the players non-dominant foot.
Cultural references
43-Man Squamish is referenced on a Trivial PursuitTrivial Pursuit
Trivial Pursuit is a board game in which progress is determined by a player's ability to answer general knowledge and popular culture questions. The game was created in 1979 in Montreal, Quebec, Canada, by Canadian Chris Haney, a photo editor for Montreal's The Gazette and Scott Abbott, a sports...
-style question card in the "Weird Al" Yankovic
"Weird Al" Yankovic
Alfred Matthew "Weird Al" Yankovic is an American singer-songwriter, music producer, accordionist, actor, comedian, writer, satirist, and parodist. Yankovic is known for his humorous songs that make light of popular culture and that often parody specific songs by contemporary musical acts...
parody video "White & Nerdy
White & Nerdy
"White & Nerdy" is the second single from "Weird Al" Yankovic's album Straight Outta Lynwood, which was released on September 26, 2006. It parodies the song "Ridin'" by Chamillionaire and Krayzie Bone...
". "Weird Al" also mentions the sport in an episode of The Weird Al Show
The Weird Al Show
The Weird Al Show is a television show hosted by "Weird Al" Yankovic. Produced in association with Dick Clark Productions, it aired Saturday mornings on the CBS TV network from September to December 1997. The show was released on DVD on August 15, 2006...
.
A commercially released bootleg CD of music by Pink Floyd
Pink Floyd
Pink Floyd were an English rock band that achieved worldwide success with their progressive and psychedelic rock music. Their work is marked by the use of philosophical lyrics, sonic experimentation, innovative album art, and elaborate live shows. Pink Floyd are one of the most commercially...
was titled My Uncle Is Sick Because The Highway Is Green, a slight misquote of the phrase used to begin play in 43-Man Squamish.
The game has given birth to a non-Greek college service organization also called "Squamish," analogous to a fraternity/sorority
Fraternities and sororities
Fraternities and sororities are fraternal social organizations for undergraduate students. In Latin, the term refers mainly to such organizations at colleges and universities in the United States, although it is also applied to analogous European groups also known as corporations...
.
See also
- Blernsball
- Brockian Ultra-Cricket
- Calvinball
- Fizzbin
- MoopsballMoopsballMoopsball is a sport created by Gary Cohn. The rules were published in Damon Knight's Orbit series of anthologies . The game incorporates elements of football and medieval recreationist combat....
- Mornington Crescent (game)Mornington Crescent (game)Mornington Crescent is a spoof game, featured in the BBC Radio 4 comedy panel show I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, which satirises complicated strategy games....
- Squamish, British ColumbiaSquamish, British ColumbiaSquamish is a community and a district municipality in the Canadian province of British Columbia, located at the north end of Howe Sound on the Sea to Sky Highway...