Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers Quotations

Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers (1989-1993) was a syndicated animated series created by Disney that followed a small group of crime-solving animals: Chip, the chipmunk leader, Dale, also a chipmunk, and usually the comic relief, Monterey Jack, a mouse with a strong need for cheese, Gadget Hackwrench, another mouse who is constantly inventing, and Zipper, Monterey's fly friend. They often solved cases under the noses of the police (who couldn't see the real culprits, or were too busy to deal with the "small" problems), thwarting Fat Cat, Professor Nimnul, and many other evil-doers.

[N.B. The episodes below are listed in order of air-date, not necessarily production order. For example, "To the Rescue," the series pilot, appears as the first episode(s) of season two.]

When You Fish Upon a Star

[The Rangers are trapped in a fish bowl.]

Monty: I don't suppose you have a plan?

Gadget: [walking by carring a glass-cutter as big as she is] No problem.

Monty: Do you always carry a glass-cutter around with you?

Gadget: No. Just when I want to cut glass.

Adventures in Squirrelsitting

Fat Cat: You know, I could corrupt these children: over the years, I could guide their innocent minds towards a life of wrongdoing. Yes! I could mold them in my image, hone them into criminal geniuses, the only ones capable of carrying on my empire! Ah, but who's got the time--toss them in!

To the Rescue: Part V

Detective Drake: That's it? You're going to start an earthquake with lime gelatin?

Professor Nimnul: Now you stop laughing! My theories are perfectly legitimate!

The Luck Stops Here

Kismet: There's only room for one lucky pet round here, and your luck's just run out!

Gadget: Is that any reason to... eat me?

Kismet: Well, that and the fact that you are a mouse.

Throw Mummy From the Train

[The police and archaeologist Dr. Crockery have caught his assistant Wexler looting an Egyptian tomb.]

Crockery: Take him away, officers.

Wexler: I'm tough--I can do a little hard time.

Crockery: I've also arranged for you to continue cataloguing the artifacts right in your jail cell.

Wexler: No! No! Anything but that!

Shell Shocked

(The Rangers are vacationing on a beach, when the crabs from the beach ask for help finding their missing shells.)

Gadget: [rolling up her towel] Yeah, I'm sure that if we can find their missing shells they'd be much less crabby. I mean, still crabs, but... not so crab-like. Well wait, still crab-like, since they are crabs, after all...

Monty: Gadget, luv... drop it.

Good Times, Bat Times

Dale: Y'know, I didn't think bats could do this.

Foxglove: Do what, darling?

Dale: Hang around in midair like this when they're carrying so much weight.

Foxglove: Uh oh!

Dale: What's wrong?

Foxglove: We can't!

Gorilla My Dreams

Dale: [reading a comic book 'Ha, ha, Kablammo Man, I have turned your faithful Muffin Men into cosmic croutons with my microwave ray!' 'Waaah! Not cosmic croutons!'

[After Fat Cat's men mistakenly kidnap Dale instead of their intended victim.]

Fat Cat: You idiots! Oh... why must all my brilliant plans be ruined by those rinketing Rangers? Why? TELL ME! TELL ME WHY! WHY?! WHY?!

Dale: Because good always triumphs over evil!

Fat Cat: Oh, yeah?

Unsourced

Gadget: "I'll have this plane ship shape in no time. Well, actually it should be plane shaped, shouldn't it?"

Gadget: Once I found a perpetual motion machine just lying in the trashcan. Of course, by then it had stopped moving.

Monty: Chee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-eese!!!!!!!!

Chip: Gee, Gadget, didn't you put any brakes on this thing?

Gadget: Don't be silly, Chip. Of course I did. But they fell off a few blocks back.

Fat Cat: Those rodents are always ruining my bad intentions!"

Gadget: You know, suddenly the plane seems to handle lighter.

Chip: Monty just jumped out!

Gadget: Oh. That would account for it.

Nimnul: I'll be able to retire! Hahahahahahahaha! Money! Jewels! Cuisinarts!

Monty: Eh, no offense, Gadget luv, but are you sure you're finished?

Gadget: Sure I'm sure.

Monty: Not like the last time?

Gadget: Oh, Monty, how many times do you think the wings can fall off a plane?

Monty: I don't know--you tell me.

Dale: [after Gadget kisses Chip after finding him] Boy! I oughta get lost once in a while!

Gadget: Monterey, being a Rescue Ranger is more than just exciting, harrowing narrow escapes and outrageous fights to the bitter end!

Monty: Since when?

Chef Arnie: Look at those fools! Eat at the Firehouse, will they?! I'll show them! I'll show them all! MARTY!

Marty: Yes, Chief?

Chef Arnie: Stop calling me chief... it's chef, you moron!

SWAT Officer: [upon spotting a giant Zipper] Attention all cars: we have an unidentified fly object!

Chip: This spaceship is made out of rubber! Do you know what that means?

Dale: Uh, it's dishwasher-safe?

Doctor: [examining a man with the head of a fly] Either you're part fly, or a frustrated art critic.

Gadget: We're the Rescue Rangers, a small, but efficient, battalion of do-gooders devoted to helping those in trouble. Would you like to see our news clippings?"

Monty: Now, pally, I said not to touch me lamp until I'M done with it.

Gadget: Have it your way, Mr. Monterey Jack! Maybe your next wish oughta be for some new friends!

[Fat Cat snatches the magic lamp away from Mole]

Mole: All I wanted was a candy bar.

Fat Cat: Thank goodness I'm here to rescue it from you pea-brained small-time thinkers and your puny little wishes.

Mole: But, it...it was gonna be extra-large candy bar!

Fat Cat:[sighs] I bet mind-readers only charge you half-price.

Dale: This looks like a job for... Oops! Wrong comic book!

[Chip has planted a radio receiver in a turban Dale is wearing and is pretending to be the spirit Rama Lama Ding-Dong]

Dale: But what are you doing here?

Chip (as Rama Lama): You conjured me up, while playing a joke on your incredibly-handsome friend Chip.

(Fat Cat's henchmen bring Dale before him.)

Snout: Ah, boss, be careful: he really does have weird powers.

Mole: Yeah, he even read my mind!

Fat Cat:That proves he's a fake!--you don't have a mind.

Nimnul: SURRENDER IMMEDIATELY, OR I SHALL CRUSH YOU LIKE...! Oh, sorry. Old habits are hard to break.