Hi. My name is Pamela. When I first got clean in 2008, I began to go to NA meetings. I got involved,got a sponsor, got another sponsor when the first one didn't work out, etc... But I never felt like I belonged. After about 6 months I gave up. In 2010 I relapsed, went to rehab then began to go to meetings again--different ones than before. I got involved, got a sponsor and went to meetings 4-5 days a week. Called my sponsor daily at first, then less because she never returned my calls, then she went to jail. At the meetings I heard similar stories to mine and felt like I was learning things I could use to stay clean. I got another sponsor. Began working Step One. Called my sponsor regularly--she didn't reply either. Before and after meetings, I'd be talking with someone at least until one of their friends show up--then they start talking to them and ignore me (sometimes they would even stop talking in mid-sentence) Boy don't I feel welcome!!! This went on for a year. Only four people didn't act this way towards me and they were all men (imagine that.) At that point,I really needed to talk to someone, so I called a woman on the list I got when I first came back to NA. I left a message: something like "my name is Pam I got your number from NA and I need to talk to someone,my number is ...." She never called back. A few days later at a meeting a woman came up to me and asked if I was Pam, "yes I am" She then said and I quote word for word...I'm sorry I didn't call you back, I didn't know who you were" What is the point of giving someone your phone number to call if you need to talk when you're not going to answer because you don't know who they are---I identified myself as someone in NA--shouldn't that be enough identification to warrant a call back??? I felt so alone, unwanted, rejected and worthless. I didn't feel like using before a meeting--but I sure did after one. I quit going and am working my own program that includes reading NA materials, spiritual building materials, reading my Bible (this is my 3rd year of reading it in a year),and writing on my steps. I've been on Step 4 for about a year now, and I'm not even close to being done. I have a great support system, awesome family, non-addict friends and some recovering ones. I don't feel like using,I'm learning about myself, how my addiction affected me and those around me, how to make wise decisions, and so much more. I'm actually full of joy today--I have my bad days,just like everyone else,but I've learned that no matter what I NEVER HAVE TO USE DRUGS EVER AGAIN--FOREVER--NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS-

AND THAT IS THE GREATEST FEELING IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you've had similar experiences,please reply, I will help you in any way I can.